Il Matt's Journal, from Noob to...less Noob

Il_Matt · November 26, 2021, 4:50pm

Hey! Thank you for passing by!

The simple answer would be yes; the more articulate one includes the fact that my clairevoyance seems to be a bit more leathery lately.

Lately I have been completely overwhelmed by a current of procrastination from which I am managing to get out slowly only recently. This has blocked my progress a bit in my opinion.

The work with Lucifer is now over for a while, and I’m in the middle of working with Belial. Despite the laziness, he’s banging me left and right until I listen and learn the lesson (thanks King, really! ).

My working is completly different; pretty much no more evoking, and a ton of channeling for direct comunication. I’m pretty much working with him for myself.

I am noticing that many things have changed since I got this

lazy:

The reduced meditation (before it was at least a good 45 minutes a day, now 5 if all goes well) is rusty my clairvoyance a little; the spirits appear obviously, and I can see figures and all the rest, but nothing to do with the clarity I had with Lucifer (you will see in the next passages, I resume writing now)
Despite all of this, my clairaudience remained the same, if not improved. Maybe I’m more inclined to this, and this makes me think that instead you are more inclined to see them and show them! (Congratulations, btw! )
I’m starting to integrate mirror scrying more often, and to prefer invocations over summons. I am noticing that often, in certain visions, I can smell smells, sometimes tastes, in addition to my usual clairesentience.

Unless you have deliberately offended some entity, I highly doubt it! Lol.

Jokes aside, considering that you are close to materializing, I don’t think they have a problem communicating with you. Maybe it’s just a matter of practice, as I mentioned above. Give yourself time, you’re at a great point, so you’re getting results!

I suggest you take a look at this, if you haven’t already. It worked wanders with me!

I agree, really strange! I happened to wonder if the chills were actually cold or if the skin simply rose from the energy he carries in the room with him.

Il_Matt · November 26, 2021, 5:30pm

Entry # 14: Let the structuring begin!

On the third evening, after meditating with 108 enns and invocation, I light the incense, as a thank you, and begin to practice structuring.

5 geometric shapes, this would have been the work schedule for the next few evenings.
A few things to note:

Whenever I managed to keep the structure in question for a few seconds, the incense “burned” for a few small moments, and this deconcentrated me.
The shapes that I structured moved, this led me to observe them and to wonder why they did so, making me lose focus once again.
Often, during the structure, I fell deeply into the TGS, this led the forms to be more realistic, and to spontaneously color themselves; guess what? I lost concentration in analyzing the causes.

At the end of the session, I heard

“Your goal is to give the structure, and that only. Do not analyze what you see: what it is, how it is possible and why it is so in that moment. You weave the hypotheses later”

“Today you have made progress, and the important thing is to take small steps consistently; obviously, it’s still not enough. Commit yourself.”

I had a plan, now I just had to put it into practice

Il_Matt · November 30, 2021, 8:25pm

Entry # 15: The real working

After a few days of practice, where I essentially invoked Lucifer in me, practiced structuring, and received gnosis, I realized some very interesting things:

I found myself questioning EVERYTHING I ever did, thought and said as a habit. Parts of my day that I have always lived as an automaton, like driveing from home to the train to go to work, listening to the same music on the train, thinking about nothing, and walk to the office were… different.

Every time, unexpectedly, came that “why?” (clearly not mine) which opened up worlds of reasoning for me. These internal questions, after a while, ended with my understanding the root of some of my old problems, fits of anger, feelings of inferiority towards others and so on.

I began to realize that often, during discussions at work, or quarrels at home, that uncomfortable and sudden feeling that hit my stomach was not necessarily MY sensation, but could be that of my interlocutor, of my colleague who was being picked up by the boss.
I began to actively change my attitude according to the suggestions I received, and slowly I began to feel better on the various occasions of the day, to manage discussions better without panicking, not to look at the ground when it happened to meet eyes with an unknown person.

One of the most important lessons for me, however, was the one on expectation.

“You are a builder, your expectations are the building blocks with which you build the reality around you; you yourself are a creation of your expectations.”
“Expect the spell you cast may fail, and it will fail. Drown in doubt, and you will kill the ritual you just performed. Consider yourself not ready, and you never will be.”

