Il Matt's Journal, from Noob to...less Noob

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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Entry #6: An illustrious guest

Since the last time, I decided to become more familiar with my senses by using EA’s method of the “chat in the chair” exercise, which you can find in the divination course (which I recommend by the way).
It is quite simple, yet effective enough in its simplicity: you walk into the TGS and imagine that you are sitting in a chair with one in front of you, and you see which entity comes out.

So I started in July; I decided not to call any specific spirit, but to let the chair be occupied by whatever spirit wanted to speak and communicate. It wasn’t an “Order and Force” thing, but more of an “I invite you, if you want you can be my guest” thing.

The first chance encounter was as beautiful as it was unexpected.

When I meditate, I try to enter “my space”, which has always come easy for me to see as an infinite gray lake, over which I can walk and sit. The sky there is always cloudy, so gray is the predominant color. It is there that I manifested the chair for my guest.

The space around me and the chair, from gray, it became pure darkness, then the darkness in front of me grew teeth and took the form of a snarling black hound in front of me. His body had no concrete limits, on the contrary, it slowly began to become something else.

In a split second I realized that that huge dog was attached to the dress of a much taller woman with pearly white skin and infinitley long hair. She had a noble face, and sitting on the chair I had previously placed in my astral space with royal elegance, the dog disappeared after a while.

Me: Please tell me your spirit name
Her: I am Hecate, you know me, child

(I tried to contact her as my very first evocation, with no tools, no incantation, no trance... which I initially declared a failure; apparently I was wrong).

She spoke again, without giving me time to elaborate.

“You have to work hard, don’t waste your potential, you are growing, but you are not exercising your talents as you should.”

And how should I do it? I asked, amazed at the statement she made

“Will, this is the perfect means by which you can convey your desire. Practice with this.”

I was frozen, in devoted respect; looking back at my notes, and trying to remember, It felt like her energy was… “empty”? Can’t describe it… I was I tired, very tired … or just scared? Anyway, I didn’t feel like asking for more information, so I thanked her, offered her some energy, and went to drink some milk, for grounding.

Various things went through my head, first of all: FUCK! Then she was there when I called her! I got organized and at night I ran to the first crossroad known to me in my area, put 3 eggs, some chocolate and circled those offerings with red wine, out of respect.

What did it mean to exercise my will? Another puzzle, but also another great satisfaction!

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11

Entry #7: Acknowledging freedom

After the incredible encounter the night before, I decided to continue with the chair exercise, and see who wished to communicate.

I did exactly as the previous time, meditation, entered my “personal space” and created a chair, manifesting my intention to communicate with any spirit that was interested in speaking to me.

The chair, strangely, appeared made of stone, coarse, gray and heavy in appearance; I couldn’t change her appearance, but after a while it was no longer a concern.

Just beyond the chair, a shapeless mass of darkness manifested itself, blacker than the darkness advancing behind it. It often changed shape, for a few moments it was a sphere, then a cube … then it grew out of all proportion, becoming a black whale, swimming in the space around me and the chair. Its structure is more stable, but still it often faltered, as if it were made of a particular oil.

“State your name, spirit” I said, as usual by now.
The whale stopped circling over my head and moved just behind the chair, being too big to sit on.

“I’m Satan” a hiss came out of the shadows around the whale.

“Thank you for coming” I said, still not entirely sure that what I had in front of me was really Satan.
“Do you have any valuable advice for me?”

“It doesn’t matter the how, and don’t ask yourself why, but you have to make yourself heard, noticed, exercise your authority”
“I will not tell you how, I will not give you directions to take. I am you, and you are me, the Christ and the Antichrist. Give yourself some advice, some orders!”
The good and bad of being free is that YOU are your own king. You are used to receiving directives from others, so it will be hard … be your own boss, give yourself advice, directions, act! "

I thanked the entity and “got out” of meditation.

Part of what I was told didn’t make much sense to me; Christ and Antichrist?
Looking back, I could now only speculate that he was putting pressure on the residues of Christian belief still present in my subconscious (not the fear of the devil, but rather the sheepish attitude that I still trailed behind).
Indeed, Christianity doesn’t teach you to take the initiative, and it certainly doesn’t reward those who don’t blindly follow the rules … so it could be that, take action, and don’t wait for someone to do things for me.

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Ahhhh…hai parlato con Satana, bene!

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Entry # 8: a small detour

I had booked my consultation with EA, and in the meantime I hung out on the forum a little, looking for a possible approach to a problem that tormented me from early adolescence, porn.

