I’ve been nothing in my life, I’m 20 years old, I don’t have experience, I don’t socialize with people, I always have plans to kill myself, I fought them but now this pain is so severe, I You don’t have the strength to fight them anymore. Is there a spirit that can empower me to fight suicide and be my comrade on this path? i don’t want to die.
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Welcome to the forum. please do pop over to our intros thread and let us know your experience with magick so we get to say Hi and know what level to aim our answers at.
It’s a rule of the forum that everyone has an intro. 
To answer the question, I would say Antharrahu, not because he’s all friendly, he’s not, but because he specializes in bringing opportunities and causing you to rise and build your kingdom on Earth, being successful in all areas.
You’re very first concern you posted was having nothing to do, he will get you something to do. It will probably involve other people.
Antharratu is from the Book of Azazel by E.A. Koetting, so I recommend you get that and read it cover to cover first.
While reading that, before you do anything you need to build your spiritual hygiene, start with banishing and cleansing.
When you are depressed, you attract lesser enties that fed on that, and they will make it worse to feed more: you must get rid of those before using magick to summon, so you don’t get more.
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Try one of the Exus
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Well this is a good sign.
It sounds like you are clinically depressed you ought to talk to a trained professional like a psychiatrist who can prescribe you medication for depression.
Antidepressants help your brain not wanna kill it’s, hate itself etc.
I remember I used to wake up everyday thinking “God i wish I was dead” or " I don’t wanna be alive". When I started to take antidepressants I began to think “Oh I’m awake…okay that’s alright.”
Checkout this site, you can talk to someone anonymously - if you tell them you are suicidal they’ll talk to you and you can get help for a therapist of psychiatrist.
Alternatively you can call 911 (or your countries emergency services). Tell them “I need EMERGENCY help I want to kill myself and need to go to the hospital! Can someone help me please?”
When you go to the hospital just be honest that you have suicidal ideation and a plan to kill yourself.
As for spirits I would recommend and angel or name of God. The “Gallery of Magick” books have saved my life on multiple occasions.
Alternatively you could pray to Jesus - he’d be my go to for suffering an existential dread.
Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him.
James 5:14-15 NASB1995
You should! I remember growing up and going to Church…the pastor would always make use greet our neighbors.
Try talking to strangers! Usually people are receptive to compliments or a friendly smile.
When I’m at the gym I try to talk to multiple people while I’m there.
Hope you keep fighting! Suicidal ideation sucks…
Jesus loves you 
(I can message you privately if you’d like)
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I gently suggest talking to a trained professional like a therapist or psychiatrist. I also agree with the poster that mentioned taking anti-depressants. I take them and they really help. Other wise I just become suicidal and lay in bed all day.
I also agree with the poster about keeping up your spiritual hygiene. That’s really important, both for your mood and the safety of yourself (mundane and spiritual.)
Don’t force yourself. But do try to take a shower, put on clean good clothes, and go for a walk. Even if it’s only to the park, the library, the local community center, the mall, etc.
Getting the sun on your face does help one’s moods.
Also look at your diet. That could be a great cause of your moods. Drink enough water, keep hydrated. Maybe see a dietitian. Perhaps you are in need of more certain types of foods. Listen to your body. Trust your gut and intuition-eat what your body wants.
This is a big one I must emphasize, along with doing all the other excellent suggestions offered.
Let me offer a different view to Christianity.
Lucifer is very kind, loving, compassionate. I’m not putting a New-Age description on him or anything, or making him to be a teddy bear. No.
Talk to Lucifer. Gaze at his sigil (there are 2 that I know of you can find online doing an Google Image search) and talk, he is responsive in that he will show signs and there will be coincidences. If you are open clairaudiently you will hear his voice. Don’t expect anything but be open to anything-that’s what I do. So I don’t miss the signs when it actually happens, you know?
Ask for his guidance and direction, he will surely help you.
I have been a spiritual or theistic Satanist for over 12 years now, and he’s never let me down. He has prevented me from committing suicide more than once, along with Horus, the Egyptian god, who is also very friendly.
