[Onion's journal]

Maybe. I don’t know much.

Fragrance does.

4th August, 2021

I’m so hungry rn. I’m waiting for dinner time. Didn’t study today. I tried shaping my nail, didn’t work. It was uneven.


Meditated to this:

I followed the instructions I got from King Paimon the last time on going into a trance. I did, today the pressure in my 3rd eye was a lot more narrowed to it. There was pressure on my head too. At one point it got too much and I had to stop.

I again had a brief vision of Azazel, where he told me about fear, and asked me a question which was very essential to me.

He said: What is fear, a human construct? An emotion? It is human, a survival instinct. But your fear, what is it about?

Let’s just say it was a domino effect after that.

The part about fear being a human construct in my understanding are assumptions, the fear we attach to the unknown, which we attach to certain things because of stories other people tell. We’re constructing something that might not even exist, or behave a certain way, which is not real, and we fear it. Look at fear as an object, a literal construct that’s what helped me understand what he said.

Briefly felt Michael today.

I had a weird dream last night and my sister had a nightmare. I was banishing in my sleep, I have never been this level of lucid. When I woke up I cleansed the room.

Today’s dinner is sattu paratha :yum: I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!


Abstract thought is abstract thought. All concepts are simply that.

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I close King Belial’s sigil and synchronicities pop up :sob:

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Found a book. I’ll read and work through this. It has energy exercises for the aura, and to my surprise, The Middle Pillar ritual.

It’s very old, it’s possibly my grandma’s.

It’s also incomplete:

The lighting is bad, I know. I’m sensitive. I don’t read in complete darkness but it’s dim.


5th August, 2021

Oh man shoutout to that one masc person I don’t know the name who I was massively atrracted to. My friends literally pushed me to talk to them because I lost my shit whenever I saw them. Outside my coaching classes, the way they carried themselves too. Pretty sure they’re lesbian, my gaydar is good. I talked to them ONCE. Awkwardly said “Hey~ I like your style~” and they said thank you and asked about stuff.

Long story short we didn’t talk. Didn’t exchange contact info either. They were so hot…welp. I left coaching after it.

I also did fall in love with my friend. She wasn’t ready for a relationship so we stayed friends. She’s the only almost romantic friend who I am good terms with. Very mature, unfortunately it’s because of trauma.

Anyways I attended class today thinking we’d do Photosynthesis, but he started with Respiration. I tried to focus but I hadn’t studied it so I zoned out :grimacing:

Rakhi is soon so I ordered a gift for my sis today :laughing: Really happy with it, she’ll love it!


Yesterday, I was told to open Lord Belial’s sigil. So I did it today early morning. It felt very pulling? Like it was pulling me in. I’ve started to actually feel my chakras. While gazing at the sigil I felt pressure in my 3rd eye and Crown, and a burning sensation in my Solar Plexus.

I watched E.A’s blindfolded evocation (?) of Belial. It was interesting to watch, I was a bit concerned when he tipped over though.

I meditated with the King Paimon music. Today’s meditation was absolutely amazing I was so happy after it! I astral projected a little.

I don’t want delay on asking Azazel for a confirmation if he’s sending signs. So I will do it after I post this. How do you spell his name? I call it as a-zay-zel. E.A says a-za-zel. What’s the correct way? Or are both fine?

Michael is not here currently. Not at camp either. Present, but not directly in contact.

I met Hades today too.

Today’s dinner is pasta :sob::heart_eyes::purple_heart::purple_heart: I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!

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I understand! I understand! I finally understand where Lord Belial can help me with! YES!

6th August, 2021

Not much mundane stuff today. I changed my nail polish and that’s about it. My favorite show is getting a second season soon! :sob::purple_heart::purple_heart::purple_heart: I’m so excited!


Today I did a lot of reflection. I did a reading for myself with Lord Belial, which made me realise a few things, and I’m starting to see my own patterns. I feel like I’ve scratched the surface and gone in a few layers, but not explored it completely. I have an all-in mentality so I’d really like to go much deeper to the root of it all.

I also watched a few more videos on him and read a few articles.

I also did a lot of reflection on my work with Lucifer. One of my bad habits was comparing my experiences to others, today I only compared to see the differences.

Many people say that his energy is intense, and I agree. It is. I have done a very stupid thing as a beginner (when I was hardly able to activate a sigil or make one on my own) where I accidentally (I promise it was accidental) watched an invocation of him. A full audio which made you go into tgs and invoked Lucifer. I had 0 candles, only a genuine curiosity, eagerness that felt like an unquenchable thirst to know more, and a 5 star (it’s a chocolate+caramel bar). It did follow through- and ended soon after I consumed the 5 star as an offering to him before he left. This was the first instance when I felt his energy.

The second was a few months ago, and I felt like I was quite literally flying.

Other than these moments, my experience has been quite gentle. I did ask him to be gentle, because I was unsure of my mental state at that time. I get confused, because I work with what I can best get my hands on. So when people write “I summoned Lucifer, xyz happened”- it’s solid. It’s an affect you can see. And my work has been a lot more internal. The most physical sign I ever got was my phone not shutting off (Lucifer) , it flashing- like a camera clicking a picture (Azazel) and my tarot guide book moving (King Paimon). I don’t question it. I take whatever I sign I get with extreme happiness, and I jump and dance when synchronicities line up.

