> Entry #12: The Hanged Man
Manipulation is not necessarily a bad thing. Sue me for exaggeration, but I believe almost every second of the day one makes use of manipulation whether he be a common folk aiming to secure that job promotion or a magickal practitioner fully dedicating himself to the occult path. In fact, without two minutes of typing these given examples I’m already deeming them unnecessary: why stray for examples when manipulation is both engaged in and can be observed all around us?
Want to get more Likes and Shares in social media platforms? Tweet nothing but jokes and #hashtags about the current pandemic. Find a fitting angle here, fix the lighting there, add filters and click: your selfie with the most Heart reacts yet!
Want to be revered as a legitimate fearsome deity in the flesh? Speak in huge absolutes about, I don’t know, domination of either the world, this forum or anyone who dares oppose you, because god forbid any mere mortal who respectfully believes the opposite. Miserable dumb fucks and haters who never worked themselves to the bone on this path, no doubt.
Want to be perceived as intelligent and well-read when you’re truly a clueless child at heart? Write long paragraphs with poetic words, neat paragraph breaks and random fact spiels even if strangers already told you to stop doing it. Okay, but why am I suddenly feeling called ou—
The Maria Montessori educational method usually consists of The 5 Montessori Principles. While our majoring professor and I never really finished that discussion about other sources saying there are 7-8 principles, I can perfectly recall the Montessori principle of providing a prepared environment remaining in all the varying lists. In the prepared learning environment, there are 5 Learning Areas which are all filled with exercises and activities aiming to hone the child holistically. One of these learning areas is what we call The Sensorial Area, wherein we guide the children in developing their senses through using, playing with and—you guessed it—manipulating sensorial materials present in the Montessori classroom. We let them work on the manipulatives independently too unless they’re forcing a Montessori material to work so incorrectly, they’re already destroying it or destroying their classmate’s adorable hairstyle with it.
And what of a bigger manipulation than softly but firmly stopping the ensuing commotion and effectively but still politely preventing a parent (or two, sighs) storming in the classroom come dismissal time? Educators and teachers, should we plan on staying sane and employed for a long time, must definitely have those persuasion + manipulation skills, along with a clear understanding of a proper why, when and how we should use it. Not sure if that high school teacher of yours who came up with grades so random it would put the Wheel of Fortune to shame but still remains accepted by the school to this day counts in what I’m talking about here but hey, it’s manipulation all the same: only that example lives up to the mainstream’s misconception of the terminology.
In all these examples, it is evident how manipulation is dealt with intent, a desired outcome or goal in mind, never matter if the reason is life-changing or plain-as-day petty. However, since I had a tendency for jumping into the rabbit hole too quickly during my beginner days and disregarding the necessary know-hows and to-dos, surprise no surprise: nothing but futility followed the first time.
The year was 2010. The entirety of it was spent only on spiritual awakening and opening up my non-existent psychic skills. While I was already stumbling upon occult sites and lists of various spirits, it was not until 2012 did I attempt to put everything I’ve been trying to learn so far into action. My cousin, a spunky Aries woman who was always on board with everything I suggested—from Barbie doll decapitations to sneaking out for stargazing sessions—requested to assist me in my first-ever working. My reason at the time is to simply experience magick in real-life and satiate the nagging curiosity. My cousin, however, “wanted to be attractive and popular to both genders”. “And this spirit right here you’re feeling pulled to,” she said, “I’ve researched some on my own and he’s the perfect spirit for the task. We’re doing this, Pat.”
The spirit was surprisingly responsive but we were not able to perform a proper evocation and confirmation of his presence until two weeks of consistently calling him, meditating on his sigil and lighting up white and red candles. We received 3-4 black feathers throughout our workings with him, along with multiple sightings and random adorable strays in the form of leopard-spotted cats. Whether he agreed to help my cousin or not proved another matter entirely, as the spirit definitely came on with a strong and sly presence, with playful smirks and leers as his default expression even when the discussion was dead serious. My cousin got tired of everything after a while, decided not to proceed with the working and dropped the subject altogether. The spirit, however, took a liking to me afterwards and would then on often show up unannounced. In response to this, my newbie head was overwhelmed and couldn’t be any happier at the time.
