Lost in the dark

So last night I had a dream I was in what I am guessing was ment to be my childhood bedroom. I dont have a lot of memory of the dream as I am just now starting to get snippets of my dreams again after so long without. But I’ll put what I do remember here as hopefully a catalyst to bring out more dreams.

So yeah back to my bedroom. Not sure what I was doing in there I just remember I saw a baby snake crawling through my disater of a bedroom. I was not an organized child and cleaning wasnt on the top of my lists then.

I remember being sorta apprehensive but also curious. This is how i know it was a dream. Because untill about a year ago i couldnt stand the sight of snakes and spiders. Here recently as long as they arent making aggressive moves toward me I’m indifferent. So i watched it climb around the shit on my floor. Over a skateboard and up a chair on wheels and into what looked like one of those blue kiddie pools. Every time it would move behind something it would emerge from the other side slightly larger. To the point that when it got into the pool it was a medium sized adult snake. Kind like the size of one you would stumble upon in your back yard. Not Tiny but no anaconda. So now it’s in the pool and I am calling for anyone else in the house to come see what I’m seeing. I look back down and the snake is lifting its top half up toward me and looks like it’s trying to climb on to me. I dont feel any apprehension in myself or an aggression from the snake as it reaches out to me.

Unfortunately that’s all I remember but it’s a start.

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Ok, so really random thought but, I want a website where you can find people born at the exact same time or day of you. You would be able to connect with these people. I wanna see how different people born the exact same time as me turned out. Like maybe someone else was born in Africa the same minute I was born. Idk random thought.

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Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions but dont feel like you are gaining anything from it? My praxis has been like this as of late.

So the only thing I have of real import to document is with the black mist. I finally saw a black mist instead of a black goop. The mist came around on it’s own while I was doing a chakra healing meditation. Working on my root first I was exhaling out the gunk from inside my chakra and instead of seeing it normal come out of my mouth and instantly disintegrate like normally it all collected into one spot. It formed a black mist that to me felt like the a metric fuck ton of pixels all laying on top of and around each other. It’s hard to explain. I could tell it was just a mass collection of other shit to make something new.

So yeah when I looked at it I saw a mist of black energy and the only reason it was a mist was because it was just a large collection of a bunch of smaller energy particles?? This is how it felt when i saw it.

The next thing to happen was I saw a reptilian eye pop up over the mist to I guess represent it looking at me. When I inhaled back in the mist was drawn toward me. As it go closer my entire vision got darker and darker untill it was complete blackness. I knew what was going on but it didn’t stop me from freaking out a little as I completely lost the bedroom I had just recently constructed in my mind. It took a good third seconds of pure focus to bring my mental clarity back.

By the time I had gotten everything back to normal I was out of my trance and back to a goop instead of a mist.

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It’s a #big mood.

That’s amazing!

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I keep seeing you talking about sleeping in hammocks. I think I’d be out reading in it all the time.

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I actually did this today :wink:

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Fuck, life has been weird as of recently. I feel like I’ve been in a constant stand still. I fell put of my meditation habit so I firat plan to work on that.

But yeah. Fuck people. Fuck this company I work for. Fuck this entire year. I need a damn break from everything where I can sort some shit out.

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Couldnt sleep last night, laid in bed untill 4 am and woke up at 7:30 am. I’m completely exhausted and have 0 motivation. Just the Same as the last 3 months of life have been. Wake up, work untill I cant see straight. Eat and goto sleep to do it all over again.

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Ok so things have been really weird for me as of recently.

So its been roughly 1 month since my deep depression just mysteriously lifted. I know what I believe to be the cause and ill get into that later.

What I came here to talk about today is my current struggle. So as I stated above my depression went away. Or whatever was holding me down and in place. I have been so unhappy for the last few years which is characteracly inaccurate for the typical me. It was even worse as of 2020. But now, its just gone and I find myself struggling with how to actually be happy. Its been so long im not sure how to feel.

Currently I’m sitting here waiting for the hammer to drop and everything to go back to the draggs. Has anyone else experienced anything similar where your in an altered state for so long that it becomes the norm?

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Yesterday I was having a very hard day. I was struggling to keep my anger in check. At one point I was moments away from losing it. I closed my eyes and gently pressed my fists into my eye sockets. Nothing painful or anything, just to kinda blot out my face and honestly I’m not sure why I did, never done this before. I took a deep breath. And noticed white orbs within my vision, they all floated around my peripheral vision. As I exhaled a noticed some of the orbs stopped shining or went away. I felt a little ease. I continued to take long and slow breaths and on a exhales orbs would go out. By the time all the orbs left my vision I was completely calm.

I was not trying to achieve this. Ive never had this happen before. And I’m not sure what the hell happened. Anyone experienced or know of anything like this?

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I finally made my mala and im really happy with how it turned out.

