THE POWER and the MADNESS in the mania... just BLEW my 24 inch guns out, BROTHER

[mrbungle]

Fucking crazy dreams.

The government was after me because I found these intelligent beings that looked like shells, and I stole them and took them to the water.

I also went to a coffee shop and I didn’t want coffee, so instead I asked for their best lesbian novel. They handed me a book, and my coworker grabbed it and flipped through the introduction to get to chapter one, but I made her stop because I saw the name Quetzalcoatl mentioned.

Anyway,

I’m undecided on what my diet will look like today. I think I’m ready to integrate seafood back into my diet, though in minimal amounts. Well see what happens.

I work tonight at 4:30. It won’t be too bad. I have tomorrow off, which I look forward to. I also get to pick up my paycheck.

I’m about to do some yoga and meditation.

I wonder what was up with Quetzalcoatl popping up in my dream. I’ve never worked with him, though I have had an interest in mesoamerican deities after reading Merrick. I read about him and picked up on the major similarities between him and Lucifer, as I’m sure everyone else has as well. There must be a reason why this aspect was represented to me last night.

I need to buy books and learn something new.

Today will undoubtedly be a great day. I know everything will run smoothly.

I’ll be back.

[mrbungle]

Yesterday was a fun day of adult activities!

No, I don’t mean kinky adult activities unfortunately, I just meant that we ran errands today.

I am slowly converting my s/o into someone who enjoys going out to buy mundane items for the household – or maybe he was just happy because I took him out on a date and bought him sushi and ice cream afterwards. Probably that.

I had to go to the bank again because my card came in the mail, but it was for an account that was closed. I don’t understand why banks always have these stupid problems.

Lately it just feels like everything requires me jumping through hoops to accomplish simple tasks. Is there a big picture that I am missing? I could see it on the day everything aligned to get me to that place I talked about that one day, but what’s the deal now?

Is there a point? Is this resistance all in my head? Should I be learning patience? Am I being given opportunities to actually use magick rather than just read about it? I realize that I never actually do any spells and I doubt myself most of the time. I avoid doing things because I assume it’s pointless.

Perhaps that’s what all of this is. Why do I put up with all this bullshit when I could be doing spells? Why don’t I take action to make my life easier? Why am I so insecure that I doubt myself this much?

It’s time I actually put what I’ve read into use. It’s great that I meditate and do yoga and work on my senses and all of this, but what am I doing all of this for if I don’t even perform magick?

I suppose I’m afraid that I will fail and that failure will cause me to doubt all that I believe in and then become disillusioned. I struggle lately with my beliefs and have been fighting to hold onto my practice. I wonder, lately, what is the point to all of this? Am I larping? Are we all larping?

It’s frustrating.

I’m trying my best to work through it.

It’s just such an isolating feeling.

Once I get my bank card in the mail I can finally buy the books I’ve been wanting and I think I should read more about Quetzalcoatl and become acquainted with something new to regain inspiration.

[mrbungle]

It’s a good morning here in Florida. The sun is shining and all the animals are coming out to interact with the world. There is a big spider who has joined the household, and his web over the front porch has gotten bigger and bigger.

Yesterday my anger really affected my s/o. It wasn’t directed at him, but it still made him feel the want to isolate. I felt very bad because all this time I have been thinking about how I feel and how frustrated I have been with my emotional state, but never once stopped to think about how my reactions affect those around me.

I realized that it is not my emotions that have become out of control, and I am not recently more unstable. It is simply that I fell out of practice in being aware of my thoughts as an outsider. I gave in to my thoughts and reacted accordingly, instead of taking a look at those thoughts, analyzing them, deciding that I did not relate to them, and reacting in accordance to who I know myself to truly be.

I am working on maintaining a healthy objectivity when it comes to my emotions, and must remember to repeat the mantra, “I am not my body, I am not even my mind.”

It is easier to live those thoughts when I am home all day long, but when you start working and dealing with other people’s’ emotions, you can slowly start to fall back into old habits.

It’s much harder to look at the chaos all around me at work and to avoid complaining or being negative about it, and I was doing great for the first month, but began acting like the others there. Complaining about customers, getting frustrated when it’s busy, etc.

There’s no reason to get upset. I have only to gain being there, and the busier it gets, the more money I take home. Why get stressed about my work performance or whether anyone is happy with me or not? Fire me or keep me, I don’t care.

