I been on this forum for like a month and a half now and I spent 150 on the mastering evocation course and im ngl, it feels like im going nowhere at all, like all the work I do here is for nothing, I cant perform evocation because I dont know how to structure, or have a solomonic circle, and im just stuck here trying to practice for something when idek if what im doing will get me to the desired end result. I dont want to quit at all but im starting to think im gonna pay for a mentor because Im struggling bad. I am trying to invest a lot of time in learning magick to the point where my grades start to fall cus im super invested in magick and making music. The making music part is going alright im getting better, but wtf why is this magick stuff so hard, why does it feel like everything I do is not right and wont help me improve, why does this feel so vague like I wasnt meant for it. I havent improved at all, I just learned a bunch of stuff. Honestly, im just gonna say fuck it and start the evocation, I dont need to see spirits I just need to feel and hear, but then again, I cant do that. This shit makes me feel like a joke. Idk what im doing wrong, and idk what im not doing. I just wish.
To sum this all up for people who wouldnt enjoy reading all that, I feel last in magick and its like im not even going in circles, im just not moving at all.
It’s way too soon. You wouldn’t get to bench 500lb in a month either, this is the spiritual equivalent of that. You just have to so little and often.
Won’t help - they can’t do it for you and your anxiety is just slowing you down. Energy flows when you are relaxed and can observe it flowing, you let it and it does.
Take heart, when the best of us with actual, deliberate spiritual blockages can do it, and so can you. But you can’t be impatient.
Belial was channeled for me via Lady Eva before she left the site.
I had the same frustration many times. Belial simply said “you have to crawl before you can walk.”. It made sense to me. Perfect sense. O had no idea how to do magic on my own.
In Magick without Tears, Crowley said “Sister. If you would but Work! Work blindly, foolishly, it doesn’t matter. Work in itself has absolute virtue.”.
I dont know if im being impatient, I just dont know if im doing it correctly or if it truly holds something for me. Im not being impatient I just want to make sure im not wasting my time on something I cant do. I have a goal ive already been working towards but everything else in my life has been going wrong and music and magick are really all that is motivating me to keep going.
I understand I wont be “benching 500 lbs” in a month, but I want to be sure that im benching more than I can rn in a month, I want to make sure progress is guaranteed, I dont have a lot of time, in my opinion. But im trying to develop this as fast as I can to get me out of the mental and life struggles I have rn.
Everything you guys talk about here I can barely do, everything that I “learned”, already knew how to do like TGS, Im not trying to be impatient, I just want to know if this even holds something for me, if this holds the true future I want for me. I dont like to be guided by blind light or blind faith(which stopped me from being a christian) unless I know theres truly an end goal.
yes i rap, took a hot minute to get okay at and im still ass but i see major improvement.
um, i kind of learned what pathworkings are, sigils, and just information about spirits. I also learned what negs are and how they affect you, how they are hurt/stopped by running water. I also learned about what certain spirits can do, but I never saw/done it myself.
oh wow, but i can gaze at a sigil and watch it blink and yadda yadda, but its herd to believe this is spiritual sometimes, kind of just unfocused vision being unfocused. Also with the white light spots that appear on the wall when im trying to go into tgs, I dont get too deep usually as im not super good at itz
Doubting yourself yet not wallowing in it, getting frustrated and depressed yet not taking drastic steps into it are normal for the probationer/Neophyte.
the reason I doubt myself is because ive been doing this for a month and a half and havent got the slightest bit of spiritual sign or anythin, I CANT EVEN VISUALIZE OR STRUCTURE, i cant even do the basic shit when I try.
I understand its such a short amount of time, but I can only spend so much time until I eventually have to fix the shit got going on rn.
Are you implying i should attempt this? To call upon raziel? How must I do this if i cant speak nor hear him. Idek if i can feel spirits, ill test it out, I guess itll be cool if I can feel a spirit for the first time thatll help me believe a lot.
what does this even mean? for the heavenly route. whats malkuth, adonai, are these names im so confused. I dont care who or what I evoke, i just want them to be there and I want to feel their presence. I dont wanna piss anyone off though.
But ea also says I shouldnt evoke unless i can structure. If I evoke any spirit, I want to communicate with them, most things i desire need communication So i can feel closure. But maybe ill just do some low magick for some money or some other bs.
Also heard he wasnt a beginner friendly spirit, but Idk who I can talk to, theres not much I want and Ive heard magick is fueled by desire. And what I want, I need to communicate, i remember I already asked for lucifer with assistance in getting better at making music but, how do I know hes helping me, how do I know if im recieving help, cus it damn sure doesnt feel like it no offense to Lucifer, maybe the lucifer and the hidden demons book didnt work well, after all, my visualization fucking sucks.
Instead of worrying about physical evocation, work on scrying first. It will help with opening your senses, which is why EA has it first in the evocation course.