Unfortunately most of it has come out due to repeated hand washing, but next time I’ll be sure to do a beet photoshoot lmao
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Sounds delicious.
Considering plunging myself into the ice cold pool and then taking a hot bath after wards. I’ll report back with my decision. For now it’s coffee time.
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Went into light trance while gazing into Asmodeus’ sigil. The candle light flickered, and the space around me pulsed with darkness. I began to feel dizzy, and my head lolled back as my eyes shut for a moment. I heard a sound to my right, and I opened my eyes to look, but saw nothing.
I continued to stare at his sigil.
My heart was racing in my chest, and my breath was jagged and shallow.
I thought I heard a noise outside my open window, but I didn’t turn to look. Got a bit nervous, but I worked through it.
I looked at the flame again. It was giving the room the effect of a strobe light, and I got a really bad headache. I felt full and nauseated. The incense smoke was bothering me, which is odd because it never bothers me. Perhaps it’s because it’s cold in here.
My eyes were glazed over and I felt as if I were staring through my skull from eyes in the back of my head, through a body that was separating from my consciousness.
I had to stop because I didn’t feel good at all, and I knew my bf would be home soon, so I’d rather end it than be interrupted.
I put his sigil in my pillowcase.
Note: this was an impulse I had when I was reading on the couch. I thought of Asmodeus, then all but ran to my room and began lighting candles and incense. It just kind of happened, and felt urgent. I just went with it.
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Had a dream that I was part of an elite special task force battling monsters on a huge battleship in a world destroyed by radiation. We succeeded and we’re very happy, so I ran to another section of the room and saw my teammate (who was Cloud from Final Fantasy) and I cried and ran to him. He asked me where Belial was.
Like usual as of late, tons of sexual desire within my dream. I also had a job in another dream, and my MIL was gonna take me to a telescope park to look at the sky.
I think these pressed juices are FUCKING my stomach up hard as fuck. I’m gonna stop drinking them for a few days to see if my stomach stops hurting. I may just stick to a ginger/tumeric shot every day without the rest of the shit. I think my body isn’t capable of handling all the sugars hitting my intestines all at once like that.
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Wow, yeah, even natural sugar, your missing the fiber, and other nutrients.
Also Belial is over here
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Yeah, Im giving dat shit up. My ass is broken.
Lmao
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Your not broken, just need time to heal, and be gentle on yourself. Your not invincible. Your awesome
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No, I mean, these juices have destroyed my asshole lmao
Thank you though I appreciate the words
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I’m feeling extremely unstable today. I’m reacting very intensely to emotional situations where my mind just blows it out of proportion, and I almost reacted like how I used to when I’d be on the verge of a blackout rage.
I sat in bed, allowed my feelings to flow through me, and then told myself to let go.
Granted, I still feel insane right now, and my state of mind is apparently extremely fragile today, so I will make sure I isolate and follow through with a banishing, cleansing, and self care activities.
When I’m a bit more calm, I will take a bath and meditate.
I’m thinking of perhaps taking a benedryl and knocking myself out because my allergies are fucked
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Get some sunlight, and fresh air, it will help ground too.
I hope you feel better
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Thank you, I’ll do that. I think I also have a sinus infection or an ear Infection or something equally stupid.
I’m watching a Nine Inch Nails video on the making of The Downward Spiral and Trent tackling his band mates and tripping them over his mic wire is exactly what I need to witness in this moment
Took an Excedrin pm and had the idea to pair copious amounts of mint green tea with it. They levelled each other out and I’m chilling.
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Rotting away in bed with the lights off is always the comfiest
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Starting a bath currently. I have this old book my mom gave me when I was a kid, I figured I’d flip through it for some nostalgia and because I haven’t really looked at it for some years. Looks entertaining enough. Unsure about it’s credibility
Got my baby in here with me for moral support
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Woke up feeling a bit better, but still a swollen allergy face, so after having coffee I jumped into the ice cold pool with my clothes on. I needed to put a little pep in my step, and it worked really well.
Took a long, hot shower, then began cleaning everything. Started laundry. Made the bed. Yee haw
Drinking a smoothie with coconut milk, peanut butter, and frozen berries. It tastes exactly like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I don’t know what else to eat, so this is basically a meal replacement to hold me over until I go buy groceries.
My puffiness has gone down drastically. I may be allergic to beets, but I can’t be sure until I go get an allergy test. I’m just going to avoid them to be safe.
Being able to lay in bed and be expected to do nothing was fucking fabulous. No one asked me for anything. Pure bliss.
I’m back to being the homemaker, which I enjoy.
I’m going to charge my phone and then go on a walk to meditate by the lake. May bring a book and read, though I always end up having to pee and go home lmao
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I’ve been playing this song on loop today. It captures a feeling I can’t put in words.
I just got home from a lakeside meditation. Pondered on my strength as a person, as a magickian, as a woman. Stripped myself from all of that for a moment and realized that I have been here this entire time – I know myself best, I am my own best friend, and that thought opened me up to a kind of love for myself that was unique and intimate, and stripped me of any loneliness I may have felt on this day.
I watched the water flow and ripple, and thought of it being just as it is. The water asks no questions of itself, it simply is, and it never stops moving. Everything just is. I can just be as well, in these moments, I just am, and that is fine with me.
Went from feeling empowered by myself and my own existence, and then my mind wandered into those dark places filled with pain, childhood memories and mistakes, resentments and fears. I was on the verge of tears for a bit, which came suddenly to me, but felt myself transform through it.
I am just a bit different right now than I was two hours ago.
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I am lying down with my dog snuggled in my arms trying to sleep, and I had a memory of when I was 14. I just got into magick and was freestyling all my shit. (I never delved very deep or stuck to a routine until a year ago – I was a dabbler and passive Satanist)
Anyway, I remembered being in my backyard. I poured a combination of frankincense and myrrh oil onto a rock underneath direct sunlight and chanted to the sun.
I pretty much just ran off pure feeling and vibed out while lost in the romance of discovering a new way to express myself and detach from the traumas of life
I usually criticize my former self for not taking studies or practice “seriously” by which I mean, not taking an academic approach or focusing on repetitive practice with real goals in mind.
Right now, I admire my teenage self. She had the freedom to ditch the constant need to improve and just did fucking whatever. I would remain an intense focus on this feeling that I was drowning in magickal energy. I remember it being euphoric and immense. All I did was put oil on a rock in the sun while chanting, but I FELT that shit.
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Held my own personal rock concert last night singing Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and Nirvana on the karaoke machine. I used to have panic attacks about doing stuff like that, and now I have no problem. This path has opened me up immensely, and I’ve been the person I know I had locked up inside. It’s a great feeling to be able to express myself on a daily basis without worrying.
I just took a shower and got ready to leave the house for a little bit. I have to do a dispensary run to get myself more cbd lotion. I feel pretty good about my appearance today.
I’m wearing the ring my mother gave me a long time ago
I’m gonna make grilled blackened mahi with mango salsa and wild rice for dinner tonight
I think I’ll go meditate right now and hopefully no one will try to call me during. If anything I could just go meditate when it’s dark outside. It’s been a while since I had a nighttime excursion. I can bring a candle and shit. Stick some incense in the ground.
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Meh, I always thought smiling by myself for a picture with no reason to smile was an odd thing to do. It just feels artificial 🤷 I smile when others take pictures of me.
Thank you though
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