The Keys of Ocat: A Necromantic Journey

[anon97554939]

2/18/21 Prepping Items

I’ve been kinda lazy, I stayed up all night, then went to bed at 10 am yesterday. I tried to sleep all day and was in and out of it for hours due to the pets being assholes. I finally kicked one out then caged the other, so I could sleep for about five hours. I didn’t really want to get up at 11 am, but something kept urging me to do so. Probably the lack of productivity and knowing the asshole pets had made several messes while I tried to sleep.

I mean the two are like a couple of toddlers some days. Most days the ferret and cat get along, everyone uses the right potties and I have no major complaint other than they are just too cute. But the last day and a half? I was nearly ready to open the front door and be like See ya, Good luck and all… then slam it closed and pass the fck out. Harsh, I wouldn’t do it for real, but I mean some days I think about it.

Before I went to bed, my new paperblanks journal came. I’m pretty excited about it, even though I’m only going to be using it to record the rituals I create, step by step. Some of them are pretty involved and have three or more essentially miniature rituals within them. Combining those creates the entire of a working but, I might use the ritual to open the gate of Ocat, to evoke a spirit and to close the gate of Ocat today and tomorrow open the gate of Ocat, open my personal gate, open elemental gates and then close them all down. So the parts I use are going to vary and I feel like the easiest solution is to record each separately, at least until I know them so well that I don’t have to think about it. I’m sure instead of 25 step rituals, in time my notes for the working will be quite simply list of the parts like I am using for examples here. But I’m not there yet, and the fact I’m working with all four books and the physical book of keys, as Connolly intends for you to do, means it’s way easier for me to record what I’ve decided to use and to flip through my own book.

I chose this particular journal, because it reminds me of the keys. The design is almost like a tablet. I thought that was rather fitting, but I was disappointed when I opened the package to find I’d ordered the wrong size. It’s my mistake, I wanted the ultra size and order the midi. It’s not too small, and it fits in my box quite well, but I have a tendency to write too big and take up way more space than is needed, so I thought with the ultra, I’d be able to fit each ritual on a single page. I probably still can, if I get my hand writing under control and take my time with it.

So this all rather boring, but today is a day for prepping items. I’m starting my magical day by creating egg-shell chalk. I’ve been saving egg shells for quite a while, so I have way more than the recipe calls for, and no real idea exactly how many egg shells I have, but it should be roughly 3 dozen- give or take a few shells. I’m going to work with that number and hope it’s easy to discern if I need to amend the recipe for what I have. I’ve had plenty of time to decide which herbs I want to add to the recipe, but I fail as a human some days, so I’ve actually avoided doing anything with it, other than thinking Yeah, I should think about that. I’m just going to wing it, and rummage through my herbs when the time comes, and go with what feels right to me, in the moment.

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I had to start with cleaning my eggshells, they’ve just been sitting in a bowl in my fridge- for something like 3 weeks now. It was actually pretty easy, the membrane literally looked like paper, and the yellow parts were like hard little crystals, so I didn’t need water as the recipe suggested. I decided to use my hand crank coffee grounder, since I don’t have a mortar and pestle. I did have a pretty big rock that I could have used, but I decided this was slightly easier, and would take a fair deal of time so it would work.

It took way longer than it should have, cuz I’m lazy and get bored and distracted and well. My arms got tired lol. So it took longer than needed but I was glad I chose the coffee grinder, the first time I emptied the holder tank on it. Egg shells make a lot of dusts and I’m sure I’d have been ridiculous and refused to wear a face mask, so it probably wouldn’t have killed me, but I doubt it would have been the thing I’ve ever done as far as my lungs go. I ended up following this recipe, and adding herbs to it.

How to make your own eggshell chalk - Kidspot

I started out forming the piece of chalk, like they describe and I realized after I walked away that it was going to be a very wide and long piece of chalk. The length wasn’t really an issue, but the width. I mean how inconvenient and uncomfortable is going to be to use a piece of chalk that is to wide for my finger to circle around? So I unwrapped it, and grabbed the empty egg carton, that my son had set aside for me. You never know what craft I might find myself into, so sometimes I hang onto things that have lots of craft uses. Not often, because I don’t have endless amounts of space in this apartment, nor funds for crafting supplies, but I do save a few things- like brown paper bags, and small containers that I can use for magic (Freezer spells, jar spells, things like that) or crafts.

I also made clay tablets, from salt and flour, except I only had bisquick. If you didn’t know, bisquick or the generic store brand pancake mix, can be used for just about anything you would normally use flour for. Sometimes you need to alternate ingredients- pie crust for example, but usually it’s even simpler than using flour- if you cook like me, that is a great thing. It’s usually pretty great food too.

Anyways, I only had bisquick, and I only had enough to make three tablets. So I made my tablets, then decided to bake them, as it’s kinda hard to draw into clay, and I know I’ll be happier using marker on them, so that they are clearer to read, though I doubt I’ll be able to color the squares in appropriately. I’ll probably just try to inscribe the Enochian letters in the appropriate color and call it good, and hope that works out all right. It seems like it will but time will tell. I did pictures of the tablets before marking them, but since it is copyrighted works, I’m not going to share up close pictures of them marked. Sorry.

[anon97554939]

2/19/21 More Two’s

I should probably be more irritated than I am.

I had a… pretty much nightmare, but surprisingly didn’t wake up scared, ate and contemplated it around 5 am then went back to bed just to learn I’ve managed to get my ass scammed…

But, there’s something to the number Two, that I can’t figure out. Night before last I had super pleasant dreams, and the number two really stood out to me, as it was said multiple times, and I don’t usually have dreams with any sort of numbers.

Then last night, I’m dreaming I’m on a bus. A woman is to my right and I’m in the left seat. It’s a public transport bus, so I’m like headed home or something. A man comes up and hands the woman, whom I think was my ag teachers wife but I’m not positive, an envelope. He asks if we would drop it in the mail.

