I want power because I want to be in control of my own life doing things not because people said so but what I want to do I want to still have control over my life and body and stuff and I don’t want to … My family including my dog I don’t know how this works but if a other worldly being wants my soul or something no thanks I can understand that power comes with a cost but it’s a tale as old as time someone wants power but at the end lost everything else
I think something like information power for example clairvoyance because if you already know what’s happening no new information can surprise you
To my mind, you have two different things to work on here:
Skill in clairsenses, which is about getting information through communication with the subconscious, this does not need power.
The ability to apply energy to change the existing energetic structure in a situation, this is power
You really want both, but clairs is more important imo, as you can still change your actions without using magick to make change, but if you don’t know what’s going on you are working in the dark.
To work on one you want to practice using the clairs, read tarot, build your accuracy with a pendulum try remote viewing, work on lucid dreaming, all that helps
To work on the other you want to practice energy working, like in qigong and build up your person energy stores as well as skill is feeling/reading them, and controlling them.
You’ve probably seen these, but there not there for nothing, what’s needed is diligent practice not a perfect method.
You don’t have to worry about your soul. It’s all yours and you get to keep it. Working on your clairs is excellent, like Mulberry said, but I wouldn’t get too far ahead of yourself. Clairs are one of my strongest abilities, but that doesn’t mean I know everything 100%, all the time, and I do get caught off guard still. If you really want to be the one in control of your life, (which you are), you have to put in the work and refuse to relinquish control to anyone else. Of course, that doesn’t mean there won’t be times in your life where it is healthy to make some compromises, depending on the circumstances.