With only two weeks, Lucifer burned the old me, for good and for all. The new me was slowly being reborn, amidst various conflicts, sufferings and internal struggles.
But I liked it, I was officially released from that abyss of emptiness I felt before starting this journey, and whether it was pleasure or pain, I didn’t care!

Il_Matt · February 8, 2022, 3:41pm

Entry # 16: Progresses
The thirty days agreed with Lucifer were focused on three things in particular:

Invocation
Structuring increasingly complex figures, in the dark of the room or in the smoke
To “turn my mind off” more often to his advices also in the mundane life; this improved not only in the more “practical” aspect of the journey, but also in the most intimate internal changes.

The visions became clearer, the voice clearer in my head; I realized how everything was becoming a self-powered cycle: I listened / saw, believed what was manifesting, I could hear / see more.

I took it more seriously, and made a list of things to ask EA, which I had two days from the end of 30 days working with Lucifer.

Lucifer was starting to call me with (apparently) what appears to be my “magikal name”.

Finally, I received instructions for a final ritual, on the first full moon after the 30 days of working with him, he gave me the details through vision, and I asked for clarification in subsequent sessions, to prepare everything.

I was excited, and a little terrified

Araes · October 28, 2022, 2:19pm

Any updates? I would love to read more about your progress. Have a great day.

Il_Matt · October 31, 2022, 1:59pm

Good afternoon my friend!
I have a lot of updates to write, in all honesty; the problem (if you can call it that) lies in the gigantic cascade of changes and commitments that I am facing in this last semester.

I’ll post some updates straight from my journals shortly to keep things chronologically, but I can give you a little spoiler on the current situation:
on my way to work with all 9 gatekeepers,

I finished work with Belial
I switched to Lucifer - Amaymon, he psychologically broke me , but helped me immensely with knowing my darker aspects
Now I’m still trying to recover from the previous work, and to bounce back up for starting with Azazel.

In any case, I will shortly start posting again! Thanks for visiting, and have a nice day to you too!

Gog252 · November 1, 2022, 4:27pm

I would recommend contacting demon Gremory. He always helps me with my tarot reading. He gives me the necessary protection and also heightens my senses to the point where i can actually hear those cards pretty much yell at me all of that information that i need.
Also i love this song.

Il_Matt · November 8, 2022, 3:52pm

Hi friend! Thanks for the comment and the valuable suggestions! I have never interfaced with Gremory, but I will certainly do so when I decide to deepen the study and practice of tarot (because sooner or later I will definitely have to resume, lol)
I also really appreciate your comment on the song, thanks!

Gog252 · November 8, 2022, 4:00pm

Thank you mate. Great love man.

Il_Matt · November 8, 2022, 4:21pm

Entry # 17: The final ritual

I’m back! Sorry for the deelay!

The consultation with EA was inspiring. Much of what he told me resonates, a year later, even now; I will certainly have the opportunity to deepen this too in the future.

The night before the ritual, I considered asking Lucifer a few questions, but it turned out differently; as soon as I began to enter a meditative state, he gave me a lot to see, and to think about:

1- An altar, in stone, with two devil heads on the sides, a pentagram engraved in the center of it, and adorned only by a sword and a cup, resting on it.

2-This altar was located in the center of a dark room, carved into the stone, at the end of the latter, a door that opened.

3-He walked slowly towards me, continuously phasing from one form to another, changing his appearance and features: an angel, a draconic entity, a more feminine figure covered by a tunic that hid their body and part of the face, a devil, a kind of druid, and others that I didn’t have time to recognize.

4- In all of this, he spoke to me:

"The ritual will change you, it will shake your life from its foundations, you will be able to see, see me, see yourself, and all your aspects, lights and shadows. I am this and much more. , and you will have to work with these aspects to achieve what you want, to really know yourself. "

At the end of communion, while I was writing what I had just experienced, a spider landed on the sigil of Lucifer, and remained there for the duration of my writing, regardless of the very short distance between me and him, and despite my abrupt movements; I took it as a sign.

The actual ritual went well, I asked what I wanted, and he replied that “No matter the cost, it will happen.” After that, he gave me further instructions for a second ritual, this time to be carried out during the full moon.

