Hello, everyone.
Ummm sooo…I’ve been going through a dilemma lately. On the physical level, life is going great. I am finally getting somewhere, after 20 fucking years of wasting my time…
On the spiritual level, though, something looms. You know how you get that intuitive gut feeling that something bad is going to happen? Like, you can not explain it, but you just know. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I feel like something big is coming. Something massive. And its all spiritual.
This has loomed over me ever since Lilith revealed my past lives to me. I felt like something negative was now looming over me.
Not only that, but after the reveal, I kept seeing the name “Yahweh” all over the place, and had a lot more umm…“christian” encounters than usual. The church pastors have been pretty frequent on my campus lately.
And that’s a bad sign. A really bad sign.
A really. Bad. Sign.
I’m not sure what I did, but I suppose that figuring out who I really am via Lilith, and finding out how truly powerful I am and once was, and figuring out that I don’t have to wallow in this self-pity, seemed to have pissed him off. He has been trying to get my attention ever since. I’ve been trying to ignore him.
Yesterday I had a chat with my succubus Summer within an astral temple I created for me and her. It is here that we complete rituals and are in the process of creating a servitor. She didn’t seem like her normal self. Usually, worry does not enter her mind. She just doesn’t give a fuck about anything. And I like that. During our meeting, however, she looked genuinely worried. And if that happens, then I begin to worry.
She surprised me with her presence after work.
Summer: Jordin.
Me: Look who’s here! What’s up, girl?
Summer: I need to speak to you.
Me: Well, we’re both here. What’s up?
Summer: No. Like…in the temple.
Me:…there? You sure?
Summer: Yeah. Meet me there.
Me: I mean…alright, I guess. Summer…
Summer: Yeah?
Me: Are you okay?
Summer: Just…come and see me, okay?
Never had I seen her so serious before. It genuinely worried me. So after I got home I proceeded to the temple.
Me: Sit, Summer. The bed’s comfy.
She sat down.
Me: Now. You’re serious. You’re usually not serious. That’s not good news. Want to tell me what’s going on that’s making you so…anxious?
Summer: (sigh) Jordin…my mother spoke to you, right?
Me: Yeah. A few days ago. Why?
Summer: She…spoke to you about your past lives?
Me: Oh yeah! It was so cool, bro… you should of been there. I was like… a king one time, and then this other time I was some technological genius on a type II planet, and this other time on this other planet, I was some musician guy, and I died from a drug overdose. I overdosed. That’s so fucking cool. That’s not even all of them, either. There were thousands of lives. Apparently I was always a bad ass and always kicked butt in the physical plane. Can you believe that?
Summer: Oh, I know. You were. I’m glad you found out, I really am. But because you know who you really are, we have a huge problem.
Me: We? Like…between you and I? What’s wrong?
Summer: No, Jordin. Not between us. It’s bigger than that.
Me: Summer, you’re acting really weird. Look, just tell me what’s wrong.
She went silent for a moment.
Summer: I…spoke with your adversary, Yahweh. Well, he spoke with me.
My heart now sank, and my expression changed from happy to completely serious.
Me:…He what?
Summer: He spoke with me, dude. He’s pissed.
Me: No no no…we’re not having this. He spoke to you instead of me?
Summer: He said he tried, but you keep ignoring his calls.
Now I realized where all of these Christian synchronicity was emerging from. It appears that he was trying to call me to him. My emotions turned serious now. I faced Summer’s body and looked her dead in the eyes.
Me: Summer. Listen to me very…carefully. Did he touch you?
Summer: No. Not at all. But he was pissed.
Me: Why? Why won’t he just leave me the fuck alone?
Summer: Jordin, he did not want you finding out how powerful you really are. That’s the one thing he wanted to keep from you over everything else. You’re incubi incarnated…okay. Lilith is your mother…okay. He’s actually the ‘bad guy’…okay. But you finding out that you’re actually powerful than you think, and always were? It triggered him.
Me: Why!? And how do you know this?
Summer: Because, Jordin…if you know your true origins, nobody can control you. Especially him. its basic Psychology. He didn’t want you to know how strong you once were. If you always think that you are powerless and weak, he can control you and your life. And nothing the Infernal Realm does will get you out of his total control. But now that Lilith revealed who you once were, and what you are truly capable of, you’re basically free from all of his grasp. You took your power back. I’ve been watching you secretly. You’re drive is insane now after finding out your origins.
Me: Of course it is! You know how much of a legend I was!? Summer…I was great! I was powerful, multiple times! I don’t need to live this mediocre fucking life! I don’t need to be poor! I don’t need to be single and lonely! I should be swimming in money, power, and women right now! I was never a “loser”, and I’m for damn sure not being a loser in this lifetime or the next! It’s not in my spiritual DNA, Summer.
