Grey witch journal

Happy new year.

I really enjoy reading the journals of people’s practice. It’s cool to see progress day to day or month to month, hell even the year to year updates. It is definitely one of the reasons why I wanted to start posting on here.

January 2, 2021

My descent

So since December 21, into my journey on the left hand path…yes the day Jupiter and saturn aligned. I was a mess, got broken up with and i decided to quit my internship because of that stress and also being a lab tech with paints made me feel light-headed.
I got myself fucked up, but now I need to get help to turn it around

Week 1
I have made sigils to Astaroth/Astarte, Amon and Agares. I also connected with Yeliah and Michael the angels.
I just am sort of at my what the hell is life at point.
Things needed to change.
I focused on love magic.
I did a few candle spells and kitchen witch magic, but nothing really started to get me out of despair.
Mind you i also took lorapam for anxiety and depression.
I had a dream of an incubus and a witch, and idk it clicked that maybe I should start asking demons for help.

December 30th

Nothing noticeable has happened, but my excitement to practice magic has lead me to read a lot and watch videos. I still feel depressed.
With my ex, i broke no-contact and got desperate in wanting to talk. I just get too emotional. I can’t have my cake and eat it too. It was too hard for me to have his number and things unblocked. I finally blocked, unfriended on everything last night.
I went on a date last week, but it just felt hard for me. I loved kissing someone who appreciates me. The guy has red flags, but we click on a emotional and sexual level. I also don’t know if I can date because it triggers feelings for my ex. He seems to want more than i can provide.
The need for time and space has been hard, but i finally decided that i need to love myself first and let entities do their job with time. The lust of results is never good.

Magic is like sending a letter to the post office.
The entities are the type of carriers and shipment you use. The universe is the deliver.
Being impatient and negatively won’t do anything but make me miserable.
How to prevent your spell from BACKFIRING ON YOU ! - YouTube

This week
I stopped doing love spells, it’s been two weeks since and I kind of just shifted to asking Astaroth and king Belial for blessings and healing.
I watched a great video from black witch coven. She talked about attachment styles and love spell tips.
Ask Black Witch Savannah: The Negative Side Effects from Casting Obsession Love Spells - YouTube

Basically the affection and love language that i have is really polar from my ex. The spells I’ve done can have the opposite effect and make him more stubborn. I decided to let go yesterday.

Rituals this week.

    • focused on sigils and meditated for success and clarity
    • i practices a NAP ritual, it’s like meditation combined with manifesting and day dreaming
    • I charged their sigil with my spit and a tiny bit of blood (i didn’t want to give Astaroth my blood initially, but idk i started bleeding out of nowhere and i decided i needed to. The pain and everything stopped after)
    • lit votive candle for Astaroth, making me more clear headed and have self love
    • I decided to pray an anima sola novena (it’s like a seven sorrows rosary, has catholic roots)
  • and did a condensed intranquil spirit candle spell

The flame was dancing and very strong :slight_smile:
Good outcomes.

This week. I actually felt less miserable. I took care of myself.
I also got my American stimulus check, i never got the first stimulus check. It helps a lot since i only ever worked part time since September.
I got this strong inspiration to start a product line. I have a chemistry background and suffer from two skin disorders, so i finally want to get the ball rolling.

Thank you Astaroth!

Things I’m looking forward to.

  1. Basically, I’m hoping to get back into a healthy routine.
  2. I am focusing on money, success and mental health.
  3. I ordered some supplies on etsy for a clear and cut ritual.
  4. I also have a shipment for an intranquil spirit ritual.I bit the bullet and decided that it’s what I need. There is a huge no-contact rule attached to the spell, and i want to get motivated to keep that. He will be tormented for the rest of his life and never contact me or he contacts me on his knees. I will happy with either outcome. I figured that i have nothing to lose if i do the ritual.

In the meantime, i can focus on healing, growing and learning to be happy again.
Regardless i have to be in a good head space for anything to happen.



I feel very meh.

I had a interesting dream last night. It involved summoning and doing spells with a group of people. I wasn’t afraid when one of the person was trying to sacrifice me. I wasn’t lucid, but i was aware enough to remember.
I also got into the half awake and half dream state. I don’t know what exactly I was talking too, but i did see a black figure and felt elevated and i did try astral projecting but i felt a wall blocking me. Lately my sleep has been horrible, i wake up every three hours, it’s annoying but it does help when I want to practice astral projection or lucid dreaming. I black out my windows and also played white noise. I always here my neighbors around me awake throughout the night.