In itself, the problem wasn’t there, but there, at that moment, I didn’t know it; a typical day of struggle was as such (usualy every 4/5 days): I tried to abstain from porn, gave in, relapse, and felt like shit right after.

This cycle had been going on for a few months, and although I found myself having clear and noticable improvements (thanks to some shadow work and, especially to Lilith’s advices), there was something that was corroding me.

I decided to approach Dantalion

In the evening I prepared everything: this time she followed the method described by Lady Eva in the forum, with some additions, such as incense for example.

Given the novelty of the process, and from the fact that I no longer conducted the ritual in the basement, but in the garage (for the smoke of the incense, I had started using resin, and it produced a lot of it), I was unable to relax enough to be able to " see “or” hear "the Duke, but his presence was obvious. Very gentle, like a cool breeze.

I made my request (I’d rather keep it private, sorry), and when I sensed a change in the atmosphere of the room (as if it were a yes, at least I interpreted it as such) I thanked him and gave him permission to go.

Those weeks weren’t very different, but looking now, a few months later, I notice that my request, although different from what I expected, has been granted. Thanks Dantalion!

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Entry # 9: Two days of harsh lessons:

The day after the ritual with Duke Dantalion, I decided to return to the method of “Meditating with the energy of the spirit” with which I wanted to interact.

The goal of the evening was to meditate with Azazel, listening to his and his 108 times, and “Bathing” in his energies. I don’t know why I wanted to do it, intuition told me I think.

I started meditating with headphones, and after maybe 5 minutes, I realized that some spirit wanted to communicate with me:

“Who are you spirit ?!”
“I’m Azazel, you called me, you call me and you look for me”
The tone was stern, but not stern “Pissed”, more like a father giving you a grooming because he loves you, but you let him down (lol)

"What do you hate most about yourself?"

After much thought, considering the obstacles that hitherto hindered my interacting with the spirits, I said:
“Fear and analysis; I am afraid that all this does not exist, and when I analyze what is happening, everything stops, I do not see and feel no more. I want the fear and my desire to analyze to disappear”

“You’re wrong,” he replied. “Fear allows you to save yourself, and analysis allows you to understand the difference between an impostor and a real spirit. Fear and analysis are great tools, if you know how to use them.”

The answer struck me; it made sense, and it wasn’t an answer that I could have rationally delivered!

“The only obstacle is your mind,” he continued; “If you think you still have to practice, proceed; but know that you are ready”

At that moment my concentration began to falter; I didn’t understand what it meant, I needed to write down what had happened and meditate on it. I thanked him after I took the notes, but i felt he was alredy gone.

The next night I did the same thing, but the energy I chose was that of Belial.

Here the tones were even more severe, he didn’t wait for me to acknowledge him, he just came, filled my basement with his energy, and spoke to me,this time almost mocking me:

"The obsessive observations you carry out in this way is the result of your expectations. You expect things to go in a certain way, so you pay no attention to the various ways in which the situation can evolve; this will lead you to think that nothing is happened, or that you have been ignored "

I would like to point out that Belial’s words came from my lips, it was no longer an internal conversation

“Remove this mask you are wearing; you are such a good liar that you can even convince yourself. You are convncing yourself that you cannot, and that makes you a coward, do the opposite.”

These two “chats” with these two powerful spirits gave me a good boost to devote myself seriously to the occult, no longer reading and meditating, something … bigger.

I began to consider signing up a pact.

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Entry #10: My first pact (?)

After several days of thinking, I decided to do a petition to Lucifer, and I decided to follow the method described by Darkest Knight on the forum (which I take this opportunity to thank, very useful as always).

I started writing what I wanted, it took a good day to decide how to structure the petition; in the end I had almost a page of requests.
Something inside me made me uncomfortable*: maybe I’m asking too much, without doing anything in return?*

Half an hour before the ritual, I decided to add some commitments on my part, in exchange for what Lucifer would provide me.

So, I started the ritual. I called Lucifer, who arrived immediately, or maybe he was there before.
I heard no voices, saw nothing, but I felt as if a silent crowd had gathered in my small basement; I blamed the tension of the moment, and proceeded.

After having summoned him and having ascertained his arrival, I proceeded to read what I wrote in the petition; nothing. I added my share, what I would do in return, and then the energy of the room changed, very gently, but still perceptibly.

I signed the paper, and not being a pact, I did not wait for the signature of Lucifer; I pricked my finger, put blood on his paper and seal, and burned them both.

I improvised a lot at that juncture, was I perhaps wrong? However, I had a very good impression. I closed the ritual, thanking Lucifer, and continued my day. I felt very light the whole day, like when you pass an exam at the university.