The second ritual was more a communion and a “drawing conclusions to proceed better”; some notes:
1- My head was bursting, and I felt disoriented
2-I saw many other figures in the smoke, which by now I do not know how to distinguish and recognize.

After this job, I needed a good month to recover. In this period of time I approached more to the books of the Gallery of Magick, and to the works of Robert Bruce.

Il_Matt · November 8, 2022, 4:44pm

Entry # 18: The great King Paimon … and an unexpected visit

Today, to make up for absences, let’s write two entries!

After the work with Lucifer, and the “active break”, I decided to resume the notes taken from the fantastic chat I had with EA Koetting during the consultation.

In the past, I tried to contact King Paimon to change my job: it was too far from home, It made me lose all day there, little earnings and many expenses … not the best job really!

However, It seemed to me that nothing happened after that ritual, but EA, without me saying anything about it, took the subject, saying that King Paimon wanted to talk to me; the same day I wrote some questions , and tried to contact him through his sigil.

I must confess: I did not hear the “thundering rumble” that is usually said to accompany his arrival, but it did come: regal, elegant, and very calm.

“I didn’t give you what you wanted at the time, my boy, because it wasn’t what you needed; you weren’t in the right condition to understand what you really needed, but now you are! So what do you want from your job?”

I made a list, of things that really could be important to me, and nothing unrealistic (like earning millions a month or something like that).

A job closer to home
Being surrounded by inspiring and not overly toxic people
A gain at least better than the previous one by a little something

“Very well then,” he said cheerfully, "arrange a ritual as I’ll explain, and make these requests."

And so I did: I prepared the ritual as King Paimon flew, complete with a black mirror within the triangle of manifestation, lots of incense, and a glass of wine for both of us.

He came, this time in a much more perceptible way, and said

“It will be done my friend, let’s toast to our success!”.

I drank and finished the ritual, thanking him and folding his sigil, then putting it back in my wallet, as instructed.

The following weeks, I had two different job interviews, both of which were very interesting, but they both told me that I would have to wait for the hiring; I trusted and waited.

Meanwhile, after a meditation and concluded chat with King Vine, a familiar face emerged from the black mirror:

Belial, mocking, looked at me, with a sharpness that I had never experienced.

“So are you trying to move on? Don’t you think you’re ready to open the first door yet? Make a deal with me, I challenge you. Let’s see if you have the guts to start this path or not, you little sissy.”

Il_Matt · January 11, 2023, 4:50pm

Entry #19: Approaching Belial

After Belial’s sudden appearance, I immediately set to work to figure out how to proceed: he wanted us to make a pact, he wanted us to start working together…but how?

As always, I followed what EA teaches in his courses, and wrote 5 questions:

1- How do I open the first door?

By opening yourself up to real change. Proceed in that direction as you please, as no one will or can force you to follow one.
To make you understand, the first door is you, it’s part of you, follow me, and you’ll start to open them all. You’re already understanding, and you’re partially open, actually, but you have to understand, thoroughly.

2-What deal are we talking about? What would the terms be?
You will give me, for the next 90 days, your attention, your constancy, your work, yourself.
I will give you the power you need to proceed, I will teach you how to use it, and I will provide you with companions to face any obstacle.
(While I was transcribing, I was thinking about the concept of “Black Alchemy”, which I read very often in the forum, I didn’t have time to ask for any clarification about it, which he answered)
You carry on black alchemy, by getting in touch with us, the changes are starting, they are underway. Do not doubt

3-And how much will we work together instead? Beyond the deal I mean

We’ll see, you’ll see… (small wave of mocking energy)

4-Can you help me with the problems I have right now?

What you have in front of you now is nothing more than a pile of skittles, everything is already solved, it’s you who puts them back on their feet after knocking them down.
In any case yes, I can help you, even if you are already noticing my presence in your life… (laughs)

In fact, I tended to notice a lot of synchronicities, in books, music, youtube videos, leading to him. He knows how to make himself … intrusive

5-Where do I start? How can I proceed?

Start with the ritual, write your terms, put what I asked of you on the table.
When we’re done, everything will be clearer. I know how to make myself heard, by now you will have understood it. Close your eyes

I did as he said, and saw glimpses of the ritual I would perform. It was singular and…unexpected.

The following evening everything was ready, I brought the pact in front of his seal, already written and drawn up with the terms, the signatures were missing, mine and his, and the blood, as requested by him.