Of course I know, though, that they would never fire me, because I am too good at my job.

I will take today to practice awareness and understand that there is no reason to immediately react to whatever thought or feeling arises – I will give myself a moment to analyze what is going on in my head before I think to speak or react.

There is nothing wrong with my emotions or mental state. I just fell out of practice, which is no big deal at all.

It’s so much easier to think that you are just spiralling out of control, and it takes discipline and effort to understand that you simply need to be more aware and patient, and practice self control.

Today will be great. I had a dream that I excelled at hostessing, so I have no doubts that that is my reality.

[mrbungle]

Another beautiful morning, and a good night’s sleep. I’m currently drinking vanilla coffee in my new robe while listening to Bach’s The Art of Fugue.

There is a feeling of power stirring within me, where before was an overwhelming powerlessness that I had a hard time enduring. The resistance I have been experiencing lately is not a sign of everything going wrong for me – it’s the exact opposite!

I’m getting a stubborn pushback, an unwillingness to let go of my previous negative worldview, a desperate final attempt to keep me stuck here. As I continue to fight against it, it will soon crumble and be replaced with my updated point of view. I just need to persevere through this temporary struggle. This is a sign that I will soon break through this barrier and claim my power on the other side very, very soon.

I will watch my s/o play Kingdom Hearts 2 and then do my yoga routine followed by a half hour/maybe more of sunbathing. Shower, makeup, then work until 8:30.

I truly love working at this place. I enjoy all my coworkers. I will be sad to leave when something better comes along, but will never forget these moments, and I will continue to appreciate and enjoy my time.

Perhaps it is not that I must avoid making an emotional connection with these people. That is not the lesson I am to learn, as it’s not necessary. What I must keep in mind is that I will always have moments where I get close to the people that surround me, but I need to love myself enough to leave them behind for my own growth. It’s much easier to refuse to get close to anyone, but I am not letting fear control me any longer.

I will learn to love without fear, and learn to say goodbye when it is best for me. I will allow myself to form connections.

It will be a great day.

[mrbungle]

Woke up in a good mood. I got a tan yesterday after lying out in the sun for 40 minutes, and went to work feeling calm and focused. It was a good night, albeit a slow one.

Today I am going to do some office work for my s/o’s parents which may take up my day, but that’s fine. I have tomorrow off, and I also have Thursday and Friday off, and I can’t remember the last time I had back-to-back days off which I’m excited about. I won’t make as much money this week, but the office work should make up for it.

I’m going to see if my s/o wants to go to the beach on one of my days off. Or maybe we can go somewhere new. I just need to avoid spending money, unless it’s on food.

I’m going to be spending a lot of time doing sauces at work today so I think I’ll skip wearing makeup.

I need to remember to ask my boss if I can wear bunny ears on easter I’m going to bring in an easter basket for all my coworkers to share, or something yummy to pick on since everyone else shares snacks all the time

I feel beautiful and I’m looking forward to working with some great people

[mrbungle]

This morning I rolled out of bed feeling delighted to be a part of this world. I have a new blanket that is fluffy and pillowy, and I slept wonderfully wrapped up with my dog in my arms.

I took my dog outside and was greeted by the humid breeze and the hot sun that I have come to love. I want to put on my bathing suit and lay out in the backyard. I’m thinking of buying stuff to make virgin pina colada, so I’ll probably wait until my next day off when I have the stuff for it. I’ll make it a whole experience.

Today will be a day of relaxation. I’ll of course do my yoga routine and meditate, but overall, I’m chilling

[mrbungle]

Cradle Of Filth - Honey and Sulpher [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Today my goth is showing

My boyfriend is taking me to the library today and I’m so excited!!! I’ve been wanting to do something new because we always go to the beach, so I’m glad he came up with this idea

I’ve been ravenous lately and have not been eating clean as a result. I think it is the cbd:thc tincture causing this, so I’m going to take a break from using it and see if it effects my hunger. If so, I may forgoe taking it altogether, and only use it when I’m in pain.

Nothing to report. I’m chilling. I still need to do yoga but I’m taking it easy because the weather is destroying my allergies and my head is going to explode.

Ttyl hope everyone is well

[mrbungle]

I bought books and cards!

