If you havent already, i strongly advise setting heavy limits on this one. Not that you dont already take precautions. But If this spirit is as malicious as it is written, then no wiggle room for naughty spirits that dont listen.
1 Like
I did. He’s not allowed to take directly from me or mine (including pets) or harass others in the household. I’m fair game in that area, but the rest of them can’t be harmed or harassed. Doesn’t mean they can’t be influenced, though.
I was concerned, in general, that setting too many limits would reduce the learning experiences available. I had some reservations when he started acting up from the get-go, but didn’t want to hobble my learning experience, either. With limited interactions with the world-at-large, the only place for these is at the house or the limited trips to the store/work.
So, I said you can’t feed directly and can’t harm/harass everyone else in the household. This has been the only one that I wanted to do more.
I have noticed that he really doesn’t seem to be interested much in the energy offerings. The others, it would be “noticed”, as in you could feel their attention on it when it’s being fed. He doesn’t seem to care, but I suspect that if he wanted to do something serious, he wouldn’t hesitate to pull from the stone and use it as fuel.
2 Likes
This one’s going to be hard to type up. I debated with another member I trust about whether to include it at all. I will admit that only about 70% of this encounter with Abaddon will get put here. The details of the other part are simply too personal.
I felt the need to come outside into my ritual space. I wasn’t in any particular mood.
I lit a candle and started some incense. The emergency candle doesn’t like to stay lit, but this one’s always been a “problem candle”. It’s also not nearly as bright as the smaller ones I use for ritual. I hope it will see me through this entry, but it’s not looking good.
A: “You’re like that candle.” He paused while I put my hand up to try to keep the flame from going out. “Sometimes you burn brightly. Sometimes you flicker. Sometimes, you’re a pain in the ass to keep lit.”
I did chuckle and felt something in him acknowledging that he was partially being humorous.
A: “Sometimes you burn brighter than others. Sometimes you’re needed. Other times, you’re a decoration, a nice-to-have, but still functional.” He’s making a reference to how I prefer multi-use decorations/items. This wasn’t entirely a dig.
A: “You need to pay attention to your flame. Grow it when it needs to be used. Dampen it when it gets too hot or bright. Match the fuel (levels) to the flame needed.”
A: “You’ve started doing this more in your workings (he showed me this in the Abyssal energy workings). Do it more in your life.”
A: “Concerning X, their flame is growing dimmer, even as X seems to have more (energy) fuel. It has begun.”
M: “Is there any way to stop this, whatever it is?”
A: “No, delay, maybe, but not stop. Some candles burn faster than others. You’ve seen images that relates to this, without understanding the lead up to that vision, nor the details surrounding it.”
M: “Will this not drop me further into the shadow’s embrace? Will I not be so vulnerable that I may fall prey to them?”
A: “You already have, in a way (dropped further into the embrace). You are too strong to fall down and not get back up. You wouldn’t have been led down this path if I thought you were too weak to pass through it. When the time comes and things progress (the illness), send the (negative) energy into the stone. It will help.”
M: “So this will be soon? While I’m still working with Legion?”
A: “You will continue to work with Legion long after you’re done with the 7 (main shadows). You will be done with your initial pathworking before it gets bad.”
M: “Thank you for the warning. I hope I’m mis-translating what you’re saying.”
A: " You’ll see."
I was told I had noticed a few things the last time I spent some time with this person and this was true. I knew they were important enough to make note of, but that was it. I will see this person again within a week and I’m supposed to notice another sign when this happens.
So, why is this here? Because Abaddon wanted it written down in my Shadownomicon grimoire. He essentially made Legion and Co vacate the area and move away from the portal. He came because he wanted me to hear it from him and he knew that I would benefit from the approach he takes.
So there were some insights that correlated with this that came about when I was discussing it earlier. One was that there are several times where I ask why it was so important to start something on day Y or what the rush was to get Z done. I’d also wondered why there was a layered approach towards working through the shadows from the beginning. Maybe this was why, maybe not.
The Norse had a saying - Only the past is set in stone. If Abaddon’s right, then it’ll be a more interesting couple of years than I was looking for.
4 Likes
I was pulled into ritual by Abaddon. I can feel Belial and Legion near. Shadow Child is, too.
A: "If you can hear us, why do you continue to do prep work?
M: “To deepen the experience. Maybe it will help with additional understanding. Are you asking me to stop?”
A: “No”.
I continued for a little longer.
B: “That’s good enough. We’re not trying to manifest here.”
L: “The Shadow Child.”
M: “The Shadow Child.”
L: “Use him.”
M: “I didn’t think he was safe to direct. Does he not have a tendency to bite the hand that directs him?”
L: “He does. Are you not capable of defending yourself?”
M: “Should I have to?”
L: “The most dangerous toys pose a risk to their owners. So do the most effective.”
M: “Are you speaking to me? I don’t own him.”
L: “Don’t you? While in this space?”
M: “There’s less of a need for directing him inside spaces I own or control.”
L: “Are you sure? Do you know him that well?”
M: “Well, we do go back a few days now. (Legion was actually irritated by this). Why are you irritated?”
L: “You’re missing the point.”
Nothing was said for a while, as I kept silent and waited.
Abaddon carved out a space in my ritual area (I hadn’t claimed it before starting, as I typically do). Shadow Child was inside of it. “Command him.”
I took back control of the area and began to command him to take action on a target.
Abaddon took it back. “No.”
