Exercise 2: I must’ve had some intense off days these last few sessions because this last one which I just came out of werer nowhere near as bad as the others. In fact I will even say this is the best session I’ve had to date with this exercise. Despite having consumed nearly as much caffeine and cigarette, the cigarette part is a lousy social habit which should be eliminated.
Why can I sya this is my vbet session yet? Before I did the exercise I did a mindfullness exercise before getting into to this one, which really helped me to relax and get rid of muscle tention ot a large extent, the firsat step of this exercise releived me of the rest. Sure thing my mind wandred off but it seems to take a whole lot longer before it did, this means that this exercise is starting to pay off, as I can maintain the pendulum swining when I see it nearly without it janking or moving into strange visual angles.
And above all it doesn’t feel strained, in terms of holding it in my minds eye as it has at times, it was a gentle yet controlled focus most of the time. I should continue with the mindfullness app I got it seems to help, we’ll see. However it gave ne a useful qoute it said something like:
Meditation isn’t about stopping thoughts its about making peace with them.
I am sure to take it with me as I continue this exercise and others.
I know it had been a long time since I posted anything. There’s been many things going on as of late. School work, getting into contact with a Qliphothic entity once more and other stuff, however I always made room for this meditation and after trying other approaches to calm myself down. I am now can say that I nailed it. However here’s what went down:
Exercise 2: before I began with this exercise, I do a prep session of mindfulbess type meditation. Using a great app called headspace, it appears that I needed to get bacl to basics and switch mindset in order to get this meditation. This went rather smoothly next to no distractions were present, I just scanned my body and mind and allowed my breath to rise and fall as it pleased. After this session was concluded I felt very relaxed and peaceful.
Then I followed up with the exercise 2 - swinging a pendulum in your minds eye for 10 minutes.
After doing exercise 1 - of this pathworking and then moving on to this exercise, I noticed how clear the imagery became when I first imagined it swinging back and forth. Then I relaxed and focused the image into my third eye. The visual clarity came to life even more and better yet nothing bothered me when I saw it swinging back and forth, at least not for a very long time. However I heard a catchy song a one point howver I never once lost sight of pendulum and it was super easy getting back to the exercise, simply by relaxing, inhaling and releasing.
I am pretty dang proud of myself, I never thought I could do this, and without meds to help me focus, yes I have ADHD and yes it’sa a real thing. So a pat on my back and also to you who are into this pathworking as well.
So all in all, I am ready for the next step, exercise 3 here I come! ^___^
A great many thanks for the encouragememt @calix_osseus , and special thanks to @Micah for the tip!
And you should be.
It’s a hell of a ride to work through OAA Flames, and ADHD is one of Medical Systems Ways to numb and closes the potential naturally laying in all humans.
Ever noticed how many children get the treatment within the last couple of years?
I don’t think that’s been an accident.
I think it had been used well aware of how it alters the perceptive function,
and there are countless other approaches to child care, mostly when it comes to children’s need for physical movement.
Children actually naturally crave to go out and use the body they got, to get familiar with it.
The increasing amount of information which is processed by children along with the stupid idea of children to behave “good” when they’re calm and quiet - which is very unnatural for any child - are issues which push that mistreatment into the population.
And for what I’ve seen it’ll go on for quite a while.
Few hundred years back they used Laudanum - a mixture of 7-90% Alcohol and pure Opium to achieve similar results. When they used Bor to treat children, many of them got blind from it.
Don’t be fooled when it comes to medical advancements.
They’re often bought with sacrifices.
@Yberioth, I take you are a brother (?) of the flames so your words are very much appreciated. Regarding what you said about the widespread diagnosis of ADHD; it is something I have thought about but not really considered to the extent that you have, I’ve noted that there are many kids receiving the diagnosis even where Iive, its everywhere.