But I couldn’t help but ask myself two things:

  • Did I cast a petition spell or did I make a pact?

  • How the f**k am I going to proceed from now?

The day after, I would have found some answers, and more

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Entry # 11: The first day of school

The day after the signing of the pact, I began the day meditating with the 108 Enns of Lucifer. His energies were gentle, but “warm” … I found myself dripping with sweat at the end of my morning meditation, lol.
In the evening, I decided to start our work together with some questions. I had never approached such an entity, and I wanted to be ready to work best with him.:

# 1: Do you have any instructions for me so that I can make the best contribution?
Listen to my voice, put my teachings into practice. The formulas with which you approach the whole context are wrong.
Hearing the dialogues must NOT be a confirmation that you are going to seek as the final goal, as this is nothing more than a signal that what you are doing is correct. Look beyond that.
I will not guide you step by step, you are not an infant, you will have to show me that you are interested in the extent of the changes you have requested.

# 2: What powers can you help me gain or awaken?
The powers you seek are inherent in you. As you progress, you will realize that you need “something else”. I can provide you with that and more. I will therefore provide you with everything you WILL need, nothing more and nothing less.

# 3: How can I increase my awareness and my consciousness?
What you really ask for is easily achieved with an invocation. I can help you.
Call me, summon me, let me enter you. It won’t be pleasant.
Do it for the duration of our work, every day. Open up to me and let me in, so we will work together. DO NOT DOUBT.

# 4: What can I do to show you gratitude and devotion?
What you are doing for now is enough. The material offers are not of great interest to me. Your practice during this time, and your dedication to it and me will be sufficient proof.

# 5: How can I know and change myself?
Look inside, with the utmost sincerity, and ACCEPT strengths and weaknesses.
Erasing aspects of yourself that have formed you will not benefit you in any way. What you need to work on is your current habits - adjust yourself!
Let go of what is not good for you.

I had some good information to start with; I thanked Lucifer and closed the ritual for that night. I was tired, but excited for the next day: my first invocation!

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Entry # 12: Exercises

The message was clear, I had to work on two fronts: the mentality (my skepticism, mostly), and the practice (my laziness, which kept me, and still keeps me tied and away from the successes I would like to achieve) .

On my first evening of invocation, of a new moon, I called Lucifer for just a few minutes, and he arrived immediately. Immediately after invoking him, I unequivocally perceived his “entrance”. The shivering all over the body, the change in temperature, the electricity on the skin… never experienced anything like it.
Something prompted me to blow out the candle, the only source of light in the room, so I put it out.

“What do you see?” He asked me. Meanwhile I noticed an infinitesimal dot on the wall in front of me, but nothing more than that.
“Give me shape, give me structure” he insisted; I felt the need to push his right hand forward as I tried to give him some kind of structure, nothing.
In all this, I noticed the aura around my hand, the various patterns distributed in the darkness of the room, but no shape: the anxiety grew, along with the sense of inadequacy.

“Lucifer, I can’t, what should I do?” I asked, frustrated.

“Just stay in contemplation, look inside and out, without analyzing, without expectation”
Meanwhile, what looked like a yellow serpentine eye appeared in my inner sight, but disappeared immediately when I let myself be taken by the emotion, losing calm again.

Recomposing me, he heard her voice again
"From now on you will proceed like this: work on the structure, the eye cannot see what you do not want (you can) create. Create and manifest, and it will appear, with open eyes, in front of you.
What little you have done today is proof that you can, practice. Call me, invite me into you, every day, and practice "

He left, leaving me hopeful, but frustrated.
I had no control over my attention, it was automatic, instinctive, fast, and apparently autonomous. I had a lot of work to do.

The next evening, it was enough for me to arrange the universal circle with the seal of Lucifer and light the candle: he arrived immediately, and the invocation formula, which I thought was necessary, was ultimately not. It almost seemed that the mood was sufficient to proceed with the invocations.

Even this evening, the practice did not yield considerably sufficient results, at least for me.

“You have to apply yourself more, you don’t learn overnight; don’t feel inferior, you are not. Nevertheless, what you did today is insufficient, it is important to apply yourself more, with more consistency”

As I listened, I noticed a black vortex in my internal vision, which again became the serpentine eye seen the day before.

The first two evenings of work were, at first glance, a disaster. But looking back, I’m glad it went that way; the following days I would have worked more, it had become personal!

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Hello there! I apologize for the absence, I am in a very turbulent period, but the creative chaos that has hit me is starting to bear fruit! Off with journaling!

