Todays unlocking session: Ashja’ (اشجع).
Lets take a trip into frontload land; I was kind of prepared to meet with her. I have encountered her briefly before this unlocking as well. Instead of a culturally authentic shape she decided to come to me as a skjaldmær with long red hair, freckles and a sturdy looking norse-ish warrior attire.
“This is not what I’ve expected” is something I am finding myself thinking an awful lot during the last couple of sessions. Apparently I have a hard time to let go of certain expectations and I wonder why it feels especially hard compared to the 72 of the Goetia.
Today she came in a similar shape to me, minus the warrior attire. It was replaced with completely mundane looking jeans and shirt and with big aviator glasses. She welcomed me in a desert setting; instead of mystical buildings and ancient temple sites I could see an endless line of utility poles along a dusty and porous asphalt road. The old and rusty skeleton of a large plane dominated the scenery. When I asked her what exactly came down she simply replied with “arrogance”. (she used the german term “Hochmut” and I will come back to why this could be important, in a bit)
She offered me coffee in a disposable cup. I accepted the cup and trotted alongside her and the asphalt road, not sure about what to say. I figured that she wouldn’t start the conversation anytime soon so I did the most sensible thing: I lost myself in word-vomit about why I think that this whole situation is really awkward and how I would need her help and how I’d understand if she would downright refuse me. (that part is redacted because it is more personal than I am willing to share)
She blatantly stared at me through her big sunglasses, grabbed my shoulder and said “Stop doing that.” In my tense and frenzied monologue I didn’t notice that I’ve crumpled the disposable cup into a lukewarm and dripping mush. Ah. So much for appearing competent and stuff. (I don’t drink coffee, anyway)
I started again, without the personal and embarassing bits. That I am in need of her unlocking, of what her name promises. That I would need it rather soon because otherwise I would not know how to proceed with certain things in the future.
She placed her hand firmly on my right arm and I could feel such sincerity and impartiality that I was almost ashamed about my former concerns. She would help me.
“Don’t let your courage become higher than the task at hand.”
In german we have the word “Mut” for courage and “Hochmut” for arrogance/haughtiness. “Hoch” means high, so its literally “high courage”. When I asked her about the shattered plane remains in the sand, she responded with “Hochmut”, arrogance.
Having the appropriate courage/task ratio seems to look manageable.