M: “This is about control over more than just the area I claim.”
A: “It is. Now, do it.”
I knew simply giving the order, even authoritatively, wasn’t going to be good enough (I was in Abaddon’s space). I thought for a moment and remembered that I’ve been swapping energy with the Shadow Woman. This led to realizing that this wasn’t some foreign energy after all (even if it was just a psychological barrier).
I connected with that same energy in him and commanded him. He went immediately and without drama.
B: Well done. It took longer than it should have."
Abaddon relinquished the space. “Use that (control) when dealing with them from now on.”
M: “Will that impact my ability to learn from them? If I take control whenever they’re in my area, how will I learn anything?”
A: “Take control, but don’t task (if you don’t want to). We will tell you when to stop this. (I felt this, the stopping, be more of a rare occurrence than a set period of time). This is all I have for you right now.” He left.
From here, the conversation switched over to a dream I had about my last entry. In it, Abaddon pointed to the person and said, “Now, heal (this person)” and this was to be done remotely.
B: “Why do you think that dream happened?”
M: “I’m a little unsure.Part of me thinks it was because I called upon Azazel to get additional information (at the suggestion of a friend).”
B: “Why didn’t you call on us?”
M: “I felt I’d been given what I was going to be given (from them)”
B: “Why did you discuss it with your friend?”
M: “Something told me I should. I resisted it for a while, but it grew until I listened.”
B: “And did that make you feel better? (he emphasized the word ‘feel’)”
M: “I found it insightful and this friend raised a lot of good points.”
B: “You were right to do that. We figured you’d do better talking to a peer than to those who gave you the news.”
M: “You made it seem like you were disappointed (his tone).”
B: “You needed a lesson in confiding to your peers.” (This is true, has been true, and will continue to be).
M: “Was all of this just a lesson for that?”
B: “No, it will come to pass.”
M: “And the dream?”
B: “It will come to pass. Part of this is about your child, but those lessons are for them. Not you.” Belial left after this. Legion remained.
L: “You commanded well.” (I was waiting for the backhanded complement)
M: “Thank you.”
L: “You’ve been feeding the stone. (I nodded). He (Shadow Child) doesn’t care about that (the feeding or the stone). He cares about misery, suffering, and making others hurt. You’re not going to be able to feed that into the stone. You’ve largely dealt with that (those experiences and I was given a reminder that they are still partly there).” He left at this point.
3 Likes
31AUG - I did a working for a friend to help with an undesirable person that was negatively influencing their lives. It did involve sending some shadow people their way, with the intent of feeding on the results from my cutting the attachment the undesirable had created (natural witch). This got brought up in tonight’s conversation, so I’m putting it in here.
Today’s conversations came in two parts.
I was weight lifting outside. It’s deadlifting day and I can tell I’ve been away from it for a few years.
A: “Aren’t you going to call us?”
M: “Call you?” He chuckled as I walked over to get my grimoire to take notes. He prompted me to go ahead and complete the next set. I almost had to unpeel my hands from the bar.
A: “You’re a lot like your hands. They’re stiff and hurt, but it’s temporary. Remember that when what’s to come.” (I noticed this was an odd way of phrasing it)/ “You missed the ‘happens’ part.”
M: “All right.” I waited a minute. “Why are you really here?”
A: “Do your next set.” I did. “Look at the marks on your hands. The trial imprinted itself on you. Will it last?”
M: “No, these fade. But they will result in in callouses if done regularly enough. They’ll be semi-permanent. Callouses last a while.”.
A: “Unless they rip.” He was referring to how deadlifting callouses often rip open if you deadlift long enough.
M: “Unless they rip.” I finished the last set.
A: “You’re going to callous. Remember to cut it off when it isn’t needed or it will take a while to undo (itself)”.
(There was some talk about the sign I had noticed on Monday). The conversation was finished with being notified that we would speak later in the evening.
I’d bought a new citronella table lantern. The flame is very erratic, but I could feel that this was the preferred light source for the ritual. Abaddon and Legion came in the strongest, while Belial was more distant.
A: “I want some blood.”
M: “For what?”
A: “For a gift I have given you.” He saw that I was confused and not really believing him. He pulled out something the size of a football. It looked like an egg. “It is. You did well earlier.”
M: “Not that kind of well.”
A: “Is that for you to decide?” I didn’t say anything. “You’ve been working on a ritual for Pele that involved returning a spirit from it’s bones. After this, you care for and nurture them until they decide their fate.”
M: “Yes, I’ve done that.” (This reminded me that I needed to bury the hen’s bones that last went with Pele).
A: “You will care for this one.” It was as much of a command as a suggestion.
M: “Why would it be like an egg? This would just be another form for it to take, wouldn’t it?”
A: “Not entirely. Study the shell.”
M: “It’s a protective coating.”
A: “Yes, go on.”
M: "It has many layers to it that seem to have different intents and meanings to them.
A: “As all shells do.”
I’d been doing a working recently where I noticed their shield, which I termed a shell (as in, cracking the shell), but I left it intact. My job was to cut the cord and start a Dark Party (multiple shadow people). When I realized the shell hadn’t come from the undesirable, I left it be and have gone back a few times to study it more in-depth, since breaking through it wasn’t my goal.
A: “You are correct (referring to my recognition). Study it. Each layer. Slowly, deliberately. Treat it as you do the spirits you practice with for Pele. It will reward you in the end.”
