LOL it’s okay I get that all the time
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. It’s been a long, tough road, but it was all worth it.
I still have a lot to work on but that never stops for anyone. We must always strive to be better in all ways.
I had a series of weird dreams.
The one that stood out to me the most was where I was in bed with my boyfriend. I locked the door so that the scary monsters wouldn’t get inside.
But then something came over me as if I was possessed and I leaned over him and sputttered In a shaky breath, making a silent screeching noise, and slowly lowered my face over his face and rolled my eyes back into my head.
I shook myself out of it and was like what the fuck was that
Then I woke up.
You know the most empowering thing to do, aside from magickal work?
Pooping on company time. I’m being paid as I poop.
Never is there a more glorious poop than when done on the clock.
Maybe this was a dream expression of me being unable to control my psychic vampirism.
I wasn’t possessed by something else, I lost myself in a moment of uncontrollable vampyrism. I’ve been feeling very tired lately, and I think that was a note for me to practice absorbing energy from others without harming them or losing control of myself in times of fatigue.
I need to work on that.
Last night I fell into a deeply negative state. I was crying, screaming into my pillow, and even hit myself in the head (something I would do in the past when I couldn’t express my feelings of rage and overwhelming emotion)
Negativity feeding into itself
I felt like a failure and a fraud. I felt like I haven’t actually made any progress. I havent meditated in two weeks and haven’t had time for rituals nor the energy to focus enough to put one together.
I felt lost and felt as if id abandoned myself.
I think the negativity at work has really taken a toll on my spirituality. Being stuck in an office all day every day has been wearing me down.
It’s the weekend. I only have three days next week of work because I was laid off due to the business possibly having to shut their doors. They have no new jobs coming in.
I’m trying to take the time to heal today. I want to meditate and look deep inside of myself to heal the traumas I still suffer from.
I know I am not any of the things I mentioned earlier. I know that I am doing much better than I used to. I know I’ve succeeded in a lot of ways. Just the fact that I won’t accept failure and negativity within myself is evidence of that.
These negative mindsets are fuel. It keeps me accountable. If there was nothing weighing on my thoughts and feelings, nothing I felt I needed to fix, I wouldn’t have the drive to do better.
I was too comfortable. Too content. I needed a push to practice harder and to be better, and so I was presented with this shift in order to light the fire of passion within myself out of Sheer desperation to BE BETTER.
This was a test. I could have accepted all these false ideas of myself and gave up on my practice, but instead I decided that I must push forward.
My survival is at stake. Any wrong move can put me right back to where I was over a year ago. I can’t afford to be in that place again.
This is my metamorphosis
1 Like
A picture of my altar to Lilith, one with flash and one without. I wonder if anyone can sense the energy I feel?
Right now I’m just sitting in front of her altar. I gave her some sliced apples. Just sitting in silent praise.
Here is King Paimon’s altar. I gave him green tea with honey and clementines.
I meditated for a moment and had images in my mind’s eye of me bathing in a tub filled with blood and laughing in ecstacy
Then I saw myself sprout huge bat wings and fangs
Lately I’ve been pondering on salt water and it’s properties and power, not sure who or what to connect it to. Almost as if I crave salt water.
Somehow (perhaps through Lilith) I stumbled upon Tiamat.
Her name has been popping into my mind out of the blue.
I printed her sigil and was compelled to offer a jar of himalayan salt water.
Not sure but I’m just going with the flow.
I bought a few things on Etsy and I can’t wait to get them in the mail! I’ll post pictures when I receive them.
I just got news that I’ll be working here for a few more weeks!!! I’m very happy because the pay is better here than my next option of employment and I’ll be able to save up money before then.
Today is a good day at work. I realized that the reason I’ve been feeling irritable and unstable is because I’m having withdrawals from weed. I smoked a lot when I was on vacation.
I’m happy that I finally got to the bottom of that problem.
I think I also resolved my issues with fatigue. I’ve been taking a vitamin with iron and I also stopped having carbs and sugar in the morning from when I’d eat a protein bar. Carbs and sugar seem to make me crash and burn.
Today when I get home in going to meditate.
It’s a great day! The time is passing by really fast and I’m not stressing out over tiny things. I’m very happy in this moment.
Having King Paimon’s sigil as a necklace really helps me when I am not in a good place. His energy keeps me feeling strong of mind and focused.