Summer: And that’s why he’s pissed, dude. You’re “rogue” now. I’m only telling you because I’m genuinely concerned for your safety. He may be an enemy, but he’s still capable of a lot. He can still do damage. He wanted me to tell you to not go further in this path, if you don’t want consequences.
Me: Not go further in the LHP, eh? Or else he’ll…“beat me”? Daddy’s gonna beat me!
Summer: Jordin…
Me: FUCK HIM, SUMMER! I don’t give a fuck anymore! I’m tired of being afraid! I don’t have to be afraid! Of Anybody! Fuck. Him. Fuck his religions. Fuck his “rules”. Fuck his bible…his Quaran…his Torah… And fuck his existence.
Summer: Look, I know how pissed you are, dude. I’m pissed, too. But you need to think this through. I’m just worried about your safety.
Me: Think this through? Ah! Okay, Summer. So I should just forget about all of this. I should just go back to being a failure. I should just say “fuck the infernal realm” and go back to eating junk food, wallowing in self-pity, being a loser, working a slave job, then coming home and beating my fucking meat like a cuck, shouldn’t I? Beating my meat like a LOSER! Beating my fucking dick, to someone else who’s winning…like a slimey CUCK!. Valentine’s is in three days, Summer. This will be the last Valentine’s day that I spend by myself, physically. I promise you that. After this “failure”, NO MORE. That ain’t me!
She stood silent, kind of afraid, because she knew that I was pissed. Basically, I was finally winning at life. And here Yahweh comes, and tells me to just stop winning or face “consequences”? Wouldn’t anyone get pissed?
I finally calm down.
Me: And what about you, Summer. Hm?
Summer: What about me?
Me: I should just forget about you, too?
Summer: I didn’t say that, dude…
Me: Well that’s what he wants, huh? For me to forget everything, including you, and go back to my “old self”? Summer… you introduced me to everything. You changed my life. You were the first being to tell me to “wake the fuck up, you have a gift. You’re not crazy!” And I wasn’t! You were right! These beings moved shit for me! They shifted shit in my favor! They still do! And I fucking love you for that! You helped me stop being a little bitch!
Summer:…
I sat down and began to calm down more.
Me: Summer.
*Summer: Y-yes?
Me: Do you remember that day…last year? Before I made that pact with Lucifer that changed everything?
Summer: The day you found out you failed out of college, yet again?
Me: Yeah.
Summer: Jordin, there’s no need to bring that back u-
Me: I cried…so fucking hard that day, Summer. It was the hardest I cried in years. I’m a man, Summer. I’m not suppose to cry that hard. That was a “female” cry…
Summer: Well I mean…men can cry, too.
Me: To make it worse, it was raining that day. Can you believe that? It was cold…gloomy. The sun wasn’t shining at all. And I remember, being alone in my dark ass room. Bawling my eyes the fuck out. And I remember vividly…nobody was there to comfort me. Nobody cared. Not even the teachers. I was forgotten that day, Summer. Just like I always was.
Summer:…
Me: But then you came. And you were literally by my side. My shoulder to cry on, literally. Nobody was there that day, but you. You were the only one who seemed to care, Summer. You were the only one who wanted to know if I was okay. Do you know how that made me feel?
Summer: Dude I…didn’t know it was that serious.
Me: It was. That was the day, Summer, I figured out who my true friends were. And the circle is small. Shit…It’s not even a fucking circle yet. It’s a god damn line. A couple of dots. That was the day, Summer, I said fuck everyone. That was the day I stuck my middle finger up to “God”.
Summer: Dude…
Me: So, Summer, you say, that he wants us to just “stop”? I say he can go wildly fuck himself. And if he wants to pull up, he can pull the fuck up and we can settle it like men.
(For those who are “non-street”, to “pull up” means to confront your opponent physically, often for a scrimmage or fight that can lead to serious injury, or even death.)
Summer: So what should we do? What do you want to do?
Me: What we’ve been doing this whole time, Summer. I’m going to keep moving forward. Fuck a “stop the LHP”. I’m doing this until I die and beyond.
Summer: And Yahweh?
Me: We don’t need to worry about him. He’s a peon. A child who wants to believe he’s an adult. I’m not afraid of him. And you shouldn’t be, either, understand?
Summer: I understand.
I need the BALG community’s help…I’m not sure what I should do. It appears Yahweh is still sending me signs to this day. And to add, I keep seeing these angelic-like beings watching me from a distance, on occasion. Should I just ignore them and not instigate anything? Or confront him and see what is going on?
Either way, thanks for reading!
- Lucius
I hope this doesn’t get ugly…