Stuck in my lucid dreams at times... Finally saw the being that's trying to have sex with me. But I also wonder if it's my own lust

Divination, Dreamwork & Prophecy
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Hi!

I have opened the door to rituals through watered down variations of the golden dawn. I am not in a group so I am self-initiating.

I was led down the path because I worked with the goetia and got into working with angels with my previous catholic upbringing. I never realized how much the occult and kabbalah have so much information on angels than the church pushes out.
I resonate with it. I like the kabbalah, alchemy, astrology, zodiac, monotheistic elements and layered on knowledge I am learning.
I also am learning about Hinduism as well…

Anyways, last evening, I felt a break through since I have been meditating more each week.

I felt awareness of my fears and could be awake in my lucid dreams. I recognize when I become aware though…sexual desires hit me.
First time it felt like I was being penetrated by something while I was on top of sheets and then I was choking it. Then, the second lucid part, there was this clown like creature covered in billowing blue and white :circus_tent: outfit trying to dominate me while I was on my back. I was being choked. It had a white face and clown hat with beady black eyes.

I ended up projecting a sword and cutting them out. I was freed after that and was finally even more lucid, after the dream reset.

I’m confused…

Is this my subconscious self or an outside entity??

I did try to combine after sexual energy in my last middle pillar ritual recently too. I’ve recently am on a break from a lover too, so I could get why I might have dreams like that…

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Is there anything happening in your life that this thing could represent? If you can identify something this this could be the subconscious giving it’s opinion on the matter, that you’re being taken advantage of.

If there’s nothing like that, and given how we know doing new magick sort of lights you up on the astral and attracts things, then I’d say this sounds like a parasite.

However, you won, and pretty easily, and there’s this symbolism of the clown to consider. The clown is the fool, and fools bring truth disguised as humour, making it easier to hear.

I think it’s true you’re under some kind of stress, maybe from attack, that is coming through your root or base chakra, and is related to if not sexual energy directly, something very fundamental to human survival.

You said you’re self-initiating through the Qlippoth - does this link in any way to what sphere you’re in right now of if there’s unfinished work from previous spheres?

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There’s no turning back be grateful what you have Like they say once the door open it can’t be closed just enjoy it your tend to live with it
I call it my second life my last lucid dream I was so unhappy with this demon I tried to pull his head off from dis body and he just smiled at me
the objective is to understand when your in lucid dream you need to separate your body and mind
that’s hard

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