Falling into old life patterns and destructive ways. how to overcome this?iu

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So I’ve been off the forum for a couple months since I started working and I’ve fallen back into my old destructive ways. I seen to be caught in a cycle of bullshit and addiction that constantly goes flu circle against again. this last time that i was doing well i was getting into magic and meditation making great progress IMO for a newbie and sewing actual results but after falling back into the bullshit I pretty much stopped everything magic wise and spiritually wise rifht away. One thing I noticed before I fucked up again was that i was changing. what seemed like for the Better but at the sake time it all seemed too real and like that i may have been leading myself towards insanity or delusions.

it’s a hard to know exactly where the line of insanity and sane is and which side you are on when it comes to this and when you partake in this all alone. the questions and thoughts of reality turn and twistes in my brain daily and it sadly seemed easier to fall back into old bullshit destructive ways other than to continue down the path i was on looking for answers and results.

I’m not sure if any of you have ever been in this situation? maybe all of you have who jumped into this. and I don’t mean the addiction part rather the other part.

every thing just seemed to start getting to real! I feel like a loser sitting here typing things knowing i fuxked up and took steps backward again. I had a plan and fucked it up. I need to get back in the right mindset and continue what i stopped while staying confident in my mental health and current reality…

this is more of a ramble post rhan I intended it to be but how does one do this and keep therr sanity. this all became a bit too real and I feel subconsciously i lead myself to fuck up in order to protect myself from losing my sanity from all of this and made up excuses like everyone does.

how do we tell what is legit and real in the things we do. nobody I know partakes in any kind of magic and just lead mundane structured lives. I have nobody to speak to about how I’m feeling or what im thinking other than messaging people here.

I just wonder how this is for one of you has been doing this for at least a couple years and how you keep yourself sane and straight. preferably someone here who doesn’t have anyone else to speak to about what they do. it would be nice to get some reassurance on all of this in one way or another.

well that’s enough on this rambling post. hopefully I fix things in my life soon and get back on track like I was.

P.S for any of you that are gonna say ask a spirit my answer to that is I can’t communicate.
I’m still having weird dreams like I had since I got into magicm. recently had a dream that i was surrounded by bunch of snakes. it made me think about where i was progressing and why and how I messed up…

all real helpful comments would b appreciated. I need to understand all this and do better

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Admitting you have a problem is the first step forward. Now you have to fine a solution and keep working on your self. Don’t make an enemy of yourself because that’s the worst kind. Love yourself enough to allow it to heal. Also writing things down helps. I got led to this video a while back! Hope it helps.

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Thank you I did like the video. I honestly didn’t watch it until today. I am currently doing much better. I am clean and picking my life back up together piece by piece.

I still have negative energy around me that I’m trying to shed but I feel hopeful for the future.

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:hugs: i am glad to hear that!

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If you’re stilling running into problems with “what’s real” try reading this, I mean actually reading it, not just downloading it and maybe skimming the first page :stuck_out_tongue: then meaning to get to it later on: The Kybalion PDF, archived link (we don’t trade PDFs on here as a general rule but this one is okay, the text is out of copyright and the edition was given for download from the site that created it).

I can’t recall if I replied with these to you before, apologies if it’s a duplicate, I shared why I think magicians are prone to addiction here: Opiates and magick? - #3 by Lady_Eva

Doesn’t mean to say you can ever let it take you over, but it does mean you’re very far from alone, and not even weak - addiction is a given after a certain point, that differs among different people but not by much, and your strength of will can be used against you by the addictive voice within trying to get what it wants, and telling you that you have the ability to ride it out. quit any time, etc. I shared my experience with that shit, here: Magick and booze - #4 by Lady_Eva

Good to see you back. :slight_smile:

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Thanks lady Eve I will check this out and it’s good to be back. I know when it comes to relapse we all make one type of excuse or another for it. At the time it seemed much easier to become numb to it all again then to to keep going down the rabbit hole so to speak. We each have our own adventure to go thru and I believe for me its worth pursuing instead of thinking about all the what ifs down the road. Best wishes to you as well :yum:

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Hey lady Eva just finished the kybalion :exploding_head:
Thank you for the recommendation. I liked it a lot and it really opened up my eyes certain things. I’ve been looking into and thinking greatly on what is this reality we live in and how do we manipulate it to our advantage. Are we merely in and advanced simulation… Stuff like that. I’m open minded but always skeptical.

Anyways I loved the hermatic teachings from it and would like to learn more so I can put what I learn to practice.

Do you have any other recommendations? I ask you because you are much more advanced than myself at this point when it comes to this and I know there is a ton of stuff on the occult.

Id rather not waste my time with useless literature and would like to engage in something that can be of some real use to me and my life.

Again thanks for the recommendation. I still have to check out the opiate and magic link and read your experience as well.

Whatever you can send my way I appreciate it :grin:

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Excellent, pleased you got so much from it! :+1:

It is truly a handy manual for metaphysics. People say “hurr durr only in the causal” but the existence of acausal is simply Polarity in action… (sips tea, looks smug! :frog: )

With the concepts in that still fresh in your mind, take another look at what I did here as a core empowering ritual for myself, and maybe use it as a model if you like or craft something from words YOU love, and don’t be afraid to keep it as a work in progress, adding new things, taking out the old:

The thing here is to wean yourself directly to that Source power that is also You, and avoid shady relationships of calling on EITHER angels, OR demons for this heart-of-hearts thing, then you can go make buddies and romp around in the manifest universe of discrete forms all you like, later.

But you walked to the top of the mountain and it’s important to stake your claim, not via the “grace” of any living thing except the All, which is to say, what is really You.

If you don’t fancy doing the full ritual, simply use the Stoicheia circle within that as a personal power thing, it calls on NO external gods/forces/powers, it’s about planetary energies which can be found in all things, and gives you mastery.

The concept of the All that lies back of, and behind, all things, allows for it to extend forth using certain comprehensible principles, one of which is the Principle of Correspondence, so attuning with, and then mastering, your own planetary energies will help empower you.

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Awesome :+1: :grin: I will check out the ritual tonight after work. I don’t know about you but I had to reread many paragraphs over and over in the kybalion to grasp the meanings.

Also yes I would much rather use the power within then call on others for assistance even though we are all “the ALL” so to speak.

One thing I’m greatly interested in is using the higher laws to manipulate the lower plane laws. I comprehend the meaning but would like an example or method on how to actually do so.

In that reading it talks so much about giving the master key to the students but I don’t know where the door is ?!?! Lol or how to use the key?!?

If you have any examples or methods on how to do this to any degree, especially manipulate our material world please do share. If there’s something you’d rather not post you can always PM me. Thanks a bunch!!:grin:

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The Principle of Correspondences is how sympathetic magick works, using the doctrine of signatures and things like poppet spells, for example.

The door is what people run into when they agonise about “what’s real, are spirits egregores, are they just aspects of my mind?” or go crazy when weird stuff starts happening, like thinking something then someone they meet randomly starts talking about that thing, or when people cannot understand why it is possible to be both involved in the world and seeing it as a co-created type of hologram.

The Divine Paradox, especially, fucks people up again and again. “Oh I am all mystical and all is One, so therefore, better stop caring about things in this world (except the need to tell, whine, and nag others they also should stop caring as well lol)”… and so on. :wink:

It’s more useful to you to come back to magick knowing what you know now, and underdstand which Principle it uses. :+1:

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I would say look up Think and Grow Rich. They are free copies in the app store or online.

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Thanks I’ll check it out