im feeling an almost supernatural pull towards vodka. iv never had a sip of any alcohol before and after what it did to my brother i don’t plan too, but i still find myself staring longingly at the bottle. is this some kind magic thing? could drinking help in some way? or should i be talking about this with my therapist?
I use alcohol in my ritual usually wine or liquor I give it as offerings and I also drink some
I used to feel that way as a kid and ended up addicted, there’s some evidence that certain genetics predispose you towards drinking heavily.
My HONEST advice is never start, I wish I never had. I know people say “Oh you’re just pathetic, I can handle it” but most of them won’t got 2 or 3 months not drinking and not even noticing that they’re not drinking, so…
The MYTH of alcohol is that only broken people get addicted, and yet its mechanism is exactly the same as any other addictive drug, and in lab studies, 100% of animals given repeat doses will get additcted and start to need it.
Most people can control this stuff for a while then something bad happens, and you start doing it more, and then you’re addicted and it’s too late to go back, you have this thing in you like a whiny toddler asking “are we there yet” on repeat play, and “there” is anything that it can use as an excuse to drink.
(This is something I posted elsewhere, updated slightly, make of it what you will.)
My experience with addiction & thoughts on the matter.
tl;dr version is everyone who ever picked up a drink or wrap etc thought they could handle it;
for a long time the addiction maintains that illusion through feeling so damned good that the costs seem to outweigh the losses, and your tolerance and therefore frequncy of use can remain low-level for a long time;
and you only know you’re in too deep when you’ve gone well past the point where it’s going to be incredibly painful and hard to get out, plus a lot of your life by then will become about (and/or have been damaged by) your substance/s of choice and the people it brings into your life.
This was my timeline:
1. Start of the golden glow – drinking just a small amount feels wonderful, sparks new insights and inspirations, even the hangovers were kinda fun, permission to have a day of thinking and taking it easy, very enthused about it all.
Totally believe that while no animal model has ever shown that alcohol is non-addictive when it’s drunk regularly, loser human alcoholics are still somehow a breed apart from brainiacs like myself.
At this stage I’d overcome a long episode of bulimic behaviours using my willpower and wits, and by studying the topic, so I had good cause to think I had steely will and the kind of smarts you’d need for this, since eating disordered behaviour can be very like an addiction in some ways (stress-relieving, and takes up enough mental run-time that your other problems seem to diminish).
2. Interim term – still feels wonderful and like the costs (money, hangovers feeling not so great, vague nagging awareness lots of intelligent people die of this shit) are far less serious than the benefits, and having a fantastic social life revolving around it.
Few funny stories of things said or done when pissed as a fart, imagine alcohol to be this cool safe thing that just turns up the volume a little with me and life in general.
3. Start of the badlands – a few things done and said under the influence that were destructive and couldn’t be taken back, increased frequency of use, feeling not quite right if I was sober for too long.
At this point I ascribed ALL negative consequences to bad planning, such as talking to my boss one night when I was drunk and ran into him in a bar – I knew he went there so I shouldn’t have, or things like drinking stronger drinks, the “I should have stuck to beer” theory, drinking on an emtpy stomach, or when tired, etc.
Individually these do make sense, but in the bigger picture, they’re ignoring the fact that my tolerance had risen so high that I’d go from “almost enough drunk” to skullfucked reckless asshole without knowing it.
4. Deeper in de Nile dan a crocodile… at this point I was drinking 1 – 2½ bottles of wine daily, considered I “needed it” due to mental health issues I’d had all my life (clinical depression, which I later got rid of using magick and dietary changes).
My main concern by this point was trying to protect my body from the effects, by eating the right foods (lots of B-complex vitamins and electrolytes), good hydration, etc. Hours spent online trying to find new ways to drink heavily and stay healthy. It was as though my health was something to be spent slowly over time, but as parsimoniously as possible.
I was able to work pissed off my tits on about ¾ litre bottle of rum on several occasions, and because I was working with 2 other functional alcoholics (one of whom was also a heavy cocaine user) I did get lucky to some extent.
Some of my family (not all, they’re a mixed bunch and some are straighter than a straight thing) had died from or been made ill by drink and drugs, and an interesting thing I experienced as a pay-off at this stage was I suddenly understood why they’d been unable to stop: it would be fair to say that if getting high was a church, you could suddenly count me in among its believers.
It was at this point it dawned on me that I was not uniquely smarter or better than any other addict who’d been killed by their stuff of choice, and so my focus became on preserving my life as a continuing heavy-drinker. I’d out-clever them, prove my superiority, and beat the statistics that way, instead.
But it did help me reconcile a bit to why they’d not just put their responsibilities and loved ones first, since it was becoming obvious to me that just walking away at the first sign of it being a problem didn’t feel like an option.
5. Badlands – by this stage I figured alcohol was the only thing keeping me sane (addictions cause you to lie to yourself a LOT) and the only way to unwind, I was doing a lot of work from home and because I’m a perfectionist I do find it hard to switch off when possible responsibilities are in my inbox, and cracking open that first bottle was a good way to draw a line under it.
