THE POWER and the MADNESS in the mania... just BLEW my 24 inch guns out, BROTHER

Thank you so much. I genuinely appreciate you coming here and saying this.
It’s a really tough road, but it’s worth it. It’s hell trying to pull yourself out of that place, but when you are desperate enough, anything is possible.
I’m extremely happy for you.

1 Like

I’m shedding myself of destructive patterns as well (addiction and almost 15 years of depression), so it’s truly inspiring to see someone come out on top.
Well done, man. May your road continue to be bright and fruitful. :hibiscus:

If you wanna leave cut flowers on his altar, put two table spoons of bleach in the flower vase, so they will last longer. :slight_smile:

2 Likes

You’ve got this! I always thought that I was alost cause and I tried desperately to change my life but failed over and over again. I was in the worst place of my life when I found out about demonolatry and chaos magick and I thrust myself into it without looking back.

I spent a lot of time sleeping in a tent in the yard, meditating and performing rituals.

You’ve got this! I believe in you.

Also thank you for that little tip! I’ll definitely try that next time :slight_smile:

1 Like

I can’t edit my post anymore, but I looked at my notes and it’s 1/2 tablespoon of bleach, instead of two. :sweat_smile: Also, dissolved sugar feeds the flowers, two tablespoons for 1L is enough.

Thank you so much! The “lost cause” belief was so true to me too, but keeping a routine of meditation and energy work did wonders to get rid of the worst ingrained beliefs.
Looking forward to read more of your journey!

1 Like

Thank you for clarifying!!!
I appreciate it a lot. I’m glad that you are doing better for yourself, it really does fill me with pure happiness. I know how hard it is, and how sometimes when you react to a situation in your life and it reminds you of the person you were in the past, it can be disheartening (at least, this happens for me sometimes) but remember it’s okay to have slip ups. Keep working hard and don’t give up!

1 Like

I was told by a former friend that my attitude on life matched a RHP path moreso than the LHP I follow.

It’s been on my mind a lot and causing a lot of conflicting emotions.

Though I am still learning to shed my weaknesses, i don’t think I should let go of the love within myself. I am a person who loves freely and cares openly.

I give second chances because I know that I have caused others unwarranted pain, but that I am a good person and have been lucky to be given another chance.

Is this weakness?

I don’t see it as such. I see strength in this ability.

I don’t curse people very often – it’s rare that I ever would because I feel that others actions have only to do with them, and nothing to do with myself. If it isn’t causing me physical changes in my life that affect me, why bother with the energy? Why not just walk away?

I go out of my way to make others laugh because I was once in a great deal of pain, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel that kind of pain. If I can do anything to make someone’s day, I will.

I believe in sharing and being grateful for the abundance I have in my life.

I believe in treating others with kindness and empathy and understanding.

I don’t think this makes me less worthy of the LHP.

I have a lot of patience, but I will fight for myself and others when necessary.

I’ve always felt like a protector and a nurturer. For a long time I was very cold and easy to anger, and that just destroyed my life.

Offering kindness and compassion is important to me. I understand the motivations of humans too well, and if it hurts me to forgive, then I will walk away. No more expensed energy.

I’m still learning how to put myself first. But who would I be to decide others are not worthy of sharing what I have received?

I do feel a vast darkness within me. A drive to survive from childhood where I grew in what felt like a warzone. There is a coldness here, though most don’t cross me enough to experience it.

I just believe that many situations can be handled with understanding and communication.

I wonder if anyone else here has gone or I’d going through a similar situation. It can be very confusing when someone puts their two cents into your practice, especially when you still consider yourself a newbie.

2 Likes

Nobody can define your path for you.

I think a lot of people have some misconceptions about the LHP. Like those who tread upon it are a bunch of evil skinheads that sacrifice and rape children for their chosen deities…

Yeah… no. :roll_eyes:

I put it like this. I can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. Those worthy of my kinship I will be loyal to, and always be there to help.

Those that prove otherwise, should fear my wrath.

But it isn’t all black and white. The punishment should fit the crime, as they say. And if somebody does something petty… is it really worth the energy expenditure to kidnap them and sacrifice them on an upside cross during the witching hours at a local cemetery?

I would reserve that sort of practice (not that I would do that to get back at somebody, I’m just using the trope for entertainment purposes) to somebody who would truly deserve it. One that committed a terrible crime against me, or my loved ones.

At the end of the day it’s about balance. The RHP isn’t some goody goody two shoe ticket to heaven. I can guarantee the biggest scumbags of society have tread upon this path only to “dissolve” back into nature. Because that’s what it is – stasis, the idea that one doesn’t need to progress or work upon themselves to unlock empowerment. It’s the easy path, and it’s the lazy path. The scourge of society never observe themselves or their actions, and don’t feel a need to change or improve. In their own little bubble, they’re already at the top of their game.

2 Likes

I completely agree with you.

Balance really is key, and I just don’t have time for someone to tell me what path seems to fit me best.

I’ve always gravitated towards the darker things in life. That doesn’t mean I can’t be my usual peppy self.

Cheerleaders 4 Satan 🤸

2 Likes

I didn’t go through this because my edgelord phase was before having a daily practice (atheist teenager in the 00’s, hah), so when I decided to finally jump into this I went with a clear head. Well, almost clear head, I’m only human.
I won’t cast a spell if I can’t deal with the end result or if I didn’t spend at least a day analyzing the pros and cons, and I won’t let myself be swayed by titles and labels.
Doesn’t mean that I won’t listen to the spirits, doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes here and there. I just know that I have a lot of work to do, so I made a decision to not waste time and energy.