I’m so happy

[Veil]

@mrbungle

I think I should read more about Quetzalcoatl and become acquainted with something new to regain inspiration.

Weird. I was thinking about this deity a few weeks ago. Actually my attention was drawn insistently by Kukulcan, then on research I found apparently this is alternative name of Quetzalcoatl; the former being Mayan and the latter being Aztec; or of the two being at least closely associated with each other.

@mrbungle

repeat the mantra, “I am not my body, I am not even my mind.”

“I am not my feelings. I am the one who is feeling my feelings.”

I do this when I feel overwhelmed. It’s like mentally taking a big step back and putting everything into perspective.

@mrbungle

The resistance I have been experiencing lately is not a sign of everything going wrong for me – it’s the exact opposite!

I’m getting a stubborn pushback, an unwillingness to let go of my previous negative worldview, a desperate final attempt to keep me stuck here. As I continue to fight against it, it will soon crumble and be replaced with my updated point of view. I just need to persevere through this temporary struggle. This is a sign that I will soon break through this barrier and claim my power on the other side very, very soon.

I feel like we are on quite a similar journey here. Mentally speaking, anyway. I could definitely take some notes from you when it comes to health and self-care

But regarding the pushback, yes, certainly. I find as soon as I find something I want to drastically alter my subconscious programming for, the outer world freaks out and starts throwing up stop signs everywhere. Nuh-uh.

[DiscordiaDisco]

I am very familiar with mania. I am a 38 year old woman with schizophrenia bipolar type. Right now I am an amorphous blob of fat and mom. Back when I could still experience mania, I was practically a wizard with unmatched large breasted asexual ability that could manipulate anything.
If you would like to discuss mania more, I’m all ears. It’s an addiction.

[mrbungle]

I actually read about the pushback from your journal and was like wow! Holy shit! That makes so much sense! All this time I thought that I was doing something wrong, and now my daily struggles inspire me to keep going rather than tempt me to give in. When things go “wrong” in my life, I know that means I am doing everything right.

Brian Scott is the one who introduced me to this way of thinking and it has changed my life. I am forgiving and understanding with myself, but I am not complacent, and I make sure I push myself every day to engage in activities that will help me grow as a person. I focus entirely on myself, and everything else in life follows suit.

My anxiety has almost been obliterated. I have the confidence to demand the best for myself. It really is incredible what happens when you begin on the road of self transformation!

[Veil]

@mrbungle

Brian Scott is the one who introduced me to this way of thinking and it has changed my life.

[does a quick google] looks like he wrote a book and/or has a Youtube channel (?) – I will check him out there are definitely parts of my own growth/advancement that I’ve been violently rejecting, to my own detriment

[dagar]

Interesting! Try his ho’oponopon meditation for any unsolved relationship stuff it was recommended to me and people say it’s really good

[mrbungle]

Yes, I really like his youtube channel. He is where I first heard of Neville Goddard because a lot of his meditations are based off of his work. It’s where I developed the habit to meditate daily, as using guided videos helped the most (and still helps!) when I first started.

It can be frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I’ve really gotten somewhere, and then I’ll uncover some traumas that have done a number on my psyche and, coupled with a bad day, make me wonder what the fuck I’m even doing anymore.

I think everyone has certain things they try to run from. I wish you all the best in getting through that shit! I still have certain things that I have not dealt with myself, and it can be difficult facing it.

[mrbungle]

I will, thanks

[mrbungle]

It’s time I got my shit back together.

I’ve been slacking due to a depressive episode that came and knocked me down out of nowhere. It started with skipping yoga, then skipping meditations and going outside, and I ended up locking myself in a dark room playing The Sims 4 all day. Oops.

Obviously I have only myself to blame, as I could have taken precautions, but as many of us know, depression is a sneaky mother fucked and will turn your life upside down if you give it a way in.

Last night my bf showed me a video about Qigong. Newly inspired and well rested from days of doing nothing, I awoke and did my first Qigong session. I feel energized yet calm, and was able to push away negative/intrusive thoughts for the first time in days.

I feel good! I’m ready to tackle the day.

Currently munching on an avocado as I sit on the ground and look out my open window.

It is a good day!

[mrbungle]

Starting to wonder if I have sleep inertia… Waking up every morning Is excruciating, no matter how much sleep I get. I can sleep 12 hours easily, and I could have slept longer.