M: "I will. " He set the “egg” on my table.
A: “Now, back to business. Tomorrow, you need to get back into baneful practicing. The person you’ve been helping will tell you when the time is right (for the next part). Get back to work.”
Although he said it a little harshly, he wasn’t displeased. The opposite. I’d been properly using the resources I had at my disposal.
L: “You haven’t been calling upon the Shadow Child recently.”
M: “He’s been around. I acknowledge him and, since I started commanding, he has come around less. That doesn’t seem to be my issue.” He didn’t like that.
L: “So you’ve chosen to waste your time with him.”
M: “I believe you told me he wasn’t much of a talker.”
L: “Did I tell you not to make use of him?”
M: “Is sending him after the targets I give Shadow Woman going to improve me in some way?”
Belial stepped forward at this point and spoke to Legion, “Get to the point.” Legion didn’t say anything for a few seconds.
L: “Send the Shadow Child after one specific target.”
M: “Who?”
L: “Yourself.”
I stopped to see if he was joking. “What? Why would I do that?”
L: “Send him after the parts of your childhood that were traumatic. Yours was very traumatic. Some of it serves you. Most of it does not.”
I sat for a minute, thinking of some of those moments. “He’s the type of person that would revel in people experiencing things like that. Why would he be interested in helping me in any sort of way?”
A: “Because you would command him to.”
M: “And he’s just going to take those things away, the ones that remain, and make the world a better place?” I’d gone through a lot of actual therapy after the war and spent that time working hard at dealing with these things and being productive.
A: “Not exactly. He’s going to consume part of them. They will be your offerings to him.”
I was silent for a bit.
L: “You don’t entirely believe it or trust the Shadow Child. He won’t be able to get that type of offering from you again (again - implying that he did when I was a child). It’s the final offering of that suffering. I would advise you to give it to him.”
M: “I would seem to gain from this. What’s the catch or negative to it?”
A: “You will have more of an awareness and connection with him until it’s done.” I got the impression of nightmares and intrusive thoughts about the events, until the process is finished.
M: “How long will this take?”
L: “It depends on how aggressive you want him to be. Command him and set the rules and restrictions as commands.”
M: “You’ve indicated (an impression as Legion spoke) that he can implant trauma in your last statement. I saw that he could add new ones if not commanded.”
A: “That is true.”
M: “Would they seem real when he would do that? How would that work?” I had an impression that he’d add enough real memories that the person had had to the fake ones he was creating, over and over, until the fake ones felt real.
A: “Not yet (about the implanting of fake traumas). Take care of the egg. Keep practicing.” With that he and Belial left.
Legion lingered, but didn’t saying anything more before leaving.
It wasn’t until I was typing up these two encounters that I realized that part of what Abaddon had said earlier had a double meaning. When he said to cut off the callous, I assumed he was only talking about the emotional pain of the issues my loved one is supposed to face.
As I typed this up, I realized that I was just told to send Shadow Child to cut out the callouses left from my childhood.
5 Likes
I am preparing to go into ritual to have the Shadow Child consume my traumatic childhood experiences (residual negative emotion from them). I’ve been thinking about it off and on all day, mainly about the restrictions and how I may phrase them. Intent will likely play a significant part. I’m not the most gifted person with words.
If I’m being honest, I’m a little nervous.
Here’s what I have so far.
- You are to feed upon my emotional childhood trauma memories until they are gone (the emotion). Negative emotions only.
- You are forbidden from implanting any memories or trauma. You are to only involve yourself with previous traumatic memories. (Felt the need to double it up).
- You are to do this as aggressively as you can, provided I can still properly function with my activities and maintain proper interactions with others, by my standards. You will reduce the intensity if I tell you to and I will set the pace for that as I choose.
I called for the the Shadow Child, who was already in the area and listening as I worked out the wording (before finally just calling it). Abaddon and Legion were also present.
I read the above. He agreed to each point as it was read (he didn’t really have a choice). I felt that my “Do you understand?” at the end was pointless, but I still asked it. He agreed to both the wording and my intent as I read each point, so I commanded him to go to it.
So, it’s begun, but I’m a little unsure about what I should expect from it or how it will manifest.
7 Likes
I’’ book marking this since I some how missed it. I want to read all of this 
1 Like
For this one, I’m referring to a reading I got from @anon88521623 https://forum.becomealivinggod.com/t/closed-5-free-tarot-readings-dyadic-cross-anima-mundi/124811/10?u=norse900
I felt I should go into ritual to get clarification on it. I knew this was going to be a brutal one.
Abaddon, Belial, Lucifer, and Legion all showed up. I wasn’t sure who was going to come, but had a feeling Lucifer would be there. Legion never spoke, so, it was mainly interacting with Lucifer.
I should also state that while I’ve interacted with Lucifer several times, the time for working with whatever he wants me to learn from him hasn’t happened yet. He came to me at work one day about a year ago and basically told me to contact him that evening, where several other new entities made themselves known. I haven’t worked with some of them yet, either. After this, contact was sparse. That’s enough backstory.
He got right to business.
L: “Thank you for taking this seriously. It is. You know it will work out in the end. The question is how well it will work out in the end. Now, begin asking your questions.”
M: “The fear of letting something go. Is this in relation to the conversation we had the other day (about the future impact listed a few entries above)?”
L: “It is, but not just that. You fear letting all of it go. The job, the family, the prestige of the accomplishments (from the past). You fear to lose it all.”