Also I just had the idea to draw a picture of Lilith. I’m thinking of breaking out some watercolor paints to make it beautiful. I see her surrounded by hibiscus and rose.
I’ve been overthinking my relationships with the demons I work with. Maybe it’s from growing up in a judeo christian mindset, having gone to Sunday school and being taught of God’s wrath.
I constantly worry if I’ve done or am doing something that will upset them. I know logically that I’m fine and I always take steps to ensure that I’m always respectful, but being unable to hear or see them leaves me feeling confused.
I want to develop my astral senses and I feel like I’m at a major plateau in my development.
I don’t want to ask others to talk to them for me, I’d rather wait until I can hear them myself.
When I first started practicing, I would have prophetic dreams all the time and demons would visit me in the dream realm.
I feel a silence and an emptiness, and I’m sure its some kind of mental or spiritual block. I’m just not sure what the block is a result of.
I just don’t know.
If anyone reads this, could I have some help? I don’t know what’s causing this, but I’m sure it’s my own doing.
Maybe I’ve been overthinking.
I did a little impromptu ritual yesterday afternoon to heighten my sexuality and promote self love. I looked at my candle flame and it actually started flickering and bending in the shape of a heart, and I was fully confident that it worked.
I had a great night 
Today I’m back at work. I’m on my lunch break and I just bought s. Connolly’s Demonolatry book because I’ve been hearing a lot about how good it is.
I only have two hours left today before I go home. I’ll be honest, I’ve spent the day fucking off for the most part. I just don’t care lmao. I’m on my last two weeks, and they need me to stay for the PPP Program to give them money for this covid shit. They needed a certain amount of employees for them to make the cut and that’s the only reason I was hired in the first place.
I’m not complaining. This has been an amazing learning experience. But I am not going to continue busting my ass for my asshole boss. I’m up in here doing the bare minimum and it feels good.
For the first time, I’m not making excuses for someone to be a dick to me. Usually I’d say “well they are going through a hard time so I won’t take it personally” which would open me up to get hurt again in the future.
I think I’ve learned my lesson here. Act out of line to me once and that is how I will remember you.
I have no time to be forgiving. It doesn’t serve me. I must put myself first, always.
After this I’m working with the family business so I don’t have to go anywhere. I’ll work from home, giving me plenty of time to meditate, relax, and listen to my own music. It’s gonna be great.
If it ends up not working out, I’ve developed my confidence and drive enough to go out and get a job with no problem. No anxiety, no stress.
Also, with my ritual yesterday being a complete success, I’ve regained confidence in my magickal abilities and it’s safe to say I’ve reignited the fire to practice and excel.
I’m ready.
Also, I’m quitting vaping. I switched from cigarettes to this as a temporary fix, and I think I’ll be able to fully quit now.
I’m gonna do a little spell to make it easier for me.
I’m trying to change my lifestyle so that I can have more energy and avoid mood fluctuations. I want to do the right thing for my mental, physical, and spiritual well being.
I’m going to get together a plan with long and short term goals. I’ll put it here when I have it figured out.
It will be a lot of trial and error until I find the right routine for myself, but I’ll figure it out
I’m going to do a spell to help myself quit smoking the vape. I might also do one to quit eating meat, but I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good idea yet. I need to figure out exactly what my food intolerances are and create a meal plan excluding meat while making sure it’s within my budget to do so.
Last night I changed King Paimon’s enn after making him some green tea with honey. I spoke with him for a little bit on a few things.
I was just honest with him on where I was at mentally and emotionally in my life, and just wanted to spend some time feeling his presence and energy in the room. I went to sleep repeating his enn and saying Hail King Paimon in my head.
Today is my last day of work. I have my headphones in listening to King Paimon chants and his enn on YouTube while I help my boss do payroll.
I feel good today.
I bought a coffee alternative called mud water and we’ll see how that works for me when it comes in the mail. It’s made with chai and mushrooms which sound good to me.
I am gonna see what gums are open and what the rules and procedures are in regards to Covid and start exercising every day again like I used to.
It’s time to step my game up and better myself to be deserving of King Paimon’s time, and to be better for myself as well.
So, apparently it isn’t my last day yet. I’ve been given another week, which is great because that’s more money.
I am not gonna lie, I was excited af to stop working here. But there’s nothing wrong with more money. Fucking awesome.
