Il Matt's Journal, from Noob to...less Noob

Greetings forum!

A few days ago I entered into a pact with Lucifuge, and part of my contribution is sharing the work and successes I am having on my path, both for giving the merit this entities deserve, as well as for helping anyone who is stuck in situations like mine, and may find some of this rambling helpful.

Why is this a contribution? Basically I have always been afraid of sharing my experiences with others, and I think that this can be useful for my personal growth.

I feel like it has to be retroactive, so I’ll start with how I got here (not very far, but still progress, lol), once finished, I’ll just keep journaling periodically.

I’ll just give some introduction to who I am

As briefly mentioned in the introduction, I was raised by a Christian family, and only in 2020 was I able to free myself from the influence of that religion (I’m still in the process of reprogramming, but it gets better by the day!).

Prayers never helped me that much, and I always felt in a position to doubt and discuss every rule that was taken for granted, which was not very well regarded in the church where I was. (Let’s say that I did not like it in general when someone gave me orders from the top of an authority that I did not recognize as such, that’s all).

From 15 and up, he discovered a great life partner: metal. A musical genre recognized as malignant, wrong, corrupting … but that still made me feel great in any situation, especially around people I didn’t like (and who I didn’t like, especially). It kept me company … helped me overcome many things.

However, I was afraid of the power that resides within it, I wasn’t consciously aware of what it was, but that instrumental power, those lyrics … they were alluring, and I felt wrong for wanting them.
Fortunately, that phase passed, and slowly I grew spiritually, not being afraid anymore.

As for my current situation, my current job requires that I leave the house at 7 am to catch the train, and for the same reason I return home at 7 pm, so my practices are concentrated in the morning (I get up at about 5:30, to be able to meditate ) and at night, after dinner.

I will divide my Journal entries into various posts, so as not to make the reading too long and boring, maybe putting some video of the music I normally listen to, to make the topic less boring (if you like what I listen to of course, lol ).

As the first song, I will leave one that I know from the release, but whose meaning, for me, is now worth more than ever.

My descent is the story of an everyman, I am hatred, darkness and despair

See you soon!

The Serpentine Offering

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Dimmu Borgir, The serpentine offering. This first black metal song i ever heard.

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Entry #1: First results

Hey, it has been a while eh? No?!

So, back to journaling…

Some impactful turning of events happened in April 2021, when I decided it would have been wise to start calendaring my ritual and meditations, as well as starting both dream and ritual Journaling.

The first “more tangible” successes came with the use of Sigil Magick, spirits like Raum gave me a big hand for baneful work (I highly recommend him, he almost always answers!) and King Paimon helped me understand how to approach my job for the best.

When I wanted to focus instead on clairvoyance, clairvoyance and all the “additional senses”, I turned to Furcas:

I started with an interaction from Daemon Brand’s DoM; I asked him to amplify my senses, in exchange for the blood and pain that the action would bring.

Mind that It was not an easy thing to do, as I had always been very afraid of blood and needles.

Within a week, I noticed that my tarot readings were much more accurate, and I received visions in the deeper meditation sessions. At that point I said “Oh s**t, here we go”

I completed my part of the deal, and pierced my left ring finger with a sterilized needle, spilling blood on his sigil.
I felt good, as if I had overcome a big obstacle…

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I have read the lyrics almost 12 years from the first time I heard it, the theme of the spiritual growth of the individual, the concept of rebellion and damnation. I only understand now what fascinated me so much when I was younger

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Entry #2: some chat with Furcas
Hello again, let’s pick up where we left off, shall we?

I decided not to burn Furcas’ sigil, but to continue using it to work a little more with him.

I proceeded with the method, also described by EA Koetting, of the 5 questions. I contacted Furcas via his sigil, and with my 5 questions ready I started asking:

1 Me: How can I see spirits clearly?

Furcas: You have to practice a lot, recognize what you are told from what emerges from your mind. Practice is fundamental, practice the Void

(I didn’t immediately understand what he meant, at the time I thought he was referring to meditation).

2 Me: Where can I start to work with you?

Furcas: you are working with me (teasing chuckle); work more on yourself and you will notice. I am waiting for you

3 Me: Will you help me?

Furcas: Sure, I’m doing that already, am I not? Looking for the answer outside, in someone else, is pointless. The answer IS you.

4: Me: How can I clearly hear spirits?