Coming back to the point- most of my development has been internal. I am living in my own self, so it’s a lot more difficult for me to notice the changes because I haven’t yet asked for anything physical, or did a spell or petition for something physical that would change something.

I see someone have a bad experience with Lucifer, or say something bad about him- I get a little upset, I overthink because I didn’t have a similar experience, I then think I didn’t have changes- forgetting about the growth I went through.

I have certainly gained a bit more courage, to not be afraid to call BS on something I hear, I understand where it’s worthwhile to spend energy (socially, at least) and patience. To be kinder to myself. I may not see as landmarks what has occurred, but I know that even if I had requested for one thing, he started me on my journey to growth and empowerment. And that’s awesome.

I had to remind myself that he’s taught me what I requested him to teach me, of course. If you’ve been following my journal you’d know I got pretty attached to him. It was hard to not feel him regularly like I used to, but he eased me out of his presence as he eased me in. I was genuinely very happy with how understanding he is because I kept apologizing for every little thing till he told me stop and actually think before apologizing (Lord Belial said this too).

This was me reflecting, so yeah. I wrote it all at noon, so it’s in italics to separate it from the rest.

Continuing now at 6pm:

I meditated in the afternoon for half an hour. I’m learning astral projection. Watched a video on it by the Atlantean Alchemist and tried it out with King Paimon. I also asked him to accompany me if I do end up projecting- I didn’t, but I was almost there!

I also took out my guitar today. I’ve become rusty. I have been playing it for 5 years now, but I stopped regular practice in between and my fingers lost their strength. To practice now, our dog is terrified of the guitar. I felt really drawn to play it today. King Paimon taught me a tune!

If you want to check it out, here’s the link to it:

The sounds are sharp so I wouldn’t really recommend headphones :grimacing: Just have it close to your ear for the subtle sounds. It’s really short but it’s nice. Reminded me of the music in E.A’s video I watched yesterday, but I checked it and it doesn’t sound the same.

I talked to Michael this morning about the dream I had last night. He was there anddd I don’t wanna talk about it simply because it’s a little awkward for both of us, and for privacy’s sake as well.

Today’s dinner is dosa. I hope everyone who reads this has a good!


This is an apology for Azazel, I’m sorry I procrastinated on what you told me to do, it will not happen again :sob:


Good. Try not to fall in to the trap of “muggles bad hur de dur” it’s disrespectful and *incredibly limiting.


If you want some advice hmu :heart::heart:

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Fuck yeah good job!! Can I maybe see the book sometime?


They’re all pretty big Harry Potter fans but I don’t think they know how real magick is :laughing:

I will dm you, I need to get back my flexibility and my back ;_; school fucked me up

I got inspired by Belial to change the plot. If you’re talking about the fanfic then I can share it with you after it’s published but you’ll need to read the book to understand it first.

Thank you! :laughing:


It can really help if you focus on finding happiness in the little things like looking at trees and being present.

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Lust for results :joy: It took me a long time to not think about it even when looking at trees.



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Ooh slide in fam :smirk:

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7th August, 2021

MOTD merged today.

Unproductive day today. I attended a class in physics, the one in biology is going on right now but the teacher’s going too fast and I’m not able to keep up with the rest. So I just, really don’t feel like being there…

I didn’t do much in Magick either. I wanted to meditate but today’s Saturday and there’s this no breakfast on Saturday thing at home and I was really fucking hungry. Lunch was late because of class and I had a headache.

I couldn’t sleep last night, where my apology to Azazel comes in. He told me to open his sigil as well. I first thought of doing it after posting yesterday’s journal, then I forgot. Then I remembered it during dinner and thought if doing it before bed. I forgot. Fast forward, it’s 2am and I can’t sleep at all. I talked to a friend and realised that I had to open the sigil. When I did it, my eyes burned and watered (the kind when you’re sleepy af) and boom, I fell asleep after a few minutes.

I woke up early. Today is the day I wake up a little late. Went to the market with my mum. I wanted to buy a marker so that I can start drawing my oracle cards, so I looked for my wallet.

It was a very uncomfortable time. It was humid, I washed my hair but didn’t shampoo it, my hair was half wet, my mum had already gotten ready and was starting to rush, our dog was barking and it hurt my ears. I got irritated, it felt overwhelming. What usually happens when I reach this point is that I break things. There’s a body-sized mirror in the room I’m in (not the bedroom) and I chipped the corner once. I either tend to break things, throw things or just break down. Surpirisingly I was able to stay sane today, and sort of managed to go without.

Didn’t get the marker.

Had to go to the tailor, he tried hitting on me again. Perv.

No readings, nothing. I have plans for tomorrow. A spell, and I start scripting.

Today’s dinner is roti and some curry. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!


How to tell my sister I don’t wanna talk rn, I literally told her we’ll talk later

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Just don’t respond lol.

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