The thing is I was more or less born with and as I grew up it was pretty much unheard of, however I wonder how you actually develop something like it. Is it the meds thesmelves that does it? Because it would be a little freaky if that’s the case as well contradictory, as I’ve noted that medication does indeed help with concentration but I’d much rather not use it because eventually it’ll lead to liver damages. I received my own diagnosis very late as in not in childhood, I was however labaled as one of the inconvenient one’s for sure as ADHD makes you pretty impulsive and say and do things without much thought. However quieting the mind took me many years and many houts of meditation to do, it was super hard and I want to thank you for your encouragement it means a lot, in addition you gave me something to think about.
But I guess there might be some truth to it, to what you say about ADHD might be a way to hamper potential but I’ll really look into this before really making my mind up, however I’ll say considering the meds help my focus but in return my abillity to visualize gets somewhat hampered and the intensity seems to lessen somewhat, which is weird when I think about it.
Anyway thank you once more and I’ll strive to conclude this pathworking as soon as friggin possible, this was the hardest exercise at least so far however I have a feeling the next is going to be a peice of cakle in comparison.
It’s not just the past couple of years. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. Luckily my parent decided to not put me on meds. I haven’t had a problem with it at all. As a kid, I took it as my parent saying I didn’t have any mental problems, and I think that belief helped me just avoid all kinds of issues. I do agree it’s a way to medicate kids, and I don’t even think it matters if you have potential or not…
Good job on your meditations @Teras390. I’m just working on basic visualizations in Bardon style, so I know how difficult it is to work on that skill.
Simply said, the medication used on ADHD Children had also been used by Germany during the World Wars on their Children. It’s been called Tank Chocolate or Provigil, it’s street name today is crystal meth. Right, that’s not exactly correct, as there are several chemical substances that basically achieve similar results in the probate - It’s common among all these substances to increase the availability of Dopamine inside of your brain. Therefore you feel more focused since you’re forced to focus in more.
Meditation does the opposite, at least some versions of it. It broadens the view, instead of narrowing it.
Of course, it’s not Candle Meditation I mean there. More like Qi Gong.
I haven’t mentioned that in my last post, but I also have the same medical condition in my records.
So don’t worry, it’s not necessarily a blockage. At least when you get out of it, which most ADHD treated people do at some point.
Note that it increased visible impulses in my case, and numbed Audible Sensations down.
One of the reasons it’s very common among high end Progressing students, which take it as a pseudo-legal cognitive enhancer to perform better during tests and learning.
I can attest it works, but I’d be careful about relying on it.
Since it still needs personal self-control and actual learning to work in your favor and can ruin your achieved results if called out by others.
Yes, I’m a brother among the O.A.A. - I looked into the flames, but I guess I haven’t worked through them the way you did.
I took a different approach.
I cast myself to create a Flame.
Oh one more note: Magick is stronger than any Drug or Medicament. That’s been proven by several Magicians. So don’t worry, you’re on the right track, Right now, with what you do!
One more tip towards overthinking/quieting your mind:
The Mantra So Ham Akal really works crazy when wanting to seal/layer the own mind, it’s used in defending against other Sorcerers, Invoked Demons, it even helps to shut out doubt when you’re in a depressive mood and belief you want to die or don’t see any way something can work out in your favor.
It’s literally that good.
E.A. released it when he was dealing with such attacks, and i mixxed my own expierience in with the explenation.
Another way, to go about it, is creating a Blank Space, inside of you, (E.A. Calls this creating your own Astral Temple), which is used as a hideout when emotional or pain based circumstance take your body over. - Also very useful during possession rites.
Yet another, but less known way: Creating a Servitor - an offspring part of your own Divine Energy, to help you with exactly that - keeping a controlled and safely channeled channeling of thoughts.
Lastly, i have to Recommend working with Toth / Hermes Tristmagistus or Azi Dahaka.
When working towards learning Telepathy (I call it Numinosis - a very controled magickal variation of Telepathy) or Telekinesis those are Entitys i’d definately recommend to work with!
All of them have increadible power about knowledge, understanding, mind and mind control.
Oh and sorry for ínterrupting your Journal.