Furcas: If you silence the voices that you constantly have in your head, everything will be clear as sunlight.

5: Me: What practices should I adopt to empower my psychic senses?

Furcas: Meditation is fundamental, but as already mentioned, it is the practice that makes perfect. Try to meditate longer, maybe you will see something interesting (sarcastic voice).

The next month, I had another “meeting” with Furcas, in which highlighted my lack of consistency… and how to blame him:
that period was a hustle and bustle between work and computer gaming; he was right: no real breakthroughs, just reading occult books and making projects that never reached the surface because, in fact, I never truly started anything.

I decided i needed to do something…more

For the post on music, I’ll switch genres; I love music in all its forms (although metal remains a favorite), so I listen to a little bit of everything.
Let’s put a little Electro Deluxe on this round. I listen to them a lot when I’m preparing a meal, or while having a drink with friends.

So many black metal is like that, that’s why I love it so much. One of my favourite black metal lyrics is from Burzum, where it goes : A shadowy figure lay there, so cold that the water turned to ice and flowers withered.

Or something along those lines.

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Entry #3: A gift from Furcas (?)

In mid-June 2021 , I found myself buying and watching EA’s video course on pathworking with Belial (perhaps an inspiration, I’m not sure yet); that gave me an unknown and unexpected push, so I tried to immerse myself more in the currents of occultism in general.

I decided to summon Furcas one last time, and ponder with him, before thanking him, burning his sigil and starting to work on something else.

A few strange things happened that night; it all started during my meditation: a very clear vision of a toad with a rat head, eyes as black as the abyss, stood there staring at me, no emotions, just a repetitive twitch of the head.

  • I began to feel very hot, I began to sweat more than usual

  • I begin to feel an almost physical pressure on my throat and nasal septum, as if that thing was trying to do something to me. It reached an almost uncomfortable and no longer ignorable…

"Alright, fuck it! Do what you have to", I said out loud.

“Are you sure?” it replied.

I nodded, eyes closed, in the dark of my basement.

I felt a wave of shivers all over my body, several times, and saw different colors appear in front of my closed eyelids. The sensation ceased immediately.

"What did you do?" I asked.

“I just made it easier for you to understand what you need, it will be strange at first, incomprehensible; but you will understand, in time”

After this he disappeared; I thanked Furcas, and burned his sigil.

That night I didn’t fall asleep right away, I was excited by what had happened, even though I didn’t have the slightest idea of what he did to me.

I was sure of one thing, after months of offers and some meditation together, I was certain that Furcas would be by my side whenever I wanted, as a friend, however, not as a worker.

That night, I definitely felt like I had a lvl UP!

If I look back now, I’m pretty sure that from that moment my visions have cleared up a lot, more frequently perhaps… That was a success that must have been celebrated, and I didn’t (that’s why I’m always repeating myself to pay close attention to the surroundings, before declaring a ritual as “failed”).

I feel like saying that at the time I did not pay much attention to the result because of my expectation: in my head, I should have seen shadow beings, angels and demons wandering around my house, as physical manifestations, and therefore I did not pay attention to the result that actually came!

That was my main obstacle, alongside skepticism of course. I’ll talk about expectations and how they were destroying me later.

Entry #4: An impactful visit

Ok, day two of journaling , I’ll try to post another few entries|

A few days after that experience with Furcas, I felt that I was ready to approach the demonic gatekeepers more closely.
At that time I used some money to buy “Initiations” with specific spirits (Since it’ an outside service, I’ll just state this).

By that time, I had received initiations with Nitika, Lilith, Lucifer and Azazel. That night I decided to take advantage of two of those initiations as they were explained: meditating, and channeling those energies that resulted from the new connection created with those spirits.

I chose Lucifer and Azazel, asking Furcas in advance to assist me in the process, to amplify my perception of these powerful demons as much as possible.

I had no expectations, honestly, I thought I could have, as usual, some brief slide-show style vision, and feel the energies of these spirits, and then go with the flow and improvise.

After about ten minutes of meditation, my ears began to ring sharply. The idea that it could be a spirit trying to communicate came immediately to my mind, without any reasoning or evaluation.
So I did what is commonly said on this field, I trusted my intuition, and for the first time I asked aloud:

"Is there any spirit that wishes to communicate? Speak!"