I’m going to go to the mall with my boyfriend and buy stuff to put on King Paimon’s altar.
I bought some matcha green tea for King Paimon. I whisked in some raw honey. I think he’s happy.
Lately when I visit his altar, I get this warm rush of euphoria and don’t want to leave. I’ve thought about him pretty much all day today.
My day went extremely well.
Last night I spoke to King Paimon and told him where I was emotionally, and afterwards my boyfriend came in the room and gave me extremely insightful advice and wisdom and I wonder if King Paimon spoke through him.
Not sure how to ask. I’m still nowhere with my astral senses.
I suppose it doesn’t matter right now. But I’m filled with euphoria and peace at this moment.
I didn’t eat meat all day. I had a coconut and tumeric smoothie, a salad with this soy meat substitute, yerba mate tea which gave me an assload of energy, a pressed green juice, wheatgrass shot, and a ginger and lemon shot.
I feel amazing.
I didn’t have anxiety today. I was stern but kind, and not at all a pushover.
I’m grateful.
1 Like
I meditated to King Paimon and gave him an offering of my blood. I asked for him to help me become a better witch and help me open my astral senses, and I told him that I would meditate every day as a promise. I saw someone else post that they exchanged that promise after a request for help and thought that seemed like a great idea.
Thank you, King Paimon. I feel you with me all the time, my first teacher, my dearest friend and mentor. I feel your power. You comfort me in my darkest times and you push me forward. You inspire me so much. Words cannot describe the way I feel about you, King Paimon. I want to profess it to the world. I want everyone to know your magnificent power. I want everyone to feel your influence. You have been here for me since day one. You have not given up on me. Thank you King Paimon.
All Hail King Paimon
1 Like
I left work early today and am not going in tomorrow. My mother in law is sick (she takes me to work and is the one training me) so that is the reason.
I went to buy some weed (I have a medical card) because I just want to have a day where I hang out and pamper myself, and smoking is part of that self love fest I had in mind.
I’m trying to honor myself right now. I took a bath with Himalayan pink salt & mango coconut bubble bath and put on some of Satania’s Ritual Chamber Music.
I lathered on some lavender & chamomile body butter, put on comfy clothes that make me feel sexy, and now I’m listening to a repetitive mantra video by Satania called “Satan (Satanic Powers) Call Mantra - Ha Shatan Ha Shedim” while reading where I left of in S, Connolys “The Complete Book of Demonolatry” and drinking a cup of coffee.
My dog is taking a little nap. I like to think that she is joining me in my spiritual endeavors of education and ascension.
I ate mostly meat-free, save for a lobster tail in my pad Thai 
dat shit was good though
Man I am super just hanging out and being inlove with myself in this moment. I feel amazing.
I almost forgot that I had an awesome meditation earlier as well.
I’m gonna watch The Sopranos with my boyfriend. It’s one of those shows that I feel will benefit me on my quest for revelations. Avatar: The Last Airbender triggered a lot of positive realizations for me, and this show feels like it will do the same. It tackles a lot of issues and is packed with symbolism and depth.
I’ve been feeling very creative. I have been thinking about how I choose to buy an item for ritual or altars rather than gather the tools to make it myself.
I have been trapped in a mindset of a slave to consumerism and instant gratification. I have lost touch with how it feels to create something imbedded with my personal energy and creativity.
My father never lost that artistic side to him. He goes through dry spells where he has no motivation, but he has always been a creator, and as I look to become more in touch with my inner Goddess, wouldn’t it make sense that as a God is a Creator, that one should Create regularly in order to ascend towards the goal of becoming a living god?
So I’m going to begin learning how to make candles, incense, craft my own magickal circles, paint sigils, build altar tables, etc.
My girl is photosynthesizing
I just drank some ginger with lemon and cayenne and I am filled with endless energy
My boyfriend is going to work today so I can stay home and meditate. I’m thinking of doing a ritual but I’m not sure what, yet.
I will do Brian Scott’s Kundalini Void Meditation today and see what I feel like doing afterwards. I know I want to go to the mall this weekend to buy some supplies for my workings.
I’m having a hard time with feeling all over the place magickally. I need to develop a focused effort to attain a goal, but I just haphazardly run around doing impulsive acts of magick and ritual with no real direction and wonder if that’s why I feel that I’m always in a state of confusion.
1 Like