This week, I felt more confident and had movements in my personal life, but i still anger and frustration with my love life and financial situation. I also am taking more breaks from doing spell work and NAP. I have been doing the santa muerte novena.
The biggest block in my way is my perception of others opinions. My family is very judgmental, and I’m trying to work on not caring about their opinions. They are very loving, but their words can bother me. Since i got off anxiety meds, the fears and hopes are louder in my head. I think I’ll do some candle spells and start working with king piamon and belial.
I want to make videos online, stream and get research done for my business really bad. I’ve been stalling on some of those steps. I’m reaching out and trying to build relationships with women who i admire. I feel like I haven’t found my tribe yet. It’s frustrating me a lot.

I also have been waiting to get my supplies to do a intranquila spirit spell. Idk i want my ex to suffer tremendously. I have been calling on Astaroth to move on and also have him suffer. I am calling in santa muerte and intranquila spirit. I have tremendous hate in my heart towards them, and everyday I try and picture them burning in a lake of fire. The hardest part is not knowing if they are suffering irl, ugh.

I have a purple and reverse candle, and Im hoping the hate will go and turn into peace.

So far this week, I’ve been feeling a lot better without my escitalorapom. I can listen to music and feel everything more. I have been calling Astarte every day, and I also prayed.
The best thing now is my turnover in my depression. I’ve been caring for my body a lot more.

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blood is the sacred link, do not spend it lightly, for you have bound yourself deeply with those who share your blood.

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Blood links cut the same as others. Spend it as you will.


Yeah i agree a lot. Its funny you mentioned it.

The lucid dream i didn’t go into detail about involved a situation where I was going to be spilling blood for the sacrificial ritual.

Part of the dream -

I got into a circle where a ritual was being started. Two other beings i had meant previously where lighting black and white candles around the floor. I went to my position, but it dawned on me that i was supposed to stand in a bathtub on an altar. My aura was going white to red. My host at the time had his aura go from red to white. I had this feeling something was going to spill my blood. It didn’t feel right. There was a robe ritual master of sorts on the altar. I realized that was not the thing i wanted and zapped out of the room. The other person who persuaded me, came to me and had a knife. He tried getting blood by stabbing me, scaring me, getting me to go back, but i had my power back. I was like I have no fear or hope. I am not going to get hurt now.

This probably was a warning of sorts maybe? I had been working with Astaroth for a while, so i wanted to strengthen our relationship with my blood. But yeah, i don’t think I’ll do spells with my blood and make bonds with any more entities.
I get so sensitive with my emotions and energy.

Do you think so? Im leaning towards the mindset that Maxwell has. I don’t know. I’m basing this off watched videos and read stories of people who make pacts with Astaroth, lucifer and Belial. Sometimes unexplainable phenomena occur and they have better results.
Can there be bigger repercussions? Poltergeist activity? Blowback?
Its interesting to me, but it does create trepidation for me. Some practicers use blood and sexual floods in a lot of spells.

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Temporary fluid from a temporary body. People keep passing it down because they hear it from someone else and never bother to think about it. If we were so worried about our DNA and it’s links, we’d bury or burn anything that comes out of us.

Does our spirit only stay within the same family every time it incarnates? No, so any supposed soul link to our blood becomes nonsense at that point.

Edit - I don’t know if “nonsense” was the right word.


That is true.
From what you said, I link it to its ability to provide DNA.
Blood starts breaking down as soon it leaves the body. In forensics, blood can trace someones DNA but only for a short time. I remember cells that make up blood aren’t as strong as bone or even hair cells. The latter has protein structures that can house DNA for a lot longer time.

But where do you think spirit is stored outside of our blood, cultures that use ancestors seem to be calling on their essence. Do you think pictures, and personal items are just impactful as blood?

But even with blood’s temporary ability to hold a spirit, doesn’t ritual or sigil work with blood have stronger “seal”? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I feel like creates a door that is harder to close.

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It may hold energy, but I don’t think it has any hold on the spirit. Because when I connect with my higher self, I don’t have to go through blood or any other biological link.