I just wanted to give you my gratulations and respect for the work you do!!
You should also notice that your extremely active mind is capable of doing and creating great stuff so don’t try to overcome it completely / just to overcome it.
Your parents did I good job from what I am able to determine because there’s nothing wrong with people with ADHD in the first place just like you and Yberioth have already said. Thank you for your kind words, I’ll attempt tp update this more often for sure.
Wouch ok, but I’ll hang in there and I’ll be sure to update this more frequently, however I think I might know pull this exercise off, we’ll see if I am right.
I agree about not wanting to become relient on it, in general I agree with Belial’s view and yours for very similar reasons, I remmber Belial mentioning to me at one point: if you need to rely on - or - need anyone or anything to accomplish something, then you are not a free agent and thus a slave.
I’d like to PM about that at some point to ask how you did, but for now I’ll have to be a good student and attempt to complete those stuff, so that I have more time to work on my ascent.
As for the tips you gave its gold I am going to bookmark this and come back to it to ensure that I actually get the message and won’t forget it.
It wasn’t much of an interruption, it was a perfectly fine “distraction” ;), I am pleased that others enjoy to read about my journey into the art, and especially something as step-by-step as this. ^___^
Exercise 3: I’ve had lots to think about as of late hence not the update and I’ve been sloppy in my exercising with this, but I’ll make up for it startring today. The gist of what the exercise is more or less about it: you take a cold corresponding the color alignment of che tharkas except light blue. You gaze at it and allow the color association to well up in you, gathering it in your chest area and release the energy back to the candle completing the cycle.
What I experienced though was really interesting, I descided I would pick one canldle to work with each day, to save time but also to really ensure I really get the sensations correctly and not cause a burnout, pun intended by the way. From here I lit the canlde and gazed it and pretty quickly as it is pretty common when you relax your mind and gaze at fire the environment turned blue and things in the environment around me sort of ohased in and out of my vision. I gentlylet my gaze on the candle flame and my mind now cleared I still and ready to receive whatever would come to me in that moment. Then I felt a big pressure in my chest and images of general violence and bloodshed came to me, the feeling of being annoyed or like adrenaline starting to pump through my body sort became very noticeable and more images of the same theme popped before my eyes.
Once I felt the energies were tangible enough not to be regarded as something that I could just ignore (critical mass if you so will), I closed my eyes and imagined the candle infront of me, then I gathered it (the energy , emotion, etc.) in my chest pretty into condensed ball of red energy and pushed it down my arm and into my palm resting a decimeter(10 cm (4 inches)) above the candle, down into the candle wax, I continued to do so until I was completely drained of the the previous emotion.
I closed the session by blowing out the candle, I could still feel my third eye and my arm buzzing as a side effect of doing this, ir really wasn’t hard it was just a lot of energy to push through my system at once, I did notice though its better to sit in chair or on your heels, it helps keeping your back straight and will encourage a easier release of energy, and also its good for your back in general and keeps your breath more even.
A continued update will follow tomorrow until I master this exercise, with that I wish you the best of luck in your ascent.
¨This upodate will consist of the last two days in one post, as I did a sesseion yesterday but failed to report on it.
Exercise 3: today I picked the orange proceeding up the ladder of the chakras if you may. This session was pretty long for me, about 20 minutes or so (I think). As I gazed at the candle contemplating its associatied attributes, it really didn’t happen much the only attribute I really could connect to was: hardwork and the reward there of. That was clear enough but as far reproductivity, and burning sensations to an extent just wasn’t possible at least not what I noted consciously, that could mean many things, blockages, poor connection with the chakrah, or just not really doing much to make it buzz in the normal way but will take a meditation figure out. As far as today went it opened quite neatly.
I seem to able to get sensations of the exercises down, such the condensing into a energtic point inside the chest, it manifests as mist at first before the condensing into an orb of the associated color. Then I push it out down my arms and into palm and the energy seem to move much like the veins in my arms, even muscles into my palm and then I feel, very clearly, a cloud of energy releasing through my palm down into the candlewax, the internal energetic sensations are spot on, but I the think the connection with the color attributes is (or was) off.