Not sure if you’re still around @Mythopoeia but I said like 6 months ago when I bought all my beads. That i would show you what I ended up creating. Well my skull beads showed up on Tuesday.

I’ve also started working on creating my own dream catcher. I’ve been told this could help me with dream retention. Since I’m shit at remembering my dreams. Ive spent so long now trying to not remeber them. Now that I want to I cannot.

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So this was the first Halloween where I did a ritual. It was actually the first where my wife did a ritual too!

Is it possible that I could be undergoing a form of shadow work without knowing it? I’m pretty certain lilith has been popping up just to show me sides of myself I either need to exercise or be accepting of. Maybe its just reaching for something I wish was there. Im honestly not certain.

I promise I used the search feature, and I found a shit load of returns for shadow work. My issue is all of them are people asking random questions about it and im struggling to find a full tutorial on it. Now you may be asking yourself “is he blind”. Short answer, probably… but if you’ve seen the tutorial a million times do me a solid and link it. Please.

So its officially been a month since I have felt that depression. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some hard days. But those were just that, bad days. Its all went away the night I tried DMT. From my research this seems to be a common outcome for people with depression. The trip you take becomes a reboot for your brain and it goes back to its last good saved state.

Could this all be caused by me mentally manifesting better emotions and nothing to do with that trip. Sure, But fuck it! I’m not fixing it if its not currently broken. I’m just greatful to be happy… also kinda not sure how to feel/act since I’ve been depressed and sad for so long. Its a really weird feeling. As I used to consider myself a happy person untill the last 4-5 years.

Ok so for anyone curious about what I saw on dmt, not much but let’s go into it.

So the people I took this experience with kinda just came out of no where into my life. Took a trip to Colorado to buy cheap weed lol, judge away! The place we had planned on staying fell through last minute. Luckily one of the guys who came with had a good friend in Colorado Springs. So this friend ended up being heavy into dmt and meeting the clockwork elves. Very cool people and welcoming, I instantly felt at home with them.

He knew all about its chemical compound, how its naturally harvested, what drugs its used in and so on. He was well versed, hadnt met someone who took their drugs so seriously. So I felt like he knew enough to comfortably try it. Let’s refer to him as shaman.

So that night we took a ride on his couch lol, with this you have to take a minimum of 3 deep inhales. I was laughing while taking mine. Because of what his mom said before I started. She said it feels like your going to sleep for a surgery. I 100% felt the wa-wa’s start setting in. I saw a bright light and a mat black circle started to over take the white light. The black came from my peripheral vision and quickly overcame the light.

I remember my head falling backwards and me just laughing due to the wa-wa’s. My eyes were closed and I was hearing voices all around me. I remember feeling a constant pour of energy overcoming my body and a very heavy feeling. I could swivel my head back and forth and open my eyes. There were two girls sitting across from me chatting. I opened my eyes and the one girl directly across from me was just staring at me. I was very uncomfortable and didn’t know why I was being looked at. I closed my eyes, when I closed my eyes I was able to see still somewhat see the two girls who sat across from me. I started looking around my vision looked like an old timie photo, just as we were coming up with our first color photos. Very monochromatic (I think that’s what its called).

The guy who was in charge got everyone around me under control and everyone stopped staring at me. So I started looking over everyone. It was then I heard someone tell the people around me to hush and watch me as I was changing( ive asked multiple times and everyone has confirmed that this was never said). I then felt all eyes turn to me and the energy and weight pressing down started. I felt as I was sinking into my seat slightly as the pressure started to rise. Not painful at all just a noticeable press against my body. It was then that my vision changed. I could see everyone around me that was there before I took the dmt, but there were now silhouettes around me swaying and watching me. When my vision changed (I feel like it was my astral sense opened) I could see everyone in their godform for a lack of a better word. Everyone was a grayish color, all shading was enhanced and wasn’t just black but purple. All highlighted areas were a neon green. I was smiling and happy through this entire experience. Most everyone I saw had a demonic look to them which felt comforting. My friend D, he looked like he should have been a lead singer of a rock band. A Johnny bravo esk hairstyle and a similar shapped beard gave him a man on the moon look with leather and spikes lol.

My heart was racing to the point I had to calm myself or suffer a panic attack. The mother then came over to me. I saw her in a flowing silk see through dress not like her nude or anything. It was shades of pink orange and red with gold trim. She had a glow around her. She was the only person around that wasn’t shrouded in darkness. I was instantly drawn to her. I was trying my best not to stare. She wasn’t an old woman by any means but I believe what I saw was still a younger version of her. It was a stunning sight, her face she had dark dark racoon eye makeup that looked like she took her fingers and wiped down from the dark makeup creating streaks over her cheeks. I was trying my best not to just stare at her, she felt familiar like somebody I am very close to had inhabited her body.

I looked up at shaman, he was just a floating head engulfed in black flames. I could still hear him hushing people. I continued to look around enjoying the visuals.