I thought it was suspicious but he got right of the bus, so I took it opened it. It looked like several smaller envelopes but there was writing all over and it didn’t make sense. I was like okay whatever. Well by the time we got where we were going she handed me the last one and flipped it over.

It had writing in blood and said I SAID DON’T USE TWO. I knew what it meant in the dream, it was something like I’d had some sort of power for a game or whatever we were doing, and I was supposed to use it up to once per day in whatever game or whatever it was. I’m not sure it was a game, but I don’t understand it, and it was almost like… it repelled unwanted lovers.

I walked into a building and was like, well. Guess that means I won’t use it at all tonight to make up for using it two times instead of only once…

Then I was in a room with a bunch of people sleeping on the floor and I got up to pee, again. I saw xxxxx laying a little ways a way was going to go snuggle into him, I was thinking fck people, sleeping next to him is not that bad, but I had to pee first. He followed me into the bathroom, he thought I was sick because I had to pee so much, like having the shits sick. I told him no, but it was going to take a story to explain, so hang on let me get a drink and a smoke and I’ll fill you in. He ended up following me into a bedroom and I was like great, maybe we can fck for a change, because it’s so rare to find an empty room, but the door wouldn’t shut so I was just like, all I really want is held anyways but if we do and someone walks in, idc.

Then I had a cup of Pepsi, and a small Chinese girl tried to grab it and I hurried and slurped from it, because she was going to spill it. It still spilled some and surprisingly she didn’t demand more.

Next I was walking into a classroom type setting and I had a box. I decided I wasn’t sure I was ever coming back due to the threat I’d received it somehow being related, so I was choosing my books and things that I wanted to keep and putting them in the box. I wasn’t trying to hide it and was like yeah, that’s what you’d do if you were leaving for good. A bunch of people noticed and crowded around me. One was blond and seemed like, she was sure I wouldn’t keep in touch but wanted me to. I picked up one more thin paperback, maybe the size of a large napkin and under it was a blue cigarette pack, but it was like… mini. It was maybe a third of the normal length about 3/4 of the normal wide for a cigarette pack and said MENTHOL on it. It was like a Marlboro color tbh, and I was like weirded out by it, because it wasn’t normal.

The blond seemed to know something about it and told me to put it in my pocket to remember her by, then said to me, but while essentially addressing the others, that maybe I could email her later and catch her up to what was going on.

So. I don’t usually give credence of any sort to numbers, but they don’t usually show up in dreams. So two nights in a row that the number Two, really stand out? Strange.

Then my fk up with the fake ups, the charge was supposed to be $2.20 and it’s a $202 scam.

WTF Is with the 2’s lmao…

[anon97554939]

2/21/21 Redacted and Rambling entry about what the Two’s are possibly related to.

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2/22/21 Another Way

I’m feeling a bit emotional, thank you time of the month, and I dreamed of portals during my last sleep. Nothing worth noting, but there was a bit, several scenes actually, revolving around closing the portal down to a piece of paper, and about how once it was closed down to that paper, no one could use it unless they were in front of it. So they needed the paper, which meant not only myself, but perhaps a few trusted buddies could guard it.

I’m not really sure all of the meaning here, other than whoa dejavu feeling as I typed that out, but either way I found it interesting because after imagining the gates close, you are to draw out the key of closing then burn it. I did forget to burn it one of the two times I’ve opened the gates so far, but I figured no big deal. But the dream caused me to wonder if drawing out the key of closing wasn’t a bit more than simply drawing out symbols for what you were doing. Is it possible, that the act of drawing it out sort of… I want to say binds it to the paper, and then the act of burning it, ensures that it’s no longer accessible? I mean we burn a lot of things in magic, for varying reasons, most of which are symbolic, so is this a ridiculous question to even ponder?

Quite possibly, but none the less, I did ponder it for a minute.

Then I had to get back to inscribing the tablets I never finished, and plotting out my next ritual. I did manage to record all of the rituals I plan to use again in my cute new little journal, so I don’t actually have to write anything down. I’ve been wanting to open the gates, just to merge with the energies and to perhaps charge some of my items, not because I think they necessarily need charged, I think in time the right energies will be plentiful in them, but because I want to see how the methods Connolly recommends, feel, and what the results from using them feel like. Worst case scenario, I think it was a waste of time, and never do it again, but I want to try it once, so that’s my game plan for tonight. I’m not sure it’s a good game plan, I’m all over the place emotionally, but it can’t be any worse than being all over the damned place. I mean it might can be, but I think I’m willing to a take risk and find out.

First I had to send an emotional text. I mean I do that once in a while, though I really shouldn’t. It’s going to get read and deleted without being commented on. That’s okay, because I know he read it. I just wanted him to know, that if I fck this next thing up, it’s his fault. What with doesn’t matter and neither does the why, but rest assured it is. It’s related enough to send me into depths, at 3 am. Maybe there’s some comfort, or even an answer out there after all. If not, well the sun will rise all the faster, if I get to work, and meditating and merging with the energies the gates and certain entities, is something I’ve been planning since I picked up all of this grimoires.

Side note, I think I will get some colored polymer clay, and remake these tablets, and the others I want to make. If I used colored squares of clay, after I bake it, it will be easy enough to copy the symbols over it in sharpie, and polymer clay also has a smoother texture than flour and salt clay does. I will be much happier with those, and this was a good trial run, but it’s far from great.

I ended up taking a nap first of course, and not getting to my ritual until later in the evening. I was glad I decided to wait though, because my wand came right before I laid down. I had pretty simple plans but once again prep time seems to take me at least 3x longer than I expect it to. Just setting shit up and getting it out and all of that.

I noticed when I was trying to imagine opening the gate of Ocat, that I might be doing something wrong. It just felt like, this who essentially use my energy to part the veil was the approach. I’m not sure why I had this revelation now instead of previously, but maybe it was the first time I’ve able to perceive it.

