THIS is something major that I struggle with myself. I don’t get as disappointed in myself with a wrong answer now. My scores are not that good but at least I’m able to work through them and not give up.
Full length tests though, they still terrify me. I need to work on it.
Thanks for sharing. I agree. In my case, I think my experience of education/school led me somehow equal a test score with my self worth.
What is awesome is that we both have the realization (of tests somehow = self worth) that it isn’t ideal. Consciously realizing this is a great first step to fixing the problem.
Let me facepalm myself for a moment
Disclaimer: Some of these realizations are due to a much needed dose of angelic energy, and of course, Pathworking the spirits of King Paimon.
Up till a few days ago, I had been stuck. My entire life seemed to be “stuck” and revolve around unhealthy attitudes toward sexuality and dependency. My posts mention my struggles with alcohol, an excess of casual sex in early college ect. I can now clearly identify what is the issue:
I was stagnating at the level of the sacral chakra.
Meaning, I did not really care to apply myself to anything that wasn’t relating to the lower animal. Meaning, I was looping around sex, pleasure, satisfaction without restraint. (Anybody who is experienced with Kundalini : please feel free to comment and clarify). In a humorous sense, I was stuck at the level of a college frat dude-bro. Lol.
Something about this pathworking has raised me to the level of the solar plexus chakra.
Experientially, this has been a broadening of horizons. My internal dialogue has gone something like this.
“You know, SilentSeeker, maybe I shouldn’t get hammered drunk all the time. Maybe I shouldn’t play video games for the whole day… Wow! It is quite rewarding to apply myself to my career. Wow, it feels great to not indulge all the damn time. It makes the moments when I do much sweeter. Damn, I really love reading. I love learning. Ha! I love growing, I love doing something that matters.” This is the phasing out of the Child, and allowing the Adult to emerge.
Experientially, I don’t feel “pulled” to porn; and my healthy sex drive has increased.
Rather than muddled, ambiguous sexual energy - I use and apply it purposefully. (I am rambling a bit, but that’s ok. I’m excited and I hope the reader notices this!)
Why does it matter?
Because most of my life and upbringing revolved around people stuck in these lower levels. The person who is my biological father - abusive, cruel, hurtful. He never learned to grow beyond his issues of security and belonging (lower chakras). Other people in my family (to them, I am not hating) have pathological fears of death and money (root chakra).
I feel humbled that I am able to grow where others choose to give up. I feel honored that my spirit friends have helped me evolve to a point where other people would die before arriving there.
I have suffered some to get here, yes. I have also learned that a masochistic approach to spiritual evolution and growth is unnecessary - yes, I’m referring to some of the “hardcore” approaches to growth on here. You know whos.
Anyways, rant over!
Thanks for reading you awesome people.
Edit: King Paimon is suggesting this bit: I must allow the changes to settle. Let my older way of life decay a bit, as it were.
Holy Damn!!
I’m excited, had a realization that made me laugh and exclaim “I get it, I get it” as I was driving. College age me would be shocked.
Seeing somebody I find attractive, a stranger and lusting for them - that is attachment, that is suffering!
I have spent my entire life inflicting suffering on myself. Self imposed suffering. Attachment.
Lusting for somebody and working myself up simply because I can’t have them - that is a consious choice I am making!
I see now that how I choose to react - that is where the power lies. Seeing somebody attractive and consciously deciding to go “Cool. Now. Back to work.”
THAT is power, and more importantly, that is success.
Edit: I am on day 2 of 3, with a specific meditation from the book. It is about recognizing and charging the unified solar and lunar current within the self.
Today I felt a nudge to use water in my meditations and rituals. This seems linked to the idea of balancing the solar and lunar. I have over-relied on fire and masculinity. I suspect water-based scrying and such will be a focus in the near future.
Tomorrow I will spend time getting to know Rentanez. I attempted to contact this spirit 10 days ago, and it told me it wasn’t the right time.
I received an email from the persons who will be my supervisor, in my financial job. Glad to see my efforts are supported.
This marks the end of my 3 days with the balancing solar and lunar meditation, from the Book of King Paimon. It seems prudent to make this mediation an ongoing work.
I feel less interested in immediate changes. I’m interested in longer term changes, and how making a certain meditation a habit can aid in longer term changes.
For the past two days I have had dreams about people that I hold resentment against. I can feel myself, dreaming, revisiting why I hold resentment to them. I’m working through these blockages. I suspect part of this is connected to the meditation mentioned earlier. I also may do a divination and see if it connected with the Success Magick I completed a while back. (Enochian)
Solar and Lunar as One
I have been practicing a meditation that involves the merging of the solar and lunar forces. I have decided to do this twice a day, in the morning and evening. I have noted several benefits, all of which are practical and rooted in my everyday lived experience.
I have observed changes in my diet. I felt guided to eat fresh peppers and tomatoes, rather than my breakfast cheesy bagel. (Which deserves a post on it’s own. Lol) I can feel the shift in diet manifesting as a adopting a more grounded nature. I feel less frantic when I work, and do not obsess with exactly how much time I am using.