A lot of perfectionists become alcoholics, partly for the off-switch and partly because we want the highest high possible, so our tolerance increases fast.
I lost one good friend over this, a memory that’s too painful to try and even summarise, suffice to say I acted like an asshole under the influence one time too many. And the financial cost was horrendous.
6. Recovery – I set a date and packed it in using a combination of Rational Recovery and anything else I could find, for example making sure to keep my blood sugar stable (I was a vegetarian back then) and researching nutritional supplements. The process of recovery alone took my full mental attention for about 3 months and I had to cut ties and change my social life to accommodate it.
My overall point is that I didn’t realise something that felt so fucking incredibly good and which did bring me good things for a very long time would tilt, slowly, and attempt to wreck my life.
And this is the issue – you don’t know addiction’s got you until you’re at a point where it’s going to be incredibly fucking painful to get away, and require immense amounts of will and also the right support for you, because a lot of what gets offered as treatment for addiction is utter bullshit.
If you think having a strong will alone will protect you, you’re dead wrong – and also kidding yourself that every other single person who ever died of drink, drugs, or even cigarettes was somehow weaker than you.
Every single one of them?! Get a fucking grip on your ego and face the facts.
Also, like I’ve said before, magicians especially want states and experiences “the common man” doesn’t have, we have a high tolerance for risky endeavours, we want power and the feeling of power, and we tend to see ourselves as being a little “different” to the average joe out there and assume we can always buck statistics, since the art of magick is about disrupting probablistic outcomes through an act of will.
Perfectionism as well, and a love of extreme states is pretty common with magicians, and those are also things that suck us in deep and fast – we aren’t “moderate” people content to half-assedly do things we love, to stop sipping at the 2nd glass of wine or pass up a chance to get high when we’ve got time to do it, we want the brightest fucking fluorescent life possible, and to push reality and ourselves to the limits.
If you were to ask anyone who knows about addiction what personality-type is most likely to get addicted, it would pretty much be that – it doesn’t mean we’re wrong or need to change, or submit ourselves to relentless 12-step style attacks on our own ego and judgement skills, but it does mean recognising that every aspect of life has a downside, and this is probably ours.
You’ll only know if you the one who can’t just stop using when you’ve become hooked and find you can’t stop, so you have to ask is that a risk worth taking.
Nobody ever who got hooked on drink, drugs, or cigarettes, and got their life wrecked by those delights ever thought it would happen to them, period.
And then for a long time when you are hooked, the fact the human brain can’t remember pain very well, the fact your social life will revolve round being with other users, and the general fact of it feeling wonderful will keep you in the dark about the horrendous reality that you’re not some kind of Übermensch – you’re just another person with a biological body and brain that got hooked like everyone else.
I am well aware that this isn’t generally a popular stance to take amongst magicians, and I have every possible understanding of why people want to stay at the management/health-spending stages, I’m just sharing this to tell you what a simple, pleasant glide it is, for a long time, until suddently one day it’s hell on earth.
Of all alcohols, there are many that I prefer the taste of, but i always identify as a “vodka girl.” I am a Russophile through and through, and I see nothing wrong with it.
However, I drink something like one shot a month, just because I don’t think about it and I don’t like drinking alone (my other half drinks extremely rarely as well)
If you ever under go possession and a spirit wants you to partake for it to have that experience, just know that its your ritual and you are the creator. Some spirits like a drink offering of alcohol to be offered up to them, Hecate is an example of this. Just things to consider…
Personally, I think I would be hindered in my magical operation if I were drinking during ritual.
It’s not good drinking it for Magickal work and neither, in my albeit limited experience, is consuming dead animals - although there are exceptions in both cases. A quality Absinthe will get you physically intoxicated but mentally clear. (Don’t drink Green Fairy. Doubs is good, as is Mr Jekyll. There are others.)
When I was younger, too many times I’d see the sun come up through bloodshot eyes on the promise that I’d feel better as the day progressed. Then I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. These days my drugs of choice are nicotine, caffeine and that one Crowley wrote about in chapter 177 of Liber Aleph vel CXI. I rarely drink alcohol but when I do it’s top-shelf stuff. The Head of my (former) Magickal Order (when you join you’re joined) used to say that DOM Benedictine was the drink of Magicians, but I have a suspicion he just made that up.
It’s winter where I am and when winter comes I drink brandy. I do that mainly because I’m one of the few and brandy is so underrated. As a lhp practitioner it behoves me to be consciously different from the crowd. That’s the Magickal reason I drink brandy. You can purchase brandy snifter glasses in as-new, unmarked condition from most second hand stores. When a young couple gets married, sure enough at least one wedding guest will surprise them with two brandy snifters and a cut glass bottle with plastic stopper. How many young married couples or anyone else for that matter, do you know who love nothing more than hitting the brandy?