Somewhat confused and slightly worried I blew out the candle once I was drained of the energetic ball of color associated emotions, and then procceeded with the rest of the evening.
Exercise 3: as far as today with the exercise, it went rather smoothly, the initial bump in the road was allowing myself to zone in due to stress, however once I let the stress go and the storm within me was clear it was really easy finsing the headspece to make this exercise work. Today I picked…, you guessed it for you! -the yellow candle. All in all sensations that’s associated with the color yellow came pretty easily to me as I gazed the flame, especially the sensation of dispelling of fear, and being surrounded by a sphere of light, it was pretty comforting and I more calm and collected then I have in a long time. Once the sensations has reached a critical mass, I pushed it up and I noticed that the energy released pretty easily down my arm and into the candle. Initially when I did the energy was really massive and very thick like it it was more held then released and required more effort from me to release into the candle, today that was not the case.
Power is effortless not forced that’s something I remember E.A once told me in a consultation a long while back. If you push or tense up to get somethign that really isn’t the way, the more relaxed you can make something the better, as the session has been completed I can still a sense of peace or rather composure and readiness to take on whatever may come.
Exercise 3: The green candle was the focus of the day. The manifestation of the emotions that invoked through the candle was more intense than the previous one’s. Meaning as I contempleated the attributes like: birth, life, mother nature, grass etc something really interesting not only was it like the candle faded away for justa brief moment I could see a glade, with birch trees and green grass just for a split second then it faded out but in its place I could hear different species of birds chriping away. I felt more rooted and more centered or rather grounded, I more got a sensation of feeling rooted in the place where I sat, I felt more concrete this time than it had done in a long time, this color was the easiest for me to connect to thus far for me.
As far as the pushing goes it went pretty smoothly, but I think I neede to do more energywork to really open myself up a bit more. But other than that I really think I am doing right by myself. Or what do you think @Micah, @triptych, @Yberioth?
Exercise 3: each candle definently bring out a different experience as I contemplate its attributes, this time I followed up with an inidgo candle some of the attributes associated with its color is expansion of the soul,clairvoyance, spritual awareness among others. Slowly but surely a steady ringing started in my ears a high pitches one and the environ ment started to dissappear in a blue static. I sort of know what this means, it means I am entering light theta gamma sync (TGS), a little bit and everything else had likely dissappeared, I didn’t hear any voices or see any spirits but I could feel a shift in my awareness as long as I contemplated the attributes, afterwards I can feel an prickling sensation in my third eye this means that my third is doing some work, as it does only recive but transmit power as well with the help of the bindu or zeal chakra.
With this I am really starting to gather how powerful these exercises are, one more week or two of this should be more than enough to help accoustom to the sensation this exercise bring.
I couldn’t keep my promise yesterday to update this thread but I will do it now instead. Like the last time I made sure to use two colors, this time white and violet as those complement each other a whole lot better than black and purple, although black sort of goes hand in hand with the purple candle. Anways that aside:
October 21, 2018 7:30 PM (Europe: Paris), October 21, 2018 10:30 AM (America: Los Angeles)
Exercise 3: the white candle was easier and hgarder to connect with than some of the other, the thing that was most noticeable with the white candle, was the sense of claity and stillness despite my partner having a workout in the other room. It simply didn’tbother me at all, one could argue that I might’ve developed a good focus thanks to the previous exercises, but it was like the noise faded out almost completely at some point, the effect migrated into the immediate environment so to speak. The imagery was not as intense as the previous sessions but the overall fell of peace and claity where deintnly more overhwleming than previous sessions.
As far as the purple candle it’s hard to explain the effects and sensations, I just was there in a moment, no thought, no feelings not even stillness or anything I just was. I remeber even trying to contemplate about the attributes but it was simply not possible. All I could do was bask in a sense of being more or less.
