Heartbreak Problems

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
161

But let’s clarify some things, if you know.

Who is this from? Directed at?

Are you sure it’s not that they think I’m weird or something? I have a big personality and tons of people love me, but I’m a goofball. Like, I don’t know how much power I exude at all, unless I’m trying to intimidate.

DO you know what they’re afraid of? Talking to me because they feel guilty or??

Wait, some people consider ME like one of the plastics? Holy crap. Are you sure? I can only think of, like, one person who might be thinking this, and they like everyone. Does SAM feel like this? I mean, like, I have a lot of social admirers but never have I heard this kind of stuff.

You don’t have to read into or even answer these questions, as I know it’s a little excessive. But if you know off of the top of your head, I would appreciate if you could tell me.

1 Like
162

I decided to pull tomorrow’s spread. I think it’s all culminating.

the card of the day is judgment. If you’ve been reading my posts through and through, you’ll know just how important that card is. Though, I worried my illusions are blinding me. Still, it’s really a small worry at this point.

Things I should attend to is the six of Pentacles.there’s a whole lot of symbolism behind this card in my current specific situation, but basically it’s the charity of the spirits around me. Take the opportunity I’m given, run with it. Not necessarily a negative card. Feelings that will arise is ace of cups, the most raw and powerful form of love in general. I’ve also drawing a lot of lovers recently, so I think it’s happening.

163

Things need to change. You, ultimately, are the only one who can change things now. I know after all this time, the heartbreak may feel like it’s jading you, like it hurts too much to even try, but there’s nothing stopping us from helping each other on this. For so long it was so hard to look at you or be near you, and that hurt me most of all. I realized then that if I looked you dead in the eyes and smiled, the thing I thought would be the hardest to do (next to walking up to you and speaking to you) I would break the wall that was causing me so much pain. It felt amazing.

I did this to myself. This was my own barrier. You couldn’t break it, only I could.

I am in love with you, and maybe I’m a dumbass because for it, but I can confidently say that it’s unconditional. From one dumbass to another. It doesn’t matter what you say or why. That will never change.

You have every opportunity to carve your future to cross with mine, because I am never putting up walls again. But if you want that future, you have to meet me.

Don’t be a stranger.

This is the message I will send tomorrow. It’s Tul approved.

164

alright maxwell.

Just do your thing.

I made you aware of the anexiety,
and the arrogance,
and how there are layors you’re currently not seeing,
because you only act from your own perspective,
and underestime,
how the weave (spiritual realm) around you,
transmitts emotional information,
which has been setting up blockage.

You’ve come to understand,
that he’s not having an easy time,
yet you’re not supposed to run after him either.

You’ve taking action in a good way,
and as far as i get it,
“Tul”, is leading you correctly.

So don’t over worry.

Give patience to yourself,
and gratitude towards the end result.

You’ll get there.

And…

Please stop butchering my name.

I’ve been taking things a bit reluctant,
lastly.

And,
when i see how desperation mingles along with your questions,
i notice that it was right to do so.

Look.

You know you have a positive impact on your surroundings,
and are admired.

You reluctantly gave credit to that.

But the main aspect for you,
right now,
was to notice and acknowledge that those things do play into it.

Try to strip that away,
now that you’ve recognized and accepted it.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

Nor does it suit your interest.

You want to focus on the emotional bond,
and the person you care about,
and see how you can shut that other nagging stuff out.

It’s not serving you any good,
and it’s been adressed by now.

A new dawn comes,
and you’ll be much closer to your goals.

Just don’t hesitate.

Take it and grab it,
when it’s there for you.

Blessed be.

Sincerely,

¥’Berion

3 Likes
165

Sent. Now we wait.

166

The end of a cycle is the beginning of a new one. This is my cycle of heartache. This is the breakup. On the surface, it does not seem so bad, but when we restrict ourselves from speaking to the people we deeply love, for whatever reason, it eats at us until the issue IS that bad. At least, to our perspectives. Chained perspectives, that’s the kicker, and it’s what kills relationships, blindness.

I’ve never been more happy to pull Death for a, “How he will react” card. I called for change, and supposedly, he will answer.

167

The hardest part of waiting isn’t impatience, it’s dread. Sometimes I wonder what he’s thinking. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even on the right track.

I tried to ask what he was thinking, and suddenly I pulled three cards on complete accident. Judgment, two of Cups, and king of cups. Maybe he just needs time to think things over, these definitely look like cards that have been coming across myself recently

168

I’m in a “judgement day” spot where I am hoping for some revalations or happenstance and the dread is hurting me, and I’m repeatedly checking with the cards, which is dumb and stupid and causing me pain.

