I am pro Ego now.
I really feel like ranting about what’s been on my mind lately, revelations as I continue to evolve in understanding through LHP ideals. I’ve been thinking about dominant and submissive psychology aspects in relationships. Not sexual, though that is interesting. How we are hardwired through our experiences and inner workings (stars signs/natal chart aspects).
I want to talk about Narcissism too. Below narcissism we have self-esteem and above it we have sociopathy and more serious disorders.
Narcissists are so bloody dangerous. We rarely have the knowledge to protect ourselves from these people until we have an encounter with them. Many people who put out information on Narcissists were manipulated and hurt by them to such a sad degree that they are still in a way obsessed, in a way that Narcissist is still influencing their life. I reckon I was attracting a Narcissist but luckily he caused no direct damage because even though I was obsessed I was too proud to continue pursuing him - I’ll go into my personal situation a bit later.
Psychopaths and sociopaths cause destruction in their own way and they can go to prison. Narcissists fly under the radar because the damage they do isn’t illegal. It can be. But they are causing damage to the psychology of people cause they lack ‘human’ qualities. And the ‘enablers’ who are unguarded and get sucked in so easily are often unaware and can be traumatized for the rest of their lives. There are different emotional motivations to dating apart from falling in love, there are different perspectives and experiences on love and what it is.
At the end of a toxic Narcissist-Enabler relationship the Enabler is shattered while the Narcissist moves on. Some people hold stock in a Narcissist-Empath phenomenon, where many people who are Empaths naturally attract these relationships. It could be that apart from some factors that draw people together (same soul family, same vibrational pattern) there is also the factor that one is emitting too much ‘dark’ energy and one too much ‘light’. And thus the Law of Attraction takes place and balance tries to occur, since we should all be proper mixes of light and dark. Unfortunately for the ‘light’, the more vulnerable of the pair, they can take a lot of damage. If there is a lesson, it may be for the ‘light’ to learn to be darker so they aren’t taken advantage of, and for the ‘dark’ to see goodness being displayed and maybe learn to adopt some of that, or perhaps experience at least some inconveniences to destroying/using another person in such a way (i.e. having too much dark energy).
LHP is dualistic. Dark (ego) trumps light. But too much dark can inhibit us from learning, improving and feeling other forms of pleasure.
In my situation I met someone from my soul family who I’d had a past-life relationship with and developed feelings. I pursued him and he liked that. He is very unhappy with his life and craves control. He’s a Capricorn - I’ll talk about start signs and how they play into this as well. The two of us had synchronicities with our meeting, similar to when I had my first boyfriend, a different soulmate. He happenly worked next to my work and we both only worked three days a week, went to the same school, he was in the same year as my ex. I of course, can sense and understand their issues. The negative issues my soul family shares, that we are learning through, they feel familiar and I can understand them. But my soul family is not evolved/awake like I am and so don’t seem to recognize a special connection at all, even when our similarities happen to be long-listed and staggering.
I believe he wanted to be desired, chased and certainly to have the power in the connection. At the time of us meeting and talking I was also highly delusional. It looks karmic. I believed he must love me and that he would adore and worship me. We both had that trait, so that is a similarity that would attract us together. The difference was I wanted to give and receive that level of love also, but I don’t reckon he would’ve been capable or interested. I was deceived about the truth of our connection for a long time. Luckily he rejected me cause I know it would have been BAD. He is not my usual type but I deluded myself, my spiritual idealism came out, and things snowballed and I got obsessed.
I’ve learned so much from all this and come out unscathed. To some extent we all make the mistake of believing other people are like us. People with good upbringings who want nothing more from relationships than to love and give, can get really hurt when they meet damaged/unhappy/unwell people who aren’t so far along that personality-disorder spectrum to be noticed. Most everyone tries to put their best foot forward, be charming when they want something/someone, and believes that they are ‘a good guy’.
When it comes to star signs some are naturally more dominant than others. Most I would say are neutral. Some are very dominant and even manipulative. The naturally submissive signs in relationships I’d say are Cancer, Virgo, Libra and Pisces.