The peculiar thing about this ritual was the backgrond: intuition told me that I had to put a specific song in the headphones (song that I will post below!), which I have never done.

Against all odds, it worked!

I began to meditate to relax, scanned Belial’s sigil, and when his presence was clear, I put on my headphones and started the music.

I read the terms and the demands, he agreed to everything, and for the first time he seemed…satisfied, without a shred of indignation, sarcasm or anger.

I signed, with a pen and blood, and let him take (at least partially) my hand to sign, after which I thanked him and closed the ritual.

I had started my journey with the nine … who knows where he will take me

Il_Matt · January 12, 2023, 2:40pm

Entry #20: Important teachings

After the “initiation ritual,” I thought I’d proceed with the most direct method of receiving instruction: by invoking Belial, or at least the essence of him, within me.

In the brief previous experiences with Lucifer, by invoking I had the possibility of receiving knowledge and lessons, also and above all, in the phases of daily life, where evidently I had the greatest need for growth and learning.

Belial, however, seemed to expect just that, as I didn’t even have to ask, I felt the essence of him force itself into me…it was sharp, fast and heavy…but hilarious! I love when the tangibility of the spirit becomes so strong.

Shortly thereafter he began to speak to me, and I immediately began, pen in hand, to write:

Excellent start [sarcastic tone], now listen to me: try to listen and fully understand all the teachings we impart to you; they are not frivolities, even if they may often appear as nursery rhymes, the hidden meanings must be understood…because in doing so they are branded in your psyche, indelible…remember however, that it is up to you to understand this, you will not have help on this juncture . It is your job to know yourself, to discover yourself.

In the following days, the thing that took me most by surprise was my attitude towards others. I was no longer able to let anything pass, in traffic while driving, in arguments at work, in arguments with acquaintances, even with my wife … it was like a fire of rebellion that flared up whenever I found myself in front of something that I didn’t it seemed right, or when someone was trying to bully me, to crush me, to corner me.

Belial taught me many things, among them, the difference between portals and door.

You need clarity, inside you there are 9 portals, 9 passages, and each of us watches, controls and preserves one. The door, silly boy, is you. Open up to us, let us pass.
And we will unlock the parts of you that you need to become whole, to transcend.

Myself? I will show you your chains; it will then be up to you to break them, destroy them, free yourself.

You have learned the meaning of blind obedience, now learn and embrace rebellion.

Il_Matt · January 12, 2023, 3:21pm

Entry #21: Embrace Rebellion

The first 40 days with Belial were…different. I found myself doing things, saying things, taking sides and acting in ways that I have never in my life ever done.

I no longer felt bullied by my boss, for example, by his passive aggressive ways; I no longer let the guilt attack me, as well as all the ways people around me had to make me feel guilty and apologize…why did I have to apologize? I was certain that I was doing right, that I was speaking the truth; why did I have to keep quiet or apologize if I disagreed?

Obviously, this doesn’t mean that I found myself jumping on anyone’s neck, but I no longer had any problem making myself heard, setting boundaries that I didn’t want to be crossed and so on.

Obviously, this led to the loss of acquaintances (because calling them friends, at this point, I consider it wrong), but the relationships with those who remained became much better, allowing me to understand what I really needed in a friend.

My procrastination was put under a lot of pressure, and I reduced my wasted time to video games; I still couldn’t solve the problem with the pornography, but I didn’t spend too much time with it, as I had other priorities:

Find a new job
Work out at the gym
Looking for a new home for my wife and I

Belial is, to sum it up (unfairly, and incompletely) it’s a very masculine and direct energy, and I adapted and merged with this: I went through my life like a river in full flow… and I liked it!

Once I adapted this new attitude towards everyday life, Belial started introducing me to more “magical” teachings:

He advised me to start doing some spells thanks and together with his “familiars” (I prefer to call them full-fledged companions, they are!)
He taught me how to make baneful magic more effective: he taught me how emotions are great movers, but also how you need to be certain to the core that your target deserves what you’re sending them.
He gave me some advice to proceed towards astral projection, a goal that I am still chasing now: Robert Bruce’s works are the most suitable for my way of proceeding, so I started reading.

Oni-Shango · February 28, 2023, 3:19am

Any new updates hows life been after all this change ?