I’ll figure out if there’s some kind of way around this problem, aside from just forcing myself up. I realize it’s not normal to quit jobs just because I am so tired in the morning that I am in tears after a few weeks of pulling myself out of bed.

Thankfully I don’t go to work until 3-4 at this job, so I can see myself staying for years. I may just have to accept that I am this way and figure out how to work around it.

My head is pounding, my back is acheing, my face is swollen… Which means I am due for my period any moment now. I just hope it doesn’t come during my shift tbh I’ll throw some leggings in my purse just in case tragedy strikes. No big deal.

I will do Qigong when I feel more alive, and also meditate out in the sun. I’m picking up my paycheck tomorrow so I can finally buy Angels of Magick and the other books I’ve been wanting

I need to chill out with spending my money. I lost sight of my saving goals, so I’ll be back on track from this point onwards.

Yesterday I was incredible at work. I was confident, I did not get stressed out, I was extremely efficient and quick. I felt supercharged all day after doing Qigong. I was Superhuman Lee.

After the session, I looked in the mirror and completely zoinked the fuck out. I felt like my brain was buzzing. It was euphoric. Maybe its a first time thing, like my energy is flowing with less blockages.

Anyway, I’m having a great day. I’ll be back later.

[mrbungle]

For the last week, I have been waking up at 6 AM fully alert and wide awake. I always go on my phone for an hour and drift back to sleep, but today something told me to brew some coffee and get up.

I’m fully relaxed and carefree knowing that everyone is asleep right now. Being awake in this silence is incredible, and looking at my S/O’s sleeping face while I drink coffee is a gift all in itself.

He woke up when I got Up and looked at me half asleep, grumbled, “Don’t wake me up :(” and curled back up under the covers. Lol.

Sorry for slurping my coffee so loud honey

Yesterday I was asked to cover a shift. I couldn’t really say no to the extra money, and it’s only a few hours… I spent the day preparing with yoga, then qi gong, a facial steam and then read some of The Kybalion in the sunlight.

I got to work and my coworker, who I was covering for, showed up and was like LEE! GO HOME!! LMAO.

I should check my texts more often

The only thing better than a day off is getting to work and immediately being sent home. I deposited my check & tips, then went home and monched on some chicken bryan and caesar salad.

Also, If everyone could rejoice with me, as my boyfriend finally beat Sephiroth on critical mode in Kingdom Hearts 2.

I can hear the birds chirping outside…

I went outside at around 5:30 pm yesterday and the sun was warm, the palm tree fronds were bristling against each other in the breeze, birds were singing and dancing in the sky, and I was like holy shit man. It’s fucking beautiful out here. I felt high, and I sat on the ground, and the sunlight felt like an embrace.

I am so content.

I’m saving money, I’m stable, Im healthy, and I’m still In love after four years. Life grows more and more beautiful.

The sun is out now, and I’m so happy to be part of this world, and I can’t wait to experience the day.

[mrbungle]

A beautiful day spent with my s/o.

I just bought some blue lotus tea as well as this:

I’m looking forward to seeing how they effect me!

Considering a nice bath. I got myself some tea, kombucha, and raspberry dark chocolate. I think I’ll burn a candle and read my book

I am going to give my debit card to my s/o and tell him he can give it back to me in two weeks. I’m cut off, man… Lmao

I just found my calea tea that I forgot I had. I think I’ll brew some up before bed and have my journal handy to write down my dreams.

I went outside because I saw something rustling about in the trees. There were birds mating in my avocado tree!!! I ran inside and grabbed my s/o to look with me. I’ve never seen anything like that before. It was incredible.

[mrbungle]

Today was fantastic. I got up at 9:30, had coffee, and then rolled out my yoga mat in the backyard so I could do a session in the sunlight. What an idea! Up until this point I have only done yoga in my room so that I can follow along to my laptop, but since I know all of the poses now, I can just listen to the cues.

It was an entirely different experience outside. There’s nothing I love more than sweating out in the sunlight. I took a cold shower afterwards and felt so invigorated!

I was completely prepared to work today, but I got a call from my coworker who let me know that the POS system is down and they closed the restaurant. HAHA!!! INCREDIBLE!

So it’s been fantastic.

I hope everyone is well.