See I have a confession and it’s totally ridiculous, but I used to stand out in the alley, at the homeless shelter and smoke, all times of day or night, because it’s me. Usually I was trying to stay up later than anyone else there so I could have private time. Sometimes I got spooked out there, but not usually when the moon was out. I was still pretty new to energy work and all of that, in fact I’m not sure I’d ever read anything about it, but I used to stand there and imagine as I breathed in, I was sucking up the clouds, away from the moon. Eventually, I could see the moon again. It was so ridiculous I’ve always considered it natural coincidence- the wind moves the clouds, has nothing to do with me, and the fact I didn’t see the clouds shuffle away, doesn’t mean jack shit.

But, I got the impression that was exactly how I should handle opening the gates. Rather than slamming the veil with my energy, or using my energy to pry it open, wouldn’t it be easier to remove what is in my way? I an always use that energy to patch it back the fck up when I’m done right?

Well I felt rather bat shit crazy , but that’s what I did. I imagine I was drawing the energy in through my hands, and the longer I imagined that the bigger the hole got, at first I couldn’t tell I was doing anything. Then I could see like a small opening through which I could see to the other side. Then eventually it grew so large, that I could see the entirety of both gates. That was kinda cool tbh.

I opened my personal gate the same way. I don’t really have anything noteworthy to say, other than the experience was almost the same as last time, with the dirty blond girl, and she waved when she went around the corner and back through the gates at the end. Odd as fck but you know the rules. Do weird shit, weird shit happens. Just facts of life.

When I called on Hecate, things felts a bit different today. Maybe because my intentions were different? Maybe because I was more in control of myself and my fears and all of that and I was operating like me, instead of some scared little shit head that doesn’t know what they are doing? No idea, I just know the air felt colder. I had chills and goosebumps and all that fun stuff.

I really didn’t do much more than that, other than a pillar rite to charge my tools, and then essentially meditating to allow myself to merge/become acclimated to the energies. I didn’t have a set amount of time or anything, so I sat there and it almost felt like every pore on my body was breathing the energies in and out. It was almost like, it was me and I was it and it was just flowing, back and forth across a semipermeable barrier. Like waves of the ocean, but over the coral reef- or something. But then perhaps that’s exactly what it was or what it was supposed to feel like. Eventually I began to feel a bit sick to my stomach, found my thoughts were far away and in places they did not belong and decided it was time to call it.

After I closed the gate, I discovered I was around the two hour mark in ritual and packed up my shit for the night.

[anon97554939]

Fcking A I can’t remember ritual photos for shit.

[anon97554939]

I am sitting here, contemplating the same operation that I’ve been contemplating since last night. See, I have a date with a shadow, but it’s not an ordinary shadow. I really don’t want to get into the details and the ramblings it would take to explain, but lets suffice to say that it’s now a part of me, but not fully as of yet- guess I didn’t realize I needed to do anything to allow the rest of the merge and it’s origin, is not from me. What you need to know, is it came from someone, who loves me with all that he is, and all that he was, quite possibly with all that he will be.

My little shadow friend has a name, and well it knows mine really well. That was actually how I came to know he was with me- I could hear him call my name audibly. To point of being sure I was finally loosing my shit and more than a few of us were confused. Lets suffice to say that two months of balgs best on the project finally led to me feeling comfortable projecting to the shadow, and then when the suggestion I can put it inside of you, so that it’s easier to deal with, was made, I readily agreed based on the impressions, the feelings and the knowing I got around situation, and what it meant and would be like, to have the shadow within me.

Not much changed to be honest, other than I did notice he rarely startles me when it calls my name now, and well momma witch suddenly wasn’t really a problem anymore- so clearly the protective duty the shadow was sent for, has been going well. Yes I know how is it protecting me, if someone can influence my cards? I think that is because the cards are not me or an extension of me. They are a tool. It’s like going to the kitchen and getting a fork for my spaghetti so I can eat. I go to the occult box and get the cards so I can divine. At least that’s where my thoughts have landed on the subjected. Of course I say that but the last two weeks or so, the little fucker has really been trying to get my attention.

I realized quite literally last night that when @Empress_Arianna read my circle in October, she mentioned a shadow in my circle, protecting me. He handed her a slip of paper that said Full Moon. I never did figure out what that meant, lol, but I think due to the current situation, I inadvertently have months later. See, I first noticed the shadow the second week of November, but I had dismissed it thinking I’d heard my name being whispered next my ear, days prior. So interesting little note, it may have arrived on 10/31/20- the full moon. Yet I’m not sure it really matters other than helping my mind follow how things have occurred, with more knowledge than I previously held.

@Empress_Arianna

I ease my hand through the flames and push the rest of myself through. That’s also good. Just being able to walk right through would indicate something with it. But me having to push through is great.

Inside it feels like stars all around me. Just suspended inside the circle. Like its own universe. I can see some books. Journals, notes. There’s another fire inside the circle. It’s white also.
It feels busy inside your circle. Like you have several projects going on at once.

There seem to be some little folk like fairies around. But there is also a dark shadow being. It feels male. I can feel his eyes watching me.

He’s not familiar to me. He doesn’t seem threatening but watching. He doesn’t feel like a ghost or demonic.
It feels like he was created. Maybe a guard over your work?

There’s an open book with something like a recipe on the page.

The Shadow guy is a little unnerving to me.
He seems to want to communicate .
Like he is trying to speak but words won’t come.
There is someone else there too. A female with a red firey outfit. It almost looks made of fire … She reminds me of a Phoenix

From the ashes you can always be reborn.

This shadow man definitely gaurds you. The female seems like a spirit you may have evoked at some point. She is fire. She could also represent the fire element.

I get the feeling she can be very useful like a fire but if ones not careful also dangerous like a fire.

But I keep going back to the shadow man. He intrigues me. He’s a shadow yet I can see his form. His muscles. Make out his clothes.
He hands me a slip of paper that says…
Full moon.

