It’s good to take a break from things. Hope you feel better soon.
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Thank you 
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17th February, 2022
12:37
Hello everyone. I’m finally back to the comforts of my hostel. Some may think,“how is a hostel more comfortable than home?”. Well, for some people it is…the other way around. I’m lying down on my bed, everything unpacked (except the stuff on my table which I need to organise) and I had a snack because I was hungry af and it wasn’t lunch time yet. I hadn’t had anything from home because I literally left at 5:30 in the morning. I had some snacks in the train but I was still hungry.
I’ll have lunch, sleep, and start preparing for the two vivas I have tomorrow.
On 14th, and the weekend of the 14th, I think, keyword: think that I was being tested again. This time, by again, I think Lucifer. On how I view myself and my mental health.
The last week the fact that I have ADHD had been bothering me. I don’t know if “bothering” is the right word, but I was feeling a little frustrated about it. I had worked a lot to go from thinking I am broken or abnormal to changing my definition of what normal is, and who I am. Referring to non-neurodivergent people as neurotypical and not “normal” people. I was feeling really really really shitty. Being at home did not help because I had to mask everything.
I had to mask my habits, I had to force myself to participate in competitions while my mum kept criticizing me about it.
For the new folks reading my journal, because I have noticed new people: first off, thank you for taking your time of the day to read this journal. I’m happy that you read it, I really am. Second, it happened months ago, so it might be extremely far up but to recap:
I told my mother and sister that I thought I had ADHD back in Summer of last year, which was also when I told them I don’t want to do medicine anymore. What happened was that I was gaslighted, ridiculed and scolded and called a quitter and an escapist. Then I was taken to a counselor because I wanted to not do medicine. She turned out to be an old family friend and she didn’t believe anything I said and also agreed with my mother that I thought I had ADHD because I have the 
phone:sparkles: and gave me some “exercises” which I was again, forced to do.
That event, shattered my heart and my trust in my “family”. My dad had no role here. Literally, he did nothing.
I’ll call her out some day, I don’t know if she even has any academic qualifications for practice.
Back to the present, I was extremely close to stepping into survival mode. On the 14th I looked at my Assignment marks and they were extremely low because I hadn’t studied because of bell low mental health. All of this stress had snowballed into one big mess and I had to take a break before it got worse.
Lord Belial supported me through that time, and also Michael, Lucifer and King Paimon.
I believe I passed this test, because I did not think of myself as broken, or anything bad. I also feel a change in my energy.
I did not meditate that day, or the days leading upto now. I did not do the MFWB scheduled on 14th on the day, but on 15th. I did the spells for 15th and 16th MFWB yesterday.
Yesterday I also gave a test and packed my suitcase for the trip today, which brings me to where I am-at my hostel. I also threaded the King Paimon necklace (?) I had made for myself. I will get a medallion one day when I have more money lol. Goetic Inpressions have amazing stuff but the currency exchange makes it expensive af:sparkles:
On Tuesday the 15th, I had an interview.
Anyways, that is all for the catch up and this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!
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18th February, 2022
19:00
I slept early last night. I meditated to Lucifer today morning.
The tests which we were supposed to have got postponed. I also ate a lot today 
I’ve been told that I have a “window” of 1 week, to consciously eat and fix to compensate for the poor nutrition I had in my teen years. Because I’m going to meet my friend tomorrow where I will eat delicious, not so healthy food, we can push it another day.
I also dyed a few streaks of my hair blue today!
I got assignments to do, which I’m probably gonna push… again. I will sleep today early, I think.
That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!
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19th February, 2022
20:12
I didn’t meditate today. I went to meet my friend today and I had tons of fun! I loved it so much! And I almost got lost lol.
She also had one of my parcels which I was very happy to finally receive.
My period also started today. I wilI be consecrating the ring to Lucifer. It took some time to adjust the ring to my size. It is very lightweight.
I was talking to Lilith a few days ago, and I am shifting my perspective about my periods. I am learning to accept them as a gift and a sign of my femininity. As something sacred. My emotional health is also doing good, which makes my period less pain. I’m a little tired of course, that’s natural. I’m resting and taking it easy, keeping myself hydrated.
