Last night I repeated “I am lucid dreaming” in my head until I fell asleep. I kept waking up all throughout the night, or when I actually fell asleep, I felt as if I were awake and not getting real rest. Unsure if this is normal for a person new to lucid dreaming. I’m just going to assume it means I’m on the right track.
Every time I woke up, I would question my reality. Just now I pushed my finger into my hand, and it did not go through, so that means I am awake. I will continue to do reality checks as much as I can remember. I will check if I have a shadow, ask myself if I am awake whenever I drink or eat something, etc.
I had a dream that I was living at my mom’s house. I took a bus, which is a bus I’ve been on in my dreams before. I had memory of visiting this realm in my dream – I have certain places that I visit frequently, and I am the same self who visited that realm the last time, so even if the dream is years later, my dream self sees this as just a continuation of the last dream.
Anyway, I’m on the bus and I’m reading a book. I think it is Bram Stoker’s Dracula, because I’ve been really focused on it lately. I get so caught up in the book that when I look up again, I know I’ve gone too far because I see the casino and Ceasar’s Palace (ya, that one)
I get a little panicky, but the bus pulls up to an occult shop, and my anxiety is immediately met with excitement. I go and start grabbing all kinds of stuff. Crystals, books, candles… I find all these oils, and I fill a whole cup with dragon’s blood oil.
My boyfriend is mad, and tells me I have a spending problem, that I am too erratic with money. I’m angry with him because I know he’s right. That anger dissolves because I remember that he is only visiting me for a short amount of time. I say, "it’s going to be weird when I can’t just turn my head and see you, you know? Like, I won’t be able to just see you. You’ll be gone. I am going to miss you "
I think he was, for some reason, a combination of himself and my long ago ex who would visit me from Canada.
That’s all I recall. I know that the day will reveal to me more of my dreams through interactions and moments, as it always does.
I’m still trying to figure out Asmodeus’ altar. I want it to be a wall altar, so that I don’t need to worry about space or whatever, but I am so far not finding anything that looks like Him.
When I think of Him, I hear a low throat singing, like how Gregorian chants sound. I see blood, I see dark clouds looming overhead, I see weapons made of jade, I think of aphrodisiacs and bdsm.
Last night everyone was gone, and I took off my clothes and ran around the yard, laughing and dancing. It was an impulsive moment. I’ve always had the urge. I felt very free, and I couldn’t stop laughing.
I feel a deep connection to myself and my path. I want to infuse my life with my practice, and be surrounded by stimulating and inspiring decor. I am feeling much less doubt. I feel that I can See with more clarity than I’ve ever had before, and that I am shedding the part of my mind that fervently questions If what I am doing is real or if it even matters.
My boyfriend felt the difference in the room and himself after I did the cleanse. We felt light and carefree, and the day was perfect. He noted that everyone who walked in our room seemed to instantly become happier and more pleasant. I felt proud and confident.
Everything is becoming so much clearer. I feel so good.
I definitely feel that these elixirs have helped open me up spiritually. I am more in tune with my intuition.
I am going to buy one of those witchcraft kits on etsy that come with herbs, candles, crystals, etc. so that I can get into doing spells. I used to do them all the time when I was a kid. I’d blare some Bjork and fill little jars with herbs and oils.
Today is a great day.