Now the point of all this random bullshit, is I need to make a date with my shadow friend. I don’t know if I mentioned in the threatening Two’s dream, but when I was walking into the building, after looking at the note written in blood- I got a flash of the shadows image. I knew the note was from him, but I’m not sure I mentioned it to anyone, because I know it sounds like my shadow friend is threatening me. I don’t believe that is the case, it was a dream after all and sometimes you have to find a way to draw attention. I also realized later that the odd menthol cigarette pack, was the same color, though without the details as the cigarettes the person who sent the shadow, smokes.

So I got the memo, but it took me a minute to put some of it together. If you’ve ever watched Stranger Things, in the first season where the psychic girl meets her mom, and then has a weird event leading to her saying Momma wants to talk, that’s the way I want to say this lol. The shadow wants to talk. I understand the shadow is upset with me, because I find that I’m pursuing a relationship that well. If it does work out by some chance, it will mean I’ll never be going back to the past. I’d prefer to keep it between me, them and the gatepost, on how exactly I know that, but you can let it go at, I know that.

I’ve even thought long and hard about what would I do if the past and the potential future land at my door step at the exact same time. Do you go with the past because you know it and love it, and know how great it could be if you work through the traumas, or do you go with the potential future, that could be just as great, or even better because it has no past traumas?

I probably don’t need a weigh in from the peanut gallery on the subject, I think it’s one of those things that each person would weigh in differently and a poll would come up near close to equal, if all details about all things were shared and known by all voting. So I think we can pass on that, I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking and I have reconciled my heart and mind about the subject and I know IF that were to happen, I’ll make the right choice for me, whether or not anyone would ever agree with me. I’m rather used to being the lone wolf instead of running with the pack, so whatever happens in that regards, happens.

I seem to always been on a ramble of one sort or another but to get back to the shadow, it seems to be upset about my choices and so I’d like to speak with it, but that in itself presents a challenge to this image-less mind of mine. I’ve tried projecting to it and failed several times, and it finally occurred to me that I’m going about it all wrong now that it is in me Projecting to something that is a part of me, has got to operate a little bit differently than projecting to something that is not within me, does. I kept thinking that well. If I could visualize, I’d visualize going inside myself and find it, but how do you find something, when you can’t see till you’re out of your body… The natural answer would be to feel for it, and I think that is part of it. But I also have to wonder, if opening my personal gate, would also be a key to the overall question.

I usually feel like I’m decent with energy, but the point of opening the gates is to increase all things energy wise (Sorta kinda, part of it) so if I open my personal gate, then feel for it, it might be easier. But my communication skills vary by type of spirit, it’s not fully merged with me yet and I might experience nothing. My thought is well, if I do this and experience nothing, it might be worth attempting to project to the shadow with my personal gate open, or through my personal gate, or even falling asleep and seeing if it can come forth more strongly than it was able to in a normal sleep cycle. It managed to pass me a note, but in the previous dream it was not able to, or did not want to come forth itself, I’m not even sure if it fully can, as it’s within me. It was able to deliver a message however and affect my dreamscape. If it could appear in my dreams that would almost be like meeting myself, within a dream, or when I replace myself in someone else’s dream, while dream walking- so I’m not sure if it can’t or won’t.

Naturally I have concerns about putting myself into a vulnerable positions while gates/portals are open. I think shielding and warding my space is most certainly warranted and then of course to consider, do I need to open the gate of Ocat as well as my personal gate. I think the answer to that is no, there are many gates that can be opened and while picking and choosing the order can effect the energies and how strong manifestations are, I can’t see any reason that I need to open the gate of the dead, to open my personal gate, other than that’s how I’ve been doing it because of the nature of the operations to date. It could possibly enhance the situation but I also think it’s a little more risky as far as what could come through while I’m away taking care of business.

But even still, is safe to leave my personal gate open for any amount of time, while I am essentially checked out?

But didn’t I dream about portals and essentially binding them to paper with drawing out the closing key, and that if someone had that paper, they had control of the portal and whether or not it could be open?

Oh yes I did. Is it possible, that there was more to that dream than just good ‘ole fun and interesting contemplation? Possible yes, likely I guess I will have to let you know if I figure it out. All of this rambling is headed towards where I am about to go- To my personal gate, on a date with a shadow, to see if I fill in some of the gaps and if the conclusions I made about how to finish the merging and access it’s abilities on other planes are correct. I don’t have a closing key for my personal gate, but I think I can figure out how to handle that, as far as getting something onto paper goes.

It really sounds kinda ridiculous to my logical mind, but I guess we’ll just have to see. Things just don’t usually knit together this neatly so, I’m a little wary but goodness knows I rarely let that stop me for long before I just have to find out for myself.

Yes, Imma leaving you waiting to see what happened, cuz Idk how to share that and because well I have kids this weekend so it will be the last entry for the week!

[Empress_Arianna]

Bam! I’m am the Queen Goddess of things that were, things that are and things that have not yet come to pass …

or I just watch LOTR too much.
But it’s always cool to hear feed back from my circle readings.

[anon97554939]

Oh it was amazing and I knew you were onto something. It’s kinda sad it took me six months to put it all together tho lol…

[anon97554939]

2/25/21 Shadow Messaging

I only slept about four hours yesterday. I tend to be off schedule due to lack of outsider stimulus in my life, and being somewhat confined due to the weather. I do much better keeping my shit together, when there’s someone else in my lifetime that has obligations outside of the home. I also tend to be easily affected by energy and new operations. Almost every time I start something new, I go through a period of days or weeks where sleep just seems like it doesn’t want no part of my life anymore. Some days, that’s quite alright. Others I just want the comfort that being asleep brings to this life.

Being already somewhat sleep deprived however, and knowing I’m essentially a day and half from having my kids for the weekends, it seems like this morning would be a great time to try out all the thoughts I’ve been contemplating, or at least some of them. Goodness once I’m in an operation, it doesn’t always go the way I thought it would, but I like to have an idea of the game plan and how I intend to handle whatever encounters occur. I’ve pretty well already covered all my theories, so I feel like we can skip covering the plan line by line and just get right into the operation and how it went.