Entry # 13: The master clarifies

I decided to ask Lucifer a few questions, to clarify how best to proceed. Looking back now, I realize that I was in constant need of Feedback from someone, for anything; I hope I improved, at least a little bit, lol!

# 1: How can I best structure?
You have to trust what you see. You already have sight, but by not believing it, you are not giving your real eyes a chance to see.
You have to be completely immersed in what you do, not analyze what you see, and not ask yourself what you will see. Again, by doing so, you are enslaving yourself to expectations.

# 2: What is the seed of darkness?
The seed of potential, which once it takes root, makes you ready for the beginning of your true ascent.
It is the first gift that is given to you, when you open the first door, opening yourself to your own potential, and to a thousand possibilities, the choice is yours.

Here, I was struck; Belial too, some time before, mentioned this “First Door” to me. But what is this?

# 3: What is the first door? How do I open it?
The first door is you, open yourself, then. Offer yourself to the darkness, to its eternal potential, and dedicate yourself to it; declared yourself to it. There are also rituals already done for this purpose, look for them.

# 4: What Happens During Invocations?
Once you offer yourself, I enter you, offering perspective and sharing; this makes you prone to understand more of the teachings I am giving you.
This can make you more perceptive, but what use are of the eyes of those who don’t want to see?
It all starts with you, ask me the right question.

# 5: Am I doing okay so far?

Looking back, I don’t know why I asked such a question; it’s strange how the me of 2 months ago was so different from the me of now.

Yes, but stop looking for confirmation and encouragement from the outside. Humility can be noble, but the excess of it will always leave you in the dust, bowed down.
Stand up, and act like a God, if you want to be treated as such. Do not doubt.

I thanked Lucifer and closed “the interview”.
Many more questions than the answers received, but this was just a stimulus to move forward!

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So where are you now in your path? Can you see and hear spirits?
I am almost able to have a visual manifestation, at the rate I am going it is just a matter of time, I am getting closer by the day, but I do have some trouble in hearing spirits, something that you seem to do very well, or perhaps they are not so talkative with me as they are with you? :thinking:
What have your latest rituals been like?

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Its my opinion He has a cold presence, because usually when I tried to contact him (and got yanked halfway dwown my bed since I was lying down on the job out of exhaustion), my legs were ice cold or felt like it, the room felt cold while it wasn’t and the candle flame was tall and bright and zig zagging, the smoke going crazy.
Not as bad as hotboxing the room with incense smoke, such as drawing down the moon and the heat feels incredible. Polar opposites. Ive often wondered if he is associated with an ice cold planet or territory of space itself.

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Hey! Thank you for passing by! :wink:

The simple answer would be yes; the more articulate one includes the fact that my clairevoyance seems to be a bit more leathery lately.

Lately I have been completely overwhelmed by a current of procrastination from which I am managing to get out slowly only recently. This has blocked my progress a bit in my opinion.

The work with Lucifer is now over for a while, and I’m in the middle of working with Belial. Despite the laziness, he’s banging me left and right until I listen and learn the lesson (thanks King, really! :heart:).

My working is completly different; pretty much no more evoking, and a ton of channeling for direct comunication. I’m pretty much working with him for myself.

I am noticing that many things have changed since I got this

lazy:

  • The reduced meditation (before it was at least a good 45 minutes a day, now 5 if all goes well) is rusty my clairvoyance a little; the spirits appear obviously, and I can see figures and all the rest, but nothing to do with the clarity I had with Lucifer (you will see in the next passages, I resume writing now)

  • Despite all of this, my clairaudience remained the same, if not improved. Maybe I’m more inclined to this, and this makes me think that instead you are more inclined to see them and show them! (Congratulations, btw! :grin: )

  • I’m starting to integrate mirror scrying more often, and to prefer invocations over summons. I am noticing that often, in certain visions, I can smell smells, sometimes tastes, in addition to my usual clairesentience.

Unless you have deliberately offended some entity, I highly doubt it! Lol.

Jokes aside, considering that you are close to materializing, I don’t think they have a problem communicating with you. Maybe it’s just a matter of practice, as I mentioned above. Give yourself time, you’re at a great point, so you’re getting results!

I suggest you take a look at this, if you haven’t already. It worked wanders with me!

I agree, really strange! :sweat_smile: I happened to wonder if the chills were actually cold or if the skin simply rose from the energy he carries in the room with him.

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Entry # 14: Let the structuring begin!

On the third evening, after meditating with 108 enns and invocation, I light the incense, as a thank you, and begin to practice structuring.