So, I’m gonna leave the cards, and Tul, alone. I am just so anxious.

169

Hi Maxwell,

You seem a little erratic. Are you doing alright? What things do you like to do besides texting your ex and waiting for a response? It could be a good idea to engage in things you enjoy!

2 Likes
170

Well, I only texted him once, first off. And I’m actually occupying my time with video games, but dread leaks through stuff like that.

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I’m also thinking about him at the same time, whether I like it or not. Stick yourself in that position in a month and you might be considered erratic by the end.

171

I don’t find myself in situations like this. I let go. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t spiraling and needed real help. Have a good day.

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172

That’s like saying I let go of a leech on my back, or saying that I let go of a missing arm. I’m literally not even holding on to it, and when I did previously resolve to give up pursuing him completely I didn’t feel any different.

173

It’s involuntary.

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174

Letting go isn’t something passive. It is active. You decide to get over someone, it doesn’t just happen. You decide to re-frame that narrative. This is a forum where people claim to command legions of demons and being able to cause anything from love to death to flying to fire to god knows what else. It’s fine if you don’t want to, but I believe you can. You are not powerless, Maxwell.

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175

I don’t think I’m powerless, I just think I’m human. Emotions don’t stop existing because you look away from them. Emotions don’t stop existing because you let go of the cause of them. I can move on, moving on is fine. But letting go? You let go of grudges, but you cannot let go of hate, you can merely treat it.

I always hated the idea of letting go of emotions. Like it somehow fixes everything. It doesn’t, in all reality you’re just pushing them aside, and they don’t leave you.

this is bad enough for it to nag me regardless of whether or not I want to look at it. now I can make some huge song and dance about how it doesn’t affect me anymore, but that would be a lie. Pain is normal. I’m not dwelling, I’m actually trying to do other things.

176

Who told you that you cannot let go of hate? Sure you can. And yes, many emotions do stop existing once you let go. Sometimes you have to let go several times, but that’s alright.

Letting go and pushing aside are two different things. They are not synonymous.

I am not saying you should make a huge song and dance about how it doesn’t affect you. These things take time. Letting go can take time. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

Anyway, you clearly don’t want to hear this, you’ve made a choice. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.

Have a lovely day or evening, Maxwell.

1 Like
177

Honestly, there’s a ton of things I want to hear, but I don’t know if any of them are true. But I’m not falling back into the place I was before, I see concrete hope.I’m honestly only anxious because I sent that message, and I have no idea how he received it. Maybe it made him think, or maybe it didn’t do a thing. Maybe he didn’t never see it, or maybe he’s just even more resolute to stay away from me.

I don’t know. uncertainty is probably my worst enemy in the situation. I’m able to accept wider, all-encompassing uncertainties, but this one just seems to have higher stakes to me.

178

Remember that we cannot control how people receive us, only how we project ourselves. If you have put your honest and open heart and soul into the message and it is badly received, know that you did the best you could at your current stage of development and that’s good enough. Sometimes we don’t get the outcomes we think we want, sometimes someone doesn’t love us back, sometimes we fail, etc. but it doesn’t mean we are failures, that we are unlovable, or that we will never get outcomes that we want. Please dedicate yourself to not interpreting how he might receive you but work on what you can control: how you want to project yourself independently of any one receiver.

Are you happy with your life outside of your relationship with Sam?

179

In truth? Before him, I was. And sometimes I am happy without him, but usually the pain of the whole situation makes my life a lot worse than it would be if he wasn’t on my mind at all.

The thing is, I know he loves me.the problem, weirdly enough, is a whole mishmash of things that don’t even make sense. like literally, they don’t even make sense to him anymore and ultimately I think the only thing keeping us apart was the pain from The Break-Up in general.

if he didn’t love me, if he didn’t care about me, this would have been so much easier for him. Maybe he could have said it to my face. But he couldn’t. It runs deep, I can feel it. It ran deep for me, and I don’t think it exactly died out for him either. It was just covered in scratches and walls.

if he truly had no emotional involvement it would have died from some sort of boredom or apathy. We still ran hot when we broke up. That’s why I haven’t cooled down in the slightest.

The thing is, he wasn’t just some ex. He wasn’t just somebody. If my life were a story, he wouldn’t be confined to just one chapter. And I know he feels the same. But I have to wonder, what else is he feeling? He doesn’t talk to me. I don’t blame him. Sam has the ability to focus on other things, and then forget about it.

But I don’t. It’s the difference between an open wound and a closed wound. But honestly, I think a closed, infected wound is much worse than an open, painful wound.

180

Or maybe, he’s like me. Except he’s just better at hiding it. Hell if I know.