It’s important to note that the zodiac wheel is a progression, each sign takes everything preceding it and steps into something new. (Aries is the first sign and is all about independence and self, they don’t want to be the best like Leo, they haven’t evolved to that understanding yet, they just want to be independent. Taurus then has an understanding of self and moves to the next thing to learn, the outside, the physical world, specifically the difference in quality of things). Aries and Taurus are direct because they are un-nuanced. Anyone who pays attention to star signs can see how a certain social intelligence is gained as each star sign learns something new through progression.
Libra is the most manipulative sign I reckon. But a Libra’s prerogative is to be liked and they are typically benevolent and fair by nature. Scorpio territory crosses over into darkness and power, and it is the signs after it that aren’t commonly known for being as extremely manipulative as they in fact are. Scorpio has the big reputation, it is all about withholding and secrets, Scorpio is aware that the more you know about others the more power you have over them. Beyond Scorpio this trait continues to be more nuanced.
I believe that Sagittarius and Capricorn are the most dangerous signs because they have this awareness/power from Scorpio and lack a Water sign’s sensitivity. Fire signs all have more will and ego, and Capricorn is very ego-centric as well. For Capricorn, Earth signs aren’t known for being naturally expressive or energetic, but they know how to put on that show because of all the knowledge gleaned from signs before them, they know how to ‘pretend’ whereas direct signs like Taurus honestly don’t in a social setting, they are just themselves and direct. And Capricorn is not manipulating other people to make them happy, like a Libra would, no it’s about their status and ego. Sagittarius are massive players and know how to outthink other people, they have fire competitiveness with the mutable intelligence of Gemini/Virgo/all the others under their belt. Many pop celebrities are Sagittarians, they have a fire sign’s flair with a higher social intelligence. Aquarius is more so focused on being friendly, on humanity and not at all about competition. Pisces are more sensitive. But make no mistake they both can also be dangerous. And this higher-thinking attained by the higher signs can be used in dangerous ways. A narcissist Taurus is not as dangerous as a narcissist Capricorn, because they are more direct and won’t know how to play you as well.
Back to me. Cause I was lonely and other reasons, I once got to a point where I felt I would allow myself to be used completely by this guy cause I wanted love. Thankfully, the self-respect I did have stopped me from messaging him after he turned me down. The strong feelings I have are fading now that I can accept, he isn’t in love with me, despite our connection and what interest he may have initially had. I have taken on board the need to embrace more ‘dark’ energy and have done spells on him for my own sake and healing. Love/attraction spells, but I reckon I’ve also been causing him and his life a bit of emotional turmoil as well.
I just took a dominance-submissive test and a narcissist test. I got 38% on the dominance one. And 26/40 for the narcissist one, which is kinda high. Of the seven factors I scored max on superiority and vanity. A bit over average for authority, exploitativeness and exhibitionism. And fifty-fifty for entitlement and self-sufficiency. I spoiled the crap out of my first boyfriend and I thought it was cause I knew he had anxiety and I really wanted to take care of him. I actually enjoy giving more than receiving, so long as I want to want to do it, so long as I love my partner enough. I had such strong feelings for this potential-narcissist guy that I would’ve been happy to give more than I got, and spoil him, cause that’s in my nature. Maybe bordering into the territory of people who enjoy the slave lifestyle of bdsm as a relationship dynamic.
My own personal dilemma is: should I want a relationship with equal give and take. Is it fulfilling to be with someone who gives much less than you… if you find it fulfilling, or could you feel used/hurt down the line. If he only loves me because I give to him, and fulfill a possibly narcissistic need for devotion… is that okay? Would it make me happy? I have my incubus who surely loves me. So maybe that is enough love and I can enjoy serving something that once excited me so much? I don’t have the same desire for him anymore. And the issue is: would he leave me? Would he give me the adoration I also seek, in terms of adoring me for what I do, if not for who I am. Cause what I’m doing is who I am, and what I want to do. Is this connection sustainable. What am I willing to put up with?
He doesn’t have the power over me that he used to. And I’m not sure how safe it would be for me to consider being with him.
Anyway we all need Ego. That is the main point of this post. We all NEED to be on our own side. If you don’t think that you have a reason to feel superior, at least feel superior because of magic and understanding what many people don’t - the hidden nature of reality. I may have submissive tendencies and want to serve, but I still have Ego. I don’t want to be used just because I enjoy giving, I also want to be adored and needed by the one I serve.
I don’t know who is going to read through all this but was hoping to start a discussion on how people feel about Ego, personal relationships and power-plays.