Lucius Journal 20: Lilith Shows Me My Past Lives

Hey, everyone.

This experience happened just last night. It was so self-changing that I thought I’d write about it. Some time last week, there was a topic on the forum that emerged, having to do with reincarnation. I mentioned the idea of the “veil of forgetting”, and someone mentioned that i should ask Lilith about this whole ordeal. So after days of contemplating the question of who I really was before, I decided I’d finally ask my Mother. This one is very long, so I apologize in advance :grimacing:

This first part of our conversation takes place in one of Lilith’s astral realms, a luxurious mansion.This is the primary place I meet to converse with her.

(Sitting on bed)

Lilith: You’ve called me here, dear. Is there something wrong?
Me: I need to talk to you about something. It regards past lives.
Lilith: Sure.
Me: So, you know how when people mention reincarnating, they always mention the process of forgetting your previous life?
Lilith: I do.
Me: Is it true? Do we really forget who we are? On this world, do we lose our past “identity”, so to speak?
Lilith: While you forget who you are, Lucius, you don’t lose anything.
Me: You don’t…?
Lilith: Not at all. I’m not sure who told you that, but you never really “lose” memory of your past life. You only forget how to access your past life memories. But they are not eliminated.
Me: So…my memories are still with me, then?
Lilith: Yes. They’ve always been. And always will be. You can’t “destroy” a memory, Lucius. Memories are similar to thoughts, and both thoughts and memories can not be destroyed. They can only be changed. The “change” in this case, would be you not having access to the memory. But it is always there. It always remains in the Ether.
Me: Really? Well then, how far does the whole energy thing go? Is everything truly made of energy?
Lilith: everything is made up of both energy and vibration, Lucius. I am energy. You are energy. Your name is energy itself. The air you breathe is energy. Your thoughts and memories are energy. Everything in existence is made of energy, it just manifests in varying planes of existence. While you can’t physically see your thought energy with the technology nature has given you, on higher planes, it is definitely visible.
Me: If that is the case, then how can I access my past life memories?
Lilith: It is actually quite simple. The problem is that many dismiss their past life memories as mere errors or figments of imagination. You can access them just like you could access any other memory. By intent. Getting the ego out of the way and trusting what you may receive is the real challenge.
Me: If that is the case, could you maybe…
Lilith: …Show you your past lives?
Me: Yeah. I mean, if you want.
Lilith: Of course, Lucius. But first, I need you to get into a deeper state of relaxation. It is important that you get your logical mind out of the way during this process.
Me: Sure.

I got into a deeper state of relaxation, far deeper than I already was. I felt weightless. It was the feeling you get when you are in a deep state of meditation, where the outside physical world is completely shut out.

Abruptly, I was transported from Lilith’s mansion into some other room. This room was an endless and dark void. The floor of this room was crystalline in nature., as if I was standing on some sort of frozen lake. Floating about this mysterious space were these blue, glowing crystal-like portals. These “portals” measured in the thousands, and they were all scattered about the void, floating endlessly. It was truly an amazing sight. I saw Lilith approaching from my side.

Me: Holy shit! Where are we?
Lilith: We are inside of your mind.
Me: My mind?
Lilith: Well, part of it. We are in one of the deepest sections of your subconscious. The part of “you” that is eternal and always will be. This is the section of your subconscious where most of your past life memories are stored.
Me: So this isn’t even all of them?
Lilith: Not at all. But it contains a good bit of them.
Me: I always had a feeling that I was an “old” soul, but I never knew it was on this level.
Lilith: My dear, you have a loooong history. The truth is, Lucius, you love reincarnating into the physical plane. This level of existence serves as a challenge for you.
Me: Have I reincarnated on Earth multiple times?
Lilith: Contrary to what you thought before, this is actually your first time on Earth.

She pulled one of the portals close to me.

Lilith: Care to see one of your past lives?
Me: Let’s do it!