Those of you who communicate with spirits know very well that “the voice” is not a real voice, but in this case the perception of it was very clear, as never happened to me before that moment:

“You are destined for greater things than these”

(small note: In this communication, the word "destiny" was the word that my mind was able to better associate the message that came to me, because the exact word was not destiny at all)

Upon receiving this response, I had an equally clear vision, and in a first-person view (was it me?)!
A practitioner dressed in ritual robes, with a slightly curved dagger in his right hand, making particular movements on a large stone altar , on the surface of which an inverted pentagram was engraved.

The next vision was very blurry, as if my eyes were open underwater: winged shapes , perhaps a dozen , were looking at me.

The air was heavy, and although it was late June, It was cold.

"What should I do?" I asked, scared (I shit myself ok? The first time I think it’s like this for everyone right? NO? Lol)

“Meet us”

The chills were constant, and I began to shiver with cold. I didn’t know what to say. After a few moments, the room returned to the atmosphere familiar to me, had they gone like this?

My intuition told me it was Lucifer, but I didn’t ask for it directly out of sheer fear; I was excited, cold, sweaty and very, very tired. The whole thing had lasted no more than twenty minutes, but it seemed to have been a total body session in the gym. WOW

I decided it was time to climb a few more steps, and planned some different rituals for the weeks to come. And, since I felt like totally clueless on what was happening, I booked a consultation with EA!

Entry #5: My first “spiritual slap”

The following nights, I received and completed an initiation with Belial; the night of the completion I meditated, chanting his Enn of the spirit 108 times, with the specific track in the background (in this, both Satania and Satan and sons are great Youtube channels)

In trying to connect to this specific energy, I notice two major things:

  • I witnessed my first tangible poltergeist activity: my computer, turned off and with the screen down across the room, turned on by itself (never happened); I laughed.
  • I felt overwhelmed by an inexplicable happiness, so much so that during meditation I found myself laughing and twisting my torso counterclockwise while keeping the asana within the Universal Circle.

The energy I felt was strong, almost hot to the skin, and masculine ( it reminded me of a powerlifters meeting, Lol). It was slightly intimidating, but I was fine with it.

I found myself wandering in the concept of “Opening the 9 gates”, and how the gatekeepers acted in this scenario. I snapped back, closed my eyes again, and went back meditating.

Finding concentration again, eyes closed, I found myself in a very interesting vision:

A face, with distinct devilish features and horns, was looking at me, about thirty centimeters from my face, it was smiling, or rather, grinning, as it continued to look at me. It was pretty clear, nothing that came out of my thought process, something autonomous and independent.

Initially frightened, I found myself recognizing the attitude that I have always felt as Belial’s (I was meditating on his enn, I had just connected to his energies and felt them, I did 2 + 2), and I returned that smile , grinning like he did to me.

"Open the first gate" he told me, without saying anything else.

Surprised by that , I found myself buried by questions “How do you do it? What will it entail? Am I capable?”

The only thing I replied was “I’m not ready yet”.

What followed was what I continue to interpret as a “spiritual Bitch slap” from Belial: I was overwhelmed by chills,I couldn’t lift my head back in position.

"Stop it, now! You are ready, you just have to understand it; be ready!"

And then, he was gone. As he had arrived without being called, he had left without giving answers, and without giving time to ask questions at all! I like him already!

I was highly confused, full of questions, but very intrigued by it. I started counting the days at the consultation, and figuring out what to do in the meantime.

One thing is certain: the following nights I began to understand the phrase “Once you invite these entities into your life, they will stay there forever”. I was enthusiastic, and my skepticism was changing: it wasn’t gone (and I don’t think it ever will), but it was slowly separating from me. Every little event, every little success documented in my diary made me the most credible thing, and that asshole I always had on my back became more defined. I was beginning to understand which part of me to ignore during the rituals.

Entry #6: An illustrious guest

Since the last time, I decided to become more familiar with my senses by using EA’s method of the “chat in the chair” exercise, which you can find in the divination course (which I recommend by the way).
It is quite simple, yet effective enough in its simplicity: you walk into the TGS and imagine that you are sitting in a chair with one in front of you, and you see which entity comes out.

So I started in July; I decided not to call any specific spirit, but to let the chair be occupied by whatever spirit wanted to speak and communicate. It wasn’t an “Order and Force” thing, but more of an “I invite you, if you want you can be my guest” thing.

