forgot to add, offered Michael some flowers
25th May, 2022
Gate 1: Satan
Exam went really well. Was able to properly talk to a good friend of mine, made me happy.
Today’s entry, is this song by Stromae:
I discovered this song when I was doing some self exploration regarding my gender and sexuality, but it is now irrelevant. Today’s entry fits the lyrics for me (in a non romantic sense). It has english subtitles, regardless of the entry do give it a listen. Stromae is a wonderful artist.
I also felt like picking up belly dancing again, but I don’t know where I would pracitce. I’m shy lol.
That’s all for this entry everyone. I hope you have a good day!
got 1 year on balg!
Congrats @Onion Hope you have another wonderful year that is full of achievements and positive experiences.
Thank you! @Fallen_Human
28th May, 2022
Posting for posting sake becayse,hey, it’s my BALGversary.
I’ll be traveling so I may not be active on the journal (as if I am active all day lol) .
Made a painting for Selene today.
Was chatting with lucifer. Had something to say herr but I forgot.
I’ve been learning about glamour magick.
Still working with Satan.
Good night everyone! I hope you have a good day!
8th June, 2022
Lucifer: You worry, and you let your worry consume you till there’s nothing left but panic.
It’s been ten days since I updated this journal. Everytime I decide to update this thread I open my laptop but then my mind goes blank. So, after catching up with my friend’s journals (and the burden of a presentation off my shoulder) I feel inspired to at least try.
I’m still working with Satan, but Lucifer is my main guide right now, and will be for some time. I was talking to him regarding some matters, while talking to a friend of mine at the same time a few nights ago. This brother of mine is a good cook, and we were talking a bit about magick, a bit about food. I had suddenly remembered that Lucifer likes Kit Kat (a chocolate) and I shared this with him.
Then I saw him (Lucifer) sitting on a chair and sipping wine (red) in a fancy looking glass and taking a bite of a Kit Kat. The curious thing here, was that I could taste it. I’ve only had red wine once, 2 years ago, and it’s been months since I’ve had a Kit Kat. But I could still feel the bitter-sweet combo. Later, said chef friend told me it’s a pretty popular combination.
I was talking with my friends yesterday, and we were discussing about demonic markings, or markings in general.
A marking, for those who don’t know, is the essence of a spirit on you. It’s a mark, that you are associated with the specific spirit and it tends to make other spirits cautious of how they treat you. We had an exciting and interesting conversation about demonic markings and astral blood, and we exchanged our experiences regarding it.
I was extremely tired since two days, I feel a little better today.
Yesterday, I offered a mango to Belial.
I was extremely hungry last evening, so I went out to eat some dumplings.
I went to a fair a few days ago and bought an amazing perfume, which I will be enchanting with some goddesses soon.
Let’s see…what else. I’ve been thinking of spirit keeping. I got a reading from a friend regarding it, and got that working with some wintery nature spirits would suit me best. So I have been educating myself about it.
I can’t think of anything else at the moment, till then, this is all. I hope everyone has a good day!
9th June, 2022
Still with Satan
Just a short update for today. Had class in thr afternoon, got a little stressed, spent the day reading fanfictions.
I’ve reverted back to the way I was at home, holed up the room, rarely going out and having no will to go out either. I got a pass for my college fest and now I think it might go to waste.
Yesterday, I had offered King Bael coffee. Today, while talking to my friends about mangoes and him wanting mangoes, I felt like giving him some mangoes. But I gave the last one to Belial, and I still wanted to give King Bael mangoes. So I went and bought mango juice, one for him, one for me.
That’s a lot of “mango” in that paragraph, but it is what it is. I gave the colder juice to him and chatted with him. Had a heart to heart convo with him yesterday over coffee.
I tried painting today. I almost lost my desire to pick up the brush again, almost. I made a small beach thing. It’s a painting I’ve been trying to make since I saw it on YouTube, and I want to make it properly some day.
Ah well. This is all for today’s entry. Good night everyone.
11th June, 2022
Onion gets a hellhound
I was thinking of spirit keeping for a while, and I was talking to my friends and Lucifer about it, and he gave me a hell hound. And left. It’s the same hell hound I saw when she was a puppy.
I’m pretty sure I mentioned it somewhere here but I can’t find it!
Anyways , I have a name and she sticks close to me. She very much reminds me of my doggo back at home She has blood red eyes, and sharp af teeth and a floofy tail, she’s so cute!
Now, that’s all I will share about her.