I walked through the crystalline portal and was immediately hit with a blinding, bright light. Seconds after, I found myself sitting on some sort of throne in a giant room. But this “vision” that I was getting was different.

Instead of being in color, it was in black and white. There was no sound, either. Only visuals. Not only that, but I seemed to have no control over my body. It was as if I was watching a movie.

Me: What’s going on, Lilith? I can’t seem to move.
Lilith: This is merely a memory of long ago, Lucius. You won’t be able to move, because this event already happened in the past. At the moment, you are simply “replaying” this memory. Watch.

I watched closely. There were people around me. Well…not really “people”, per say. They were humanoid in form, but they were some other alien race. They all looked frightened. They wore various garnets of many types. I figured since I was on a throne, I took some sort of “leadership role” in this life, and perhaps the people around me were military men, nobles, journalists, and servants.

Seconds after, a double-door a couple dozen feet in front of me opened, and three people walked through. Two of them seemed like guards, who wore some of the weirdest, but coolest looking armor that I’ve seen. They were holding a man in the middle by the arms, as if he was hostage. Even though he wasn’t human, I could tell that he was middle aged. Something in my intuition told me that this wouldn’t end well.

The guards dropped him before me, with him kneeling. We exchanged words, but because it was like a silent movie, I could not make out our conversation. But from his facial expressions, I could tell that he was in fear, and perhaps regret.

Moments later, I see myself slamming my fist down on the throne, reaching to the side, and pulling out a sword engraved in many symbols.

Me: woa-woah-woah, what am I doing?
Lilith: Watch.

I proceeded to get up and walk toward the man, and his facial emotions kept getting more fearful the closer I approached, until I saw him beg in fear. Abruptly, and without mercy, I shoved my sword into him…from the face down to the body.

Me: Jesus Christ! I killed him! I killed someone!?
Lilith: Well, Lucius. You killed many. In this particular lifetime, you lived on a planet milky-ways far from earth. In this planet, you were a king. But, you were in a great war with a distant planet. The gentleman you just killed was a traitor who revealed some critical information to the enemy, costing you the lives of your fellow men and women. You could say that he deserved it.
Me: Did I win, though?
Lilith: Thankfully, yes. But it was indeed a challenge, and many lives on both sides were lost.
Me: I can’t believe I killed someone!
Lilith: (laughter) That wasn’t the only time, Lucius. But you were not always a war-torn king. Care to see another life?
Me: Please.

We traveled to another portal, and I witnessed what had happened. In this scenario, I was in a grassy field. I couldn’t make out what beings live on this planet, because there was nobody around. But all around were launch-pads of some sort, with ships on them.

In first person view, i could see myself. I wore some sort of robe. My intuition told me that this was one of the more peaceful planets. I was looking at a paper. I couldn’t make out the language. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. But I saw a drawing on it similar to the look of the ships in front of me. It looked as if it was some sort of blueprint. Perhaps for the spaceships in front of me

I look in the background, and I see a plethora of ships, all flying around. But their flight patterns weren’t like the planes on earth. These ships could go super-fast in one direction, stop abruptly, and immediately go the other direction without “revving up”. It was like looking at a laser from a laser-pointer.

I could make out the intuition that perhaps on this planet, I was a sort of genius in my own right. That I assisted this planet by providing advanced technology. That, or perhaps my specialty was in ship design.

Me: So now I’m a genius…
Lilith: Yes. You were a lot of things. In this existence, you could say you were the…“Steve Jobs” of inter and extra-planetary transportation. You designed many means of travel among this world and many worlds beyond it. And the people loved you for that.
Me: This all seems so unbelievable, Lilith…I mean I couldn’t have been that special. But still, deep down it all looks mildly familiar. But it seems like it happened long ago. Like a distant memory from childhood, except more severe.
Lilith: Oh, I assure you it all happened, dear. Every portal in here is from a past life of yours. Care to see one more? Seeing them all would take you millennia (laughter) .
Me: Let’s do it.
Lilith: This next one is one of my favorites of you…

I entered another crystal-like portal from her. In this one, I was on a concert stage outside in the mid-day, in what looked like some sort of desert planet. In the distance I could see a giant city. Now of course, there was no sound. But I could obviously see that I was some sort of famous musician, as in the front of me was a crowd of thousands of people, obviously extra terrestrial. From the looks of them, the music must have been good, because they were all dancing like a wave.