I think the spirit has an energetic link, not a physical one, so I don’t believe its “stored” in the body.

It’s my primary offering, outside of singing. Blood has psychological significance if you’re afraid of having it spilled. I believe the mental and emotional significance of blood has the potency, not the fluid itself. I didn’t always believe this.

These are just my opinions. The point was that your truth should come from your practice. Occult dogma should be questioned, too.


What jar you have at the left of your altar?

Nice altar by the way

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Making contact at all creates a door that is hard to close. But they come to use without being called, too.

I’ll remove my entries when I get back from work, to keep your journal cleaner.

Oh, and before I forget (again). Blood was a lot harder to stop flowing back in the day, so it held my significance if one got cut or infected.

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Oh no keep them in! I really like reading comments on people’s journals. A lot of times it adds more to the conversation. I think it helps with gnosis.
Sometimes the comments are funny too.:laughing:

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Really thanks haha, i am trying to make it blend in with my other personal belongings since i have family and friends who are afraid of this stuff view my room. If I had a more private space, I’d love it to be less cluttered and purposeful.

The jar is a midnight summer yankee candle, but i did a clearing candle spell since it’s the black blue candle. After, I burnedd paper inside with a petition and held the smoke in there. I think once I got what I wanted with the petition. I’ll open the jar and discard it all.

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Man, so as mediocre i felt in the past post. Things got better.
A lot of good things happened. Got some money and movement in love.

I had quit my internship due to health issues this past month.I’ve trying since to find ways to make money and build something so I can have my own business. I ended getting a modeling gig and did a shoot.
I had been asking help from King Paimon for sustained wealth. I am still asking.

But i have been getting random small amounts of money. I got 20$ for an old bank account for the bank because of some legal thing regarding the account.

I really thank King Paimon and Lucifer.
Overall, i just feel motivated to go out and do stuff more than i did before. I might not be able to work full time due to school and hating it, but there are opportunities that can be better for me

I also have been working everyday with Astaroth to turn things around on all fronts. My self-esteem, body, mental health and habits.

I had another date with a guy i mentioned before. We had a really nice time, and i also controlled myself to not do anything sexual. I’m not exactly fully interested yet or ready. I have been getting more attention ig from people. I’m not exactly sure if it’s because I’m more active on social media, maybe some people know I’m single, or it’s because of the work with the Goetia.

It helps me move on from my ex a lot. I realize that I’m still me and beautiful in and out without them. When you get dumped, it makes you hate yourself.
After the modeling gig and date, i found out my ex had returned some cash on Wednesday. He also emailed me saying I’m unblocked the next day. I was really happy i didn’t see it earlier, because it would have affected my day negatively.
No way in hell that i will be talking to him anytime soon. I am elated that the NAP, love work and prayers i made manifested in some sense, but that does not mean this its what I need.

I got all the intranquil spirit ritual supplies today
I had time to think about what I should do. Should I go through with it?

After a dream i had, i am set on him and his family suffering for the pain they caused. I have accepted that it might take years or a while to get what need. I want the spirit break to them down and change them or else.

I cleansed my self today and blessed the house. I recently performed the spell with advice from the posts made here and also youtube witches.
I felt empowered and i am happy that some revenge might be got. I’m a petty lady for it, but idk magic is a way to get justice :balance_scale: when i don’t have control fully.

Here are some pictures of the ritual.


Getting revenge for being hurt, mistreated or any injustice is not petty especially if you’ve had a good look at yourself and cleaned up your side​:wink::muscle:

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1/13/2021 -
Below is related to the Intranquil Spirit Spell
Bad shit almost got my pet chinchilla

Yikes, so since the Intranquil spell has been in full effect… I have been trying to remind myself to perform banishing rituals and make sure I take care of myself. Every website/practitioner warned me that this chaotic spirits dont care. I tend to be the obsessive type, so I know that I can get vulnerable. I can’t quite tell if anything is effecting me because it could just be own thoughts. I have been mostly strong keeping myself focused on me.
The mother of all distractions happened, two days ago.
My pet got in the crossfires.

Again, i can’t fully relate anything to the spirit, but shit is looking VERY SUS.