M: (I nodded in agreement.) “I’ve earned these things once. Why wouldn’t I earn them or similar again?”
B: “Because they bind you.”
M: “All things bind us in one way. I would be trading one for another.”
B: “Yes, but the difference is how they are approached. Right now, you fear more than you did in the past. You’re placing a higher value on them than you have in the past.”
M: “Because of the stress from work? The deadline is causing extra thought in this area.” (I have to seek my next position within the company and have a year to get it done. If I don’t, I get moved back to Maryland and have a year to find my next position while working in some interim position. After that…)
B: “Not just.” (Belial put me through the ringer here. I agree with what he said).
L: “Next.”
M: “This over-intellectualizing and over-thinking. Is it that or the alternative?”
L: “The alternative.”
M: "This loss or discard - " (he spoke over me)
L: " -both- "
M: “What are the details for both of them? Is it reconciling myself?”
L: “You’re going down a path you probably shouldn’t.”
M: “The shadow path?”
L: “No, a mundane path.”
M: “I don’t understand.”
L: “You’re trying to please everyone, instead of going where you think you should.”
M: “I don’t seem to know where this is. I’m trying to find the bet of the available options. On top of this, I’m being told I will know where to go (by Belial and Abaddon). You’re telling me something else?”
L: “Do you really want to stay here (Oahu)?”
M: “No. I also don’t like $30k in moving expenses treated like income (this happened when I moved here).”
L: “You know where she wants you to go (Pele)”
M: “I do. What does that have to do with pleasing everyone? The family would rather be there, too. (than on Oahu)”
L: “Yes, they would.”
M: “How does this involve pleasing or not pleasing everyone?”
L: “You’re trying to please the people at work. You will not please the one’s you’re looking to. The others already think highly of you.”
M: “All right. Was there more with that or did we cover it?”
L: “You once said you’d go to the Big Island if there was an opportunity. (I nodded) There will be. Or we will provide another one (different island). Do not stay on Oahu.” He indicated he wasn’t going to say any more.
M: “The reckless decision.”
L: “You’ve made a few.”
M: “I have. One of those was my current position.”
L: “Yes.”
M: “I felt like I was supposed to be here.”
L: “In a different position. You would’ve been better set up for your next position. You are in the right place. You’re just in the wrong position.”
M: “Agreed. (He indicated I should continue) The big win or big loss - can I get insight into what needs to happen to tip it towards my favor?”
L: “Manifest it. Similar to how you’re working on the boat and cruising goals. If you put in the effort, we will help.”
M: “Will that not come at a cost of practicing what I should for Abaddon?”
L: “You know who to work on with this. He’s amenable to your requests.” I was going to hit this person up anyhow, so that works out.
M: “Another island here? Not Europe?” (my real goal).
L: “Not Europe. Not yet and not how you’re thinking. (Moving there for work)”
M: "The second-guessing and hesitation - "
L: " - over-thinking and over-analyzing - "
M: “Should I be more concerned about over-thinking or another reckless decision?”
L: “If you had been communicating with us when you made that decision, we would’ve warned you. (It was before going down the invocation/evocation route or anything LHP) Make your decisions, but listen to counsel. It’s unfortunate you resisted us for so long.”
M: “This isn’t just about one area though. My success (in several areas) has made me afraid of failure, it seems (causing over-analyzing of the situation and planning).”
L: “You’re holding onto things (specifically shown references to my family and job). You need to re-dedicate.”
There were specifics about the re-dedication, which is mainly to help with some of the above. The dedication he’s referring to is one I did a while ago. I basically told them to take what they needed to, strip away what they needed to, and give me the lessons I needed to learn to help with my ascent. In turn, they agreed to do these things.
The last part of the dedication, though is where I agree to it - until those lessons are no longer needed and I break free of it. It’s not a pact, but an agreement. It’s a self-binding agreement, if you will.
The ritual was over at this point.
4 Likes
I was asked to perform a working against a target earlier and had gone into my ritual area to get ready. As I readied the sigils of Belial and Abaddon, Hel came to the area and told me she was lending her support to help encourage this person and guide him on the other side.
Even though the participants were already there, I called them forth anyhow, until they responded to their names. I had an impression that the Shadow Child should be involved with this and confirmed it with Legion. I called him forth.
I read the target’s information and gave extra instructions to the Shadow Child, which amounted to not disturbing anyone else in the family. He acted out a little in some small gestures, but once commanded, he went forth.
I asked the deities if they’d assist. Abaddon said no, but clarified that I wouldn’t need the help. He did say that he’d assist if it somehow failed.
I opened a temp portal and collected the energy, while going over the target and intent. As it should, it left when it had enough to perform it’s task. It was so sudden that I was afraid I’d done something wrong. Abaddon indicated that it was due to the health of the target and to trust in the weapon’s knowledge of how much (energy) was needed.
I bloodied the sigils. I also put blood on the paper with the targets info. “I bleed on this paper, that your life force bleeds out of you.” I saw and felt the targets life force leaving their body in every direction.
As I burnt the sigils, I paused at the target paper. “Die and find peace. Die and hurt not longer. Die and be at rest.”. I put the intent into the paper as I spoke to it. I then burnt the paper. I then fed Legion’s stone.
Hel left, but the others stayed.
A: “That went quicker than (you) expected.”
M: “It did. I don’t know how long it took, but it went fast”.
A: “Trust in the process. By now, you’ve figured out that you don’t need to open a portal to collect that type of energy”.