A ringing still can be heard in my ears along with my sahasrarah chakra buzzing a good deal along with tje ajna, wether it was the effect of the candle or simply pushing power like I’ve done with these two candles I’ll leave for you decide. Irregardless, I think I am going to repeat this for another two weeks or so to ensure the experience of each attribute is heavily engrained in me. As I know from experience stuff like this will be heavily used in for example candle magick and even in evocation to an extent. Until then thank you dear reader for your patience with this journal, if you want me to do something different pleae tell me about it and I’ll try to adress it. Otherwise I’ll continue in the way that I have.
I found that having a journal like this one helps me as it might help other, but that remains to be seen.
October 23, 2018 10:00 PM (Europe: Paris), October 23, 2018 1:00 PM (America: Los Angeles)
I used a black candle this day, the last candle before goiing back to a session with two candles, red and orange. The effect of this candle was different from the otherrs as I contemplated its associated attributes like - death, the unknown, absorbtion of all colors, etc. There were a similar feeling to the sensations of the violet candle that manifested. As in emptiness like it was just me there, it wasn’t bliss but I wasn’t sad either it’s difficult to explain…I would say as long as I maintained my focus on the candle it was just and existence…
As for the pushing out part it was clearer than ever, I think this exercise helps with clairvoyance and visual abillities in addition to teaching the innitate how direct and push energy.
As I pushed the energy down my arm and into my palm it appeared as a grey and black cloud that spiraled down my arm and into the candle wax, I didn’t see this with my eyes open they were closed but the effect on the ajna as well as Sahasrara chakra was really clear it kept on buzzing for quite some time afterwards.
I’ll update in good time, until then enjoy your ascent.
October 25, 2018 3:11 PM (Europe: Paris), October 25, 2018 6:11 AM (America: Los Angeles)
Exercise 3: I am now back to beginning the cycle anew. The red and orange candle sure thing I think I could’ve combined the red and black candles but I didn’t that will probably be the focus of tomorrow. However I completed todasy session with a whole lot more ease than the last time. But I am getting ahead of myself. After visualizing the room as well as possible I finally am starting to be able to not see things as still images as much it’s more alove as for example when I saw the candle internally I could even see the flame bobbing up and down. It was pretty interesting how crisp everything where whe I opened my eyes again.
So the attributes that went a long with the red candle were things like love, passion, war, blood, rape, murder among others. Contemplating these attributes, produced images that in turn evoked a feeling it didn’t took much effort letting in your mind ring helps bringing an image or feeling to life. At any rate what was very clear esepcially as I contemplated the war attribute was hood disheartened I became, it really awful thinking about, as far as murder images came to mind that I’d rather not talk openly about. As far as thinking and about passion and love it brought buzz mostly and energtic buzz to be precise it sort of flutters in you and in a way made me feel content about my current partner I live with, as the stresses of daily life have made it to appreciate them fully bvut for a brief moment I was really happy and excited about them, feelings are ticky to describe but I’ll cut it here before you mighr fall asleep.
After gathering the red energy in my chest it became a small ball of red energy as I then pushed down my arm and into my hand and releaseing into the candle, the energy rushing down my arm was very palpable during the process. Eventually when i felt empty and drained of the energy I took the orange candle placed infront, lit and continued and did the same thing all over again.
As far as the orange canlde went its similar to the last time but not quite it was easier this time to connect with the attributes of the color, some of the attributes are once again - prodcutivity, reproductivity, hard work, etc.
As I thought about this images of me typing away at the keyoboard finishing my assignment honestly not really important but sort of necessary. I felt somewhat determined to get that done but other than that it just wasn’t doing it for me. As far as hardwork it worked a little bit better I normally don’t give myself a pat on the back in general I only pats on my back if I really deserve it, like completing a pathworking or a form of innitation in this regard, everything else is just a part of the process, however as I did it felt pretty nice like a small weight was lifted of me so to speak. That’s about all I were able to extract before I repeated the procedure that has alreadyt been accounted for above and after that I closed the working are about do some other stuff, like evoking Belial for example which I feel is important for some reason and I need to find out more…
Until, likely tomorrow when I will update this the next time, good to luck to you in your ascent.
