I’m sorry if I’m boring or bothering people with my constant updates. I’m writing this mostly for me. I do think it’s cool that other people think enough of me and my practice to even be interested in what I’m doing or what’s going on in my world. Flattering actually. This is mostly a record and sounding board so I can monitor my own progress.
I did a divination this morning about my inheritance and it came up ten of swords. Now the traditional meaning of this card isn’t exactly pleasant…but I sensed something more behind the card itself. The meaning that I was picking up is “that which is in your way will be cut down”. I know the traditional meaning but that’s what my intuition said.
I evoked Duchess Bime and poured my frustrations out about the delays and the injustice of it all.
I gave her my heart’s deepest wish, To be rich, to live a carefree life, to ball 
outrageous!!
She said be still and be glad, it will come this week.
I said are you sure, she waved goodbye and nodded.
I called after the Evocation and followed up on the money and was told it would be deposited this week into my account. This week!!!
Thank you Duchess Bime, when this manifests I will reward you handsomely. The spirits know my word is bond and I am a very generous magician to spirits who actually deliver and keep thier word to me.
Despite my experience with these spirits I still have a doubting Thomas complex. Like I know damn well what Duchess Bime said it was crystal clear. It wasn’t until I heard the voice on the phone tell me it’s scheduled for deposit this week that I believed though. My God so many delays and frustrations.
We here on Balg have a VERY gifted Geomancer, I’m not mentioning his name, if you know him, you know him. He told me 6 months ago everything that was going to happen with this. All the delays and aggravation. He was right…
I still doubt myself and sometimes the spirits and it holds me back.
My 3rd teacher never expressed a shred of doubt when he listened to the spirits he associated with. I wonder did he ever wrestle with self doubt and doubt of the spirits like I do.
Even like with president Marbas I was terrified I was mistaken, turns out it was exactly as he told me it was.
I need to let of go of past failures and look at those as learning experiences and accept there may be more failure in the future but Im headed in the right direction and succeeding a great deal with my practice. I may never turn professional and maybe I don’t need to. I’m satisfied living a comfortable life surrounded by spirits that actually help me and lift me up. From that position I can actually help others.
As I paint I’m gaining a great deal of personal gnosis.
One little tidbit I can share is this. King Belial told me to stop shouting and posturing so much and let it flow from my soul. During the charge to spirit x I take my wish and center it in my heart and imagine this wish as a living breathing crystal pulsing with life and desire to be fulfilled. Then as I give the charge I take this desire from my heart and give it to the spirit with my verbal instructions for what I wish to manifest. Visualization is key here too. Visualize the charge in the present tense happening now.
It’s like fireworks energetically.
I’ve had real good luck trying this in the last 2 evocations.
Maybe it’s just mental, like a way of focusing my desire with great clarity and intensity. It’s working though. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again when you find something that actually works for you in magick, Jesus take the ball 
and run the touchdown.
My teacher used to tell me “you have to find the ball before you can make the goal.” I never got what that meant until now maybe.
Once you’ve got it, live it!
were making progress with King Belial.
and the signal strength was at full bars. Spirits CANNOT resist a good Bornless. It’s like a magnet.