Your former friend probably has the cartoonish view of the (western) LHP. You know, cursing anyone who looks at you funny, no self-preservation, zero empathy, etc.
There are many who begin their journey that way. It isn’t really wrong per se, it’s just a phase.

Whether your goal is apotheosis or to take (back) control of your current reality instead of quietly fading into the fold, then this path is where you’re supposed to be.
If certain emotions are getting in the way of your progress, then yeah, do something about it. If not, don’t worry about it.

1 Like

Thank you for your response.

You are totally right. She did have quite a cartoonist view on it like you said.

I’m learning how to pick and choose my friends wisely. I wanted us to learn together, but she was very negative and I’m just not there anymore. Any insight or experiences I shared about my struggled were met with “Well, at least your problems were temporary, mine aren’t” and while certain things in life come and go while others don’t, I’m not interested in spending all my energy trying to help someone understand things if they haven’t gotten there yet.

I could have gone down a really negative road, but I decided I had enough and chose to better myself.

As much as I wanted to help, I could only do so much. I need friends who are on the same wavelength as me and have a more mature view of what I practice.

1 Like

Hail, paimon hail asmodeus… I am also in the transition phase and hope I come out triumphant… We have lots of similarities and I personally have strong issues with letting go… Can let, my mind trick me into overlooking the minor accomplishments of self I have made and ponder deeply on the past, fucked up life I have lived… I fall short and some times argue with toxic people… I have a huge heart… But hopefully with asmodeus and paimon on my side I will pull through because I’m fucking sick and tired of being life’s bitch… Only thing on my bucket list is a physical environment change… Security and financial independence…
Hail satan

1 Like

But your story is, inspirin

1 Like

Youve got this! I believe in you.
I thought I was a lost cause. Magick put me through hell in order for me to grow. I don’t regret a single struggle of mine – it has made me who I am now.
You will have ups and downs. Sometimes your path will seem very clear, and then you will run into doubt and confusion. Persevere through and you will come out the other side much closer to your higher self.

1 Like

Letting go of the only two friends I had was very difficult at first, and sometimes I get a little lonely – but is it loneliness?

I don’t think it is. I think that I was so used to sharing my experiences and work with these people because I wanted them to assure me that I did a good job.

I was just addicted to the affirmations because I tend to doubt myself a lot.

Freeing myself of them was a step closer to growing into someone who doesn’t need to be reassured. To be fully confident in myself is the goal here, and I don’t need anyone to pat me on the head and say “Good job” or “That’s amazing”

It must come from me.

1 Like

I just got home from vacationing in the keys.

I went snorkeling with my family in a coral reef marine sanctuary. I didn’t expect to, but I became terrified of being in the water. I have never snorkelled before and I couldn’t get a hang of the snorkel to breathe. I was afraid of everything below and around me in the water, and panicked.

I went back on the boat because they were taking us to a second location to swim. I looked out on the water and at the sky, and I realized that everything in life is born from water. We all come from water. So that must make the ocean the womb of the earth.

I started thinking about my traumatic upbringing and how it left me with fears of abandonment, isolation, and the need for others to protect me when I’m in danger.

When I was in the water, I kept losing my boyfriend and would end up alone. I was sure something bad would happen to me and no one would see me calling out for help.

I realized that it was time for me to confront my fears. I had to go into the ocean, which was like going back into my past, and I couldn’t back down when facing my fears and traumas.

I got back into the water. By this time I had gotten a hang of the snorkeling gear.

I was afraid again, at first, but I forced myself to look into the water and was amazed by how beautiful it all was.

I saw a barracuda, there was a shark in the water (I didn’t see it but everyone else did), all kinds of beautiful and scary life.

A wave of calm washed over me and the feeling of being “one” with all the life I swam with was Indescribable.

I didn’t need to fear being alone. If I was in trouble, I can only rely on myself to stay safe. I’m not a child crying for my parents to stop beating each other up, I’m an adult and I must take care of myself. I don’t need to look up to anyone else for comfort or safety. I must rely on only myself.

There is no need to fear the creatures that lurk in the ocean. There is a need for respect and understanding.

The ocean is where my healing continues. I know I must travel the earth and go through different healing journeys based on their corresponding terrains. Deserts, jungles, swamps, etc. Each place holds a key to awaken the power within myself, but I must face myself at each of these points to aquire that key.

Only once I’ve done this, can I move forward.

My King Paimon sigil necklace just came! I’m so happy!

Today I feel angry and sad and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’ve been slacking on my meditation.

I woke up this morning and as I got ready, I felt as if nothing was real. Like I was still in a dream. A very melancholy, slightly scary/eerie dream.

I can’t shake this odd feeling I have.

Maybe it’s related to a guided meditation I fell asleep to? I’m really not sure.

I feel like I’m in the game series Silent Hill. It’s an odd sensation.

I’m at work and I wish I could just leave and never come back. I feel defeated.

What do you guys do when you feel this way? I just can’t pinpoint an exact reason as to why I feel so off. I’m normally a peppy and enthusiastic person but today just isn’t my day and I hate to feel like this.

What, was the guided meditation about

I don’t think it was the meditation. I do them all the time.

I’m probably just tired from work and slacking on motivation to meditate through the day and it’s making me fall back into a more easily defeated mindset.

I ate and felt better lol

I just need to work on my time management

As for the other feelings, I think I need to do some grounding and cleansing. I forget to do that.

Lol at first from reading your story u thought you were a guy… Till I saw your pic…readinf the things you’ve been through and how you’ve grown is inspiring for a female magickian…keep on with the pursuit

1 Like