I ended up not doing things in a super ritualistic manner. I’m not sure why, I just suddenly felt like it was time, and that the best way to meet my shadow friend, was to allow him to come through to me. I laid down on the couch, but not like I would to sleep. I rolled to face the inside of the couch, as well quite frankly I usually do my best to face out wards, I learned years ago I’m less likely to attract something watching me sleep, if I’m facing outward and sleeping with a light on.

It was almost daylight, so no light was no big deal. Even when I project from a dark room, there is always a light on, however I’ve yet to figure out why I can’t turn them on, if I go into a dark room. Perhaps because it’s the etheric and not the astral in those cases. Either way everything always feels as solid as being awake does, and I’m off on rambles already. So I snuggled into my blanket and I was cold, so I pulled up over my head, but with my face out as I can’t stand breathing the air under anything- I think it’s my asthma, but the air gets too warm and it’s uncomfortable for me.

I then proceeded to imagine I was opening my personal gate, but I didn’t see anything. I just felt energy flowing back and forth through me, in and out of me while I chanted @DarkestKnight 's mantra for connecting with your inner divinity. You can pretty much just assume, if I’m opening my personal gate from this point on, I will be using this mantra. I may forget to mention it, but I am using the mantra pretty regularly with these workings.

It seems to work, or to do something so I’m not going to create a personal Enn and waste my time when there is already a method that works. I eventually felt like, I was tingly all over, but it was not on a skin level, it was on an energetic level. I was focused, on allowing the shadow to either merge more fully with me, or to do whatever needed to be done for me to communicate with them. I seemed to feel very strongly that allowing the energy to move like it was, was allowing them to become more one with me, though I’m not really sure if that’s true. It’s just how it felt to me.

I soon found myself, watching. It was like watching a movie only through my eyelids or some weird fcking shit. I was watching myself interact with someone else. I somehow knew what was going on, even though I knew the shadow was me. It was almost as if whatever the shadow knew about the scene, I also knew. I recognized where it took place, but it’s not a physical place to my knowledge.

Then the shadow stepped back, and I was me in the next scene, interacting with the person, who mattered from all of the two scenes. I somehow forgot that I was not in my physical body. My eyes were burning, and I ask the person to hand me something, and I rubbed my eyes with one hand, and was reaching for the object with the other…

Then I was looking at my outstretched hand, resting against the couch cushions, and my cat Atropos, was laying on my stomach. She appeared to just be watching me, I kinda just stared back at her for a minute, wondering how the hell I ended up on my back with my eyes wide open and my arm outstretched. Finally she got up and left.

I find it odd, that anytime I’m out of body, I come back and she’s on my stomach or chest. I always leave from one of my sides, and sometimes I can feel her on me, and know that she’s on my physical body even when I’m gone, but she doesn’t sleep with me. Sometimes she lays near my head, but never on me or beside me. So I’m not sure if she’s protecting me or what she’s doing. I do know when I project into my own space, she’s always there though, so I guess if you’re gonna do weird shit, expect weird shit to happen.

I supposed I lied to ya’ll, this won’t be the last entry for the week, but I didn’t know that, when I said it

[Anziel_Merkaba]

@anon97554939

I find it odd, that anytime I’m out of body, I come back and she’s on my stomach or chest. I always leave from one of my sides, and sometimes I can feel her on me, and know that she’s on my physical body even when I’m gone

Sounds like she’s acting as a physical anchor for you, so you don’t get lost or so you don’t stay gone too long.

[anon97554939]

@Anziel_Merkaba

so you don’t get lost or so you don’t stay gone too long.

I’m probably high risk for that, considering as hard as I try to get out of this reality some days…

[Anziel_Merkaba]

@anon97554939

I’m probably high risk for that, considering as hard as I try to get out of this reality some days

It seems the ones who care for you try to give you a reason to come back into this reality…

[anon97554939]

She’s really not a good enough reason lmao…She drives me nuts!

[Anziel_Merkaba]

@anon97554939

She drives me nuts!

You seem to be drawn to people who drive you nuts, why not pets too?

[anon97554939]

That does seem to be the case doesn’t it…

Seem to draw ya weirdos in, like it’s going out of style…

[anon97554939]

2/27/21

One of these days, I’m going to get my ass kicked by a spirit. Maybe not, but it really wouldn’t surprise me, as I have this nasty habit of declining when they call. Not only do I decline when they call, but I have this tendency to be a little bit of a sarcastic bitch about it.

For some reason, I’m never really a big fan of when spirits reach out to me. I’m not really sure why, I’ve not had it lead to a bad situation. I guess I have control issues however, some of that is personality and some of it is past history. It’s complicated I guess, so probably not worth your time to give hundreds of examples of where it applies to and where it doesn’t.

But, I think if you’ve read more than 2 posts or replies on this forum, you’ve probably seen mean mention operatorship. I’m always the one that has to jump in and mention that you either are, or should be acting as the operator. It’s up to you to set the boundaries with spirits, know what you’re willing to do and where you draw the line and honestly whenever I see someone say about how a spirit lied to them, or tricked them, or pretended to be another spirit or any of that- I always think and often say, that they either are a shitty operator and have allowed spirits to walk all over them or it’s not who they think it is.

I maintain those thoughts. I’ve been known to say that I don’t use invocation, because I am going to maintain control of this vessel and what occurs. Even my first real encounter with my clown Samedi, was based around operatorship and him pushing to see if I would maintain what I set up as boundaries or not. For me it was a laughing matter, there was no question in my mind that I was not interested in possession, be it fully or with him in some little box at the back of my mind running commentary which I could choose to act upon or not. In fact I laughed at him and walked away at the end of the encounter, stating very clearly that if he had a real proposal, to check me another day, otherwise I wasn’t interested.