It was raining yesterday and for a few stuff I was standing in the rain under an umbrella. I would skip the umbrella if it was day time, but this was at 9:30pm. I felt very small in the rain. I like the sounds of the raindrops as they hit the street and the trees and all, it’s very peaceful. Everything goes quiet when it rains and also gets noisier at the same time. I love it.
Yesterday, and right now, I’m thinking ‘what the fuck did I get myself into’. I have long weeks of intense work laid out for me. I have given each day I will be spending time with a spirit/deity and all 7 have been taken up, by different ones. The ones who are not currently present will be taken up by the current main guide.
My time is split between the goddesses Persephone, Heckate, and the Morrigan. Hel too, but she’ll be here at a later time. The rest of the time, is for my pacted, the gatekeeper I am/will be currently working with, Belial and Clauneck for a personal project.
*nervous chuckle *
I recharged a glamour with Aeshma last night and enchanted a perfume the day before. My exams are starting too…next week I have my practicals and from 20th I have theory papers. Then I will have a vacation (finally).
Anyways, that’s all for this entry everyone.
Thank you King Bael for the rain, the weather has become extremely pleasant. For both working, relaxing and brewing magick
Thank you King Paimon, for your constant guidance and tough love
Thank you King Belial, for the countless pep talks and much needed reality checks when required
I hope everyone has a good day
14th June, 2022
“The truth will set you free, but first it’ll piss you off”
Now I had things prepared to write, but, as usual, I forgot. I have my practical exams tomorrow and the day after. I am not as anxious as I was last semester. Thank you Satan.
While going out of college I saw the exact professor I wanted to avoid, I thought she would stop us and talk to us. Luckily she went inside the office. I don’t think you can recognize what someone looks like with their cameras off, but the anxiety was still there
I had cold coffee at college and made coffee for King Bael. We chatted for a while, and he pointed out what I was doing wrong regarding my hound. So I corrected it, temporarily till my head is cleared. Lucifer didn’t really give me any instructions, he just went “here” and poof!
The day I got her I felt her ears tingle when I was taking a nap, as she had decided to take a nap with me. She reminded me of my doggo back at home and Belial told me that I shouldn’t baby her too much. I can, but she’s a hell hound, not a domestic dog who I can cuddle without a care.
I spent a few minutes with the Morrigan last night, and a few with goddess Heckate. It’s not as much as I wanted to, but it’s the most I am able to do right now.
I was painting forests in my dreams last night, and a pretty potrait.
This is all for now. I hope everyone has a good day!
“I will love you regardless. And you will find a feather by the doorstep as my promise”
I was afraid of losing what we had if I went down this path. I started thinking again. Although I do it less now, at least it’s what I tell myself.
But you still pushed me, because you had faith in me and I needed to have faith in me too. I needed to trust myself, and trust what we have.
Something from so many lives, it cannot be merely broken.
I will strengthen my will.
I will strengthen myself.
And I will grow.
You believe in me, and I am starting to believe in myself too.
I love you
18th June, 2022
My practical exams are done. My theory papers are next week.
I’ve been having dreams of a person falling sick, so I did some healing for her yesterday and checked in. She’s in a rough spot, but I unfortunately can’t do much except continue my healing.
I made a painting yesterday, I plan to paint today as well.
In last night’s dream I was in heaven. It looked like this:
The land was divided region wise (north, south, east, west, etc). The picture above, idk which region it is from. I only know it is part of Raphael’s region. There were also many waterfalls, and the waters had healing properties.
I was their with a friend and 2 other people I don’t remember. I took 4 buckets of water from the waterfalls and required their help taking them to my lover.
Now in each region, was one, or a few archangels. And they had their own mansions.
After getting the buckets, I was crossing from one region to the next, and then going through a rocky path and up a staircase to enter the mansion to get the buckets to him. The others could only get through till the doors of the corridor, so I had to carry the rest of the buckets myself to the rooms.
It was a fun dream.
Then it shifted to a character from MDZS and SHL (if you know danmei, those are Mo Dao Zu Shi and Shan He Ling) - the characters were traveling together and giving an offering of chocolate and a candle to every deity they passed. So far, the buddha and one other spirit rejected them. This was weird dream.
Then I posted a ritual here (in dream) and someone was being a bitch so I roasted them (in dream).
The weather is nice today, monsoon is coming. I don’t have anything more to say, I simply wished to record my dream here.
So, that’s all for this entry everyone. I hope you have a good day!
19th June, 2022
Still at Satan’s Gate
I did a guided meditation of Satan yesterday, by Satan and Sons. I invoked him but soon decided to stop because I felt like I would pass out Anyways, Fridays are set aside for the current Gatekeeper, and although it was Saturday yesterday I kept living like it was Friday. It hit me it was Saturday when I was talking to my mum and my reminder for my pact rang.
