So this was the first Halloween where I did a ritual. It was actually the first where my wife did a ritual too!
Is it possible that I could be undergoing a form of shadow work without knowing it? I’m pretty certain lilith has been popping up just to show me sides of myself I either need to exercise or be accepting of. Maybe its just reaching for something I wish was there. Im honestly not certain.
I promise I used the search feature, and I found a shit load of returns for shadow work. My issue is all of them are people asking random questions about it and im struggling to find a full tutorial on it. Now you may be asking yourself “is he blind”. Short answer, probably… but if you’ve seen the tutorial a million times do me a solid and link it. Please.
So its officially been a month since I have felt that depression. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some hard days. But those were just that, bad days. Its all went away the night I tried DMT. From my research this seems to be a common outcome for people with depression. The trip you take becomes a reboot for your brain and it goes back to its last good saved state.
Could this all be caused by me mentally manifesting better emotions and nothing to do with that trip. Sure, But fuck it! I’m not fixing it if its not currently broken. I’m just greatful to be happy… also kinda not sure how to feel/act since I’ve been depressed and sad for so long. Its a really weird feeling. As I used to consider myself a happy person untill the last 4-5 years.
Ok so for anyone curious about what I saw on dmt, not much but let’s go into it.
So the people I took this experience with kinda just came out of no where into my life. Took a trip to Colorado to buy cheap weed lol, judge away! The place we had planned on staying fell through last minute. Luckily one of the guys who came with had a good friend in Colorado Springs. So this friend ended up being heavy into dmt and meeting the clockwork elves. Very cool people and welcoming, I instantly felt at home with them.
He knew all about its chemical compound, how its naturally harvested, what drugs its used in and so on. He was well versed, hadnt met someone who took their drugs so seriously. So I felt like he knew enough to comfortably try it. Let’s refer to him as shaman.
So that night we took a ride on his couch lol, with this you have to take a minimum of 3 deep inhales. I was laughing while taking mine. Because of what his mom said before I started. She said it feels like your going to sleep for a surgery. I 100% felt the wa-wa’s start setting in. I saw a bright light and a mat black circle started to over take the white light. The black came from my peripheral vision and quickly overcame the light.
I remember my head falling backwards and me just laughing due to the wa-wa’s. My eyes were closed and I was hearing voices all around me. I remember feeling a constant pour of energy overcoming my body and a very heavy feeling. I could swivel my head back and forth and open my eyes. There were two girls sitting across from me chatting. I opened my eyes and the one girl directly across from me was just staring at me. I was very uncomfortable and didn’t know why I was being looked at. I closed my eyes, when I closed my eyes I was able to see still somewhat see the two girls who sat across from me. I started looking around my vision looked like an old timie photo, just as we were coming up with our first color photos. Very monochromatic (I think that’s what its called).
The guy who was in charge got everyone around me under control and everyone stopped staring at me. So I started looking over everyone. It was then I heard someone tell the people around me to hush and watch me as I was changing( ive asked multiple times and everyone has confirmed that this was never said). I then felt all eyes turn to me and the energy and weight pressing down started. I felt as I was sinking into my seat slightly as the pressure started to rise. Not painful at all just a noticeable press against my body. It was then that my vision changed. I could see everyone around me that was there before I took the dmt, but there were now silhouettes around me swaying and watching me. When my vision changed (I feel like it was my astral sense opened) I could see everyone in their godform for a lack of a better word. Everyone was a grayish color, all shading was enhanced and wasn’t just black but purple. All highlighted areas were a neon green. I was smiling and happy through this entire experience. Most everyone I saw had a demonic look to them which felt comforting. My friend D, he looked like he should have been a lead singer of a rock band. A Johnny bravo esk hairstyle and a similar shapped beard gave him a man on the moon look with leather and spikes lol.
My heart was racing to the point I had to calm myself or suffer a panic attack. The mother then came over to me. I saw her in a flowing silk see through dress not like her nude or anything. It was shades of pink orange and red with gold trim. She had a glow around her. She was the only person around that wasn’t shrouded in darkness. I was instantly drawn to her. I was trying my best not to stare. She wasn’t an old woman by any means but I believe what I saw was still a younger version of her. It was a stunning sight, her face she had dark dark racoon eye makeup that looked like she took her fingers and wiped down from the dark makeup creating streaks over her cheeks. I was trying my best not to just stare at her, she felt familiar like somebody I am very close to had inhabited her body.
I looked up at shaman, he was just a floating head engulfed in black flames. I could still hear him hushing people. I continued to look around enjoying the visuals.
I enjoyed about 5 more minutes of this watching peoples smiles grow sinister and sharp.
I was recorded during this but I have a 7 minute window in the begining were I have no memories of. I was laughing in the video, I would occasionally open my eyes and giggle then close them again. I have no idea what happened or what I saw during this time. All my memories are of after the goddess sat next to me.
Per the usual I have issues remembering any dream I have.
