Oflameo's Doom Bunker

I figured out some meditation technique. I wan’t sold on meditating for a hundred years so I could use it to kill my own ego, so I tried out an alternate technique based on Sam Vaknin videos and Cthulhu Mythos.

What I did was evoke Azathoth and or Giygas Nyarlathotep, and treat everything I could sense like it was in my mind like Vaknin said a narcissist would. (All attempts to evoke Azathoth probably get fulfilled by Nyarlathotep)

It worked for me. I didn’t like the information I got from it though. I got the message that my node was cut off from greatness because of a mistake I made 10 years ago where I dipped my toe into institutional power instead of trusting my gut and looking for a more efficient path, and that I am not going to catch up to people who got a tailwind from the institutions.

What I can do instead is strive for mediocrity. I will be able to produce art and tech without seizing up again, and I won’t have any restrictions on how prolific I can be or how vindictive the content is. Since then I got the new LCD assembly on my Thinkpad x201 which was on my todo list since February even though it took me a couple days to finish, and I am journaling a little bit. I am starting to suspect that I am chaotically aligned.

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Hail the Goddess. Good luck with your art.

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I tried out an odd divination method. The Who is your Anime Waifu? quiz. I got Blanc as a result. I didn’t know anything about Blanc. Turns out she(s) is a lead the Hyperdimension Neptunia series. I cross referenced articles about Blanc and found this comment under a wiki entry.

I just noticed that Blanc and Noire are like fire and ice. Noire is fire because she is a Tsundere and gets angry with the people she cares about. And Blanc. Is ice because she is a Kuudere and acts cold blunt and cynical.

I looked up Kuudere and the definition applies to me too. I found out interesting information by going down a rabbit hole spawned by a fun, odd, divination method.

I just noticed something about my test results. My results for Blanc and Vert are both tied at 6. I don’t know if it means anything.

I done some research. They both are Kuudere. I feel I have greater affinity to Vert though.

How I talk to Eris

Eris usually appears to me as an original character that calls themselves Britney Albright. She usually appears to me like Reika Kitami dressed as a Wesnoth White mage. If she was a Dungeons & Dragons character, she would a Female variant human, Her main class would be Glamorous Bard. She is a bassist. We talk via telepathy.

I only identify them as Eris via a scan.

She is a Kuudere that is very charismatic, but manipulative and self destructive. Her objective is to prevent a crisis but she acts like an anti-villain to do it. She wants me to collaborate with her as an Illuminous Bureaucrat. What I would do is apply the order gray face isn’t applying. She won’t allow me go any further unless I come clean about myself because she says I am not honest enough.

I have a highly narcissistic style and use false selves to suppress it like Freeza’s power limiting forms. I am obsessed with Eris because I find the narcissistic traits very attractive. I try to hide both my narcissistic style and my attraction because society may disprove of it. To put it in a way not covered negging from psychiatric institutions, I am a Kuudere that likes Kuuderes. No amount of therapy is going to change that, so society is going to have to adapt to me now.

This is Eris from the cover of Discordian Disco by Filmaker. It is only by happenstance that Britney looks like her.

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Doing the Goddess good/evil work! I love the idea of the Illuminous Bureaucrat, she wants me to do similar I think with my ETCC (Erisian Transdimensional Contact Committee). It takes someone who truly knows disorder to understand my order is important.

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Psychiatrists won’t fix you because it is bad for business

I listened to The Authoritarian Unveiled (with Dr. Eric Maisel)
Back to back to back Sam Vaknin’s latest video Are Autistic People Narcissists? (READ DESCRIPTION) ( Webinar on Psychosomatic Medicine, Oct 2020)

This is just some bullshit! I spend months mining myself and purging my false self to find my real personality and a couple of psychiatrists come around and one day in one a one two combo dismiss it all as a pile of defense mechanisms with nothing behind it. Is it appropriate for me or is it more accurate for me to describe myself as a structure that magnifies part of the culture around me, like a crystal or a magnifying glass?

Even if I assume all of the premises in their framework neither them, or their compatriots will give me permission to wipe myself out. Why? Because it is bad for business.

Let’s look at some of Eric R. Maisel Ph.D. articles on Psychology Today. Lots of articles on creativity and purpose, and how bad authoritarians are, but no articles on what to do if you just happen to be authoritarian yourself when he believes per his interview with Seth Andrews that 1/4 of the population is authoritarian. Yeah, there are lots of psychiatry bashing articles too, but that is just a long running trend.

I legitimately believe that The entire world is crazy and corrupt and people just don’t want to admit it, but these guys won’t address it because it is bad for business. Psychiatrists get more money and more attention if they keep everyone in a state of being broken. The whole thing is less about fixing anyone than it is a competition to collect people into your ranks, that is why cults and religions have their own psychiatrists, comedians, motivational speakers, priests, bards etc. and compete for members.

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