Oh my God, guys… I’m finally winning. After 21 years, I’m finally winning.
First of all, Hello, everyone! Good morning.
So, let me just say that I waited a while to write this journal. I wanted to be sure that I could back up what I was going to say. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t simply kidding myself. I didn’t want to make judgement too early, but I had such a strong intuition to write about this and let the BALG community know of the news. I figured that perhaps it was indeed time.
I would like to inform everyone that all of my addictive behaviors are officially gone.
Pornography addiction is no more. Junk food addiction is no more. After 10 years of suffering, I am finally free. All thanks to Lilith and Belial.
One would argue that this is such a bold claim to make. How is it possible that a 10-year addiction could be subdued within months? To be quite honest…I am not sure myself. But I wanted to wait a while before making the claim, just so I could get past the whole “placebo” ordeal.
But I think it is safe to say that whatever Belial and Lilith did…worked. And it worked wonders.
I actually showed signs of this addiction being cured immediately after Belial’s evocation. But it was far too soon to label these addictions as “resolved”. Now I can officially make the statement that such issues are no more.
They’re just…gone. It’s like I’ve never had them in the first place. I don’t even know what it feels like to binge on porn anymore. I haven’t even had a thought of watching porn. I forgot what a cookie tastes like. It’s like they disappeared! I noticed this upon the following days of making the deal with Belial. I had seemed to effortlessly pass up cookies, shakes, pizzas, burgers, cakes, soda…all without any effort on my part. I wondered…“what is going on?”
Usually, upon trying to quit an addiction, there is a period of extreme urges and extreme depression upon removing the substance from your life. In the nofap community, this period is called a “flat line”. I am not sure what it may be called in other areas. But…even months in, I seemed to have no urges at all. As I said, it was like these addictions were never discovered.
Which is exciting, but frightening at the same time. Why frightening? Well, it has to deal with Lucifer.
I have his…permission. Permission to reveal tiny bits of the pact I created with him when I first began this journey. Of course, I can’t show the full pact, but for the sake of documentation I am allowed to reveal tiny portions of it. This pact with Father is what began my entire journey, and is the sole reason that I am here with you all now. My very first desire in the pact was as follows…and I quote:
“I desire that Lucifer cures me of my addiction to pornographic content, and my addiction to refined sugars and processed foods. Lucifer understands that once this contract is signed by both parties, I, (FULL NAME), shall no longer experience addictive behaviors to pornography, processed food, and refined sugars. It shall be as if I had never discovered such behaviors in the first place.”
His response was…“Now Jordin, I can do this for you, of course. But you must give me some time, okay?”
I replied simply with “I understand”.
And he did it. They all did it, god dammit.
They all fucking did it.
I can’t express the joy that comes from being free from the chains of these addictions. How wondrous it feels to know that I am no longer tempted by foods like burgers and cake. To know that I can easily pass them up by my own will. To know that I can finally say “No thank you” to an offering of a burger. I am finally in control.
For the first time in 21 years…I am finally in control.
Upon realizing that my addictive behaviors were gone, I immediately contacted Belial.
Me: BELIAL, YOU DID IT!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! YOU DID IT!!!
Belial: Woah, boy. What is bringing you such excitement?
Me: THEY’RE GONE! THE TEMPTATIONS! THEY’RE ALL GONE!
Belial: Gone…you say?
Me: You did it! You cured me! You cured me!
Belial: (laughter) Boy…I didn’t do anything.
Me: My body’s healing! My skin is clear! I’m not tired anymore! My social anxiety’s gone!! Normal food tasted good again! I can finally have a decent conversation with women!! Ten years I’ve had these issues…ten years I’ve tried to subdue them with every technique. Ten years I’ve failed. And you’ve cured them all in one day!
Belial: Well, I-
I immediately gave Belial a giant hug. I think it was…a bit too tight.
Belial: Argh! Dammit, child!
Me: I owe you everything. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I acted. Please, please forgive me.
Belial: (laughter) I don’t need your forgiveness, lad. The fact that you were willing to change is enough of forgiveness for me.
Me: Do you want anything? I’ll give you anything. I’m 21 now. I can get you the most expensive alcohol I can find. Please let me repay you.
Belial: Not necessary, boy. No need to repay me. You actually listening to me is more than enough.
Me: Are you…are you sure?
Belial: I’ll admit, boy. I thought you wouldn’t listen. I thought you wouldn’t obey my command. I thought for sure that your studio would be burned down by my hand. But you listened. You surprised me. I knew that I finally reached your subconscious. I finally made you realize that these addictions aren’t worth it. And that’s worth more than any “material” repayment.
Me: What happens now?
Belial: Well, I still have my end of the blood deal to fulfill. So I need you to begin your music business. You need not procrastinate on it. Plan, and execute. I will do the rest.
Me: Thank you, Belial. With every ounce of my being, thank you.
Belial: Haha, you’re welcome, kid.
After contacting Belial, I remembered Lilith. And I remembered how she pointed out the behaviors in the first place. She was harsh, but upon recognizing that these addictions are resolved, I realized that she was right. And that I owed her an apology for disobeying and not seeing the bigger picture. So, I decided that I would pay her a visit.
I entered her mansion. She has a throne room down a large hallway. I knocked on the door. To my surprise, she immediately answered.