And brandy is so uncool because it’s an old person’s drink. That’s because most brandy drinkers don’t discover it until later in life, more’s the pity, so I’m trying to let you know now. I take mine straight and slow. Having around 40% alcohol you have to take it slow. Just like lots of different things, if you rush you miss out on so much. First you have to experience the aromas of the glass from different nose heights, because these are the flavours you’ll be searching for. Push your nose right in and wash your sinuses win alcohol vapour. Take a couple of drops and let it burn its way to the back of your mouth, then run your tongue around before taking a couple more drops and letting your tongue explore these straight away. You need to acclimatise your tongue if you want the full range and depth of flavours.
Try to start off with a five star VSOP brandy as these usually represent value for money. Traditionally you hold the snifter horizontally and stop filling just before it overflows, then right the glass. A shot of brandy - taken properly - can last 45 to 60 minutes or more as the aromas and flavours change with the heat transferred from your hand(s) but if you’re desperate, heat the snifter with boiled water, get rid of the water and pour the brandy into your hot glass. If you suffer cold or ‘flu brandy’s the thing. Just self-medicate until you feel better as it’s full of antioxidants.
Finally, don’t swill around the brandy in your snifter unless you’ve done so a few times in front of a full body mirror so you know how reprehensibly stupid you look. Ditto with pretentiously warming your brandy in a wire stand with candles - the dilettante vulgarity of which is simply breathtaking.
Many people can drink a little bit here and there without any compulsive issues, but, for many others, alcohol and other substances can wreak havoc on them. It’s a psychological issue rather than a sign of weakness. The objects of addiction get conflated with survival instincts in the reptilian brain, making their abuse a subconscious drive that can be very difficult to manage. There are many factors involved with addiction, but genetics play a role— just ask the Native Americans how well getting introduced to booze has worked out for them.
I had an intravenous opiate addiction for three years after a severely life-threatening illness thoroughly destroyed my physical and psychological health when I was 15. Now, I can have a drink without losing it, but I still have to do a whole lot of yoga and meditation on a daily basis to keep myself stable enough to avoid shooting up and other self-destructive behavior.
You say your brother is an alcoholic, and it also sounds like you’re having cravings without ever having had a drink, so the likelihood that you have some genes making you susceptible to addiction is pretty high.
From your original post, as others have echoed - it seems you may be genetically predisposed to over imbibe alcohol, as per your Brother.
If I were you, I would hold off on imbibing at all. Or at the very least until you feel well and thoroughly mentally prepared.
However, in terms of my own experiences - generally speaking I tend only to use alcohol during magick when offering as sacrament or similar. I tend to take a sip only.
I have however had a fantastic experience when performing ritual in the forest whilst being slightly intoxicated from a good scotch. High quality alcohol is much “cleaner” than cheaper stuff.
It is the only time I have ever performed magick whilst under the influence (other than psychedelics, but that is another story entirely) and it went alarmingly well. Afterward, I lay in the forest and napped off the effects before hiking back home.
All in all, gorgeous experience but would likely not recommend to anyone with a predisposition for addiction.
When I used alcohol the first time, I got a buzz. I then saw the documentary "What The Bleep Do We Know? This had a channeled entity called Ramtha. He says he raised his vibration and left the physical realm.
Something inside me told me the Buzz of the alcohol was the key WITHOUT THE ALCOHOL !
So I focused mentally on creating the buzz in myself and raising my bodies energy vibration. It worked.
I get the same with breathing white/gold light energy into myself for several minutes. All natural.
One night when I fell asleep in bed doing this, I woke up to an INTENSE pressure in my base chakra. The nerves in my forearms were vibration as energy ran down them from the upper arms to the hands.
This lasted maybe 15 to 20 seconds. Then all was normal.
In meditation class days later, while doing energy work, I used this same technique of imagining my body revving higher. At one point the instructor says, "You’re revved to high… Turn it down.
I did not say what I was doing beforehand. He is a psychic instructor, so could see and sense what I was doing.
A couple of months later I class doing this technique with only 2 hours sleep and a 5 hour energy drink, (that’s a combination). I suddenly had my spine vibrate, from the base up to the head. All 33 vertebrae. Tooks a couple of seconds from start to finish. Almost passed out. Nothing else came of that.
I have woken up to a ticklish blish in my neck and from the base chakra up to the head and down the front to the heart. I woke up completely then. COSMIC ORGASM ! Yes, nice and unbearable.
Some years later, while half asleep doing this, I suddenly was seeing everywhere at once (eyes closed with third eye). I did not catch myself in time and jerked all the way awake.
A book some years later confirmed my experience and interpretation, that I was seeing everywhere at once, beyond 3rd dimensional sight.
NOT TO GET OFF TOPIC. I say all of this to state The Alcohol Was A Tool To Show Me A Means Of Doing This Bliss And Higher Vibration Phenomena Naturally. WITHOUT ARTIFICIAL SUBSTANCES…
This is my own experience and should only be used as a guide.
Also I generally stay from alcohol, and avoid other drugs.