Sacrifice
As I meditated today, I was led to my astral altar. It is black, with gold script on it. There are four horns, which lately seem to resemble mammoth tusks. I got in TGS and journeyed to the altar. I placed my hands on two of the horns and a 9 pointed star jutted out and pierced my chest. I felt myself bleeding out and dying in a way. (I don’t want this to sound dramatic, it is simply what I experienced.) As I “died”, I felt an urge to invoke King Paimon.
This had a different quality to it, as I did not use traditional titles associated with him. I used the titles of “the Adult” and “he who sacrifices pleasure for growth”. This was spontaneous and is connected with my earlier realization that I need to shift to the mentality of the Adult, and not the child. The realization is linked with the Solar Plexus. (This is based on three items: the Child, the Adult, the Parent. It seems connected to Saturn, somehow).
After I did this I felt myself traveling on a black horse, and then returned to waking consciousness.
Afterwards, I am applying real world effort. I am nearing the end of my studying for my certification, and am studying smarter - rather than using brute force. Also, I had a brief chat with Rentanez. I suspect my communications with this spirit will be ongoing, and not rushed. My Kingdom is like that of a secure building, and security takes consistent, applied effort. I do the work.
Rentanez, an Idea
I’ll skip to the fun stuff. For Rentanez, the Operator is recommended to make friends with the spirit. The interesting condition is given, to do this “without even trying.” (P. 55) This is my solution to this criteria.
I used a small cup of water, and had the sigil of Rentanez on my phone. I consecrated and awoke the water, making it a living creature. I asked the living creature of water to assist me.
I stated that I was extending an invitation to Rentanez, for it to join me as I meditated. I stated that this was like “Having a room set for you, Rentanez, in my mind”.
Basically, I treated it like a guest. The invitation to mediate with me was saying “There is a room for you in my house.”
I was surprised to hear him speak. This is based of one encounter- so take it with a grain of salt. The presentation of his voice alternated between what I would recognize as demonic, angelic, and a mixture of both.
As of this writing, I’m hanging out with some friends later today. I heard Rentanez say that he may be around. So that is interesting.
Edit: As always, I am performing the Solar-Lunar merging meditation twice a day.
Note: this should have been posted yesterday.
Rentanez, an Idea
I’ll skip to the fun stuff. For Rentanez, the Operator is recommended to make friends with the spirit. The interesting condition is given, to do this “without even trying.” (P. 55) This is my solution to this criteria.
I used a small cup of water, and had the sigil of Rentanez on my phone. I consecrated and awoke the water, making it a living creature. I asked the living creature of water to assist me.
I stated that I was extending an invitation to Rentanez, for it to join me as I meditated. I stated that this was like “Having a room set for you, Rentanez, in my mind”.
Basically, I treated it like a guest. The invitation to mediate with me was saying “There is a room for you in my house.”
I was surprised to hear him speak. This is based of one encounter- so take it with a grain of salt. The presentation of his voice alternated between what I would recognize as demonic, angelic, and a mixture of both.
Rentanez, a worker of miracles
Oh, where do I start? I suppose you shouldn’t look at my journal entries and assume everything has been sunshine and rainbows. I have been going on over a month with no income, and no job. Bills, loans, late fees - all that stuff.
My struggles with money have been going on for about 3 months. 1 month ago, I had a choice to make. I choose to jump - to leave my dead end part-time job. It wasn’t easy. I immediately felt the lack of money, and the constriction that came with that.
Around that time, something showed up. It told me to treat a potential financial job opportunity as my job. For about a month I spent time from 9-5 studying my ass off. Reading, notes, memorizing, all of it. I choose to reject the fear of not having money at the moment, and I did the work - I studied.
Rentanez aided me with the studying, and most importantly, the actual tests. For this finance job, I had two tests to take. Each attempt had around a 50% pass rate. A 50% chance to pass, and there were two exams.
I am ecstatic to say TODAY I successfully exceeded both of the exams. When I passed the first test, I danced around with Rentanez’s sigil - like a loon. When I passed the second test, I sat down and wept.
I wept because this is my most significant magickal accomplishment to-date.
Why do I say that? Because, this is rooted in reality, in the here-and-now. I didn’t accomplish some ambiguous spiritual achievement. I didn’t lose myself in the role-play of magic. I got up, off my ass, did the work, and achieved a lucrative source of income. With commissions and benefits! Wohoo!
Tomorrow, I’ll share details about Rentanez, but tonight - I celebrate.
Awesome! Congratulations! 
I also had a question: what do you do with the water after activating it?
Good question! I say “I thank you. Return from whence you came.”
Rentanez
Rentanez is a spirit classified as a demon according to The Book of King Paimon. I have observed this spirit act and show itself in other expressions - such as angelic. I get the impression this spirit doesn’t like classification like angel or demon - these are limiting conceptions.
Rentanez governs the minds of “citizens, kings, and gods.” (P. 54) It would be wise to consider how this power is far more than influencing people. Who do we consider kings in our present age?
