I did a meditation to visualize my past self. What came into my mind were 3 symbols: The Samurai, The “Geisha” like woman, and The Strigoi. I began to noticed when I tried to focus and concentrate, my mind would be flooded with endless chatter and thoughts which made it difficult to see and hear clearly without intrusive thoughts. In my mind I saw a samurai warrior meditating or samurai armor but I would also notice the geisha woman trying to tell me I was really a geisha but I couldn’t help but disagree because I could not find any evidence to support this. My suspicion was then confirmed when I noticed in my mind the woman would form into an ugly monster and eventually I would see the strigoi implying that my shadow was intruding on my meditation. When I began to calm my mind and ask to see my past self the armor of the samurai is what pops up smoothly. I believe that my shadow was trying to get me to agree I was not a samurai was because I had a habit of always assuming the worst out of life and not hope for the possibilities so I just decided to play the victim follower mentality to survive and get ahead in life(or so I thought). Instead of feeling enlightened and amazed, I felt dread because I could not see how that would be possible but I felt like I could not say no because that would mean I am in denial and being ignorant. So I tested it and see how I felt about it but I felt more close it the samurai than the geisha woman. The Strigoi(my shadow) took this form to not only seek approval and blend in with the environment but to hide its true nature for fear of being hunted and similar to how I was afraid of being myself because I was afraid of being judged and seen as not worthy or nothing special. But no matter how many times the intrusive thoughts tried to put me down and tell me something that felt wrong, the image of the samurai armor brought me more peace because it made more sense to me. I used to be afraid of spiritualism and past life regression because I as I said before always assumed the worst and would tell myself I had to accept whatever was given to me as the truth similar to religion and if I question it or refuse then I am ignorant and foolish. But I don’t believe that now.
his belongs in one of the two journals you created for this, doesn’t it?
Could you keep the in the same thread?
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