So I’m of course off on the ramble train, but it occurred to me last night, that I probably seem a bit hypocritical. I’ve allowed a shadow created by someone I love to be put inside of me, with intentions of allowing it to merge with me. Hands down you’d never see me recommend such actions to anyone and honestly I’d call myself a dumb fck, if it were anyone one but me. But I think I should take a moment to point out, it may seem like it was on a whim, and it sort of was, so I can see the basis for the argument, if you’re in that camp. I do have to point out however, that when it occurred, I did have questions, and there were answers. Some of those questions were verbal, as were some of the answers. Not all of them were however, many of them came through a weird kind of knowing.

I’m not really sure how to explain it in words. It’s something I encounter a lot, but not usually at the level this took place. See, I’m more than a little connected to the one from which my shadow friend originate. I don’t have to tug very hard to pull his feelings and emotions and the communication that took place in this instance, was very much like a flow of energy between him and me. The questions flowed from me to him, and the answers flowed from him to me. So the point of this is that, it was not an uninformed decision, and that this shadow came from someone that I know almost as well as I know myself.

I would say I’m not sure how all of this leads me to the spirit I found knocking on my door, but thanks to S. Connolly and her book the Keys of Ocat, I do have an idea. I honestly did not yesterday afternoon when Anpu first reached out to me. Naturally I ignored it, and continued to ignore it and then made some rather snarky jokes about it. I’ve seen the name Anubis like most of us have, and I guess I’ve had a passing curiosity here and there, but never enough to reach out to him. I hope to work through most or many of the spirits within these tomes, so I did assume when I was reading through the material that I would be connecting with him at some point.

I don’t, or rather didn’t think I had any good reason to do so however. I assumed it would be like a Meet and great, not necessarily any more than that, unless I ran into a situation where it made sense to call upon Anubis. I was more than a little surprised however, when I opened the Keys of Ocat, as I could not remember exactly what Connolly described Anubis as being good for, and found this:

-Keys of Ocat: A Grimoire of Daemonolatry Nygromancye - Kindle edition by Connolly, S… Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ AmazonSmile.

My first thought was something along the lines of Oh fck no, servant of Anubis, was not what I signed up for in regards to my shadow friend, and he was created so I see no fcking way this applies.

I had no sooner finished the thought, than I felt like Simba, in the Lion King, where Raffiki raps him over the head with a staff. I think the one Anpu had was a bit longer, but that was the impression I got. (He didn’t actually do it, it was an impression of me getting rapped on the head with a staff.)

Blinks wut… I mean come on, of course I that was my first thought. It’s me after all and well I mean, I like to be control of my operation so that was the first thing I latched onto when reading that passage. Obviously that was not the point however, so I hit the cute little arrow at the bottom of my phone screen, that allowed me to hop around the kindle version of the tome with the search term Anubis. The next significant entry I came upon was this:

• Keys of Ocat: A Grimoire of Daemonolatry Nygromancye - Kindle edition by Connolly, S… Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ AmazonSmile.

Oh well. Okay, fears of necromantic abilities. I guess that actually does hit home a little bit…

Of course I read all of this previously, but I assumed that it would either happen naturally or that one of the spirits that encouraged me to start this journey, would be involved. It’s also a lot of material, so I didn’t really study the parts talking about the beliefs from long ago.

Certainly, I wasn’t expecting a hop, skip and a jump to Anpu. I also wouldn’t have expected for him to reach out with the name Anpu, rather Anubis. I still haven’t figure that one out, so if anyone has some insight on it, I’d certainly welcome it. I’m not very well versed with mythology and the lore behind most of the gods and goddesses, and the whole mask thing gets really confusing when everyone is convinced that some deities are masks of others, but which ones vary by occultist. So I’ve spent literally zero time on the subject.

I decided, that I would probably open the gates and call Anpu today, except I ended up not getting to sleep till late, and then sleeping till 4pm. I’m actually going to do it in the morning, while my kids are at bible quiz, but I did have an interesting dream, which I’m not sure has any relation, but I kept feeling like it was very possible Anpu would reach out to me while I slept last night, so I won’t rule it out at this point. I might have been reading to much into the feeling, but I might not have been.

I’m not sure where I was. I remember going through cave tunnels and climbing up the side of cliffs towards more. I missed the one I wanted to enter and turned around and there were some npc like monsters coming up behind me.

I went into a tunnel and I killed some monsters on the way. I forget what happened next but the next thing I remember I was walking in the dark towards people. There were many walking towards me. They were like ghosts almost, bodies in hoods with just round white faces with no features except eyes and mouth holes. I knew something was about to happen and there was no way to avoid it. I was a little scared, but there was nothing I could do to get out of the situation.

Then I was surrounded by these beings and falling at the same time. I fell and fell further than the ground but all the while looking up at these shadow faces that never seemed to be further away than when I first began falling.

Then I was looking at my ceiling and contemplating what I remembered and the fact I needed to get up.

As a side note, if anyone could explain why Connolly is very insistent that you should never have a dagger, athame, or sharp object in the area where you work with Anubis, I’d be interested in hearing it. I can’t find anything on the subject, but she’s very exaggerate about it, so I’m not sure if it’s just one of her things (like putting a circle around a sigil is disrespectful) or if there is some sort of real basis to it. I did consider it could be a blind, but if it is, I’m missing the point.

[Rav]

@anon97554939

anyone could explain why Connolly is very insistent that you should never have a dagger, athame, or sharp object in the area where you work with Anubis, I’d be interested in hearing it

Oh yeah that might be good to know especially if one has lots of athames and swords consacrated to different currents

[danlBoone]

wiki says Anubis is a greek name. Anpu is his Egyptian name. nothing about knives🧐. It also says Anpu is a psycopomp not a death god🤔

[anon97554939]

Somehow, I am always behind. It’s a me thing, I’m the worst about not doing anything until I have to do it, unless I just happen to be in the mood required. (Does not apply to keeping a clean house- I can’t stand clutter or dirty unless the dirty is in relation to dick.)