The first chance encounter was as beautiful as it was unexpected.

When I meditate, I try to enter “my space”, which has always come easy for me to see as an infinite gray lake, over which I can walk and sit. The sky there is always cloudy, so gray is the predominant color. It is there that I manifested the chair for my guest.

The space around me and the chair, from gray, it became pure darkness, then the darkness in front of me grew teeth and took the form of a snarling black hound in front of me. His body had no concrete limits, on the contrary, it slowly began to become something else.

In a split second I realized that that huge dog was attached to the dress of a much taller woman with pearly white skin and infinitley long hair. She had a noble face, and sitting on the chair I had previously placed in my astral space with royal elegance, the dog disappeared after a while.

Me: Please tell me your spirit name
Her: I am Hecate, you know me, child

(I tried to contact her as my very first evocation, with no tools, no incantation, no trance... which I initially declared a failure; apparently I was wrong).

She spoke again, without giving me time to elaborate.

“You have to work hard, don’t waste your potential, you are growing, but you are not exercising your talents as you should.”

And how should I do it? I asked, amazed at the statement she made

Will, this is the perfect means by which you can convey your desire. Practice with this.

I was frozen, in devoted respect; looking back at my notes, and trying to remember, It felt like her energy was… “empty”? Can’t describe it… I was I tired, very tired … or just scared? Anyway, I didn’t feel like asking for more information, so I thanked her, offered her some energy, and went to drink some milk, for grounding.

Various things went through my head, first of all: FUCK! Then she was there when I called her! I got organized and at night I ran to the first crossroad known to me in my area, put 3 eggs, some chocolate and circled those offerings with red wine, out of respect.

What did it mean to exercise my will? Another puzzle, but also another great satisfaction!

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Entry #7: Acknowledging freedom

After the incredible encounter the night before, I decided to continue with the chair exercise, and see who wished to communicate.

I did exactly as the previous time, meditation, entered my “personal space” and created a chair, manifesting my intention to communicate with any spirit that was interested in speaking to me.

The chair, strangely, appeared made of stone, coarse, gray and heavy in appearance; I couldn’t change her appearance, but after a while it was no longer a concern.

Just beyond the chair, a shapeless mass of darkness manifested itself, blacker than the darkness advancing behind it. It often changed shape, for a few moments it was a sphere, then a cube … then it grew out of all proportion, becoming a black whale, swimming in the space around me and the chair. Its structure is more stable, but still it often faltered, as if it were made of a particular oil.

"State your name, spirit" I said, as usual by now.
The whale stopped circling over my head and moved just behind the chair, being too big to sit on.

“I’m Satan” a hiss came out of the shadows around the whale.

"Thank you for coming" I said, still not entirely sure that what I had in front of me was really Satan.
"Do you have any valuable advice for me?"

“It doesn’t matter the how, and don’t ask yourself why, but you have to make yourself heard, noticed, exercise your authority”
“I will not tell you how, I will not give you directions to take. I am you, and you are me, the Christ and the Antichrist. Give yourself some advice, some orders!”
The good and bad of being free is that YOU are your own king. You are used to receiving directives from others, so it will be hard … be your own boss, give yourself advice, directions, act! "

I thanked the entity and “got out” of meditation.

Part of what I was told didn’t make much sense to me; Christ and Antichrist?
Looking back, I could now only speculate that he was putting pressure on the residues of Christian belief still present in my subconscious (not the fear of the devil, but rather the sheepish attitude that I still trailed behind).
Indeed, Christianity doesn’t teach you to take the initiative, and it certainly doesn’t reward those who don’t blindly follow the rules … so it could be that, take action, and don’t wait for someone to do things for me.

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Ahhhh…hai parlato con Satana, bene!

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Entry # 8: a small detour

I had booked my consultation with EA, and in the meantime I hung out on the forum a little, looking for a possible approach to a problem that tormented me from early adolescence, porn.

In itself, the problem wasn’t there, but there, at that moment, I didn’t know it; a typical day of struggle was as such (usualy every 4/5 days): I tried to abstain from porn, gave in, relapse, and felt like shit right after.

This cycle had been going on for a few months, and although I found myself having clear and noticable improvements (thanks to some shadow work and, especially to Lilith’s advices), there was something that was corroding me.

I decided to approach Dantalion

In the evening I prepared everything: this time she followed the method described by Lady Eva in the forum, with some additions, such as incense for example.