Two nights ago, I had to go to a meeting and I was in a hurry. I snuffed out the 7-day candle, but not in a proper way. Normally, you should let the candle light 24/7 or snuff it out with a proper prayer and using its wax. I blew it out and ran off. Then, I let the chinchillas out to play as usual, I got ready and right before I was about to leave for this meeting, one of my chinchillas was found hanging from her leg, passed out between a rack.
Literally it was only an hour since I got her out, she was passed out and her leg was all caught and she was hanging passed out.
Fuck, it was a whole ordeal. I took her to a 24/7 vet clinic. I seriously prayed and did banishing rituals the minute I got home while she was at the hospital. I relit the candle and paid my respects making it clear that my will is stronger than anything.

It was 3 am. Thankfully, I got good news that it wasn’t too serious. She probably just has a sprain. I was so excited but I am not in the clear yet.
I have to make sure she heals properly.
I don’t think its just a coincidence.
All the money I made last week now is going to be used to pay her bills off. It irritates me, but quite frankly, I am super fucking happy that she is okay and I had some cash to pay the crazy vet bills. I have lost pets before and regretted not going to the vet. Money comes and goes, but our loved ones have to be treasured.

I kept asking the universe - IS my ex suffering?, I got answers

I had no contact with my ex as of late. Last was when I got some money from cashapp and a short phone call. I wanted to speak with him but the phone call was mainly to get my money.
Nothing interesting happened on the call besides him revealing the time of his move, which is a cross-country drive tomorrow.
He was being stubborn in giving me the cash, so the conversation got casual. Maybe a little too casual, I jokingly told him that I have been praying for his demise since he left me, I am a little worried that shit will go south with the spirit, but he joked back with me. I didn’t detail that I have done a lot of baneful and chaos magic to his whole family.
I am hoping since he is spiritually blocked and has no connection to any churches or spirits. He won’t try anything. His parents are the same, secular people to a fault. But I am wondering if it will change timelines? Now this related to the following:

I had a dream that there was a car accident, now it wasn’t clear if it was him in the car, but I was sort of involved in causing it. There was a fuzzy male character that was next to me with other people in the car. I am just assuming it was him because the following day I heard the words about “ex getting into a car accident” a few times. It could all be wishful thinking but… is this a sign?

Something similar happened with my other ex two years ago…That dream involved me driving the car and being with him and his fiancé while they got into an accident. I found out a few months after the dream, I heard that his ex and him got into a severe accident barely making it out alive. In that dream, I was in their car, driving, then in the backseat and crashed but survived. :upside_down_face:
I never really prayed for that ex to get fucked up, but I had a lot of bad feelings towards him.

I don’t know if this motherfucker, that I cast the intranquil spirit spell on, is suffering but from my last interaction, I am doing a lot better. I have a lot of things in my life to be busy and happy about. He is simply just moving to another state with his dad who is very chaotic and weak mentally.
I am hoping that each step in his process is hard. He doesn’t have a plan, a job, any real friends, girls, besides being in a warmer area… so I am assuming that there is anxiety and depression building in his head.
Not knowing bothers me. But I am now realizing… that there are signs showing things are happening. I have to live in the moment and move forward. The signs just come out at you then.

Should I care what happens to his wellbeing?

I decided that if he gets into a car accident or some crazy shit occurs, I think I will be happy as fuck and excited that my power has affect. For all the times, he disrespected, pushed me aside, malice treatment from toxic family or friends… this is retribution for it all. I made the petition with a clause. Shit will continue to get worse until he is in person at my feet. I don’t have a clue if that will happen, but I do enjoy the part where he will be destroyed and hurt regardless.

Sad reality moving forward
So unfortunately. I probably will have to do cleansing and banishing rituals daily even after the 7-day candle is burned out. I think I will need to do it until the petition has been fulfilled. I can’t risk anyone in my life to be hurt for some weak man. The incident was a total warning in my eyes.

Other spell work
Important stuff for me
I am focusing on reviewing for my classes before they start and finding ways to make money.
My period is coming up, so I am wondering if I want to make a blood pact or rewrite Astaroth’s sigil in that. It’s a little filthy. but they have done me very good.
Several people have mentioned doing root work or calling King Paimon for better success.
The biggest struggle in my life for income has to do with consistency. I have bad luck and bad choices with work and hustling. I have what I need, but not what I really need.

edits: made for reading comprehension and clarity

Feb 2, 2021

This last week I had my first week of my last semester in undergraduate studies. That was a mouthful.

