Without fully reading through Lesson One of the First Flame, I attempted to, shall we say wing it.
As I closed my eyes and let myself be accustomed to being in darkness, I started to feel a hesitancy build up toward an anxiety panic attack.
I wrote it off as having too much caffeine in my system at the time, but ceased all activity.
Went to sleep shortly after that.
Estimated time of darkness meditation:
Roughly five minutes.
I have been at Physical therapy and Occupational therapy, just got back to my room. It lasted over an hour. Did some walking, but not as much as I could or should have. Yet, I did my best after not having therapy since Friday or Saturday. Sunday my ankles and legs were too sore. So Sunday was a no go for therapy.
I was on the phone earlier trying to handle the mess of getting my health insurance reinstated as it had expired on the first. Social Services here at Pelican Ridge are trying to help, even if I need to be discharged and in the care of an Assisted Living nursing home.
So, I have not had time to do any esoteric work.
Task:
Today in Physical therapy, one task (among many for me to do) was to do a sit to stand into the Walker, then pick up a kettle bell from the floor, and do a number of squats while lifting the KB up at the same time.
It dawned on me eventually that I was standing on my own.
I then had to do the same thing with a
dumbbell in each hand.
And to think back at the start of Physical Therapy with Moe, that I was tasked with doing sit to stands with the hallway rail.
Then walking in the walker.
Then the NuStep exercise bike.
Then Occupational therapy.
Mostly dumbbells. And that kettle bell exercise.
Then I was given the choice, walk in the Walker back to my room, or wheel myself back.
I opted to wheel myself back.
A thought and task:
I am back in my bed. No esoteric work was done today that required voice and movement, i.e. no Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram and no Greater Invoking Ritual of the Hexagram.
A Thought:
Yet, today was a day of communication with higher powers, and family; and prayer from friends. The only concentration of Mars energy was into the problem itself. It appears all is well.
At the moment I am reading one of my primary texts, Christopherās book. I am reading chapter 3 out of five chapters that are necessary to have drilled into my head before I take on chapter 6, Theoricus.
As far as today being the day of Mercury, communication was very subtle and to the point, possibly because itās still fused with energy of Mars from yesterday.
Tomorrow is Thursday, the day of Jupiter. I will be concentrating my efforts on stable income coming on as a steady flow oim the wealth channel that has been created and is self managing with careful observation by myself and my guardian.
Also, in terms of housing, there is still a process that should be soon to be completed, but an additional option that is quick to be implemented. It would be Assisted Living, but would be stable and a leading back into independent living from the binding of adversity from hell.
Do what will I learn from chapters 1 through 4? Review of Neophyte. Same with Kraigās Lessons 1 through 2.
O.A.A. Lesson One from the First Flame is currently being worked on. I hope to complete each Flame within a span of two months.
@DarkestKnight thought you might be able to share experiences. Last night I stayed in the darkness and the Earth grade task of being Earth (gravity per Kraig in end of Lesson Three), to feel the darkness staring back at me, tension was building and my anxiety flared up so I grounded myself and threw on some light. Next time I will let it build back up tonight and see what occurs.
So, in effect I am on the third path, Grey Magic, the Middle Pillar.
Todayās Tarot Contemplation Ritual:
IX The Hermit (Virgo ruled by Mercury). Law of Response. Prophet of the Eternal, Magus of the Voice of Power. Intelligence of Will. Yod, hand or palm, 10.
Got a shower and shave from my PM shift CNA.
She asked me a while back on creating a love talisman for her, and I wrote a process for her to follow on the back of the piece of paper.
So she didnāt seem to have luck regarding that.
So tonight she informs me of a couple of thingsā¦she occasionally feels her ear get hot, and family advice is that someone is badmouthing her. I didnāt know that nor any reason why that I know of. Second is she has a light or white shadow in her house.
And just as I wrote the above, I went to grab my nurse call button and pulled a side muscle that hurt like a bitch.
Thought Iād listen to some rap earlier, and just wasnāt feeling Too Short (whom I usually like). So who do I stumble uponā¦
O.A.A. has moved to prime study. Priority 1.
Astrology, Geomancy, while there is still virtue in the study of them, are not going anywhere anytime soon. Priority 3.
Planet of the Day deserves study. Priority 2.
HOGD study ā¦ well, that deserves study time, particularly Kraig. Christopher deserves study time as well but is Priority 4.
Angelic work. Deserves study as well. Priority 5.
The rap song I was looking for before Too Shortās āJust Another Day"ā¦.