I intended to call upon Anpu on Saturday morning. Somehow I was unable to fall asleep Friday evening and the early hours of Saturday morning. I always seem to have this trouble when my kids are here, and then my son, likes to stay up late and spend time with mom on Saturday night, so I spend all day Sunday half grouchy because I’m just mother fcking beat.

Once again I failed to sleep, so once my children left for bible quiz Saturday morning, I spent the four and a half hours they were away sleeping. Sunday night I stayed up late with the new boyfriend, and this evening I managed to find him occupying me once more so, here we are very early Tuesday morning and I’ve yet to call upon Anpu.

It’s not an incredibly awful thing however, that I ended up waiting. See my son, well my son is incredibly sensitive in many of the ways that I am. I knew he was more sensitive than his sister, and in different ways, but until Saturday night, I had no idea he was experiencing things as often and deeply as I did as a child.

He stayed up late, playing a video game while I played an mmorpg with the boyfriend. It was all good until the clock rolled past 3 am and he was getting ready to go to bed. He made a joke, about 3 am not being a very good time of the day in his experience. Naturally, I had to ask why.

We spent over two hours talking to my son, my question upset him deeply once he got into explaining himself. I already knew that he was aware of spirits being around, but I didn’t realize he was able to not only see them, but to feel them when he can’t see them, and I had no idea he was incredibly sensitive to energy. I was a little bit too honest when it came to answering his questions for his age, but he didn’t get too upset, until I asked him if he closed his eyes, was he able to recall what one of them looked liked to describe it to me. He was able to vividly recall it, as if it was with us, and describe to me how it looked. Apparently it stands taller than him (Roughly 5’2"), and his big green eyes.

I also learned that my son is most likely unintentionally projecting, is experiencing sleep paralysis, and I already knew he was sensitive to the dead and what’s occurred in his home prior to it being my ex’s home, as well as being drawn to rocks, crystals and sensitive to the emotions and feelings of others. I also know for fact his father is not, and believes it is crazy and would have my son at a psychiatrist, faster than you could blink your eyes if he had any idea what was going on- especially since my mother was schizophrenic and he’s aware of it.

We talked to my son quite a bit, helped him begin learning how to shield and ward himself and when he went home, I sent him home with an obsidian bracelet a grinder of Himalayan salt, and instructions on how to ensure he was the operator. We talked a fair bit about how the dead can become stuck here, rather than going to heaven, and even though we declined to mention parasites and things that could be stronger than his will, we did speak on how some of those things can feed on fear and emotions. I didn’t want him to feel helpless, especially once he was balling his eyes out in terror from the image of one of them standing over him, but I did want him to know that being scared can make it worse- so that hopefully he tries to get his terror under control so that he can demand that it leaves him alone. My biggest worry is that a shadow person or creature will be drawn to him. Ranzael has already expressed interest in my son, and well quite frankly at this point in time, my son is high risk for becoming a feeding ground.

I was surprised, with bare minimum instruction on tactile imaging, my son was able to not only feel it, but move it around fairly well. I heard all about how he’s tried to tell dad, and realized very quickly his dad not only didn’t believe him but if he managed to believe what my son was saying in regards to dead spirits, he would think my son was literally crazy. I feel awful, because I know what my son is describing as far as most of the activity and things he is feeling in that home, I did live there for about 6 years but… I was also terrified. I also remember my son coming into my room in the middle of the night literally freaking out from what I assumed were nightmares.

I feel bad, because when I was there I had no idea what to do about it. I had no idea you could do something about it. Now that I do know, there’s no way I’ll ever get into that home, short of being shot. I’ve sent Luna over a few times, but whatever it truly is, hasn’t seemed to be affected. I’m not really sure my son’s servitor is helping as much as I would like either, while it doesn’t have orders to prevent things from entering that home or banishing it- his servitor is designed to protect him, as well remove negative energies. So I feel the need to tweak the servitor so that it better covers the needs, but whatever it is that’s in that house, has been there a long time. I’m relatively sure it’s someone that died there many years ago, and it’s not causing a lot of trouble, but it is scaring the shit out of my son.

I shared Luna and my son’s servitor with him, as well as the other things and techniques, but I feel that I need to also see if there is anything I can do to clear up the home, so that the stuck dead is no longer a problem. I’m more than a little nervous about trying to call it to me, it’s scared me more than a few times but for my sons sake, I think I need to get a grip and deal with it.

I think when I call Anpu tomorrow evening, I’m going to address the issue and see if he can help me and hopefully eliminate the problem. I’m hopeful it will be a grand learning experience for me as well.

[anon97554939]

I’m not sure what my motivation problem is this time. I think maybe it’s all of the extra steps I’m adding so that I can learn and use Connolly’s process. Usually I just dive in when I’m ready to do something and whatever happens, happens. I may put entities off when they come knocking, but once I decide it is for a purpose that suits my agenda, I don’t pussy foot around with it.

Not usually at least, but for some reason I keep putting off Anpu. He stopped knocking so hard however, after I realized I did indeed have business he could aid with. It almost makes me wonder if there is another piece to the puzzle and I’ve yet to see it, but I lean more to the fact I’m lazy and all of this key drawing and blood letting and ritual forming- is a lot of work. But that is indeed part of why I chose this system. I already know how to work without tools and to evoke into my space but I wanted to deepen my experiences and learn how to help the dead and all of this preparation, certain leads to tendency to have deeper experiences. I also feel like when my life is so chaotic because I keep myself to literally no schedule, other than seeing my kids every other weekend, a little bit of discipline, wouldn’t hurt me any.

