Unfortunately, it does not look like today will be my day. Or maybe even tomorrow. Or maybe even the next day. The future is uncertain, and that is my main concern. But I know better than to trust a judgment day.I felt, internally, that the second I pulled that card for the card of the day spread, I felt that history would repeat itself. But I’m not participating with history this time. When it’s done looping, I’ll be there. Hopefully, with some insight into what’s next. I can’t chart the future like that, not without training. Perhaps this is a call for higher divination.
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I just miss him so much.
I miss him. Cards say I’ll be seeing him Til has decided he won’t give me any sort of timeframe specifically when it’ll happen because it bothers me and it’s usually wrong.
How the hell do you for tell a timeframe?
Ugh. God, I wish he would speak to me.
I’m sickened by life, and confusion. Perhaps he blocked me, I wouldn’t be able to know since text messages don’t tell you. He probably did. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. What the hell am I doing with my life? How the f*** am I supposed to trust anything
What if I’m yelling into the void and some weird cut off of my psyche is talking to me
I’m being told that I wasn’t blocked, but how the hell am I supposed to believe it
I f****** hate this. I f****** hate this. I’ll just use a pendulum instead.
I managed to clear through my mental turmoil. He definitely blocked me oh, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in terms of talking to spirits now because I don’t think I can trust them anymore.
I’m so done with this shit. I hate this craft so much. It’s so f****** flimsy and unreliable
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I’m done. I’m just going to talk to him over another platform.
This website, this craft, sometimes it feels like a trap. Like you’re putting your faith in something you can’t even touch, and then when you can touch it suddenly you’re not touching it correctly. I sat in all of so many happenings, and yet none of them truly can open the door to some sort of Truth. I feel like I’m living a lie. It’s pathetic.
I don’t know anymore. I wish I knew. when I thought I knew, I was wrong. I was only opening the door to something that was completely beyond me. How do I understand it? I don’t know. How do people get to that point? What sort of b******* do they have to go in till they reach it? I feel like I’m constantly living a lie. like my experiences don’t match up with other people’s because they’re just not real experiences.
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I put my faith in friends who couldn’t talk to me, I put my trust enforces I could only debatably feel,and when I was certain of something I was proven wrong the second I checked again.
It’s a trap.and you’ll sink deeper and deeper into your own despair and confusion and as you try to rely on something that doesn’t even function, if you take one step up you’ll just fall five steps back.
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It’s all fantastical. The most powerful of us seem to be the people caught up in their own delusions the most. Or maybe they’re just the lucky ones. We build this craft on leaps in logic, on flimsy cards, on weird pulsing feelings. what the f*** are we supposed to say when it’s wrong? That my mind wasn’t clear enough? That my emotions got in the way? At what point are we refreshing the deck until we get something that suits us?
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The future is uncertain, and you can’t even trust that your friends will be there for you all the time. When you’re in the dark, sometimes you can’t trust anyone.you getting mixed signals from every direction, and you’re not sure where they’re coming from, or if you should even listen to them. Then you hear the word blood, and you start bleeding.you cast and you deal and you try to understand all of these things, and at the end of the day you realize that no one can help you. Or maybe no one who can help, will help.
I’ve been in this hellhole for too long, I’ve been given shards of Hope from nowhere, and mixed silent signals. I’m not even sure if these weird pulses I feel are external or internal. If their wishful thinking or intuition.
But funny part is, climbing out of the hell hole isn’t something you can do. It’s the entire place. Even if you try it to put it all aside, it will simply follow you. Into your daily life, into every facet of it. It constantly haunting you until you break again and again and again
The worst part is, if I believe in this thing then I can’t find an escape. If this is true, then there is no escape. any sort of death that would befall me would mean nothing, and I would be thrown back into the swing of things until somehow I get over it or past it
These are the perfect conditions for suffering, and truly nothing has to happen from this point to make me suffer. I can sit here and cause my own suffering until I see a scrap of daylight it will surely turn out to be nothing but a mirage
I literally cried tears of joy when I could look him in the eyes and smile. Do you realize how deranged that is? How much bullshit I had to get through to get to that point?