My journal to talk about whatever

Haven’t gotten there yet. Fell asleep doing clairaudience work

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So sitting down on my ass and waiting to hear more sounds is taking too long. I’m gonnaend up denying reality and altering whatever makes my ears do the hearing

I’m almost 900% sure that it’s my mind and body, not really my energy. Gonna program my mind and body to hear clairaudiently 100%

I made my legs strong and flexible within a few minutes, I can probably do the same for clair
audience

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I decided to make a sigil. Later, my nose started bleeding. I decided that I’d boost my progress a little bit.I had such a small amount of blood on this sigil. But I heard that less is more.

Thankfully, this isn’t tied to any other entity so it won’t matter

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So the self love ritual(s) I did last time took a while, but I basically defied reality to make some things much more “vast”. That took a lot of effort, and a few hours, but TODAY, I did a VERY similar ritual using the same methods and concepts and it took way less than 1/8th of the effort.

The original ritual was yesterday

If you ever get SUPER good at permanently altering your mind/body/energy system, PLEASE go all out in trying to reprogram your mind for certain things you want in your life.

Learn how to instantly reprogram your mind, and once you can feel it, start expanding it powerfully. Changing your mind, energy and body LITERALLY changed your entire life instantly. PLEASE be conscious and on the look out for more “affirmations” or ideas that will help you.

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This is how I let go of all my fears. I can totally relate to the reality feeling fake thing, too.

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I changed my Last name, and created a bloodline of sorts. It was a recommendation from Hecate to start creating gifts that are usually mind blowing for others.

Ezehal, is the name. A weird one, but I’ll get used to it. I will @ lady eva when I feel comfortable enough to change my username to it.

I think I should be banned from this forum.

I’ve just fallen into what looks like a turbulent depression period and i found some very, very scathing material I couldn’t see before I hit TL3.

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I should be banned from this forum, but I need to fucking get my bearings. I just… i don’t even think i can describe it, it’s very nature is beyond reality. it’s being. i am being.

I passed attainment. i forced my way out of that process. I became something terrible. I don’t know what I am. I feel so inhuman, i felt like it was missing, and i feel something cold taking it’s place. something without drive or self.

i know what to do, but i’m scared, and i feel nothing, at once. i cried. it looks so thin. it looks so gone. past that veil, i’m nothing, and i see my mistakes. i see them. i notice all of the uproar i caused here, and i am full of doubt that i should be here, but where ELSE could I be? WHERE?

i can’t be anywhere else. i can’t even feel anywhere could be a better place than here. i at least have Y’Berion. I at least have some people. Some people. Who hated me. That feels dark. So dark.

Belial refuses to support me. He lies to me every time, so I won’t try to ask.

I am asking for help.

Maybe you should work with bodhisattvas to balance your spirit and mind? I just build on my experience, as working with them helped me in part in realizing myself and helping with other problems.

I am balanced. i am too balanced. everything i was is gone. everything i was is gone.

I am instantly becoming. I am being. I got what I needed.

Block the negative and embrace the positive.

Astrally, place a powerful shield in front of yourself to block all the bad. When bad gets through, transform it to what you desire.

Embrace the things that interest you or find a new hobby. One way to obtain true happiness is by immersing yourself into an activity. You can only focus on what you’re doing; it’s as if nothing else exists when you get “in the zone”.

Know that you are a liked individual here.

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I’m not negative. I love everything. That’s the hard part. I’m in a great mood.

This isn’t normal. I’m not self. I don’t have one.

Perhaps this is strange but I am the same way. I know it isn’t normal, but it is awesome. I don’t want to be normal. Being normal sucks.

Actually, I guess I can cycle myself to normal, but even that’s not really normal.

U are self. All your feelings and everything make u u.
If you mean you don’t have anybody, then I wouldn’t worry about that, but I don’t think you mean that.

I think I’m being restricted from getting help that actually connects with what I feel.

Attainment is being, being is…

I learned, to be infinitely, infinitely being, is to attain, and to attain, one must go beyond and be. Be beyond that level of attainment.