M: “I know. I assumed it was also a cue to myself to further charge it as that type, if that was needed. I assumed it helped me with keeping the conscious mind productive, rather than over-analyzing the process to death”.
A: “That’s true. Even though you know this, it is still useful, valuable to do. Especially for you and how your mind works”.
B: “You need to work on something else. Another technique. (There seemed to be a ripple of sorts between the three. It was not unanimous.)”
M: “Very well. What would you have me work on?”
B: “The technique you did last night to help your friend, where you took the negative energy from (the target). Practice that.”
M: “Did I not do it successfully enough last night? Twice?”
B: “You did. Go further next time.”
M: “How far do you want me to go? I stopped because it was felt much more would/may result in death or severe complications from the imbalance.”
B: “Right to the edge.”
M: “And if I go further? (Belial motioned as if it may, but that with these type of targets, he wasn’t as concerned.) Surely there are signs or indicators that would clue me to stop?”
A: " It will start to wobble, like an unbalanced centrifuge or a suspension bridge with too much wind. You will feel a shift in the flow of the energy where it will become too unbalanced. When it starts to cascade, add a little energy back to prevent it. Death isn’t the goal. (I was given the impression that the energy is to be given back, rather than simply taken.)"
M: “I’m afraid I don’t understand the purpose. Well, I can see the value in knowing the tipping point, but I don’t think I fully see the application of this.”
B: “Because it will also help bring things back from the brink. People with excessive parasites can emit a similar signature or pattern to this. You would also know when you’ve drained a target enough, provided nothing intervened.” (The second example was obvious and it threw me off a little that he stated it, as if it was a clue to something further on).
M: “I’m assuming this energy would go into the corrupted stone, rather than absorbing it myself.”
A: “That is the safest option. When you do it, ward your stone specifically, so only you and Legion will have access to it.”
At this point, the ritual was over.
5 Likes
I didn’t get your message on FB till just today, I will try to read through this and validate/study your journal entries as soon as I can, there is so much here that it will be awesome for me.
you expressed interest in the shadowgate project, I am mainly organizing that through a Facebook group at the moment, so if you want to participate in that, you will need to get my attention and friend me on FB, and I will add you there. Also, my Facebook page itself is horrible for contacting me with serious inquiries. Send all serious inquiries to my official email.
6 Likes
I felt a slight suggestion to go into ritual tonight. By dinner, it was pretty significant. Legion and Abaddon came. It was a very short ritual.
I called upon Legion, who instructed me to start actively working with the Shadow Woman again.
Earlier in the day, DH Thorne, who wrote the Shadownomicon, gave me somethings to keep in mind. One of these was that we should be integrating the shadows (our shadows), rather than trying to be like them. I brought this up to Legion, with regards to starting up again with the Shadow Woman. Instead of an answer I was getting “the Legion run around”. Abaddon stepped in at that point.
A: “Why wold we want you to command these entities?”
M: “To work on my authority? To delegate work that I don’t have to directly do? (I paused for a bit). Control. To control it.” I thought about what I would used that control for.
A: “Integrate it.” With that, he and Legion left.
I thought for a bit about what DH had said and also why I was told I’d completed 2 of them (Colossal and Tall Man). What was so different between those two and the Shadow Woman? I realized that I had integrated the aspects of Colossal and the Tall Man. I had fought the Shadow Woman.
I suppose I could view the energy exchange and the commanding aspects as hints to integrate her, but I clearly didn’t. I’m going to have to think about how to move forward from here.
4 Likes
Well that answers a few questions ive been mulling over. Thank you for sharing this!!!
1 Like
No worries. May have some more insight into them, too.
I was just napping, thanks to waking up at 0230 with a charlie horse, and as I was coming back to, I saw some scenarios playing out in my head. These are raw and all that, so bear with me.
I hear the answer “Both”, which was one useful answer in the Legion runaround from last night. The question had been along the lines of “when we call these shadows for our use in ritual (baneful workings), are we getting the spirit or that aspect of ourselves.” I wasn’t given any context and Legion wasn’t being terribly cooperative, so I left it out.
While coming to an in the lucid state, I saw a few things that this could mean. One was that we’re calling upon that part of our self to go forth and perform things within that scope. I remember thinking that this wouldn’t seem to be a preferred method, if one could just directly do it, but this doesn’t seem to be an accurate or more complete way of thinking about that now that I’m waking up.
The other, however, was a different way of thinking about baneful shadow (people) workings. Instead of calling upon your shadow aspect, you evoke the other person and call upon theirs - essentially trying to strengthen or bring it more forward. I could see this having non-baneful uses, if someone wants a part of their personality brought out more, such as someone timid maybe getting a jolt from the Colossal aspect of their self. Maybe the opposite could be done to lessen an aspect. I’m not sure that this may not be like using a chainsaw to trim a toenail.
I did also come across the idea of opening a portal and attaching it to someone, but I was probably dreaming more than awake at that point.
If it doesn’t make sense, I apologize. Still a bit groggy.
2 Likes
That actually makes pretty good sense. Especially concering integrating the shadow aspects into the main personality instead of consuming or being consumed by them. I’m interested in learning how to bring out certain shadow aspects for more general and mundane uses. Like you mention, bringing out the more assertive nature or the more nuturing nature by calling on those already present and hidden aspects of the personality.