Given the novelty of the process, and from the fact that I no longer conducted the ritual in the basement, but in the garage (for the smoke of the incense, I had started using resin, and it produced a lot of it), I was unable to relax enough to be able to " see “or” hear "the Duke, but his presence was obvious. Very gentle, like a cool breeze.

I made my request (I’d rather keep it private, sorry), and when I sensed a change in the atmosphere of the room (as if it were a yes, at least I interpreted it as such) I thanked him and gave him permission to go.

Those weeks weren’t very different, but looking now, a few months later, I notice that my request, although different from what I expected, has been granted. Thanks Dantalion!

Entry # 9: Two days of harsh lessons:

The day after the ritual with Duke Dantalion, I decided to return to the method of “Meditating with the energy of the spirit” with which I wanted to interact.

The goal of the evening was to meditate with Azazel, listening to his and his 108 times, and “Bathing” in his energies. I don’t know why I wanted to do it, intuition told me I think.

I started meditating with headphones, and after maybe 5 minutes, I realized that some spirit wanted to communicate with me:

"Who are you spirit ?!"
“I’m Azazel, you called me, you call me and you look for me”
The tone was stern, but not stern “Pissed”, more like a father giving you a grooming because he loves you, but you let him down (lol)

"What do you hate most about yourself?"

After much thought, considering the obstacles that hitherto hindered my interacting with the spirits, I said:
"Fear and analysis; I am afraid that all this does not exist, and when I analyze what is happening, everything stops, I do not see and feel no more. I want the fear and my desire to analyze to disappear"

“You’re wrong,” he replied. “Fear allows you to save yourself, and analysis allows you to understand the difference between an impostor and a real spirit. Fear and analysis are great tools, if you know how to use them.”

The answer struck me; it made sense, and it wasn’t an answer that I could have rationally delivered!

“The only obstacle is your mind,” he continued; “If you think you still have to practice, proceed; but know that you are ready”

At that moment my concentration began to falter; I didn’t understand what it meant, I needed to write down what had happened and meditate on it. I thanked him after I took the notes, but i felt he was alredy gone.


The next night I did the same thing, but the energy I chose was that of Belial.

Here the tones were even more severe, he didn’t wait for me to acknowledge him, he just came, filled my basement with his energy, and spoke to me,this time almost mocking me:

"The obsessive observations you carry out in this way is the result of your expectations. You expect things to go in a certain way, so you pay no attention to the various ways in which the situation can evolve; this will lead you to think that nothing is happened, or that you have been ignored "

I would like to point out that Belial’s words came from my lips, it was no longer an internal conversation

"Remove this mask you are wearing; you are such a good liar that you can even convince yourself. You are convncing yourself that you cannot, and that makes you a coward, do the opposite."

These two “chats” with these two powerful spirits gave me a good boost to devote myself seriously to the occult, no longer reading and meditating, something … bigger.

I began to consider signing up a pact.

Entry #10: My first pact (?)

After several days of thinking, I decided to do a petition to Lucifer, and I decided to follow the method described by Darkest Knight on the forum (which I take this opportunity to thank, very useful as always).

I started writing what I wanted, it took a good day to decide how to structure the petition; in the end I had almost a page of requests.
Something inside me made me uncomfortable*: maybe I’m asking too much, without doing anything in return?*

Half an hour before the ritual, I decided to add some commitments on my part, in exchange for what Lucifer would provide me.

So, I started the ritual. I called Lucifer, who arrived immediately, or maybe he was there before.
I heard no voices, saw nothing, but I felt as if a silent crowd had gathered in my small basement; I blamed the tension of the moment, and proceeded.

After having summoned him and having ascertained his arrival, I proceeded to read what I wrote in the petition; nothing. I added my share, what I would do in return, and then the energy of the room changed, very gently, but still perceptibly.

I signed the paper, and not being a pact, I did not wait for the signature of Lucifer; I pricked my finger, put blood on his paper and seal, and burned them both.

I improvised a lot at that juncture, was I perhaps wrong? However, I had a very good impression. I closed the ritual, thanking Lucifer, and continued my day. I felt very light the whole day, like when you pass an exam at the university.

But I couldn’t help but ask myself two things:

  • Did I cast a petition spell or did I make a pact?

  • How the f**k am I going to proceed from now?

The day after, I would have found some answers, and more