Il_Matt · March 12, 2023, 3:34pm

Hi buddy!
Forgive me for the length of the answer, I’m quite overwhelmed with news and commitments!

To answer your question, there are many changes, and they are still ongoing! As of now, I’ve completed Pathworking with Amaymon, and I’m in the middle of some pretty heavy work with Azazel. I’m faced with challenges of various kinds on a daily basis, but I’m learning to see them as a good thing, I’m starting to understand how gatekeepers “work”.

I’ll be posting a few more entries soon, I just need to find a way to do this journaling more consistently!

Thanks for reading!

Il_Matt · March 12, 2023, 4:03pm

Entry n° 22: The familiars

As suggested by Him, you also begin to summon his familiars, real battlemates to be honest.

Small note to give context: I am referring to the familiars that EA lists in his Compendium of Belial, and in the video course.

The first one I started with was Tah’Riel, very soft-spoken, kind but firm.
He helped me improve my perceptive skills, however admonishing me about my lack of consistency in practices (for a change!)
The visions in the following days had been numerous: while I was going by train to work, I found myself wandering in the void, and receiving various images that had to do with pathworking, or with things that I should have implemented to improve the results in general.

In these visions I also saw something else, someone else:

a Doric pillar, about a meter high, above which stood a female figure from head to navel, the rest of the body was serpentine, with shiny green scales. Her hair was long and purple, her eyes also snakelike.

She was Rantazel, who I was going to call anyway, to “punish” an abuser who was making my life a mess at work.
I called her a few days later: an audible voice, a very relaxing female laugh, and flawless and quick work over the next few days. I thanked her, but it wasn’t enough for her.

The next night, I was awakened by a very loud high-pitched hissing sound, as if a snake were hissing in my ear (the first time she heard anything physical). I woke up my wife in a panic, asking her if she had heard, she said no. After I calmed down, I concluded that it was no coincidence, it was her. The next day, on my black mirror, I called Rantazel once more:

“I wanted to teach you a little lesson” she said with a mischievous chuckle “We are not toys to be used and thrown away when we no longer need them”
And she was right, they needed the same respect and attention I gave to others, so I apologized and made offers the next day, to all of them. This time, I had the right state of mind, and expressed the right gratitude, they were pleased

“We stand by your side, whatever battle you decide to fight.”
I thanked them again, and concluded the ritual.

Her words made me think, and I decided to continue working with Belial only, to avoid neglecting other familiars and finding myself faced with other similar situations.
The days were busy, but soon everything would change.

Il_Matt · March 12, 2023, 4:30pm

Entrey n° 23: The teachings of the King

It got to the point that, after more than 40 days of uninterrupted work, I reached a point in wich I was pretty sure that Belial did not descend or ascend into the room, but emerged from me, as if it became a kind of door for him.

He was starting to get more pleased with my job, more of the smug “stern father” type, but still a good thing, isn’t it?

Conversations with him became clearer, the body charged with energy in perceptible ways.

" You are fighting your difficulties well, but not all; remember that dogmas are eternal conflicts of imprisonment and liberation. The liberator who comes to destroy your chains, can easily become your new jailer, if your mentality remains that of a slave You will stand and defend your new jailer, only because he freed you from the previous one, not realizing that you have re-caged yourself.
Embrace chaos, my brother, for only by doing so will you be unchainable ever again"

The changes on my person were tangible:

More aggressive and intolerant attitudes towards situations of injustice, or simply less patient;
More “brutal” musical tastes (I thought black metal was heavy enough, I discovered infant annhailator)
More libido

But this came with a few…”side effects”.

I perceived presences that seemed physically present in the room with me, behind me, in my house, at night. Sudden noises, and then laughter.

“You don’t have to hide fear, it keeps you alert; your job is to build courage to face it. How you face it is up to you, primal anger? Rationality? Both are fine,” he laughed.

Meanwhile, I had started my work with Robert Bruce’s protocol, and it was going very well.

Note: I am referring not only to Bruce's book "Energy Work", but also to his course, which is also present on the "Raising Kundalini" website.

I was very curious about the fact that, with a little perseverance, energetic work produced tangible and permanent physical sensations. Perhaps I was in dire need of rebalancing my energy body?