Hello everyone,
my name is Marykate, I’m German, 33 years old and my interest in magick raised about 1 1/2 years ago. I’m working as a translator/editor and I stumbled across the topic at work – I had to edit a book about channelling and conversations with a dead husband. So I searched the net and couldn’t stop reading, from channelling I went to other topics, and I was totally fascinated by the stories and possibilities.
I joined a German forum, and I read the books people recommended me. I started with Claire, Anya and a lot of similar nonsense (I’m ashamed to admit it right now, but I didn’t know anything, so I just bought what people mentioned). The first substantial author I found was Franz Bardon, and he gave me an idea about how much work doing magick actually is. Well, of course it is a lot of work, but sometimes Bardon is a bit discouraging. I think Frater V.D. is more realistic when it comes to set up a time frame. And I’m glad I stumbled across Spare’s sigil magick while reading Bardon, because it gave me some results without having to do the same boring visualisations for months.
A few weeks later I was kicked out of the forum, because my questions seemed to offend the other members — among them a least four reincarnations of archangel Michael.
The group’s goals and aims were very different from everything I expected magick to be. Doing a spell to make someone call you was already considered “manipulation”, and when I wrote that I was planning to buy a ouija board, I was told that I was about to “open the door to hell”.
As a result of that experience I decided stay away from other people’s opinions for a while. I read more books, watched youtube (that’s how I found E. A. Koetting) and tried spells and rituals myself.
Magick for me is a means to do things that I cannot achieve with mundane methods. Bigger things than finding a free parking space in the city — one of the few things the people of the German forum accepted, when it came to actually DOING magick.
I wouldn’t call myself a black magician, because I don’t classify anything as black or white, it depends on one’s own point of view. And I don’t believe in karma.
My current goals are (apart from one big goal I’ve been working on for a year now — without any results so far) mainly topics of revenge. I wasn’t treated very well in life, I always had to struggle, and I feel that the worst few of the people who made me suffer should know what it feels like.
And there is that one goal, the main reason for my persistence, for reading the 250th book and lighening the 500th candle … it is quite big, but actually it is what I’m living for, and I hope I will make some progress soon, otherwise I will give up. Not only the goal.
There are some more goals that are naturally related to the whole thing, like the ability to see and hear astrally, to be able to talk to spirits, stuff like that. But I have to admit, that I’m not really interested in conversation and information in itself. I don’t want to be enlightened, not right now. I just want my mundane wishes to be fulfilled, and of course this would be easier if I could really see and hear the spirits I’m evoking.
And that’s my main struggle at the moment, to come to the last introduction point. I’m pretty sure that I’ve been able to reach theta-gamma, a few times at least, but even then I couldn’t see or hear the spirit. Feeling a presence, cold air above my triangle and candles or incense behaving strangely - that’s pretty much all I experienced in my rituals.
I will add a picture tomorrow from my mac. Right now I’m writing on ipad.
So I guess that’s everything about me.
So far I’ve spent endless hours reading the posts here, there are so many interesting topics in this forum, I don’t know if I will ever get through
BALG is really great! A big thank you to Eric, to the team and to all the members!