I can also see how a portal attached to a specific person would be useful. I would imagine that would be useful for dream work. If one could get into frequent lucid states, enough so that they could essentially dream walk (thank you wheel of time for the ideas lmao) that type of portal could be used by the self to move from person to person. As well as the shadow self to do the same. Worth more inspection in my often overbloated opinion. Lol
1 Like
Shadow Woman came around earlier, but I was still groggy.
I went outside and planned on doing the invocation again, since it had been so long. It wasn’t long after I started reading the text (without vocalization) that she appeared.
She came to my back, left side and I could feel that side responding similarly as it had before, but not as strongly.
“I’m here.”
“Thank you for coming. You’re not acting sultry this time. You seem a little lost and afraid.”
“As are you. You don’t know (understand), but you do. Don’t you?”
“I don’t know. Do I? I guess it depends on how external you are.”
“Am I?” She seemed incredibly sad. Forlorn is what came to mind. She was so sad, it was like she would never come out of it. I felt really bad for her.
“I believe this was why there was a warning, wasn’t there?” It was easy to feel for her, but I reminded myself it was likely an act. Doesn’t mean I didn’t still feel for her, though. “I need to integrate you.”
“So I’ll go away? You don’t want me here? Why?” There was a pause between each question and it was almost like there was a little bit of hope that left with each.
“For both of our benefit.” I shook it off and went into more of a commanding mindset. Much of the sympathy dulled. I was thankful that Abaddon had me practice this. I’d put a lot of that away after Iraq. “Tell me what I must do.”
“I will show you.”, she replied, her tone more business like, compared to before.
She indicated that she had nothing more to say and left.
2 Likes
In accordance with another thread I follow and a dream I had, it was time to practice the technique of evocation and opening/attaching a shadow current to someone.
It’s obvious that I care little for certain types of targets. But I don’t want to choose someone at random, screw their life up, and disappear without knowing that the person may or may not have deserved it. I
mean, there are more than enough valid targets that one should be chosen.
I typically make offerings to Ma’at in this area, more to help the innocent than pursue the guilty.
Not tonight.
I had a dream where I was shown that I should call upon two deities for the signature of a “deserving” party. I would then evoke the person based on that signature and, after bouncing an appropriate punishment or several, fire it off.
It seems like a good deal for me. I get a bad target two trusted deities decide needs some special attention and I get to practice the techniques I’ve been told to.
I called forth Ma’at and Abaddon into the ritual area. I opened a portal to the Abyss with the intent of attempting to attack the target in different ways.
I cordoned off a triangle in the area to contain the spirit and asked Ma’at and Abaddon to show me the signature of a target worthy of what I had in mind. Not only should this person be tormented, but their urges should be changed to some other type of person. The biggest points were to dull his interest in his preferred targets and to try to remove him from their availability.
I asked them if this would have the intended effect for more than a short while and they indicated this would be the case. I was then shown that I should then include that he should be supervised at some sort of “official” facility, but that was as much detail as I got. I added that intent to the portal.
I called forth the spirit associate with the signature until he was in the area enough that he wasn’t just a light, frail signature, but a spirit partially in that area. Not a full person, but enough to recognize it was a (still) living, breathing individual.
I felt some resistance, so I got to work. I held his signature in my left hand and the Abyssal portal with my intent in my right. For lack of wording, I took the essence of him and stuck the essence of the portal to it/him. Not it a big, sweeping way, but more at a cellular (?) level, almost individually for the areas where they overlapped (not all of him was attached to it). I then used intent to seal it to him and released him from the ritual area.
I then closed the ritual and the parties left.
There were some things I think I could’ve done better. I likely will, since this was my first time and it was based off of a dream, with nothing written down after the dream.
- I should’ve opened the portal using the targets own shadow energy/essence.
- I should’ve asked a specific shadow entity to watch over the working (or called one sensed from him).
- I should’ve written down the intent first and modified smaller parts to fit the “crimes”.
All right, I’m tired enough that nothing more of substance is coming to mind.
4 Likes
M: “Legion, please come. I would speak with you.”
L: “I am here.”
M: “I spoke with the Shadow Child earlier about evoking the Shadow Child of the target I’m working on. He refused to call forth hers, but was willing to go do what I was looking to do in the end. Even when commanded, but it wasn’t a refusal to follow orders. It was more like he couldn’t. I don’t understand.”
L: “Why didn’t you evoke the target and call the Shadow Child from her?”
M: “I wanted to ask if the end result was possible or attainable prior to going into full ritual.”
L: “So you already doubted the capability? Not a good way to start.”
M: “It didn’t fit into the neat boxes of the book. I tell others to ask when in doubt. I do the same. It’s sensible.”
L: “Is the doubt (sensible)?”
M: “Doubting evoking her Shadow Child? That (the evoking of the Shadow Child) was the first part. My question was on the effect I wanted.”
L: “Was it?” (I was getting irritated with his games already)
M: “Why couldn’t he call her forth?”
L: “He doesn’t have the power to.”
M: “How can that be? If he’s supposed to be a part of me and I can do it, why can’t he?”
(Abaddon came in after Legion remained silent for a while).
A: What are you (really) asking?"
M: “Why doesn’t he have my agency, if he’s a part of me?”
A: “Because he’s not entirely a part of you.”
M: “Is he not my shadow?”
A: “Is he? You don’t entirely own him. He is also owned by others.”
