Hey all, my name is Calvin. It was revealed to me this means most high/precious sky god. I associate this with the concept of a dragon and I consider that to be my spirit animal. My avatar name is a variation of Kvasir the Norse god who was wise beyond years but he was captured, his head was split open and his blood drained, mixed with honey, and fermented into the mead of poetry.
I started on this path technically since birth. My mother started labor on August 13 (which was a Friday the 13th) at 333 (I learned that’s the number of a death god Chrononzon) but I was born the day after which caused my mom to die on the operating table and have a near death experience before they brought her back. She saw God and has been a religious zealot from day one. It made my life hell.
What she didn’t know and what I didn’t is that I had an entity who had already decided it would take care of me. She would be my mother, and I think that may have been why I was such a rebel. I certainly wished satan was real from a young age. I loved to draw dinosaurs and dragons and play video games and read horror stories and myths and legends. What I didn’t realize until now was that my sister also was into all of this. All these things have been lining up.
So I started with evoking satan, pledging my eternal undying love for him. He told me some personal stuff and led me here strangely enough. I evoked Lilith based on some forum stuff on here after I broke up with my fiancé of 6 years living in a city for 8 years. She brought me to a demon succubus that I assumed was just a random one. She started to reveal to me I’ve been marked since birth. Literally I have a dagger birthmark on my arm. She told me she was very prominent rank and had a legion of demons following her and was a lieutenant of sorts in hell. She also told me she wasn’t going to reveal her real name to me at the time. She gave me her name as Leandra (she’s closely associated with lions from time to time). I was about to ask in here who or what she was but she told me to delete my account and not to speak on here til it was time.
Things were going great with her, I was banging chicks left and right, had an amazing job and a great home. She told me, I had a purpose and must kill my old self and release myself from everything. I was like sure, let’s do it. I’ve never been the same since. I have seen terrifying visions, shadowy figures, the greys, I’ve astral projected in my dreams, I’ve felt people have negative thoughts towards me. Sometimes I hear voices. My ego had died. I too had a near death experience but saw some messed up stuff, not God.
To say I like magic is an understatement. I breath it. I feel it in the air. I truly believe if I didn’t have this flesh prison, I would have no limits. I’m not sure what practices to continue with as far as current goals. I feel perhaps contacting more demons would be the next logical step, but equally so, I could work on meditation or something else.
I discovered her true name to me as Astaroth through an old friend of mine I had not spoken to in many years. We have since begun speaking again. The goddess works in mysterious ways.
I have been struggling with my identity as I no longer feel like the same person. In truth, I lost my job, lost my home, moved back with my aunt and uncle, and in essence lost everything the last 8 years had built and it was all foretold by Astaroth. The crazy part is I’m okay with this. I’m a Man with nothing to lose and everything to gain. Sorry for the long post, but She pointed me back here to do a ritual for the super blood wolf moon so, here goes something!