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Magic will help, You can do it (
Gosh… it pains me to see this happening to people. It happened to me aswell… but hey, you are very unique.
If you want to successfully fight, please take 5 good breaths then setting a timer of for 5 - 10 minutes or even 20 minutes to try take care of some priorities, such as running energy.
Maybe Lay down, then 5 breaths again and repeat until you have some momentum. You just need momentum!
Then you can call upon an entity since your happy and feeling better! It can be any that feel meets your benefits, I would call Shemyaza or Satan. They are very beautiful entity’s. This isn’t about weakness… it’s about understanding & the demons will retrain your psychological mindset.
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I second calling upon Lucifer. He is very gentle, very fatherly.
Another entity that has helped me a lot is Duke Sallos. He’s easy to talk to and genuinely cares.
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Belial but he would teach self esteem in a very raw , fuck the world DGAF way. He would be more suited for just building confidence.
I don’t think I’d be evoking demons or doing magick if I was suicidal tbh. You’ll attract negative entities and parasites who will feed off your misery and you’re more susceptible to negative energy when in trance/gnostic state.
I’d see a professional but most are useless and if you’re in the states you’d lose your 2nd amendment right.
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Out of curiosity, for both myself and other who stumble in this thread, which angels and rituals from GOM do you find useful for avoiding suicide?
The basic and advanced calling in their “Archangels of Magick” book has saved my life a few times recently. It’s nice to have backups, though! Just in case. (And, of course, sometimes the best defense against suicide is actually solving your problems — so rituals that’s do that are nice)
For whatever reason, I didn’t get much feeling of contact when calling Jesus until very recently. I think the master protection ritual with the 2 geniuses that empower magick have allowed some kind of contact the past week.
Maybe being raised Catholic hurt? They, after all, put themselves between you and Jesus. They’re like toll keepers. I get darker feelings from the Catholic Church I went to as a child, probably more than anything else.
That’s really fantastic!
Asking for both myself and for future people who will find this thread, can Lucifer also help you out of the situations causing the suicidal depression? Or just the feelings, like many angels do?
That is to say, do you have to call someone under him to help with specific things? To cause changes in personal circumstances? Or, this may sound funny, but can Lucifer be a sort of “one stop shop”?
I know on the flipside, calling God often won’t do much at all… but calling someone under god can really get things moving. So I’m wondering if this is mirrored with Lucifer.
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Yes, Lucifer also can help you out of the situations causing the suicidal depression.
He opens doors, opportunities, and shows you resources.
The guidance is there, but you have to be open to receiving it in anyway (whether it just be “intuition”, a hunch, time searching on the Net for resources in your city/town, people coming into your life or people who know you and start talking to you about suicidal depression.)
That’s what I mean by remaining open to everything and everyone. Lucifer will use anything and anyone in your life to help you, if you but take his advice. Otherwise it’s a waste of time.
Talk to him as this process happens. Let him know you’re thankful, grateful, and give feedback so you two can work together in this process.
He will show you how you, yourself, can help yourself out of the suicidal depression, with the feelings.
It could be your diet, not enough bowel movements (I’m not kidding about that), exercise, enough sunlight, shitty people in your social circle that you need to let go of, negative people in your family you could avoid seeing or living with, the hunch to look for a new job, and getting it, that pays you a bit more to move out of your current home to somewhere better where you can meet new people, etc.etc.
You can go to Lucifer for anything, I know what you mean by “one stop shop.” If there’s a reason he wants you to work also with another demon/ess at the same time, they will come into your life because you need something they specialize in that may not be listed in grimoires.
Otherwise it’s just Lucifer.
Lucifer is active in my life, personally, but I also call on archangel Raphael for healing, travelling, health, etc.
He is very kind, funny, quick to laugh and converse easily with. He’s great at what he does.
I have read some new age books about Raphael and they tell me how to work with him, but it’s not LHP occult anything because I haven’t looked into Enochian and angel magick yet so I don’t know.
My apologies for the late reply. I haven’t logged into BALG forums all week.
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That’s some fantastic guidance regarding Lucifer! Thank you for that.