(I saw that he’s kinda like a jigsaw of parts of other people’s shadows, not just mine)
A: “Yes, similar. But you don’t own one particular piece. You can command him because you’ve contributed to him.”
(I wondered if it was based on contribution size)
A: “No, more doesn’t equal more command. Command is command.”
M: " Thank you. So -"
A: “- You have a lot to think about.”
(He indicated that conversation was over.)
M: “The technique I was going to use to call her aspects forward -”
A: “- Wait. You’re not ready for that one yet.”
M: “Then why was I shown it?” (I got the impression that I’m not ready to do the Shadow Child yet. I haven’t completed the initial work with him)
A: “Now you understand.”
M: “Yes, I believe so. So, I have the option of the Colossal and the Tall Man for this.”
L: “Neither is best for your effect.”
M: “So, I should wait for that.”
A: “Do the working as Belial instructed you to (earlier)”.
The instructions from Belial came during a walk to stretch my legs at lunch.
He indicated that I should retry the other night’s technique, but use the person’s shadow energy to create the portal. The attachment process shouldn’t matter as much, since it’s native to them.
I get the differences here, but I’m not entirely sure why he wants it done/practiced. Using other’s shadow energy isn’t new, as it’s one of the techniques discussed earlier (in the grimoire). Opening a portal isn’t, either. I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out further down the road.
While I’m still prepping for the ritual (incense and table torch), I wanted to say a few things about the Shadow Woman. She said she’d show me on the 7th. The past 3 days have had zero conflict at home (personality-wise, cats are cats). I guess I was expecting something to rear its head by now.
(I performed the ritual.)
Gathering the energy for the make up of the portal was a little trickier than I thought. It was unfamiliar. The process was unfamiliar. Typically, when opening the portal, only intent and maybe some fuel is used. With the person, it was more…gathered… It also felt really strange, instructing the portal to stay open with it attached to the person.
I did put a kill-switch in it - that of some behaviors she’s to refrain from doing. I put the intent in that it is to close when these have stopped (mainly externally). These behaviors are very specific and are damaging relationships. Once the behaviors stop, the relationship should heal, and everybody but her walks hand-in-hand into the sunset…
(Abaddon came back to the area after I wrote the above).
A: “You saw where you struggled.”
M: “I did. I’m equally pleased and displeased by it.”
A: “Why didn’t you call on any of us for assistance?”
M: “It was for me to ‘practice’ and didn’t require anyone else’s help.” (He nodded and seemed satisfied).
A: “Practice it again. But call on us.”
M: “I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”
A: “We will show you a better way.”
(I felt the air shift a little and his mood changed.)
A: “Now. Call us now. We will begin.”
There seemed to be some urgency. I got ready to call on Ma’at when she and Belial came into the space. This wasn’t about practice.
I set aside the area for the evocation of the individual. I started to go through my previous steps from the other evening, when they gave me the signature of the unknown target (without Belial).
This time, I recognized the spirit, but didn’t know who it was. I couldn’t place the face with the spirit.
A: “Hurry. Create the portal”. (I created the portal with his energy).
A: “Create a link between it and the stone. (I did). Instruct the portal to send the harmful energy to the stone. (I did).”
(It felt like a few minutes went by, but I don’t know how much time passed. I started helping it.)
A: “Stop. Let it do the work.”
(After what felt like at least another minute, it was done).
A: “Close it up. Let him go (from the evocation).”
(All three left while I cleaned up. I don’t know what was wrong with him, but he felt much better by the end. I just can’t remember who he was…)
As I typed this up, I realized that they had shown me a few different things. One was a practical way to transfer shadow energy from another to the stone, without having to directly shepherd the process. The second was more of a sort of reminder that this can be used for good in some cases. The third was that I was getting in my way to creating the portal using the other person’s energy (not a sustained one, though).
I’m honestly not entirely sure why all three were there.
2 Likes
I felt Legion call me, “You wanted to speak?”
L: “You are done with the Shadow Child. He will continue to work on you, while you work with another.”
M: “Who?”
L: “The Hat Man. You’ve met before.”
M: “I remember.”
L: “Does he still scare you?”
M: “I wasn’t scared until he vanished. I was only in kindergarten.”
L: “Call on him tonight.” He chuckled as he left.
The Hat Man was the first spirit I remember seeing. We were at a graveyard for Memorial Day. I saw him jump over a gravestone. I asked my mother who he was, thinking he was there for the same reason we were. Apparently, we were the only people there, at this small cemetery.
I walked over to the gravestone where I saw him and when he was gone, I remember wondering how that was possible and becoming afraid, when I had simply been curious.
The impact of the incident played itself out over time, as I tried the balancing act of being a good Mormon with trying to find answers in psychic and shamanistic books (the Internet wasn’t in schools or homes at this point).
I never saw him again and it wasn’t until I began on this path that I found out what he was.
I read out the incantation and called for the Hat Man.
H: “I have come.” (His voice reminded me of Wormtongue from Lord of the Rings)
M: “Thank you for coming. It is time to work together. There are some rules.”
H: “Come now, we don’t need many. I’m not like the Shadow Woman and behave better than the Shadow Child.”
(We went over the rules. He agreed, but chuckled when they were done)
H: “I remember you. You remember me. This time, I’m sure we can do more together.”
M: “More?” (I got flashes of when I’d act in ways no inline with my character as a child and, to some extent, up into High School. I own my actions, but could see the possibility of influence)
H: “You’re starting to see. We could have some fun. I’ll be around.”
