2/12/21 Putting me in my place
I still haven’t decided if I’m going to actually post this new journal section to Balg or not. I mean not like there’s any reason to hurry on my decision, I’m self suspended until later today, my kids are coming and I can’t see any reason to log in tonight, unless it’s to catch up on lounge topics. I’ve half followed the latest topics all week anyways, so other than to clear notifications, I don’t know. I might just extend my break a few more days. I’ve mostly enjoyed the break, though a few times if I could have logged in, I’d have happily pointed out that one member does nothing but spew shit he can’t back up, and a few things like that.
I did divine the whole will reaching out to this specific dead spirit, help the situation I wanted it to. Man, the cards put me in my fcking place once again. I didn’t even need help from @Darkestknight to interrupt how they applied, it was fcking crystal clear. I usually either toss draw when it’s for me because I can’t see how it relates at all, or I read it, I get it and I want it to mean this other stuff instead, so I ask for help.
Unfortunately, that help has a habit of telling me, Nope, you’re a dumb fck I read it this way. Sighs, I did too, but I really don’t like that message, so let me pretend it could be this other stuff for a minutes. I’ve learned though, that when the two of us draw the same first conclusion, it’s usually right. Doesn’t make me happy about it, but odds are it’s correct and there’s not point for fighting it to be something else, cuz it’s not. I rarely record readings for myself, but maybe I should. It probably wouldn’t wouldn’t hurt me to have some record of the cards telling me that I’m a damned idiot, I might want to take another look at that later anyways.
But first, I have to find my damned missing slipper sock-AGAIN. I cannot figure out how a ferret and a cat, steal just one of my slipper socks, while I’m sleeping and make it seem like it’s completely disappeared- while be confined to a single room, at least four nights a week. I swear it’s ridiculous.
So, one thing I’ve notices is Mystic Monday’s reversed cards, are not good. They just aren’t. I haven’t come across a single one to date that I was like okay, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing or it could be good because… Yeah no not one card so far so, it’s definitely a pretty blunt deck if you read the cards like I do, by taking in the words in the book then seeing where it applies or knowing what it’s implying like I do. The knowing part I can’t tell you how it works, but when I’m reading for someone it just happens. Some days I think each deck must have a divinitary spirit that it connects to or something. I mean, I just can’t comprehend the mechanics if it’s not a spirit connected that influences when they fall from the deck and what comes up and how it’s always a damned fit. If it’s somehow just random patterns made by your brain, then I don’t get it. I suppose it doesn’t matter, other than it’s nice when you pretend a minute and be like. ya fcking asshole. I didn’t need you to kick me between the legs with it. lol.
So no surprise, after yesterday’s fiasco playing with portals, I found I was no longer tired. If I’d tried to wait for the later time slot though, goodness knows I’d have had trouble staying awake. I mean energy does effect me and my sleep cycles, plain and simple. So I decided to divine on it. My question was essentially, What is the outcome if I call upon this spirit, and should do I do it before or after my children are here. That’s not it exactly, but that’s how the energy I channeled into my deck felt, best words I can put to it.
Well that asshole. I shuffled and what not and of course and every card was reversed. Every single card. The first card dropped it’s self out of the deck and the other four I drew, certainly match it in tone. I’m going to try to keep it short, and only focus on the highlights, rather than every single detail.
7 of Cups Reversed- While it’s amazing to use your imagination, right now you are teetering on delusion and pure fantasy. The real wold can feel overwhelming at times, felling safer to escape to your dreams. Grand visions seem like they are within your grasp, only to be whisked away to reveal the cold hard facts. Learn to discern between illusions and reality.
Ouch. So the entire idea was a fluke. I knew it was a wild idea, but man, your saying I can’t discern between illusion and reality? That kinda smarts.
King of Cups Reversed- Signs of an emotional vampire, energy depletion, victimization and constant complaining. Engulfed in his shadow self, the King of Cups reversed is unable to rise above his tsunami of emotions and sucks you right into the center of destruction. Toxic emotions leak into every area of life with reactive behavior, manipulation and distrust. Take responsibility for yourself and the emotional roller coaster called your feelings.
Okay, maybe. Probably in fact. I’ve been dealing awfully with things for months. Some days are not so bad, some days are not so good. But for the most part, I’ve handle most of this stuff better than I’ve seen others handle similar situations and you do have to give yourself room to feel, to work through it so, do you really have to poke me where it already hurts?
Eight of Pentacles Reversed. Perfectionism is limiting you from your full capacity to create. Your patience is wearing thing and you are wondering if this endeavor is worth your efforts. Refocus on why you want to learn these new skills and how they would benefit you in the long run.
So. You’re saying I just started and I already got lost. I mean, maybe it was a stretch of an idea but it wasn’t that bad. It’s not like hmm. Not like it’s out of the purview of what I am hoping to learn. Maybe jumping the gun a little, but. But maybe my ritual didn’t go as well as I thought it did. I mean, if I’m not discerning the difference in illusion and reality, maybe. Maybe I was wrong.
Queen of Wands Reversed. Watch out, when the Queen of Wands doesn’t get her way, there will be hell to pay. High demands can stoke huge fires and selfish motives can lead to manipulative antics just so she can win the game.
Well duh. Isn’t that the whole point of this magic thing? Manipulative antics so you can win the game? I mean it makes me sound like I’m a selfish bitch, but I know better than that, so yes my actions are manipulative and yes I sometimes stir the pot to get rid of someone that pushed me too far, but eh. Isn’t this a bit extreme…
The Empress Reversed. You may also be taking on the role of an overbearing mother who is too protective or demanding, over her relationships. Under or over ripe, the fruit is not ready for the picking.
Really. Too protective or demanding in what relationships. The ones in this situation or general? Am I? I’m really pretty simple, but I do have a slight jealous streak, though it doesn’t really apply to my current situation so once in a while there’s a thought a long those lines, and it doesn’t even matter, because of the being alone thing. But under ripe or over ripe? So you’re telling me the time is not now for this working. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so excited about my opening ritual, maybe I should have waited. Maybe, I shouldn’t be doing this at all.
I was thinking about renaming this journal, Comedy Hour with Keteriya, but I think I should wait, there’s still work to do. At this point, I’ve really noticed how the new energies are effecting my thought processes and that the things I’m considering and reconsidering are related- unintentionally.
Some of it, is dragging up memories long forgotten.