Lilith: (delightfully surprised) Lucius.
Me: Can I talk to you for a moment?
Lilith: Of course. Come in.
I entered, and then faced her.
Lilith: So, dear. How are you?
I didn’t say anything. I just stared at her.
Lilith: (slightly concerned) Is everything alright, Lucius?
Me: They’re gone.
Lilith: What?
Tears began to fill my eyes now. And I suppose, my emotions came over me. But they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of incredible joy. I haven’t felt that in a long…long time. I walked up to Lilith and gave her one of the tightest hugs. Looking back at it, I was probably squeezing her to death.
Lilith: My word, boy. What has gotten into you?
Me: (Sobbing) I’m so sorry, Lilith. Please forgive me. You were right. You were always right.
Lilith: Dammit, child. What are you going on about?
Me: My addictions. They’re gone!
Lilith: (wiping away my tears) Oh my…gone? Are you certain?
Me: They’re gone! You did it! You saved me!
Lilith: Saved…come have a seat, child.
We both sit on her bed.
Me: I am so sorry, Mother. I was wrong. I was very very wrong. Please forgive me.
Lilith: Lucius, it’s quite alright. I am only glad that you decided to listen to me. You don’t have to apologize.
Me: I feel free, Mother. I’m finally free. Thank you. I owe you my life. I owe you my soul.
Lilith: (laughter) Well, I don’t want your soul, dear. I am glad that you finally conquered these addictions. It was all your doing. And…to be quite honest, you didn’t have to listen to me. But you did. And I respect that.
Me: Why do you do it? Why do you all help me?
Lilith: …Why do we all help you?
Me: I’m just a kid, Lilith. I’m just a regular kid. Yet, you and others…all-powerful gods and goddesses…choose to help me with my seemingly minor issues. Why?
Lilith: Well, it’s like I told you before. Every spirit has their own personal reasons. But, my dear Lucius…you are my son. What kind of parent would I be not to help you?
Something about that sentence really hit my heart-strings, and I could do nothing but smile.
Lilith: I am so proud of you. You have come a long way, child. You did a complete 180 upon yourself. That is something that personally, I deeply admire. Few are able to do that.
Me: Thank you, Mother. You inspire me.
Lilith: Well, my dear Morningstar, what happens now in your life? What is next for you?
Me: I want to become financially free. Belial will be helping me. I will also be contacting Bune to help him…help me. This far into all of this, I don’t need to be working a “job”. Especially one like the current one I’m at. I need to be on my own. The sooner I do that, the closer I can get to you and the spirits. The sooner I can ascend further.
Lilith: Do you have a plan?
Me: Belial told me to just focus on building my business as much as possible. Make it professional, and put 100% of my effort into it for the next few months. He said he will do the rest.
Lilith: Beautiful. He works fast, as I’m sure you’ve seen. If you do your part in the physical, he will surely help you in the spiritual.
Me: Thank you, Mother.
I give her another big hug.
Lilith: Well, Lucius, if you don’t mind… I have some umm…“succubus” matters to attend to. Some minor annoyances. Nothing more.
Me: Oh. Sure. I’ll let you go, then. Oh, wait!
Lilith: Yes?
Me: I just wanted to let you know that I wanted to give you a gift later on. A sort of “thank you”.
Lilith: Oh, Lucius…you don’t have no.
Me: No-no-no…please. I insist. You helping me is absolutely priceless. But I can at least show my appreciation.
Lilith: I see. So. What will it be?
Me: Well…its a surprise.
Lilith: (slight smile) A surprise, hm? I love surprises.
Me: You’ll love this one. Trust me.
Lilith: I have a small favor to ask of you, Lucius.
Me: Yes. Of course.
Lilith: You will be…writing this in a journal, yes?
Me: I have to. This is such a huge milestone in my life. I conquered an addiction with you guys. That’s amazing. The world has to know.
She slowly starts laughing.
Me: Mother…?
Lilith: I want you to include something. Something from me.
Me: Umm…Sure…? What will it be?
Well, to my admitted embarrassment, 
it was…
“I told you so.”
That being said, I would like to thank Lilith, Lucifer, and Belial for helping me tackle my addictions and finally get my life under control. As a final seal, I would like to publicly apologize to both Lilith and Belial for pushing them back when they were just trying to help me.
I apologize, Lilith.
I apologize, Belial.
Life had always steered me in several directions. I had always felt like a victim of sorts. Like I was doomed to be a loser forever. Now, with the help of the spirits, and with the help of the occult art of magick, I can finally grab life by the balls and steer it to the direction of my Will. I no longer have to wallow in self-pity. I no longer need to be sad. Upon this first major victory, I have dedicated all of my time and efforts towards reaching my goals. No more procrastinating. No more excuses. My next major win will be leaving my slave job and going into entrepreneurship. I’m going to be going in on this with 200% of my effort. Wish me luck.
I also want to thank you, dear reader, for being with me in this entire journey. Even when it seemed like I was doomed to fail. Lucifer wants me to document everything. But on a side note, it is because of you that I continue to write. It is because of you that I continue fight my problems instead of letting them beat me down. Thanks for your support…thanks for your love…
…Thanks for reading,
- Lucius