I ordered a fidget toy for myself, it will be arriving monday.
I was gifted a heart chakra annointing oil and a candle from someone
I will be doing my assignment after dinner and submit it by tomorrow afternoon 
My dreams have been wild, I’m just thinking if they’ll get wilder as i consecrate the ring throughout my cycle 
They have been pretty interesting ever since I started wearing the king Paimon necklace. It’ll be fun to do dreamwork with the king again ^^
I woke up shaking last night because I dreamt that someone was drawing on my books with permanent ink 
Starting to think it’s about my fear of others intruding and messing with my life.
I’m loving my blue hair 
That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!
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Yalls candle game is strong I am getting jealous 
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This ring is AWESOME! Where did you get it from?
I want a handmade silver or gold pendant made of King Paimon’s Sigil, I think I’ll do it. Been pondering on it for a while.
Now seeing your necklace, I’m really driven to do it.
For years I’ve also wanted a LHP Rosary made of Rudrakshas. Maybe that’s something I can do as well. Heck I’ll make it myself.
Thanks for this post. It inspired the creative person in me that I had put to sleep over the years.
Thanks for the inspiration. May the Spirits give you all you want.
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candles are fun!
@Mike_Bee Thank you! ^^💜
@Kindraathe an instagram small business, the @ is sticksandstones . She works with Lucifer too. I had my eyes on it ever since she posted it on her story, it was months before she posted it for the shop. It costs 300 (200+100 shipping). In Indian rupee, idk if you’re in India or abroad. If you are abroad idk if she ships internationally but I think she can?
There’s another business called heweaves on instagram who also sells awesome stuff. I got this necklace and ring from there, along with an obsidian bracelet. He ships internationally too.
There are some rosaries on Etsy, but you know, currency exchange:sparkles: .
Do let me know if you make the sigils one day, I want one of Belial! I’ll do my part for it as well.
Creativity is awesome, making things by hand has always been something I loved. I like it too because that way everything gets imbued with our energy and intention from the get go, making it even more potent and gives the extra oomph.
Follow and enjoy your creativity, I’m glad the necklace was able to inspire you. Looking forward to what you create!
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Oooo wait you can find rudrakshas in a puja shop ig, buy some thick cord like rope. If not a puja shop then you’ll probably find it in a shop which sells tailoring or craft supplies imo to string them together!
If you’re gonna use a cotton thread like me, braid it. A single thread will be weak, easy to break, and sharp tbh. Take 3 strands and braid them together. It’ll make it thick.
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Here now. I’ve followed both of them.
So there is a store here that sells tons of malas. I’m planning to get Rudrakshas and supplies from them. Maybe get the appropriate sigil made by someone in metal and put it all together.
Also speaking of making things myself, Belial and King Paimon both want their figurines on my altar. So I’m going to make clay figurines for them. KP took care of finding me the physical resources in two days as he promised. I’m learning the technicalities from YouTube and going to start making soon.
Just need to find time from work 
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While homemade things are always better if you dont mind buying someone else creations i highly recommend an etsy shop.
I bought a steel sigil of King Paimon from them and it’s great quality and the perfect size. (I hate really huge pendents.)
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Thank you for sharing. Their work looks really good. But the international shipping would be killer.
I have a friend coming from Columbus to here, maybe I’ll have them get me some stuff.
Thanks for the recommendation.
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Omg! That’s awesome! I’ve been wanting to paper mache a sculpture for Lucifer but, our common struggle is with time
Clay seems to be fun to work with! My college has pottery and clay working as extracurriculars for the next semester and I want to get into that 
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That’s gorgeous
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That was one weird dream.
My mum recently joined an NGO which I didn’t want her to. There was another lady who told her about it. They both were in the dream and having a fight or something while I was getting angry.
then I found myself in my old school, an old friend was asking a favor and I walked off.
then I met another good friend of mine and we talked and were doing a photoshoot of cushions and jewellery?
very weird but vivid dreams
because my bed is by the window I’m usually up by 8am, if not 7:30am. I wanted to sleep in today…
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