Iāve been up for four hours now, after needing to use the urinal and have it emptied by the CNA. No snacks available, I always ask too late. Got to remember to ask about it before third shift gets shift change. Anyway, just as well ā¦ Iām trying to ā¦ must ā¦ Lose sixty pounds within the next month. Only two routes are available for me ā¦ Diet and exercise (Lots of exercise).
So, need to fully read the First flame from O.A.A. and do it around this time when Iām awake for no other reason. In fact, doing that now.
Some unknown wizard on Facebook who has mutual friends politely threatened me. So uptight he or she makes me resemble or impersonate Johnny Carson.
So this is why O.A.A. is now priority 1 for me.
It would be nice to know who or what this supposed wizard is. For all I know, it is a fellow Neophyte who likes to threaten people. What a bitch move ā¦anyway.
Perhaps Iāve been viewing my priorities in magic all wrong. Perhaps the silence I seek is flying under otherās radars. Being hidden in plain sight/earshot.
I was feeling tired and twitchy, so I climbed myself back into bed from my wheelchair.
So since I was in absolutely plain sight, I was reluctant to do any primary techniques, aka Pentagram or Hexagram or Middle Pillar or Body in Assiah rituals.
Tomorrow may change, one or both may be getting discharged.
Instead, I will be doing meditations from OAA and silent Body in Assiah by gazing at a drawing in color, of the Enochian Earth tablet.
And some other meditations. Perhaps this is a gentle nudge towards Mysticism.
I had a surprise visit from my sister, she made some Christmas cookies and brought a ton of Christmas cookies with her and passed them out to roommates and staff alike. She also brought me a few new clothes and some snacks to munch on. She and I went over some forms and talked for a few before she had to leave. So Iāve done no work for the day except for mundane crap.
So back to O.A.A.studies for the night, which is approximately six lessons in meditation.
DATE: 12/12/2025
DAY: Friday the day of Venus. YHVH Tzabaoth, Haniel, Elohim. Green or Red candles, Rose incense.
TIME: 08:25
MOON PHASE: Luna in Libra
WEATHER: 68Ā°, Partly Cloudy.
SLEEP: Approx six hours. Awoke as usual during withchig hours.
DREAMS: None recalled.
MENTAL CONDITIONS:
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS:
MOOD:
RITUALS PERFORMED: invocations, Invocation of Thoth, Bornless Ritual recital, Adorations, Body Awareness Ritual, Relaxation Ritual, Qabbalistic Cross Ritual, Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, Qabbalistic Cross Ritual, Greater Ritual of the Hexagram (Banishing Luna and Mars), Greater Ritual of the Hexagram (Invoking Venus), Analysis of the Keyword, Invoking the Four Powers of Earth, Charge given, Middle Pillar Ritual, Meditation and License to Depart, Lesser Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram.
PERFORMANCE:
RESULTS: It appears the Isis ritual Nick Farrell helped me with, is working, in regards to healing.
TASKS:
Ate Breakfast.
Got out of bed, dressed, and into wheelchair.
Used bathroom, washed hands and wet hair.
Applied Deodorant.
Brushed Hair.
Therapy today, TBD
THOUGHTS:
OAA meditations today.
Will brush teeth shortly
TASKS:
I had Physical Therapy today, walked approx 400 feet. Didnāt freak out once. Used NuStep bike for 15 minutes, over 700 steps.
Met up with my roommate being discharged today and going home.
Wheeled myself to the dining and activities room, followed by my roommate. Sat and had a cup of coffee. Said farewell to my roommate and wheeled myself back to my room.
Used the bathroom and filled water pitcher.
Watered plants.
THOUGHTS:
Now is the question, on whether to do my rituals.
Had a visit from my brother and talked for a bit, which was nice.back on my bed for lunch and dinner.
Gazed at the Rufus Opus Zeus Meditation pentacle of Venus and the sigil of Haniel while chanting along.
Fell asleep until shift change, and that was after asking one of the CNAs to take one of my plants off of my hands.
Just had a couple of cups of coffee and a listen to a Black Sabbath songā¦
Clarified to a friend about my shift in priorities.
Speaking of which, need to get into my wheelchair after dinner (one hour away) and do my best at doing my Zelator Formula and Geomancy study, the Astrology reading and then back to (priority one) O.A.A. studies of the First Flame.
Skipping Zelator Formula for the evening. May still do a Neophyte Formula, or at least work on visualization and at least do the Middle Pillar Ritual. Geomancy needs to get studied. Astrology needs study next after Geomancy. Finally, O.A.A. study.
Speaking of which, in study of the First Flame, Lesson One and Lesson Two (the pendulum exercise?), Iāve found solace in Lesson One for lowering anxiety. The pendulum exercise (Lesson Two?) I use is that of the common teardrop pendulum you notice in a Grandfather Clock. The showstopper for me is getting candles and doing the candle work, due to fire possibility and due to finances.