I’m sure your detailed description will help many people who read this thread over the years.
Seems like this may be one of the so-called “dark side” entities I (or other sort of “light side” oriented people) should work to contact.
I think it’s Curtis Joseph who mentioned that Lucifer and Yeshua may split off to similar sources of light. (As well as the confusion in the Bible itself over “the morning star”)
Wow, you have such great relationship with Raphael. May I ask how do your calling of him?
Ah I went through these Dark times in high school. Got thrown in a psychiatric hospital unwillingly 3 times from school grounds (taken to counselors then handcuffed by school police) anyway. Unfortunately the only thing that helped me at the time was weird drugs they gave me but it doesn’t matter cause at the end of the day it helped me. I am a lot happier now and I also think that has something to do with me being more involved in black magick (gives me a feeling of purpose and power over my own life).
Also lucifer helped me a lot I remember I was sobbing and he put his hand on my shoulder and said he was proud of me for fighting 
. Now look where I am. Not underground. I’d say if it wasn’t for professionals or my deities I’d be afraid where I’d be at today.
Not saying to go for lucifer or any spirit that’s up to you but there are plenty of spirits out there. And lucifer in my experience has helped (idk what kind of currents you do and don’t work with)
From experience belial has seemed to help me with hopeless times and it was a nice route just not a spoon fed “it’s ok…
” route. Yeah it seemed that was the emotions coming from him but it’s always more strict with him it seems like time to get things done. I’m getting belial sigil tattooed on my forearm in 3 weeks with “liberation” in script on the side. Those 2 from my experience are awesome.
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And so what? You can still be something if you devote yourself to a personal ideal. Throughout history there have been losers who became victors. Weak people who became strong. Poor who became rich. You are only 20 years and I envy you as you have your whole life in front of you. I wish I was aware of the LHP at your age and I would have invoke Lucifer and ask him to send me a demon that best will work with me and guide me along the path.
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The artwork out there of Raphael is pretty accurate. He is very built but slender, has a light tan, golden brown wavy hair, chin length.
I usually just call to him, saying, “Raphael, please come to me when you are free. I have need of you. I need help with (whatever I need help with).”
His energy is like green emerald, warm and rich, and that’s the color that is associated with him. When I feel that I know he’s here. I see him too, his eyes are green and sometimes change to darker blue. He doesn’t manifest physically, but I am open enough to see him. He comes without wings, to me.
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“when someone says nobody loves you, but the bible says otherwise”
Oh Lord this unlocked a memory in my Sunday school days 
The Sunday school teacher made us sing this song that went:
yes Jesus loves me,
yes Jesus loves me,
yes Jesus loves me,
The Bible tells me so.
And it would just repeat over and over 
If you’re in the USA you can dial 988. If you’re not in the USA there should be a national suicide prevention hotline. Sometimes we feel sad, and we feel really down. When we are so down that we are having suicidal thoughts, the best thing to do is go to an emergency room. They will keep you for a minimum of 72 hours in the USA and Canada, and give you good anti-depressants. From there if your depression is very serious they will put you on disability and give you access to things like therapists, counseling, and outpatient services. You’ll have these services until you get better mentally. In my experience as someone with depression (and other chronic mental illnesses) the best thing you can do is call a doctor.
Buer is good for men who suffer from mental illness, and I would recommend calling on him. to help you before you go to a doctor.
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Rosier will help with self love. He is fantastic. You won’t want to kill yourself by the time he’s through with you.
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They will keep you for 72hrs if you are VERY VERY lucky. Canada’s health care is at an all time low. Hopefully OP won’t need their services because they are currently non existent.
Almost everything you’ve said is untrue. Not because I think you’re lying, but because I don’t think you understand the current state of affairs. I live in Canada.
Anti depressants are a band-aid solution to a spiritual problem that needs dealing with.
Hello, I also live in Canada! I was a client of the CMHA in Windsor, ON for a few years and had a great experience. I am currently based in Quebec. I don’t know what you’re talking about because in my experience they form you immediately and do not let you go until you’re no longer a danger to yourself.