Absolutely welcome sir!
Well. A colossal clusterfuck. I guess all we can say is āgood luck kiddos!ā. So close to not giving a damn, except I still doā¦and there are a scant few, despite their own agendas, do seem to give a damn about me, despite my agenda. But in the end we really have to question how it will be different. Some gods will live on, others will be murdered and stampted out of mind.
Same as it ever was ā¦ The near east gods, the titans, and so on. And Belialās apocalypse is about to begin. I donāt get it. One of the serious, one of the dedicated ones that wants to be a god. I donāt fuck around, I get nowhere ā¦ While others ā¦ Well, thatās just afterlife.
What is the selfdamn point is still question number one. Maybe I should have been greedy and bloodthirsty, and not caring and needy, and I wouldāve already ascended.
Of course, maybe not.
A rant about and directed at myself only.
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Luckily, I have one teacher who hasnāt given up on me, and has both slapped me a wakeup call on one hand, and warmly encouraged me with the other.
I now realize I canāt have a hand holder forever, and each path is our own.
Despite my mistrust with some, they may have taught me something ā¦ And for that Iām grateful. And even if JCI was correct, if its all bull, if its true, if the demons are actually our help and redeemer, we will all know on that certain ā¦ And despite what anyone here or elsewhere thinks of me in all honesty, I know and trust in myself.
After all, without a sure teacher or lodge, we can only find honor and bravery in taking on the work ourselves, with or without help from spirits.
It will all come out at some point, 100%.
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Thirty some ancestral gods and goddesses ā¦ One evoked each day. My power animal. My astral temple. Energy work. Meditation. Banishing. These appear to be my months work on top of the mundane. Need to give up desires including sex or relationships, as nobody can do my work but myself, and that goes ditto for others. If Iāve been unwanted thus far in that regard, then there is no use holding onto that hope or desire.
None of them know my heart or mind, let alone this aging shell. It is what it is.
Accepting these feel liberating and not limiting.
First that song leaps to mind, then a circular has a āHave you seen me?ā Ad, and headline news filled with pedos. Wtf?
Muggle works ā¦ Got healthcare and state Id forms filled out, need other housemates to fill out the final form, hopefully they get out in the mail tomorrow.
Hopefully in the next couple weeks will go back to home state and get the rest of my shit.
Downloaded a shitload of web programming books. Will try to nail down PHP at the least.
Will get a shit job in meantime to have money coming in. Once I have money will try to hop on an invention and patent it.
Once I have the money, I get my own place. Perhaps rent an office building for purposes of forming a Black Lodge for a region.
Thatās all my muggle thoughts for now. Except get a better phone and carrier so the annoying hacker of my current phone can kiss my ass.
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Esoteric works ā¦ Will create a ritual tonight to open quarters in Celtic names and evoke the Celtic Father God and Mother Goddess. Commune with them and learn from them. Be initiated by them.
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Also ā¦ Meditate on power animal again, last round fell down the rabbit hole but was not approached by any.
Next ā¦ Draw my lair as art worthy as I can, and eventually paint and put it on my ceiling or wall to meditate visually on as my astral temple.
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Meditated for eight minutes or so before I was interrupted by an annoyed kitty (even though the annoyance was valid) on a spirit meditation. was quite interesting, and looking forward to continuing it to be enlightened.
Speaking of enlightened, it seems there is a general pantheon of gods and goddesses who all wear different masks, as if they were actors in the global theatre, where even the character names come close to one another.
So unless you create your own gods and give it power strictly though you itself, it appears they will want to intervene and add another mask to their special effects closet.
Which then begs the question on unity vs seperateness, which is the correct model to follow? Does it go back to JCI, or older than that even?
And to continue on the topic of enlightenment, I evoke Lugh today.
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An odd dream after calling on a few Celtsā¦
Iām outside in some backwoods rural area like where I am, a bit shantytown with houses and townhomes mixed in ā¦ Outside waiting for someone, with a vial quarter ounce of my cumā¦
I walk inside after hearing a scream, and this African dark skinned lady is on a couch, and a mixed guy is on the stairs lacing up his shoes, he stares at me, and one second later both are gone.
The fuck?
Lots o strange stuff recently.
So ā¦ Back to the daily journal.
The timer is set.
As of today, a new year starts.
Six hours sleep.
Six hours self directed tech work
Six hours magic work with intention of improvement, substantial and verifiable, at least two hours each for daily evocation, soul travel, seer ability. With or without help of spirits.
Celtic deity attunement and offerings daily.
Meditation, breath work, yoga, energy work.
Daily modest diet and exercise.
Any extra time goes to magic.
If a year goes by and no substantial, verifiable improvement, then its time for reevaluation of everything.
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3-30-2018
Dreams - None recalled.
Physical notes - Some lung congestion/breathing problems (Cut down on smoking!!!). Some upper body general weakness. Too overweight, need more than a half hour walk to the store and back as daily exercise, the moobs need to be replaced with a muscular chest, the gut needs to be replaced with a fat free tight stomach, the non defined arms and legs need no fat and packed on muscle. At least one hour daily anaerobic exercise needed. Will decide on four exercises and flip a pack of playing cards as the exercise moderator. Daily as an a and pranayama needed.
Mental notes - Sic months of the āone year to adeptā is no longer further along than the initial month. Need weed. Need a job, in the meantime devoting six hours daily to tech/web work and self study for projects in mind. Have website presentation for a client due in a week, Eric and I are making headway on it. Six hours to eight hours daily to devote to Magic,
Two hours minimum omnipotence self training/work
Two hours minimum soul travel work
Two hours minimum evocation work.
Use all available materials in possession as study aids outside of these six hours.
One hour minimum meditation.
One hour study (OAA, Modern Magick and other resources).
One hour ritual mechanics work.
Six hours daily sleep.
Work on a better diet, fruit, meat, grains, green vegetables. Cut down or out all else.
Better hygiene.
Meditations - Work on one hour Core Shamanism daily to start.
Rituals - Work today on perfecting banishings, such as the cube, pentagram, hexagram, heptagram, octagram, etc. Start with either Cube or Octagram.
Work on astral temple.
More to record as necessary.
PM @Lady_Eva with Core Shamanism and Astral Temple results.
Basis on year daily work is based on my postā¦
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You could replace one of the 6 hours of magick with yoga. Itās good for toning.
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3-30-2018
First orders of business as most of the day is now gone ā¦
- Work on developing the comments page code for the high priority project - 1/hr.
- Do an hour of the core shamanism.
- Do an hour of tarot skrying.
- Do one hour evocation of Bel and Danu. Change up deities every two days.
- Do one hour yoga/breath meditation.
Dinner break - one hour.
Repeat and get the six hours sleep.
3-31-2018, double the hours. Keep doing this daily until Iām doing six hours of the big three, and hold steady at 6 hrs magic work daily for a month. That should be by 4/3.
Record in journal here daily.
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Five things Iāve learned todayā¦
- Donāt get uppity, likely (generally 100%) there is someone better than you in one or more ways.
- Donāt write checks your ass canāt cash.
- Donāt start a magick war, make sure you know youāre in the right if you do. (See 1,2)
- Donāt be too strict or hard on yourself unless absolutely necessary.
- You can in fact meditate to a point of silent mind within three minutes.
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