RITUALS PERFORMED:
Tarot Contemplation Ritual:
IX The Hermit. Virgo. Law of Response. Prophet of the Eternal, Magus of the Voice of Power. Intelligence of Will. Yod, hand or palm, 10.
Body Awareness Ritual:
Doing this from bottom up. Feet are okay yet ankles are still sore. Much better than yesterday however. Lower legs and still feel the burn from therapy yesterday. knees are a little touchy but better than yesterday. Stomach area is kind of sensitive. This however could be due to the food consumed today and the lack of exercise today. My right shoulder is sore, the rotator cuff in particular. Arms are sore from the workout yesterday. Neck and head are much better today.
PERFORMANCE: Fair. Painful area are apparent.
RESULTS: Ankles, calves, legs, arms and neck have been sore, rotator cuff requires more work. Will attempt to address painful areas via the Relaxation Ritual.
Relaxation Ritual: TBD.
Middle Pillar Ritual: TBD.
LBRP: Not done.
Fourfold Breath: Done.
PERFORMANCE: Short of breath as if lungs were half functional (unlikely), bit stomach and diaphragm are impacted by finished dinner currently digesting.
RESULTS: Calming effect. Realize it is not the normal pace so must make it normal pace esp during meditation work.
Neophyte Meditation: Has been superceded by O.A.A. meditations (First Flame Lessons One and Two).
TCR: Done.
PERFORMANCE: Shuffling of paper cards was pretty easy. Cut under name of Shaddai El Chai.
RESULTS: IX The Hermit.
Slept from 9 pm to midnight ā¦ and ā¦ Wide awake. Though sugar crash is setting in.
O.A.A. First Flame, Lesson One.. two minutes, with Fourfold Breathing.
Awoke 30 minutes ago, in time for breakfast.
Ate breakfast. Scrambled eggs with bacon, cold cereal, coffee.
Have my shower day today, whenever is convenient with the CNA.
Will be doing my neophyte formula today. zellator formula is also a possibility.
Will be learning Geomancy today.
Will work on doubling time for First Flame Lesson One today, by doing four minutes.
Started to feel nauseus and light headed, so I went back to bed again. Having shower day during second shift,
No work was done this morning requiring movement in circular patterns. Iow, Middle Pillar can be done, and that requires serious work anyway.
Body in Assiah technically require the person face North (facing towards my roommates) and the Enochian tablet of Earth. That may be tricky. Of course, same with All Zelator work.
I need a solution.
I may have one solution ā¦ Book a conference room for an hour and have pieces of colored paper to tape up for knowing which direction is which. If just for an hour when usually unbooked, likely I should be able to use it without being disturbed. And if I get disturbed then I ask to be undisturbed for 15-30 minutes and start over.
DATE: 12/13/2025.
DAY: Saturday, day of Saturn. YHVH Elohim, Cassiel, Aralim. Black candles, Sandalwood and or Myrrh incense.
TIME: 15:00 PST
MOON PHASE:
WEATHER: 63Ā°F and partly cloudy. Rained last night.
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: Legs and ankles hurt, sitting in diamond pose reveals lower back problems. Shoulders and arms hurt.
MENTAL CONDITIONS: Slightly depressed.
SLEEP: Poor.
DREAMS: None recalled.
MOOD:
RITUALS PERFORMED: OAA Lesson One. Fourfold Breathwork. Body Awareness Ritual. Relaxation Ritual. Qabbalistic Cross Ritual. Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram. Qabballistic Cross Ritual. Invoking the four Powers of Earth. Middle Pillar Ritual. Meditation. Qabbalistic Cross RĆtual. Lesser Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram. Qabbalistic Cross Ritual. All Adorations.
PERFORMANCE: TBD
RESULTS: TBD
TASKS:
Got out of bed after breakfast, got lightheaded and nauseous, so got back into bed before lunch.
Shower day today I postponed to second shift.
Did not brush teeth nor hair.
No therapy day today.
THOUGHTS:
Lesson Two of OAA First Flame is less complex and difficult then Lesson One. Last night had two minutes success of the black and white energy with Breathwork (step one of six for Lesson One). Will try for four minutes today.
Closed eyes laying down, and began Breathwork. In less than a couple minutes fell asleep. Awoke to dinner being served shortly after a cup of coffee. Reviewing Lesson One, it states to sit facing South. If one is sitting, it is less likely to fall asleep. Whatever the case, will do as it states. Lesson One is fairly complex.