He left.
Everyone else left at this point, except Legion, who sat behind the portal, but indicated that he had nothing to say.
5 Likes
I did a large working on the 15th and was given a few days to recover before starting back up on the Shadownomicon. There had been some smaller conversations, but nothing that pertained to anyone else.
I felt Abaddon’s call to ritual before dinner time and headed out afterwards.
A: “Did you enjoy your break?”
M: “I did. The house was quiet, the attacks stopped. I felt a little guilty at not pushing things along.”
A: “It was a major ritual. If you would’ve pushed it, you may have weakened yourself enough to invite illness or parasites.”
L: “You are done with the Shadow Woman. The arguments over the past few days were her last attempts. Congratulations, I guess (he said this semi-mockingly). Continue with the Hat Man.”
M: “I don’t feel I’ve done much (anything) with him or in his line of work. Is there something I should be doing?”
L: “Really?” (I got a flash of an email I got earlier from a friend that dealt with conspiratorial topics, which actually is his area)
M: “That makes sense. They are prone to it (conspiracies), though.”
L: “Do you not know how the Shadow works?” (I didn’t like him using my friend, if he did, but it is true that Shadows prey on existing faults, weaknesses, and tendencies).
M: “I gave a response of gentle reason to the overall topic.” (He seemed irritated that I had said this, as I was telling him something he already knew, as if he didn’t know it.)
L: “You shall evoke the Dark Mother tonight. We were going to give you a break, but -”
M: “-No you weren’t. Very well. I will evoke her tonight” (As they left, it dawned on my that I will be working with the last two before Ranzael, typically the last Shadow worked with before returning to Legion to complete the initial circuit)
The Dark Mother is a lot like mine and others I had to deal with along the way. As I read the list of correspondences, they either matched up with my mother or with people my mother had left us with. I’ll list several of the correspondences from DH Thorne’s Shadownomicon, but not all.
– Lies, hides behind innocents, perpetual victim, gaslights, toxic mother, insecurity…
All the things I deeply dislike in either sex, to be honest. It also suggests in the book that the Dark Mother may present as a Dark Father. I supposed this will depend on where your past meets the present and what baggage you’re still carrying underneath it all.
What I did know was that I had already dealt with this for decades before I decided to cut off most contact. I wasn’t about to deal with it again, yet, here I am, evoking the very essence of that type of person, asking for another round…
After the invocation to the Shadows and the offering, I called forth the Dark Mother. As I completed the equivalent to her enn, I could feel her in the area, yet she felt distant. Normally, the entity is waiting right in front of my (or similar) by the time I complete the last repetition. Yet, she was holding back.
“Dark Mother, come forth…”, I waited for a minute, feeling her there, but not coming forward.
So, I pulled her forward.
(What comes next is her response, as it was given, by an entity that doesn’t have to breath. It started softly, in a hurt sort of voice and built until she was almost screaming at me)
DM: “Why do you have to be so rough and hard on me? Did I deserve it? No, I didn’t. If you had to be so rough, it’s because you didn’t ask nicely, ask the right way. You shouldn’t do that, you know. I bet you were raised better than that and you need another lesson, it seems. Would you do that to your own mother? I bet you wouldn’t. Why did you do it to me, then? I can’t believe you just resorted to violence without even thinking about doing it another way. I mean, really, did you have to go ando -”
M: “-Shut the fuck up.” (I read her the rules).
DM: "Well, I never thought that you would - "
M: “Yes you agree or no you will go for good?” (She stonewalled me for a minute before finally answering a quiet ‘Yes’. Legion nodded that she would follow them). “Good, the ritual is over.”
The ritual was over at this point. Everyone else left the space, but Dark Mother remained in the ritual area, glowering at me.
Abaddon came back after Dark Mother had gone.
A: “You handled that well.”
M: “I felt like a jackass, but I’ve dealt with her type before (not with that type of language, I might add)”
A: “No , you haven’t. Not quite. You’ve handled people that act like that, but you forget that hers is (entirely) an act. It’s a means to an end. She has two goals - to feed and to cause things to happen so she can feed. You will likely not find a use for her (skills) any time soon. Keep that in mind, too.”
(The rest of the conversation would have no significant value to the community at large).
Once Abaddon had gone, Legion came back.
L: “You were a little rough with her. (He chuckled a little after this). You’re almost done. You’re getting close. Don’t quit now.”
M: “I wasn’t planning to.”
L: “But you’re feeling the effects.”
M: “Yes, I am. I’m a lot darker than I was. More in deed than in spirit (I had started bouncing back during my break). I expect the effects will lessen considerably when it is completed (the initial work-through).”
L: “Are you sure?”
M: “Yes, I am. I will take what I have learned and walk another path afterwards. But that is then and not now.”
L: “And there’s a ways to go until then”.
With that, he left.
4 Likes
The work continues, despite not posting recently. Most of the conversations have been about things that no one else would have any value from.
One thing I’ve been told to do is research the Egyptian Book of the Gates and the Lovecraftian current. I guess I’m going to walk one of those next. I’m not done with Dark Mother or Hat Man, but was told my work with them will be mainly passive for now.
One thing I’ve been thankful for is that all of the “practicing” seems to have dropped off since I started putting it to actual use.
I’ve put some time into my shadow wand. I’m not going to be satisfied with it (even if it was nearly perfect, which it’s not). I still have room for Ranzael and Legion.
5 Likes