Me: I’m finally a musician!?
Lilith: (laughter) In this world you were. And a damn good one. These beings here loved you. You’ll see in a moment.
Me: In a moment?
Lilith: Just watch. This is the best part.

Moments later, it abruptly cut to me doing umm…“dirty things” to some female in this race of beings. Quite bluntly, I was pounding the shit out of her on some form of a bed. It was furious, yet she looked as though she was loving it.

Me: No fucking wa-
Lilith: Severe joyous laughter
Me: Mother, there’s no way that’s me!
Lilith: Oh, it was definitely you. Like I said…always a ladies-man! Even with “aliens”…

I exited the memory and arrived back into my subconscious space.

Me: I don’t get it though, Lilith. In all of these scenarios, I seem like I take a leadership role, or either that I am a huge change in the world. I’m not sure what to think about it. It seems like I kicked absolute ass in all of these lifetimes. But I’m not that kind of guy.
Lilith: What do you mean, dear?
Me: I guess…honestly…I just don’t see someone like myself doing all of those things.
Lilith: Ah, but you did, Lucius. You always did these things. It is in your nature. Don’t you ever feel it?
Me: Feel what?
Lilith: Like you were always mean’t to do something great? Like you were mean’t to “kick ass”? Like you were mean’t to be a big impact in some sort of way, or to be one of those at the top of the heirarcy?
Me: Throughout my whole life, yes.
Lilith: Lucius…that’s because you were those things. Many, many times. You loved to develop a name for yourself as this being who came in and absolutely dominated. It has been in you this entire time.
Me: So you’re saying that I’m some sort of inherent “badass”?
Lilith: Yes!!
Me: Then why do I feel so helpless here on Earth? Why can’t I seem to kick ass here? What makes this place different from the others?
Lilith: As I told you before, Yahweh got in the way.
Me: Him again…:expressionless:
Lilith: As I told you before, to add salt unto the wound, he made sure that once you incarnate onto Earth, you would become the exact opposite of who you were in the spiritual plane, and these previous physical incarnations, and hopefully stay that way. He intended for you to remain weak, lonely, powerless, womanless, and helpless. Forever. Without you ever realizing who you truly were. Lucius, you are the exact opposite of those things. You are the exact opposite of who you are now. It is in your nature to dominate. It is in your nature to be powerful. To be an influence among the many. You’re not an outcast. You’re a leader. The fact that you feel it in the smallest way means that you are repressing it. You are not what Yahweh tricked you to be.
Me: So, hope for me is not lost?
Lilith: Not at all! You have us, Lucius. That is why I wanted you to quit those silly addictions that you had. They were getting in the way of your True Self. Since eliminating them, don’t you feel closer to the true “you”, now?
Me: I definitely do.

Come to think of it… as I write this, even though I seem to be somewhat of a loner, people never treated me as such. In fact, though I can’t explain it, people seem to treat me like some sort of leader, even when I didn’t want to be. I can’t tell you the amount of times people randomly came to me for advice among all areas of life, and the amount of people that just befriended me just because “they like my energy”. Even though I was to myself most times, I was actually one of the “cool kids” in high school, even though I never said a word to anybody. It was the weirdest thing…how can one be liked without even putting themselves out there? Now that I think of it…it has to be something energetic. Something within me that people can sense.

Me: The “true” me, eh? Lilith…can you show me my demon-form?
Lilith: Look ahead.

