Heartbreak Problems

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
141

Let me tell you about a deal I made with the spirit Tul.

He’s a nice fellow, and I called him up and we sort of made a pact/deal.

He bring me and Sam back together in a healthy manner, yada yada insert monkey’s paw immunity flavor text. He said it didn’t sound like a bad idea, and that my “soulmate” or whoever isn’t anywhere near me and now isn’t the time to look for them. He also said, weirdly enough, that Sam is very similar to the person regardless, and that we aren’t a bad choice for each other at all. He also said that this wouldn’t be an unhealthy thing to try and manifest.

What he wants from me? He said it plainly, I had to TRY to make my life better/worth living, or in his words, go on a quest dispel/remove the hate you have for yourself and life. “I don’t expect you to solve your problem overnight, that’s insane, but I expect you to TRY and to make progress.”

So, that’s what I’ve been doing.

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142

So how can you love genuinely a dumbass? Believe me, it’s not worth it to torture yourself for someone who does not even give a f*ck for you.
Concentrate on healing and mastering yourself.
He’s a loser.

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143

He’s not a loser, he’s a dumbass. I’m a dumbass. He’s hurt, I’m hurt. You gonna stop loving someone cause they make mistakes?

Now I know I genuinely love him, and the “true” kind, because it is unconditional.

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144

outsch. Be blessed!

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145

Fucking word. I am in a great situation for DIVINE INTERVENTION.

So, Yen,Berion, as the DIVINE BEING you are, care to divine how that deal is going?

Jokes aside, man, ever since I realized this issue was causing my communications with spirits to be weird, I don’t trust my own abilities/intuition as much. Can you please help at least cast a light on the deal so I know what I’m getting into? If I can trust anyone to do it, it’s you.

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146

I feel like I’m living in a dream, and when I pay attention to it, I sink deeper. Or perhaps I’m separating from reality. This happens a lot. I don’t like when it happens when there’s stuff I don’t like going on in my life, because I have to accept that it’s real and it still hurts.

I wonder, sometimes, if I’m separating from reality, when I’m trying to seek the truth.

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147

Yif’Berion, if you already disect it.

148

But like seriously, can/will you do the divining thing? It’s fine if you don’t, it’s just hard to get some insight around here.

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149

Evoke me.
You lay the Cards,
i help you understand them and adjust reality to your liking.

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150

And space is air plus void :3

Jokes aside, yeaaaaah…

151

I am talking with your spirit and he made the space near my shoulder, kind of like the skin between my torso and arm, he’s making it have this pressing sensation. It’s so weird.

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152

so from what i’ve just seen,
there’s a lot of internal impressions going on.

I literally just came out of the OBE with “Because they think they have no chance and can’t have us”.

It was a bit like hanging around at a school,
where people got their mates,
and others were really jelous of not having any.

insecurities in others towards you / your circle seems to be a major obstacle from what i get.

they’re scared of your power.

And mine of course when i was around.

so, i think Emotional Control might be really helping.

Beleth or Lady Bune or Sitri - somewhat along those lines.

Transmuting the fear into admiration, awe and attraction.

But only in your desired target.

The main obstacle i got was the shyness within the other persons and their fear.

And there was very strong group mentalities.
Like cliques or Classes.
The Social Value Ranking seemed to make a huge portion of the people giving up on trying.

And i saw several people come up with “oh but i don’t have a chance there anyway.”

Which felt like they belonged to the group i belonged to in the expierience.

So i really think of “plastics” if i need to draw an comparrison.

Oh and with that infinite Animal Totem reference in the other discussion,
note how animalistic behavior is a symbol of insane / senseless craving in people.

  • Primordeal crave, like “keeping alive / keeping the tribe alive”

Sincerely,

¥’Berion

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153

I mean, tons of people want want him, he’s adorable and amazing. How would that effect me?

I asked Tul about it and I heard something like, “Yeah, he’s afraid. Yeah, he’s shy. Don’t transmute it. I’m not just helping him face his fears. I’m making him do it.”

He also said reaching out would be redundant. He knows I want to help him, and that I love him. He also says it would not hurt.

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154

This could also indicate that people are into me which sounds absolutely bonkers.

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155

“If you ever feel afraid of me for any reason, I just want you to know that I’ve got your back even if you feel like you can’t speak to me. Bridges aren’t burned with me, walls are put up. I care about you.”

That’s the text I sent Sam.

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156

“I’m done being afraid of eye contact. I’m dropping walls on my end.”

He looked me in the eyes and I smiled. I feel so alive. The sun is shining

O Sol 'e mio is playing fittingly.

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157

The hardest part about this whole thing was being unable to look him in the eyes and smile genuinely. I am in love with that stupid boy, and I’m gonna be sure to let him know every time he looks into my eyes.

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158

I’m not done yet, the victory isn’t won, but I have tasted life. I cried again, just a little, teared up. I haven’t cried tears of joy since, well, he sung me a song.

Fuck yeah. If you told me the pope was coming to Michigan to give me a high five and a million dollars right now, I’d believe you. I think I can believe Tul will pull through.

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159

Now it’s his turn.

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160

I’ll text Sam tomorrow morning. Tul says it would be best to talk to him first, as he may not take the initiative.

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