I mean, my first time summoning a “demon” and he’s already very friendly and communicative with me, at times even flirtatiously so? Sorry not sorry, fellow noobs: badass beginner here coming through! Crank up that 
Chosen One playlist I dreamily handpicked for this special day!
That was how I perceived everything at the time. And he too must have perceived this laughable arrogance and ungrounded mentality unfit for any legitimate magickal working. Quite hard not to, really, when the relationship turned into a terribly toxic clusterfuck due to emotional and sexual energies not being channeled to anything productive. I blindly allowed the spirit’s presence and power to overtake who I was completely, similar to a drug addict craving for her next fix. Think BALG horror stories of spirit relationships gone wrong, only with less common sense in solving the dilemma and more naiveté in insisting that things will get better as long as I continue to do what I usually do. Let the spirit take like he usually does. Idealize and justify everything about the spirit and the situation like I usually do. Manipulate one another because we crave the lows and highs, feed off of the superficiality and momentary like we usually do. Do pray tell, what’s the definition of insanity again?
You know, this journal entry was not originally to be written this way. It’s to revolve around the concept of manipulation, yes, but more along the lines of being at the receiving victimized end of it. There were old drafts of this recollection already, filled with hate and determination to express that hate. I wanted to portray the spirit as a monster who did nothing but take until I went through a series of “dark night of the soul” and endless existential crises. I thought of doing a vindictive Taylor Swift: her infamous years of constantly writing grievances about ex-partners/friends, never letting anyone hear and read the end of it. Words and thoughts used to flow so easily from said ideas yet this time, I kept hitting the Backspace key for days as I tried typing out. It all came so easy during the earlier days, how I planned on narrating these memories, yet lately it did not just feel right.
Because it was easy to focus on misdeeds and highlight failings as long as they are not your own. It was easy to shed a light on something, anything as long as it was not on your own skeletons and shadows. It was all too easy not taking accountability and letting the other’s trickster reputation shoulder the blame. It was all too easy being “honest” as long as that honesty overlooked my faults and emphasized the spirit’s more obvious ones, when in reality I have been toxic and manipulative as well. I was quite the boastful partner too, whose special snowflake syndrome just wouldn’t crumble until the spirit turned my life into shambles and taught me humility once and for all. Unfortunately, it has taken me years later to realize this, and only this year to wholeheartedly accept that I did deserve that ass-kicking he served me with.
I regret not utilizing all that exchanged energy for four years in order to create or achieve something purposeful. I let it go to waste, get to my head and fuel my flights of fancies. It was a shameful feeling too, how I overestimated myself and dived headfirst into summoning a spirit so his well-known presence can cater to my bruised ego, that of a typical bullied youth looking for the ever elusive acceptance and validation. Regardless, I cannot turn back time, only learn from it and learn well so there I shall always have it: my first-ever summoning of a spirit an utter failure, my life uprooted from the ground up afterwards.
When my life fell back into a noticeably better place come 2015, the harsh lesson was anything but a failure though, as it gradually set the steps needed to find this path and accept doing shadow work. In the end, amidst the past mess I still find myself facepalming about at times, Prince Sitri did deliver—just not according to the false perceptions, toxic tendencies and familiar baggage I badly wanted to cling onto.
Maybe it really is a teacher thing, since I can recall college professors of mine drilling into us how one could get his/her point honestly and clearly without cussing someone out (though you’re reaaally tempted to hahaha) and causing a scene. Manners + patience = a must.
i might try the trinkets coz i have many at home i just store them away & never used…thank you so much pat!!
Thank you for bravely & honestly sharing your struggle & success always:clap:
meditated before.,search his sigil & trance…saw a leopard smirking before dissappearing he did give damon vibes lmao:joy:
. I would share with you once its done…like really done…
nice pics btw,do you have a most favorite country out of your travels?& why??
