Fetlife is really hit or miss. I’ve met some interesting girls on there but after 50 Shades of Grey came out every 18 yearold kid with a pair of fuzzy cuffs they bought at Spencers is now a “Dom” looking to get tail.
It’s easy to put onesself out there if you’re actually into the lifestyle but the girls all got swamped with a million messages from said “Doms” and it put the platform into stage 5.
Usually they’ll go through the same life cycle. (For dudes at least. Women are largely on the buyers side of the dating pool)
Stage 1: Nobody knows about the place and it looks dead until it begins to take off. Usually the developers and early members are the only ones around. This can last years until good marketing pushes it and then you get
Stage 2: Club Orgy. This is where completely average dudes with no edge can get on and pull like crazy as if they’re the embodiment of Cassinova. Tinder was like this a few years ago. You get on, swipe and in a few minutes you could have a cutie on her way to your house. This goes for a while until it becomes known to those outside of it and you get
Stage 3: Just like everything else still workable. Myspace used to be outstanding for meeting girls. Tinder was amazing for a while. Match.com was phenomenal. They all sort of equalize after a while the more popular it becomes and the more dudes flood to it. You need to have a rather dialed in profile with a good picture and there’s an element of luck involved now. This carries on until the developers notice the buzz declining and try to boost it artificially and you get
Stage 4: Problems. POF went here around 2012 -2014. Recently they even added an “age limit” that stops you from viewing certain profiles if you’re beyond a certain range. Given that I’ve had an 18 yearold FREAK out on me for being 21 (that was cute) and 6 years later still dating 18 yearolds and a woman who just turned 50, age is just a number. Awake people get this. Through adding filters and other ways to cater more to the girls that leave the site more and more people jump ship until you get to
Stage 5: Endgame. Where pareto’s law is gradually pushed towards it’s extreme and only the top level guys on the sexual marketplace get any action. I have been on both ends of the spectrum for periods of time and I can assure you, this is true. Often girls with boyfriends will get on and make profiles with no intention of actually meeting anyone since it’s a great, safe way to get hit on without having something dangerous happen at a night club (men need sex as women need attention). This is where FetLife, POF, Tinder, Bumble, and any other site that’s a household name is currently and has been since 2015 or so.
There are tons of small ones around (I had a recent heyday with Kik messenger last year which is around stage 3-4 at the moment.) I’d search for the up and coming ones and see what you can do.