So let me start off by saying this is just an outlet for this anxiety, sadness, and overall harsh emotions.
I seriously sobbed for the first time in years this evening. Stemming from:
my true love ghosting me for 6 months straight. instead of explaining her pain to me, she decided to get a new guy to share that with.
My physical ailments, one right after another right after another.
my loneliness. This is because nobody wants to hang with the mental guy. I have autism and ADHD.
My inability to manifest for myself, or anyone anymore.
Even with the best resilience Belial could give me, I couldn’t contain it any longer. That true love contacted me today apologizing, and that set it off. I feel jealous, sad, angry, confused, and more in love than I ever did when we were together, despite her harsh treatment towards me. I cried for change. The spirits that possessed me, my temple, and my life told me it’s time to get what I wanted, but I can’t manifest, and i’m sick and tired of it. I’m lucky I can evoke and astral travel, but even the work of Ganesha, Shiva, and Hanuman is still yielding no true results. To the social groups at school, I’m expendable. I talk and all they do is look straight past me, then continue talking among themselves. I have a 100,000$ device implanted into my spine, and a pain syndrome newly diagnosed just for me. On top of that, I have permanent gastritis and Gastroparesis. I consider myself a strong individual, able to stand up for anyone and everyone. Yet, I have multiple lives on my shoulders, including my own. All of my experience in magick is what the spirits tell me. Therapy has done nothing but try to force me to Christianity and Catholicism. If I can get one spell to work, just one, i’d be to give me the life I want. Or at the very least respect and admiration by my peers. I’m high-strung, almost rung out dry. I don’t know what else to do. Please, help me. I need it.