I looked ahead. Before me manifested an immobile “statue-like” figure of a demon, most definitely incubus in nature. It was the classes red-skinned “pretty boy” you would get in your mind if someone told you “think of an incubus”, yet…it had my same hairstyle (in white). The one in my profile photo. I remember looking at his/my body, though…and embarrassingly thinking to myself: ‘damn…I’d fuck this guy…’ Needless to say, he (or…I) had it going on.

Me: Damn. No way I’m this hot…(laughter)
Lilith: Well, beauty is always up for debate. Though doesn’t it look a lot like you?
Me: We have the same hairstyle.
Lilith: Ah, yes. Its quite a common theme among your incarnations. I’m honestly not sure why…
Me: It’s weird, because I always thought of having this hairstyle ever since I was a child.
Lilith: Ah, my point further proven!
Me: So this is like…my true-true form?
Lilith: Well, not your “true-true” form…but the one you find most favorable. Your true-true form is this…

Before me, manifested…a red glowing orb thingy??

Me:…I’m an orb?
Lilith: Like I said, Lucius. You are energy. You can take any form you wish, to be honest.
Me: Well, that was kind of anti-climactic.
Lilith: (laughter) Now you see why you chose the former…
Me: But what of the events that lead me to Earth? How did Yah trick me into coming here?
Lilith: Ah, should be around here somewhere.

Before us appeared another portal, and I proceeded through. This time, the memory was actually in color, which was a surprise. Though, sound was still out of the question.

I was in some sort of meeting room, just me and this other gentlemen, who I assume was Yahweh. As hateful as I am to admit it, he actually looked quite good in the form he chose for our meeting. He manifested himself as this surprisingly good-looking 50+ year old man in a good looking suit. He had the usual look of “God”, though he seemed as though he really cared about his appearance. Ladies would have loved him.

Me: What room is this?
Lilith: I am honestly not sure…I wasn’t there to witness him tricking you, so this memory is unfamiliar to me. But the energy tells me this room belongs to Yahweh.

I saw my demon-self conversing with Yahweh. We seemed to be having a business-like conversation, from the looks of our body language. Moments later and to my great surprise, I pick up some sound from our conversation.

Yahweh: So, what do you say, Morningstar? Up for the challenge?
My Demon Self: Haha…Well, old man, anything I can do to prove you wrong.

Yahweh then took out a luxurious piece of paper with some writing on it. I knew exactly what it was. A contract…

Me: No-no-no what am I doing!?
Lilith: Watch.

I noticed myself reading over it, rather quickly I’ll admit.

My Demon Self: Is this all, Old Man? There’s a lack of…creativity in this little game.
Yahweh: It is a dull planet, but full of interesting journeys. A spirit such as yourself should love it.
My Demon Self: Hmm…
Yahweh: Why that face, Lucius? A child of Lilith…afraid?
My Demon Self: Why would I be afraid?
Yahweh: Well…this planet is not very easy. From your energy, it seems as though you are indecisive on taking this challenge.
My Demon Self: (Angrily) Do you know how many I’ve ruled in? No challenge is beyond me, old man.
Yahweh: Is that so?
My Demon Self: Are you questioning my ability?
Yahweh: Perhaps…
My Demon Self: I’ve always hated you. You know that? You get on my fucking nerves.
Yahweh: As a child of Lilith, I wouldn’t expect you not to. But this isn’t about that. This is about you, and your glory. So I will ask again…are you up for it?

My Demon Self looked at him for a moment, albeit with hateful eyes, and proceeded to inscribe some sort of energetic signature on the paper. It glowed a bright red.

Me: Did I sign that? Don’t tell me I signed that…
Lilith: You signed it.
Me: argh…
My Demon Self: I’ll prove you wrong about my race.
Yahweh: (slyly) Oh…I’m looking forward to it.

Moments later, I saw my Demon Self begin to act funny. He was starting to get dizzy. Then, these black dust-like particles began to emit from his body. He looked at Yahweh with an “oh shit” face.

