Sorry I didn’t see the guidelines.
Well, kind of, but It’s going to take some explanations. I’m not really certain of what I am experiencing which is why I came here. I was a militant atheist for a long time (Since last year) because I didn’t see any good reason to believe in god, but there were some things that even taking a skeptics position I was unable to explain.
For example, I get visions of things to come sometimes but I’ve not been able to use them usefully all the time because it’s hard to tell what is real and what isn’t. When I do get a prediction correct it’s scary accurate and I’m able to avoid something horrible by predicting it beforehand. I can’t control what I get visions of the future from but recently I converted to something similar to what I would call “Gnostic Judaism” and have been getting more visions since then that I think are from the goddess Sophia.
What sealed the deal for me is when I got a premonition In mid November that we would be in lock-down from a disease within 4 months, back in January of Covid19 and the shutdown of the U.S. I didn’t believe it at the time because it seemed crazy and I ignored it because I thought this would be like all the other times a disease like this was blown up by the media.
Currently one of the biggest things I see is that Covid19 is going to lead to such a large amount of political unrest that we’re going to start seeing people going to prison from attacking their respective governments, revolutionary attitudes are going to start to clash with the leaders of the country, the American Empire is crumbling, but what is going to take its place has yet to be determined. Will China replace it as the global empire? Will America manage to maintain its grasp on the world? or will a new ideology get a shot at things such as a more extreme version of fascism, a more libertarian version of socialism or anarchism or communism?
I don’t mean for this to sound preachy, and my intentions are not to start a political conversation. I am just merely stating what I see in my dreams and whether those are informed by my knowledge of politics and the world around me, or are given to me by a deity is hard to say, and whether there is a difference between those two remains to be seen. About the only thing I can say for certain now is that I am going through a hard time like most people around the world due to the virus, and I know that the virus isn’t going to be the only thing that gets worse. For certain people will die, but the question remains is the virus going to be worse than the economic of the disease?
Since I came here I did a ritual to summon Lucifer for possession and it was… Interesting, I ended up with the following.
Please note that when I say “He told me” this, he may have given me a feeling to let me know that is what he meant, told me in my head, or both so bare with me.
He gave me some insight. First he said it had been awhile, he said that he had tried to defend me as a child but the demiurge hurt me greatly (I know what they were referencing here and I won’t be revealing what that was) and that closed me off to him, and he said he was glad to be brought back into my life and said I had grown into a beautiful woman and my decisions made sense (I won’t say what this is in reference to, but I know what he was talking about.).
I scoffed because I thought he was just trying to flatter me because I feel ugly but he told me to stop and reprimanded me for thinking that way. Furthermore, that the goddess Sophia had been giving me those visions of the future and that what I had posted here asking about was one of those things.
I asked why I associated them with being a female when they came to me in a male form and their response was to ask me if I “Really thought that deities have genders” and then explained that no deity really has a gender, and while someone like Sophia may be the aspect of femininity and the Demiurge a masculine aspect, ultimately all beings without exception contain energies of what we would call “male”, “female”, and others that fall outside of that binary.
I would go into more detail about how the conversation went, but there was some personal things after this and I don’t really want to talk about those.
Another example of these predictions is that back in 2017 I had a vision of a horrible recession that was worse than it was in 2008 that was supposed to have 2 or 3 years in the future. November of 2018 I got another prediction and this time I knew I had roughly a year and a few months. Around April of 2019 (which is shortly after I started Identifying as a satanist) I kept having those visions so I started telling people to stock up on food,and to get 2-3 months of it I told my aunt to take her money out of the stock market (She’s quite well off). Then I stocked up with food as soon as I could. Then the dow fell back in July or August of last year (I can’t remember) and it recovered so I was not certain but I had a vision that that was only the start. I told my therapist these in a session I had after this.
Now we are here, the stock market took a major hit, people are on the verge of being homeless, the world is falling to pieces from a disease.
And here I am, stuck here wondering if I’m going crazy, and wondering if all of this is just my subconscious putting things together or if there is actually deities. I basically betrayed something I considered an important aspect of myself that being my reliance on math, logic, and reasoning, and I cannot explain what is happening. I’m confused and I’m looking for answers, trying to avoid putting a bad one in the place of the unexplainable.
One more thing I should mention, if I am getting visions of the future and advice from Sophia then I will say that I was told that the universe isn’t deterministic (This is really hard for me to accept, and I don’t want to because I believe in a mathematical universe, or at least, I did) and by telling people visions of the future they may not come true because they can be avoided by the anima mundi, or through other means.
Sorry for the long post, I am just saying what is on my mind and why I’m here. I’m not certain what type of magics would be useful for me. Maybe I should learn magic that helps me focus on predicting the future?