Hello,
My name is Julian, and I am a 32-year-old living in Germany, though I was born in England. Though I was raised a catholic in my childhood, I pretty quickly abandoned the faith to become an atheist in my teenage years. These days I would say my closest religious affiliation would be that of an agnostic, with very heavy atheist trappings. That is not to say I haven’t had certain spiritual experiences. I saw things as a child I do not think that currently can be explained by science. I petitioned mother Shipton once when in her cave, and offered to Coventina by her well beside the great wall. There is a side of me for sure that entertains the possibility things like magic, deities, and supernatural experiences may be real, in some sense.
That being said, I would still consider myself 80-85% atheist. I do not believe in god. I do not believe in organised religion. I have a very rational-orientated and skeptic worldview when it comes to things like visions, miracles, possession, evocation, and any other form of supernatural manifestation. I understand how much of a dichotomy this poses, but then humans have never been fully rational creatures. Cognitive dissonance has been with us from the very beginning. In Orwell’s words, even to understand the word - doublethink - involves doublethink.
I apologise sincerely for the somewhat baity title, and the volatile situation I find myself in above when it comes to “faith”. I think only by describing how I truly think and feel about such things could I honestly and sincerely ask the members of this forum the questions I am about to, or at the very least, provide you with a framework in which to understand my questions - and that I mean no malice by them.
Before we begin, I wish to reassure you all I am doing my research, slowly but surely. I started by reading the rules of this forum, which I sincerely hope I am not in breach of. I have lurked here for a few days, reading many different topics, from which many of my questions will stem from. I have begun by reading the Kybalion, and bookmarked many other resources and pages. It is also important to state I have never practiced Magick, and have no experience in it. I wanted to explore and interact with this forum before I did so.
But, I am legitimately interested.
And so, to my questions, to those patient and generous enough to answer.
Is it possible to believe any of this, without believing in the Judeo-Christian god? How can I believe in biblical demons, deities and spirits without also believing in god, angels, and the scripture? Can one believe in satan, without believing him to be a fallen angel? I see here many who worship and summon angels and demons alike - how is that possible? How does Michael aid you alongside Belzebub, or Lilitth?
Why do so many of the Ars Goetia demons share the same powers? Nearly all of them proclaim to teach you the sciences, the arts, and to find lost treasures. Whom do you summon for such a task, if they all do similar things?
How do these interactions take place? I have read many topics and discussions about trances, reaching certain mental states, being aided by music, incense, meditation. Are these interactions “real”? Are they dialogues in our heads? Are we creating these narratives whilst in certain mental states? I see many things happening in dream states. As a child, I often “spoke” with god, but these conversations were never real. He never said anything. I never heard anything. I barely felt anything. Are Magick interactions any different? If I recorded an evocation, what would I see? If I recorded myself asleep while dreaming I was engaging in a sex rite with an ancient goddess or spirit, what would be the evidence? Is there any tangible evidence that any of this actually takes place besides giving us the resolve, willpower and confidence to make the changes necessary ourselves?
Can any deity be summoned, or spoken with? From any pantheon? What are their reactions? Does Isis or Hera or Janus bemoan the fact their followers have dwindled to the thousands in modern times? To the deities and spirits that know past and future - what can they reveal to us? Is it possible to know for certain how the universe began, where Alaric buried his treasure, who actually killed Kennedy, or what tomorrow’s lottery numbers will be? How, and why?
Are demons “evil” or merely a force like fire - they burn not because they are evil, but because it’s in their nature? Some say always use protection(s) and magic circles when dealing with them (including the entirety of Hollywood) whilst others merely warn against offending and tricking them, though knowing they can themselves be tricksters. What do they want? Why do they help us? What do they gain from being summoned and aiding hapless humans when they roam the astral planes and the landscapes of hell and so on?
And lastly, can someone with such doubts, such skepticism and faithlessness such as myself, even possibly consider following Magick or other paths as something that is even possible? Is this something I can conquer, or will any attempt I make fail because I do not truly believe? Do I require something akin to Alistair Crowley’s LaVeyan Satanists’ “Intellectual decompression chamber?”
As you can see, I am bursting with questions, though I feel I may have already outstayed my welcome with a rather lengthy and probing introduction. Once more, I apologise, and again if any of my questions seem undecorous or presumptious, I ask you to remember my nature, and that I am legitimately interested in finding answers to these questions, and to do so with an open mind.
I bid you all a great day, and say thanks that such a great forum with the wealth of information that it contains exists. I will continue to search and study what I find here, and hopefully one day I can come to understand and experience what those here do with my own experiences. I also thank you individually for any replies that may be forthcoming, they are very much appreciated!
Avē,
Julian