School and Anxiety
I swear to you that lucifer and King Beleth and Astaroth have helped me to make to all classes and generally do better than I have.
I have money coming up from my meditations with King Paimon. Since, I can’t work full time with school anymore, I ended up trying to find gigs and have help from other people. I don’t love it, but at the same time, I have to swallow my pride.
I am doing pretty decent mentally. I think being honest with myself has helped a lot and knowing that I can’t work now or go out. The part about saying no to things is something I am working on, and it helps a lot in conserving my energy.

My mom has given me small amounts of money here and there and I have had 2 gigs and one coming up this week. This one should pay the most. I hope to get photographers coming to me. I want to be independent or be an a fair agency.

Active Life
My confidence level has also been increased… Astarte is the one for that! I took at least 4 dance classes the past month and I did pretty decent. It ranged from hip-hop, bachata and heels. I might do something this month, but I feel a little swamped with school. I want to do dance if I get time
This month I will be learning how to snowboard. I plan on moving to California for school and work if I get acceptance or an offer. Since I am still living some place where it snows, I need to learn here. If I don’t get the chance to learn such a skill while I am living in the north now, I would regret it.

Well, I ended up skyping my ex a few times and had contact with him. But I fucked it up Sunday night, I ended up getting upset about… EVERYTHING… and told him that I am happy that I get have sex with someone else. He ended up blocking me… ugh I am slightly upset. I just am saying fuck it at this point.
I have two men who I don’t really like have interest in me. I started spending time with them to move on from my ex. One is another ex and another is too young for me. I enjoy their friendship a lot, but I think I need something different.
i feel more sexually into the sex dreams and possibly incubus encounters I have. I am not sure where my dissatisfaction is coming from. I am thinking about joining underground sex clubs in my city cause I just don’t feel anything emotionally. I don’t want to date or talk to anyone rn.
I don’t know how it works with covid, but I will update.

I had been practicing in my astral temple these past two-three weeks. It is a little bit difficult to stay awake. I tend to go there before I sleep. I get a sigil and enn for the spirit and chant on it.
I think I need to actually sit down and do it. I know their presence has helped me change so much from being depressed and hopeless to seeing the future I dream about coming into my present.

I think I will do meditations daily now and see how different things are.


Had a good day, so I wanted to post.
Well it was very hard in my chemistry lab and my ex never messaged back today, but I had a great day at the gym and snowboarding.

I also have new gigs coming up this month and did get a response from my ex yesterday. The response wasn’t in my favor.

I don’t have much energy to do a ritual today, but I can explain the ritual I did last night. I only had energy today in sending a simple candle spell.
I decided to evoke a team for love, success and manipulation.
If you haven’t read the above posts, I practice evocations in an astral temple. I haven’t entirely perfected it, but I am getting better at staying in the mental state of dissociation from the physical.

I started with the So Hum mantra after regular relaxation exercises.
Then I started visualizing the door to my astral temple and picturing myself going through each enn and sigil mantras.
I had to look at my phone for three demon lords, but i still managed.
I evoked my favorite - Astaroth. Then Sitri, Dantalion, Asmodeus and King Beleth

I visualized my space being absolutely beautiful and each time I asked them to enter, I made the space greeted towards what they supposedly like from research. These were the appearances that I saw of them. I realize they form and reflect the practitioner’s internalizations.
Astaroth was a female,
Sitri was a black, lean man, strong and beautiful, almost androgynous
Dantalion was more eastern European man
Asmodeus came as an old Turkish man who was the hardest to talk with. He didn’t appear until i had my guard down and started spacing out.
Beleth was a man and western European

I asked them 5 requests after I individually invited them to my throne and counsel.

I want the power of persuasion, general power, the gift of talk and getting my ex back. I have a huge problem in of not being tactful when I speak and move. I am way too impatient and honest, and I want to be better at navigating the terrain of other human insecurities.
I gave them gifts and memories that I treasured in return for their work for me. It was pleasing to me. Like the first watermelon i ever had while i was a kid in my native forest town or the first time I had ecstacy sex, without the drugs but true pleasure. My legs started to fall asleep, so I had to get out of my meditative state and leave. .