I essentially prepared my rituals this morning, I was going to make no bake cookies, and use those as my offerings in addition to blood, as well I love no bake cookies but they are more than a rare thing in my home. My son is allergic to peanut butter, so while I can make two types of cookies so that he can have something, I always try to be considerate and keep those things to days he doesn’t have to watch me enjoying something he loves, but can’t have. The trouble was when I got everything out to make my cookies, I realized I had no milk. If I hadn’t walked across the street to buy smokes and random shit half an hour prior, I probably would have just walked over and purchased milk. For some reason I didn’t want to seem as scatterbrained as I am to the people over there however, so I decided to wait. Waiting is always easier when it’s me you know?

I was pretty inebriated anyways, after being awake all evening. I had decided to try Connolly’s mullein tea for spirit communication with my next operation, but… that seemed like a bad idea when I had no idea what affects it might have and I was already sitting on cloud 9. Waiting meant that I could actually do this, without as much worry. I did however put together my ritual plans, before passing out and sleeping roughly 9am-6pm. I’m still at a point where I could lay back down and sleep all night, but today is rent day, so I forced myself to get up and get to work.

I decided to use Connolly Tetramorphic Khematic Circle, after opening the Gate of Ocat and my personal gate. I did however modify that a slight bit, not the Tetramorphic Khematic Circle, but the stuff right after it. See I’m working from all of the books that go together and she uses different methods across them. The text around the circle she says simple to evoke (I’m not going to use her terms and confuse us all on whether I’m invoking or evoking sorry…) from the Southwest quadrant of your circle, as he (Anpu) is the Fire that is part of earth, with his Enn. In another book, she using his hymn then his Enn, and yet another place she says only to call to him after Maat. So I decided to combine her efforts and after constructing my Khematic circle, to evoke from the Southwest quadrant, using his hymn then chanting his Enn. Idk why so don’t ask, it just felt right.

I was a little wary going in, I texted my son right before to see how he was doing and well. He was able to get it to leave when he called to me and the boyfriend for help. He asked about if it was normal to see the same one all of the time and a few other things. Yeah, yeah it’s real normal to see the same dead all the time imop. They don’t often find people like me and my son that can see them, so they seem to be drawn to us. I didn’t go into details, but I did share the game plan with him, essentially I was going to try to draw it to me, and try to help it move on. I didn’t tell him I don’t feel confident that it will be willing to move on, it’s been in that home at least 8 years and honestly if it recognizes me, it’s going to know I spent many years terrified of it. Maybe this is why I’ve been reluctant to call on Anpu. I’ve been aware the entire time that I was going to need to call this dead spirit to me, and even now with better control of my abilities, and a shadow protecting my ass and entities on my side, I’m concerned. It’s been long enough, and I have no idea how long, that this dead may not want to move on- I may need to broker a deal, or even to essentially force it or try to since I’m not in that home, I don’t feel confident that I can completely prevent from returning if it refuses.

I was real disappointed when I mixed up my mullein leaf tea. First I brewed lavender tea from loose leaf lavender, then added roughly half a teaspoon of mullein leaf powder. I noticed right away the odor from the mullein leaf reminded me of kratom, and even though Connolly mentions use honey to keep from tasting downright nasty- eh kratom taste so bad it makes me puke, so I’m not sure how this will go, but I suppose there is only one way to find out. If you didn’t know, you can also use this in replace of graveyard dirt in rituals, if properly charged.

The bright side of life is that, I put enough honey it, that it was only the second most awful thing I’ve tasted, and was not nearly as bad as I expected. I do however feel like it was more hindrance than aid to my operations. My sight was not as clear as normal and my brain felt fuzzy, it was nothing like being blasted at the same time.

The gate of Ocat opened easily, and I am always struck by how pretty the cosmic looking area around the gate is. I know I’ve tried to describe the deep colors, purple and violet and everything but blues really and I know I do it no justice. I then performed the evocation of Anubis, but he had been waiting for me at the gate of Ocat. I just had to be sure you know, it could always just be in my head- or out of my head rather since I don’t see it in my mind I see it in front of me, but ya know. I still could be absolutely loosing my shit.

Anpu didn’t say anything period- not a huge surprise I tend to find the clearest communication with spirits is not in anyway audible and it’s more of a knowing that passes between me and them which is hard to translate into words. The impression I got was that he was amused at my noob insistence of performing the operation correctly to insure I wasn’t bat shit crazy. I guess at least he seems to have patience with idiots, +1 point for Anpu in my book.

I moved quickly on to the task at hand, I did of course essentially tell Anpu why I was calling, which was ridiculous considering he called upon me first, but you know- I have to at least pretend that I am the operator of this boat, it makes me feel better. I noticed right away as I closed my eyes and began to reach out with my energy towards the dead spirit in question that my radiator started clanging. It actually took me several seconds to determine what the sound was, I’ve not heard it once since I moved in, so as much as I want to discount it- I also want to consider it a score.

I didn’t think I got them tbh, but then I saw a flash of green eyes and a face with giant razor sharp teeth, wearing solid black and a top hat. I was surprisingly not scared, but not confident I wasn’t loosing my shit. I gave the dead a choice, I’d like to help heal it and help it move on, and if not my sons off limits and we need to broker a deal.

I essentially dismissed it, expecting him to show up my next sleep cycle. I made my offerings to Anpu- I decided that it was the wrong time to determine if the knife thing was one of Connolly’s bat shit crazy religious things or not, and instead went with the fact I’m female and have been preparing female type offerings ever since my shadow friend showed up. For some reason he showed up and my new thing is to bank that shit like I never did before. I’ve got this neat little bottle full of it, and already probably have all I will need for this lifetime, but I suppose you never know.

I closed the gate of Ocat, just as I opened it but in reverse- by filling in the hole I made with the energy I took away and then I put away my tools and refused to banish. Normally I like to banish after opening the gates but ya know. I am expecting a visitor when I sleep and I would hate to foil my own operations with my piddly little fears.

[dagar]

I have to say. Your such an awesome person just the fact that things are getting difficult and your first response is to hunker down and push forward. Im so lucky to know you