October 30, 2018 2:29 PM (Europe: Paris), October 30, 2018 6:29 AM (America: Los Angeles)
Note to reader: Regarding the big gap, I am finally able to update this journal I never intended for a break this long but an another pathworking got in the way in addition to studying for an exam, I know its not excuse not to practice though so I’ll attempt to irregardless of what happens from now on update my journals as frequently as possible.
Regarding the pathworking part mentioned above, I think some of you might be asking, since you are already able to pathwork why do you need to go through the flames and let alone do basics like this? My answer is, I already had a decent foundation but something was missing, I could already sense and hear spirits along with being a veru intuitive person I’ve lready has success with basic evocation divination and soul travel however I lacked a propper and solid foundation, which this pathworking brings. In addition to the previous this is a form of pathworking and a pretty solid one at that.
Exercise 3: At any rate since I’ve already missed out on doing this exercise for nearly a week, I went back to the basics as in I picked the orange and red candles today, I’ll instead attempt to go about switichig things up tomorrow. Beginning with the red candles as I gazed at the flame the environment around the candle dissappears somewhat in blue static and from there as I thought the attributes one by one an mage associated with the attribute came to mind like for example: a really heavy sensation came around my heart along with feeling somewhat down, as I could for example see soliders getting shot, etc. I’ve never been to war or done military service but basic empathy sort of allows you to feel distraught or down irregardless. After going through each atttribute contempalting its meaning. I was ready to proceed with rest of the exercise.
I closed my eyes and gathered the energy and ther sensations in my chest and released down the arm, however this needs to be said, as I gathered the energy in my chest the overall connection or attributes didn’t ressonate all that well as it had in the previous session, there could be many reasons why that is but I think the most solid cure to the above is persistence and perserverence.
As far as the orange candle went it went slightly better than the first one, as I conetemplated its associated attributes like for example: productivity I could a slight buzzing in me like you get a little shot of the feeling of wanting to get things done, I don’t know the fancy term for the chemical or hormone responsible for creating that desire but I know for a moment I had the energy to finish a few project I’ve been meaning to do for a while.
As far as reproductivity and, hard work along the reward it went better and worse, hardwork and the reward there of felt a lot more solid as I could feel a sense of contentment as I thought me finishing a rite in the first Gatekeeper book.
All in all the connection with the attributes were more solid than in the previouse session with the red candle. So I pushed it down my arm and into the candle wax, the orange energy that is, until I was completely drained and the intrapersonal sensations that were connected with its associative attributes. With that I closed the session for today and will do other things that needs to get done.
October 31, 2018 3:25 PM (Europe: Paris), October 31, 2018 7:25 AM (America: Los Angeles)
Thoughts and realizations: I think I am about to get a good hang of this exercise its panning out pretty quickly and its uses are really quite limitless, like for example you can use this exercise to regulate your mood, empower your workings, empowering/energizing yourself and/or others. Plus you learn to siphon and push power with your will alone, I already how to do most of this but not in the way this exercise is done. I already knew how to make candle magick, this exercise has in fact made my candle magick better as the emotional connection is stronger with each respective attribute, plus combining two different colors really makes you think how you should combine to enchance a certain outcome.
Exercise 3: Today I skipped ahead quite a bit as I sort of switched up the order a bit, I used the indigo and violet candle. As far as the indigo candle you already know the procedure but as far as the emotional expereince goes it was pretty solid. The indigo candle more or less dissolved my vision in blue static and areas here and there more or less shimmered phasing in and out of view all the time throughout the contemplation of the attributes. What I notice the indigo candle is really a sense of powerful stillness is really the word I guess I am looking for, I didn’t think, feel or anything I felt really detatched. but as far attributes I guess I could say images came to mind of me talking to spirits that I’ve already established contact with. Eventually when I pushed the energy down the arm, interballyt I could see my veins light up from within the energy I pushed down my arm into the candle wax. Another weird side effect as I’ve looked at each of the candle a feint aura of varying colors, mostly indigo and green can be seen, I thought it was just my imagination before but today it was pretty clear as I relaxed my eyes and look at the candle the edges of it started to glow it was pretty fascinating.