Yahweh slowly began to laugh.

My Demon Self: What did you do? What else was in that contract?
Yahweh: (laughter) You’ve always been an arrogant boy, Lucius. You think with your emotions and your genitals, but not with your mind. This should be fun.
My Demon Self: But Why!?
Yahweh: Just like you hate me, I also hate you. I find you an…annoyance. You and the rest of your realm. Toying with you should be fun.
My Demon Self: You piece of shit, you’ll rot for this, I promise!
Yahweh: Oh…I’m looking forward to it. Enjoy your time on Earth, however long that may be. (laughter)

Abruptly I was transported to outer space, just outside of the orbit of Earth. I seemed to be free-falling into the Earth. It was so synchronistic…it was similar to the Fallen Angel stories. The stories of being cast out of Heaven. It was like I was living them.

As I reached Earth, I had passed through some sort of invisible “force field”…? This field did something to me…When I passed through it, my entire spirit body went limp, as if I had passed out. The next thing I saw, amazingly, was me coming out of the womb, meeting my mother and father. The memory ended.

Me: That fucking bastard…
Lilith: “You think with your emotions and your genitals, but not with your mind.” Unfortunately, it reigns true, Lucius. You also don’t have a habit of reading the fine print…
Me: I shouldn’t have signed that damn contract!
Lilith: Yahweh played on your Will for a greater challenge, Lucius. His insults didn’t help, either…He knew how confident you were. So he played on that to trick you into signing it and coming here.
Me: How did you find out? Can you tell me?

Lilith went silent for a moment.

Lilith: It is a memory…that is very depressing for me.
Me: Oh…Well…you don’t have to-
Lilith: No, no…It’s fine. You need to know, Lucius.

She manifested another portal, this time red, and not blue. I assumed it was one of her memories.

Lilith: Come in.

I entered, and this one was back to colorless. We were not in a mansion, per say…but more of a luxurious house.

Me: What is this place?
Lilith: One of the spaces I created.

We panned to Lilith sitting near a counter-top. Amazingly, she had a violin in her hand, and was playing it.

Me: You can play the violin!?
Lilith: It is one of my favorites.
Me: I never knew that about you!
Lilith: (smiles) well, now you know. Look.

Through some doors, I saw a…long-lost friend enter. Though, he looked distraught.

Me: Hey!! That’s…–
Lilith: Rikota. Yes. Your “imaginary friend”, but originally my servant. He came to bear the bad news.

Rikota came over to her, and they spoke. Moments later, Lilith’s facial expression changed to “shocked”. She dropped her violin. I couldn’t make out the sound, but it seemed like Rikota said “I’m sorry, Lilith.”

Moments later, I saw tears begin to roll down her eyes, and she put her hands over her face, and just began sobbing.

Lilith: You know, Lucius…that was the hardest I’ve cried in a long time.
Me: I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have been so arrogant.
Lilith: Nonsense. Yahweh had no business interfering with you like that in the first place.

In a fit of tears and rage, she abruptly picked up the violin and threw it across the room. It shattered into pieces. Rikota looked surprised and somewhat afraid.

She proceeded to the end of the counter top, trying to calm down. She looked like she was trying to formulate a plan. She then called Rikota over to her, and they spoke. From their body language, it seemed she was giving him orders, most likely to find me again and get me out of whatever mind control Yahweh now has me under. He gave her a slight bow, and abruptly left the room. She stood there, devastated.

