This is basically just a little rant because it’s late and i’m frustrated so feel free to ignore-
I’ve never really understood how people have things figured out on here or any other witchy/magick blogs I’ve ever been on. I’ve been interested in magic and whatnot for years now and I’ve been studying a variety of magic paths/topics going on 4 years but I just can’t figure out what to do. Yes, I understand that you make your own path and that it takes time but I don’t know how to even take those basic first steps and if I do, I always encounter a block of sorts which makes that connection hard to develop. I struggle a lot with just making a basic plan to get my magick going while my witchy friends seem to understand exactly what they want to do and how they’re going to do it. I just don’t understand how people know how they’re going to ascend and whatnot. I get like jealous (childish, I know) of how everyone seems to know how to ascend and become a god but I don’t and it feels like a secret that I just can’t get out of anyone. Like I’m not part of the club. I want those connections that other people have with entities and the help they get from them on their path but I can never feel a connection with any and it’s fucking frustrating how my other friend that hasn’t been into this as long as I have already has a connection and she’s managed to get all these things done and gotten great results and yet I can’t even understand the basics. Like she’s understood E.A’s basic sigil magick after just reading it once but I’ve read it over and over and I just can’t seem to get it working for me. Maybe I’m just a moron and I’m slow but I just can’t seem to get what everyone else does. My meditations usually go bad (in the sense that I end up agitated and angry instead of calm), My godself and godforms seem far and nonexistent, the spells I spend a lot of time and energy on never pan out. There are a lot of things I want to do with my magick and people I need/want to help with it which also sucks. I feel like I’ve let them down because I can’t make any progress and I know they’re counting on me. I want to protect one of my friends from the crappy guardian she’s with because the person that used to protect her is leaving for school and can’t be there which is why I need to step in but how can I when I never get results! My anger and rage seems easier to access than any form of magick energy does (that doesn’t have to do with anger) I know I’m sounding like a spoiled child and forgive me for that but I’m not trying to because I do understand that all of these things take time and it’s not going to happen overnight but it’s difficult for me to accept and feel that after 4 years, I’m in the exact same place where I started which would be lost and clueless. It’s just been extremely difficult for me so far.
I don’t think this rant made much sense but it feels good to let things go and start again. I’m not trying to be a pity party but I’ve held these emotions in for a long ass time and at some point, we have to let go. I’m not giving up, just gotta take a deep breath and know that eventually something will click and things will fall into place.