As far as the purple candle went it was similar yet different to the previous one, what I mean is the sense emptiness was there but it was different, there was just nothing other than me and the candle it was like I faded away for a brief moment yet I was still there, I even remember myself not breathing at one point or at least very shallow, it was sort of like for a split second my identity was just gone, I never really felt as if I’d expanded into everything when contemplating the attributes of this color, but I know I felt some sort of union today that’s really all am able to confindetly state about this session. Unlike the previous candle no aura could be seen this time perhaps I didn’t relax enough I know every single thing do in fact have an aura it just a matter of tapping into your spiritual senses in order to see it, however in due time I will be able to do it at will.
Until then this will conclude this session with the candles and I’ll push myself further the next day. Until then I wish you luck in your ascent in case you need it.
November 1, 2018 5:05 PM (Europe: Paris), November 1, 2018 9:05 AM (America: Los Angeles)
Execise 3: Today I choose the red and black candle, it wasn’t long ago that I decided to skip today to switch things up a bit more, but honestly after the remaining candles I am pretty confident I can move on to the next exercise. The exeperience is clear enough according to me but any rate I am getting ahead of myself.
I began with the red candle and pretty quickly as I contemplated each attribute the images I associate with themn has not only changed but has become more vivid as well, I’'ll explain. Previously images has popped up without much sound or smell or anything the like and after seeing them (the sceneries) playing out before me they evoked sensations in me or an emtional response. Well today the imagery came with sounds, and very clear imagery that wa sustained and not in flashes. The feeling for example when contemplating war the imagery was the same but I hear the gunshots and cries of the soldiers as their comrades fell for example, and I knew but angry and sad yet determined to not let it happen to me and better yet strike back, more fiercely to my enemies.
The only atrribute I really couldn’t feel all that much but instead just came to me images was blood really, almost like it was some sort of bowl and I could see my refelction in there sort of, it was mesmerizing but didn’t evoke any feeling or sensation in particular.
Eventually I decided to just release the energy in me, it wasn’t uncomfortable releasing I just basically saw the energy as red smoke, it s strange I am beginning to see the energy like this, even thouygh its not described that way in the book at all. Anyway I quickly once I was drained blew out the candle and moved on to the next.
As for the black candle it was very different than the red, the funny thing is about the black candle I have some strange veneration for it, it somehow humbles me there’s just something very mysterious that happens to me whenever I light it up.
It evokes a sense I wouldn’t say fear but some sort of respect, I cannot say I sit in a void but the sensation is somewhat similar to the violet candle as far as experiencing a feeling of “being”. It was like I was dissolved more or less, like the environment around me formed me and I was visbile because of it - this particualr feeling came to me as I saw an image of me surrounded by all other colors of the spectrum forming a shadow at its core, eventually dissapated and the shadow dissappeared but the prescence of it was there. I remember at one I forgot where I sat, nothing really changed infront of me as the environment goes but I sort of where I was sitting and I felt I wasn’t “here” anymore.
Like the previous candle the energy that was channeled down my arm was like black mist it was more vivid though than the red one, as it pretty covered all of the candle and was absorbed into it, obscuring the flame even, normally the energy before has never obscured anything. Plus after completing this exercise I can still feel my ajna and sahasrarah chakra vibrating a whole lot.
With that I conclude this exercise and I wish you well in your ascent.
November 2, 2018 (Europe: Paris), November 1, 2018 (America: Los Angeles)
Exercise 3: all in all this was pretty easy as far as pushing the energy down my arm, I picked the white candle today, the feeling in general was pretty peaceful, however for some odd reason I felt tainted I’ll reuse the candle tomorrow together with a green one.