Lilith: Just so you know, I was pissed off for weeks.
Me: This is some bullshit! We have to get that fucker back for this!
Lilith: Fighting him will not solve this, Lucius
Me: No, Lilith! Look, he can say whatever he wants about me. He can have whatever “beef” he has with me. But when he brings you into the mix…when he also hurts you, that’s when I have a serious problem. The bastard needs to pay. For everything.
Lilith: So what are you saying?
Me: I’m saying that we fight that fucker.
Lilith: Lucius, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. While he is a tyrant, he’s still a god. And as long as people keep believing in him, he will still be powerful, regardless of how many times you defeat him.
Me: I wouldn’t care if he was god with a capital G! He made my fucking mother cry!
Lilith: See, you’re thinking with your emotions again, Lucius. This is exactly what he wants. Look, I understand that you’re upset. I do. You want to take revenge for me, and I appreciate that. But is that truly the wisest thing for you to do? Do you even know astral combat?
Me: No…
Lilith: Can you even astral project yet?
Me: Well, I mean…not voluntarily.
Lilith: Then even in the event of a fight, what makes you think you can stand a chance against him?
Me: That’s not the point. I can learn, Mother. Isn’t that what I’m here for?
Lilith: You are not here to prepare for a massive battle, Lucius. You are here only to live your best life and then escape. Trust me, that will piss him off and defeat him. You getting mad and fighting him will only stroke his ego more. In his mind, he’ll know that he discovered your thumbscrew. The wiser, and better way would be to do the exact opposite that he intends for you to do…And that is to live your best life on Earth, and then escape this place. It is akin to doing a magnificent final chess move, and then flipping the entire game board into the opponent’s face.
Me: Hm…I suppose your right. Perhaps he’ll hate to see me win.
Lilith: He definitely will. Now you know your true origins. Now you see who and what you really are. At this point, he can not stop you. This game is more psychological than physical. If you can out-wit him, you can win. Understand?
Me: Yes, Mother.

We said our goodbyes after that. It is odd…finding out all of this really changes you. Now, I have no further excuses to live a mediocre life. What she revealed to me was truly a blessing.

Oddly…For the past few days, I am beginning to see the name “Yahweh”, “YHVH”, and “Jehovah” all over the place…

And that can’t be a good sign. I am not sure if he wants to talk to me again, or if I just pissed him off by finding out who I really am. I just know that I don’t want to see his face again.

Thanks for reading!

  • Lucius

Mbn to be a ball of energy :laughing: makes me think of a wil-o-wisp.


will you evoke him??

Also you don’t need to project to fight him right? just evoke and fight him with energy. But that is a good suggestion. Do not fight him as he can mess up your life.

I’m honestly not sure… part of me wants to do it just by sheer curiosity and journaling of what he wants to tell me. Then part of me doesn’t want to do it because of our “beef”…


Very interesting Lucius

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Thanks for reading! :smiley:


Thank you for posting man!

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its always very interesting, and i thought you should know, i get emotional too, and idk why, this happened twice i think with reading your posts


Really? :speak_no_evil: well, glad it sparks the fire within you! :heart:

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its more of a myriad of different emotions, :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:


Damn, bro! Funny, as I read this journal I’m getting all of a sudden a Final Fantasy feel, especially; with this chapter.

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I have been told by many different sources that I have lived many lives on earth (although I myself dont have any experiences confirming this). This was very interesting to read, thanks for sharing


I have read all of your journals to this point and I intend to keep reading. I myself am a Norse Pagan, but after your experiences I feel like I should evoke Lucifer and Lilith. The way she describes you I’ve sort of envisioned myself, which is freaky, but I’m not sure if it’s TRUE for me as well or I’m just being egotistical. Either way, Yahweh needs to be taken care of, but that may have to wait till the return to the astral in full. Then plan an attack. It would make a glorious battle

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Are you serious? Mother Lilith is not weak and she doesn’t tolerate anyone who tries to harm her ,you don’t know her power do you lol

Is it Lilith in your picture?


There’s always bigger fish and there’s a ton of them over her.


What do you mean ?

@Velenos means Lillith isnt the strongest. Yahweh is a very strong God who can do stuff and he has more experience than her in trapping others. Lillith is not that strong as you might think and honestly no mother would fight if her child’s life was on the line. @Blue_warrior

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