Today’s creation. This was the first time I’ve poured with black in the mix and im not sure if I would personally do it again without it being requested.
The more I look at it the more I start to like it. I think im gonna call it balance. I see the self in the middle being equally surrounded by light and dark.
What do you see?
It looks totally different after it dried.
Still got that headache right at the center of my brain. Its mostly centered there but its also moved to behind my left eye for an evening. Really hope this isn’t a permanent thing.
So ive been questioning myself for the last year +. If I was to switch careers what would I want to go into. I may have figured it out. If I could find enough side income to go back to college I think I would study human consciousness. That shit is fucking fascinating with so many different studies. I may see if I can’t get this set into motion.
I finally have a little less tension in my head today. If I actively scan inside my head I get the pressure build again.
This last week I’ve started building energy in my root instead of my crown. Doing this last night seems to have helped with the migraines substantially.
This was the finished product for the azazel painting. I dig it but I think it will look soooo much better when the sigil is stenciled on instead of free hand painted. Esp with my shakey ass hands.
I took a really hot soak in the jacuzzi yesterday. I had the water so hot it was almost scalding. I ended up trying to meditate while soaking in the heat of that bath.
I kept it really simple, I just focused on the breath coming in and out. As I would inhale I would build energy in my root. On exhale I would push that energy up and into my crown.
This is what I have been doing for the last month that has been giving me migranes I believe.
What I did differently last night was instead of just building energy in my root. I would now pull the energy from my crown and back down into my root.
Pulling that down instead of just adding more seems to have relieved a lot of that internal pressure.
I also noticed another key point of meditating in that hot hot bath. I was able to pull all the heat out of the water and into my self. At that point I invisioned the heat I was pulling out as fire energy. I submerged my hands and feet and used them to pull in that fire element and expunge muck from my body. In total I was soaking for about 45 minutes. When I got into the tub it was practically steaming. When I got out it was barely room temp. Fire element acquired!
Side note.
While in the soak i did take a moment to inspect the horns on my head and the hoop hovering behind. Inspecting one of the horns I noticed that its not normal animal horn material which I believe is the same as human fingernails. This material looked more like black/grey granite and I saw one symbol.
Oddly enough it was 1 half of the yingyang. Gonna have to dig more for its meaning. I think ill have to do a session devoted just to these new elements gifted to me by who I now think was azazel. This is who my heart tells me it is.
And ill leave you with this final riddle.
I’ve had this saying running through my head nonstop for the last few weeks.
I am therefore I am.
Im starting to think it roughly means that if you can invision it you can be it.
I find that my best meditations are in a scalding hot bath (or jacuuzi). It started because the bathroom was the only place I could retreat for a ritual or meditation without being disturbed, but there’s something about the steam rising from the water and mixing with the smoke of the incense that immediately puts me in a good mindset for any kind of practice.
I didnt have incense as it was a last minute idea. But I will definitly be repeating this. Last night I felt soooo relaxed. I ended up passing out at like 630. It was great
Just make sure you stay hydrated! 
Oh yeah I definitly felt the sweat beading down my face non stop. But thats where I feel my best.
The best part is crawling out of the hot water to lie on the cold ground, gasping for air with skin as red as Satan’s buttcheeks 
Actually it’s not bad, but maybe outline it in white or black? It would make it pop then, especially if you could make it look like a beveled edge. Granted I say that, and you might prefer it almost blends lol.
Arts so individual, that I could be throwing suggestions that don’t matter lol. It’s pretty cool either way.
I got tile flooring right outside the jacuzzi. I think ill scrub it down next time with that intention. Maybe just lay quietly and air dry on the cold tile.
I get comments about how beat red my skin is after getting out.
I was contemplating doing just that. So let me get your thoughts on this. I didnt because the way it currently sits. I feel like if you open the sigil it would be easier to get it to flash or disappear because it can blend easier.
??
Oh I actually would assume the opposite, I prefer sigils that are distinct when opening… Like I’ll draw them in a bold color on purpose if I’m drawing them. Like navy blue sharpie on a white background, white on black, bright green on white etc.
Have you tried opening it to see how it works for you though, to get an idea? It might work better blended for those having trouble getting into trance- because it would bleed into the background, but I prefer it stand out myself, so that it doesn’t-especially if I let the scrying eyes kick in, because the scrying part will add parts of the background to it anyways to form new images, so having one part stand out- it just flows better to me, and gives you a starting point so to speak.
I think you should do what feels best to you, but I did scroll up just to give it another look and see how it would work as far as opening goes, and I find my eyes get drawn to the parts where it’s hard to discern between the sigil and the background, rather than taking it in as a whole. Which doesn’t really effect the opening, but I’d be like man… wish that one corner was easier to tell… lol.
Yeah right here right? This is the part that bugs me because it blends so well.
I wanted to do the sigil in a contrasting color but also felt like his sigil should be red. So 
Yes, that spot right there lmao. Hey if you feel it should be red, I don’t see any issue with that.
I mean I’m sure you can do it again on contrasting colors if you feel the need or want to later as well. I always pick a red sigil when I am trying to reach Azazel honestly, I just don’t draw his out for whatever reason (I rarely draw any of them- mostly just verves) so I pick one that is red on black usually- even when I was experimenting with his other sigils out there, just to see.
Last nights meditation was a total bust. 2 hours if constant yawning and irritable skin.
I couldn’t keep focus
Today I took a im not really sick day. A mental health day if you would. Ive got a bath currently getting drawn and will be attempting another meditation in it. Updates to come.
A little too hot this time. Had to add a couple of cups of ice cold water to even things out.
I started out with the same fidgets and itchy skin again in this meditation. So I used one of the tactics I picked up from the gateway experience. You invision a large steel/iron box with a heavy lid. Lift the lid and toss in all your worldly cares, problems and other issues you need to set aside for this. Ive also been stripping away my physical body and putting it in the box too. Its really seems to help when I get into those problems.
I soaked for about 30 minutes just bringing in and moving energy within my body. I would bring my hands out of the water to absorb something other than the heat from the water. It was interesting alternating between hot and cold sensations on my hands. I sat up in the tub at one point and watched the sweat pour off my nose and into the water. It looked like you dropped a single droplet of water solvent black paint into the tub. The dark droplet would touch the water and disperse and mix in with the clear water like it never had color to start.
I had troubles not with being relaxed but something just didn’t feel right. It was like my mind was just too distracted and couldn’t focus on the task at hand. Maybe boredom is a good word. I got bored with the meditation?
I ended up getting out and laying on the cold tile floor. The system shock from the heat to the cold was great. I laid for about 15 minutes before the vent next to my head turned on. Got a shower to wash all the sweat and whatnot away.
Posting this here so I don’t have to repost the same here.