5 geometric shapes, this would have been the work schedule for the next few evenings.
A few things to note:

  • Whenever I managed to keep the structure in question for a few seconds, the incense “burned” for a few small moments, and this deconcentrated me.

  • The shapes that I structured moved, this led me to observe them and to wonder why they did so, making me lose focus once again.

  • Often, during the structure, I fell deeply into the TGS, this led the forms to be more realistic, and to spontaneously color themselves; guess what? I lost concentration in analyzing the causes.

At the end of the session, I heard

“Your goal is to give the structure, and that only. Do not analyze what you see: what it is, how it is possible and why it is so in that moment. You weave the hypotheses later”

“Today you have made progress, and the important thing is to take small steps consistently; obviously, it’s still not enough. Commit yourself.”

I had a plan, now I just had to put it into practice

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Entry # 15: The real working

After a few days of practice, where I essentially invoked Lucifer in me, practiced structuring, and received gnosis, I realized some very interesting things:

  • I found myself questioning EVERYTHING I ever did, thought and said as a habit. Parts of my day that I have always lived as an automaton, like driveing from home to the train to go to work, listening to the same music on the train, thinking about nothing, and walk to the office were… different.

Every time, unexpectedly, came that “why?” (clearly not mine) which opened up worlds of reasoning for me. These internal questions, after a while, ended with my understanding the root of some of my old problems, fits of anger, feelings of inferiority towards others and so on.

  • I began to realize that often, during discussions at work, or quarrels at home, that uncomfortable and sudden feeling that hit my stomach was not necessarily MY sensation, but could be that of my interlocutor, of my colleague who was being picked up by the boss.

  • I began to actively change my attitude according to the suggestions I received, and slowly I began to feel better on the various occasions of the day, to manage discussions better without panicking, not to look at the ground when it happened to meet eyes with an unknown person.

One of the most important lessons for me, however, was the one on expectation.

“You are a builder, your expectations are the building blocks with which you build the reality around you; you yourself are a creation of your expectations.”
“Expect the spell you cast may fail, and it will fail. Drown in doubt, and you will kill the ritual you just performed. Consider yourself not ready, and you never will be.”

With only two weeks, Lucifer burned the old me, for good and for all. The new me was slowly being reborn, amidst various conflicts, sufferings and internal struggles.
But I liked it, I was officially released from that abyss of emptiness I felt before starting this journey, and whether it was pleasure or pain, I didn’t care!

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Entry # 16: Progresses
The thirty days agreed with Lucifer were focused on three things in particular:

  1. Invocation

  2. Structuring increasingly complex figures, in the dark of the room or in the smoke

  3. To “turn my mind off” more often to his advices also in the mundane life; this improved not only in the more “practical” aspect of the journey, but also in the most intimate internal changes.

The visions became clearer, the voice clearer in my head; I realized how everything was becoming a self-powered cycle: I listened / saw, believed what was manifesting, I could hear / see more.

I took it more seriously, and made a list of things to ask EA, which I had two days from the end of 30 days working with Lucifer.

Lucifer was starting to call me with (apparently) what appears to be my “magikal name”.

Finally, I received instructions for a final ritual, on the first full moon after the 30 days of working with him, he gave me the details through vision, and I asked for clarification in subsequent sessions, to prepare everything.

I was excited, and a little terrified

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Any updates? I would love to read more about your progress. Have a great day.

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Good afternoon my friend!
I have a lot of updates to write, in all honesty; the problem (if you can call it that) lies in the gigantic cascade of changes and commitments that I am facing in this last semester.

I’ll post some updates straight from my journals shortly to keep things chronologically, but I can give you a little spoiler on the current situation:
on my way to work with all 9 gatekeepers,

  1. I finished work with Belial
  2. I switched to Lucifer - Amaymon, he psychologically broke me , but helped me immensely with knowing my darker aspects
  3. Now I’m still trying to recover from the previous work, and to bounce back up for starting with Azazel.

In any case, I will shortly start posting again! Thanks for visiting, and have a nice day to you too!

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I would recommend contacting demon Gremory. He always helps me with my tarot reading. He gives me the necessary protection and also heightens my senses to the point where i can actually hear those cards pretty much yell at me all of that information that i need.
Also i love this song.

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Hi friend! :slight_smile: Thanks for the comment and the valuable suggestions! I have never interfaced with Gremory, but I will certainly do so when I decide to deepen the study and practice of tarot (because sooner or later I will definitely have to resume, lol)
I also really appreciate your comment on the song, thanks!

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Thank you mate. Great love man.

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