I enjoyed about 5 more minutes of this watching peoples smiles grow sinister and sharp.

I was recorded during this but I have a 7 minute window in the begining were I have no memories of. I was laughing in the video, I would occasionally open my eyes and giggle then close them again. I have no idea what happened or what I saw during this time. All my memories are of after the goddess sat next to me.
Per the usual I have issues remembering any dream I have.

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What I know that DMT is a natural chemical produced naturally from your third eye~pineal gland.

Only when your third eye is properly stimulated trough daily and regular spiritual practices.

Depression is often a resultations trough spiritual influences by vile parasitic entity’s. Negative more traumatized subcounces mind influencing your Counces mind (It can pile up trough many lifetimes~reincarnation expiriences).Unhealed emotional stuff. Resulting in Closed not only third eye but many Chakras.

And a dorment spiritual snake and level.

If you are ingesting DMT trough outer means and that often and long enough it is like you are taking the natural ability from your pineal gland away for producing that DMT naturally.

You are basicly I know it sounds harsh crippling yourself. This organ will degenerate trough that.

I am generally against drugs and its use for so called spiritual growth trough these means it only leads nowhere but spiritual decay really.

Nature doesn’t run that way. You can’t skip steps for your spiritual or any progress really.

Some example is like trough my own expirience. If you are mentally ill and get predescribed drugs for that these drugs often only heal the symptoms but not the root cause. If you are only taking the drug and don’t do any real mental spiritual work besides it. You are basicly depending on this shit. When you stop taking it the workplace in your head shows up again… And vola her we go nuts again.(+Side effects if you are taking it)

I lost relatives trough that this person can’t go back even if it is doing spiritual mental work the person waited and wasted his time for to long…
Even if they weren’t sick they got sick trough these drugs thus depending.(In the spectrum of psychotic drugs and such)

The more time passes the older you get the percentage of getting healed faster trough own means sinks especially if you are not that spiritual and anything besides that in top form.
And are still struggling.

I suggest that one detoxifys oneself for a specific and long Period of time from many intoxicating thinks such as any type of drugs really even coffee and cigarettes. Stimulating Musik, meat, etc etc to really get one’s dopamine regulator also in check.

We are here brothers and sisters who are struggling for spiritual growth.At least i see it that way.

This is only my suggestion.
You can do whatever you want.
But do consider this.

I think you have mistaken what I said. Ive only every tried it once and that has been over a month ago.

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Nice.:blush:

But well I mean sorry if you allready know that.
Hmm maybe I will repost this extra…

Should I delete it?

Nah you’re fine, its a good warning for anyone who stumbles across this.

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Ok this is an update from wen. I was working on exiting my body. I was going through the process of putting my body asleep. Here recently I’ve been taking a lot more time on relaxing my body. Instead of just doing the whole head ive been breaking it down into sections like, eyes, jaw, cheeks forehead and so on. This is taking me a lot longer now but I feel in the end this will be more beneficial. It may take me a while to do it now but my goal is to be able to go back to doing just the head but when I do that. I will hit all of those locations at once knowing how each should feel completely relaxing.

Well I think it’s paying off finally. So on wen might when I was doing this I started getting audible sensations of wood and metal wind chimes clinging. Each time the sound would come it would push me deeper into a trance.

The really odd part about this is I started at my head and by the time I was moving to me shoulders I was getting bombarded by that sound.

Should I be starting with my feet and working up?

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So ive started reading from S. Connolly. I have really enjoyed the way she writes. I enjoy the break down of holidays and rites. Im a little over half way through the complete book of demonolarty. Most of the first half was info I mostly knew but always some gems hidden in the dirt if you search hard enough.

Im just starting to get into the real meat and potatoes of the book, I hope it doesn’t disappoint. I don’t feel like it will.

Here in the last couple of months I have felt s profound change shifting inside of me. A lot of the doubts I’ve had that have been holding me back have all mostly sloffed off. A lot of my understanding is getting more filled in day by day. My senses are there im just starting to pick up on what im actually seeing, understanding and hearing. Its been a really fun last month.

I’ve been studying myself a lot recently. Trying to critique myself more. I have a lot more faults that I care to admit and it sucks having them shoved in your face. Growth amiright lol.
I have been trying to judge myself by the same standards I judge everyone else and im not totally cool with what im finding. I havent done any shadow work but I think im going to need to.

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I do this pretty non stop. But I guess I’ve already been doing it for the past year. I try and break down moments where I feel I acted in a manor that requires questioning my own actions. Was i just yelling for no reason, did I just break something. Am I buying stuff I don’t need. Really just anything I did I didn’t like.

I’ve been breaking those down and trying to figure out why I did whatever. What I was feeling. Just trying to understand why I am the way I am. And what I can do differently in those situations next time.

Guess I’ve been doing a form of it

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Sounds like you have been. Not a deep intensive style, but a take it as you go approach is not wrong, if it works for you.

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