I am excited to get into the next ritual when I am ready. There is a warning from E.A cat. Don’t get obsessed with the evocations and spirits.
I have a tendency to get deep into my spirituality. I have a creative and methodical mind, so i am making sure I only do it when I’m in a good mental space and rested… Maybe i make an art piece one night instead of a ritual or even write stuff out. I feel like it’s healthier idk, :open_hands:

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Pull through and praise.
Thanking all the spirits I’ve worked with.

So I had a harder week mentally, i got really down on Sunday to Tuesday. I felt it coming on Friday. I just was losing the present moment and started living in the past. I just wanted to be in bed all day.
I decided to call on Lucifer intensely on Tuesday.
It was mostly school and work that got me down. It doesn’t help either that I’m sad about not hearing from my ex.
Next time I’m going to be more proactive, and practice when I sense my drive going down.

Lucifer and Astaroth give me the strength to get over my depressive states. I got through this week, being the best I could. I want to get better at my homework, so I’ll call on King Paimon tonight.

I am thanking him and King Beleth.
I got a really fucking good job opportunity today. It’s exactly what I wanted and more…
It almost feels too good to be true actually. I’m going to walk carefully as i go through training, but i think it checks out… Hold off on sending my bank information maybe lol…It is part time, (full time if i can in the future) pays a great wage and, and it’s remote. It’s through a start up, so the process is different than regular corporate onboarding. It makes me nervous, but honestly, i can’t sorry. I have great experience for it. I have been asking for it for a month now, so i just feel so grateful.
Idk, I’m trying to trust and not fight for control.

I’m realizing improving my life circumstances and myself is way easier than love requests of reconciliation.
I just haven’t had any positive moments towards reconciliation with my ex this week. Well, other than I feel less hurt and interested, which is always good. No words or peeps from him. The only thing I’ve had were a few dreams where he was just pushing himself onto me.
Its weird in those dreams i react with distrust and trepidation. I think I realize I’m dreaming and feel weird in the moment where I don’t react. I think if i am truly lucid in those moments, I need to push the “fourth wall” and show my love to them, it or him. Whether it’s my inner monologue, a spirit being him or his higher self coming through. I need to get control and express myself truly. I need to lose any bad feelings in this.
I also realize that who he was dead and gone. Like at the end of this post, i accept that it might be fate too.

In 3D, I’ve been trying to function with the feeling of already having him and being happy. He’s not lost at all.
It’s easier to let go thinking like this too.

Ill say this again… this journey and none of my ongoing transformation recently would have came about until my life fell apart in December. Losing my ex and the job at the time was needed.
Idk if i would be as focused on myself without it. I’m taking the hardest chem class at a top university here, I’m doing a lot physically new. Im fighting and building my kingdom on earth while i perfect the one in my mind.

I had to accept the darker aspects and let it consume me to rise up. On a podcast, C.Kendall and E.Koetting’s shared that the destructive forces like depression and chaos in our life can be harnessed for good. It’s needed, not having the darkness is just as bad as too much of it.
I have to suffer for the right reasons and right mission i guess.
Being open to change, the death of ideals, leaving behind people and whole systems make use of the darkness in a positive way.



I don’t want to come on here to be sad but life’s been harder than i want it to be.
The job did turned out to be scammy offer. I caught it but i still give some personal information away.
Idk in terms of money making opportunities, i still haven’t found a consistent one. I have an interview today with a local company. Idk i really have no hope at this point because school is draining me.
This one professor has been making me feel stressed daily. Ive been working really hard in a class and still bombed in our first exam. That professor harasses me in front of others, and doesn’t even acknowledge it when i brought it up today. At this point, I am going to outside sources to get advice on what to do. I cant drop the class, so im stuck, but im not letting her demean me anymore. If it means having a log of all the crappy stuff she says, i will do it. Shes not teacher with tenure or anything, so i hope that i can hopefully raise red flags to change her behavior.
Ugh, i really need to pass.
Im trying to stay positive, because my other classes are going fine.

I feel somewhat happy, but still jaded. I got a response back from my ex since weeks ago and it still wasn’t anything positive. He still has the same attitudes from before. Idk what to do at this point other than just leave things be.

Trying to stay positive and focused is so hard when it feels like people are treating me badly.

Hoping i can turn things around and just stay sane until spring is over.

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