The song that has been linked in this entry has a good melody, and do remember to turn on the captions. The song has been translated, it’s a really good song. It’s been stuck in my head since morning.
I haven’t been able to study
After reading a book sent by a friend, I realised that Satan has been working on my emotional regulation. I still do feel emotions at extreme levels, but they’re not as frequent. I’m a lot more detached now. And as someone who’s preparation for exams was fueled by stress, me becoming desensitized to said stress as a byproduct of my working has landed me in a different kind of trouble.
Ah I’ll just keep an amethyst on me and hope for the best
Monsoon is here and I love the rain.
Satan has told me that I will be tested next week. The conversation went as follows:
S: Next week, you will be tested.
M: What’s the syllabus?
S: You’ll know
M: What if I fail?
S: Why is there a question of failing? Do you not trust yourself
M: …repurcussions are a good motivator
S: When you pass you will be rewarded, if you fail you’ll be in the pits till you pass.
And I sure as hell don’t want to be in the pits, thank you very much.
I’m getting something I really wanted, and I have my lover and my good friend to thank for that.
I got to be honest, I had a client yesterday and I charged higher than I usually do as my brother suggested me to do. I earned enough yesterday for me to be comfortable with my expenditure till I go home on 28th. I’m extremely thankful for that, but I was also pretty nervous.
I am a bit more confident in my divination skills than before, but I still have the doubt sometimes, if I’m enough. If I’m doing enough for the money’s worth. For every reading I do, I wring the cards dry till I’m sure I got everything that’s supposed to come. But when I’m charging for it, I have a bit of that fear. If I’m doing enough, if I’m good enough. But ig it’ll only get better once I have more experience doing it professionally. I have to trust myself.
Saw a trailer on Netflix, it was of a movie that’s going to be based on Marilyn Monroe. I look forward to it, it was hauntingly beautiful.
That’s all for this entry everyone, good night! I hope you have a good day!
Please don’t tell me you asked the syllabus to Satan I will never unsee him being a uni professor now.
Chief, I hate to tell you this but I did. He literally appears to me like a businessman with horns and I’m worried about my stats exam which I’m clueless about I couldn’t help it
20th June, 2022
Studying for tomorrow. Was craving cheese so had some cheesy dumplings in the evening. Beelzebub kept sending me bugs for a friend.
That’s all for this entry, short and sweet. I hope you all have a good day!
21st June, 2022
Beelzebub: You’re not scared of sacrifices?
M: I’m scared of the pain that comes with it. I accept the inevitable, but I do not like the pain that comes with letting go.
I feel I’ve come at a point where I allow myself to understand and listen openly to and about other people. Detaching, by accepting that they’re not healthy for me, and then letting go. Walk out of my life, or I leave you behind, I’m indifferent. I don’t care what you’re doing in and with your life. What I want others to know, it’ll still be out there. If you want to see it, see it. Choice is yours, I’m indifferent. I may feel, but I will not act on them.
The relationship between Harley Quinn and The Joker is one of the good examples of a toxic relationship. I don’t know why I’m bringing it up here, or today. Maybe it’s because it’s a little relevant to my test tomorrow. But I’d like to take a deep dive into their relationship dynamics one day. Fiction is not reality, of course, but when you observe it there’s so much that you can learn from it.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, safety is one of the biggest things we as humans require to survive. Safety in body, in mind, in love. We, or I, I’ll take my own example, I often like to ask a friend for a reading about something regarding my future, because I feel safe that way. Knowing what I can expect in the future makes me feel safe. It assures me.
The relationship is toxic, Harley knows it maybe. But she still stays, because it’s safe for her.
I do divinations before a spell, because then I feel secure about it’s success. There’s a probability and the cards speak. I make my call.
I’m just off on a ramble here. A friend shared a really cool video today and it made a huge impact on me.
My statistics test is over and I’m feeling at peace
I’m noticing a change in my energy body, and it’s sometimes painful as my physical body adjusts to it. I’m getting a little sick these days, but I can’t figure out what exactly making me sick. I think it’s a lentil but I still doubt
Anyways, I’ll just have to make it through this week. Then I’ll be home. I look forward to it this time, I believe my mum and my relationship is healing, and my parents have realized and wish to make up for the years of neglect and being absent.
I forgave them, and I will give them a chance but I think I’m a little more aware of where to draw the boundary now. If not, well I’m going to back to know.
I’ll be preparing for tomorrow’s test now. That’s all for this entry everyone. I hope you have a good day!
Hey fuck yeah!! That’s so incredible!!