I encountered several consistent images when traveling to this spirit. If tested, I suppose it could be called a Pathworking.
I saw an Empyrean locale, tall mountains in the sky. I saw geometric structures pulse and dance on and atop these mountains. The colors light blue and green are predominant. I then saw a door in the middle of this locale.
Rentanez spoke, saying
Address
So, the above information functions much like Rentanez’s address. I’ll post more information tomorrow.
As always, I’m busy with the career side of things & performing the Solar-Lunar merging meditation twice a day.
Edit: If anybody reads this journal and has questions, feel free to post them in this thread. I have no issue conversing about this stuff.
Onward! with Rentanez
Rentanez and I had a private conversation concerning my career. Now, this spirit said some interesting things. This was during my creation of a sigil. Rentanez said,
757 by the power of
(Note: I suspect this is linked with the “address” of this entity. It reminds me of celestial, Empyrean type of energy.)
Rise from the clayborn. Become metal.
(Note: Earlier I posted that I saw a face, formed of wet clay. The boundaries of the face was in the style of the sigil of the spirit of the sun.)
As Rentanez said this, I saw the clay face rise up - now with a body. The face appeared with greater detail, akin to a statue.
Rentanez ended with this,
Vibrational Alignment
Methinks it’s an ability or “power” of Rentanez.
Reminds of something I (indirectly) read about Chinese Mythology and creation of humanity. Note that I read about this is in a fictional book, but it stuck to mythology because the writer did good research-Fuxi made humans from clay, and watched them evolve and grow.
But she didn’t like where it was headed as it was evident that the civilization will one day come to an end and locked herself up.
I don’t exactly know why I’m mentioning this, but I thought you might find it interesting.
Thanks for sharing that. I’ll look into Fuxi and see what sort of path it leads me on.
Rentanez guided me to draw a taro card. It was the Prince of Disk (Thoth taro). I was guided to hold the Prince of Disks in my right hand, and the sigil of Rentanez in my left hand. Here, I meditated.
I had grounded realizations, broad-picture stuff. I realized that it is my desire-will to Empire on this plane. This requires entrepreneurial and financial experience. I open the way.
What is Empire? Independence & Strategy.
Why does it matter? Taking hold of the reigns of Life, rather than subservience.
This is why I am.
Rentanez also showed me something I am working on. As a question, “How can I embrace Change if I run from the daily change I am capable of affecting?”
I have also begun to uncover “locales.” These are locations that I have been guided to. I look forward to sharing these tomorrow.
Throwback Time
Alright! When I started this, I was quickly told about “stranger sorts of fortune” and “block-data download”. What I will share uses them both.
I mentioned that I uncovered “locales”. So, what is a locale? It is “a place where something happens or is set, or that has particular events associated with it.”
For the sake of the reader, I will give each locale a name and then describe it. I am very interested to see if these locales can be accessed by other people. I have a suspicion that certain particular events will occur to all who visit them. (Note: I mean in an inner shift, internal work type of events. I’m not trying to be edgy.)
To clarify, I have begun to find these locations thanks to regular communion with Rentanez.
Dropped Mind
This locale begins with darkness. Darkness is all around, there is only darkness.
Look! A small pebble emerges. It is the size of a pearl, and has written on it’s axis “Mind [Symbol of Mercury] Mind.” This writing wraps around the pebble, like a band.
Far away, in the distance is a figure. This is you, and you are postured as sitting on a chair. It is dark, and only yourself and the distant pebble are visible. Sometimes, you are in the pose of the Thinker.
Now, your back is turned to this pebble. In fact, you appear to be several hundred times larger than this pebble. (Perspective matters here).
In summary, within the darkness there is a figure. The figure has it’s back turned to a pebble called mind. This is dropped mind.
Edit: Belial talks about drop mind. It’s kind of his think. DROP MIND, get out your own damn way, quit using mind to escape mind, just DROP MIND. If you know Belial, you know this. I think this locale can be thought of as if a “Pause, Time” command could be given the moment mind is dropped. Basically, drop mind, imagine time being suspended - that is the above locale.
Lord Belial was telling me something similar a few days ago, except he used different words. He told me to “sink” and “submerge”.
Is the pebble symbolic? Sort of like taking away your head (the concious mind) and placing it into the pebble. Projecting the concious mind into the pebble and “dropping” it. Leaving us with only our subconscious mind and almost no inhibitions and questioning mindset to not interfere in the process of the ritual/meditation. Like a meditation room.
I hear and acknowledge your questions. I would associate the words you shared, with the words “art” and “dance”.
If I asked, say, what my exact heartbeat should be, when dancing - that would be missing the point.
Sometimes, you need to just experience an experience - without using questions to get in our own way.
For example, you can appreciate art, without inquiring as to what your exact brainwave should be at.
I appreciate your questions and think the answer is no answer.
(Note: Basically, I, in my experience, get the most out of these locales, by not asking and just experiencing it. Calling on a trusted entity, if needed.)