Happy new year.
I really enjoy reading the journals of people’s practice. It’s cool to see progress day to day or month to month, hell even the year to year updates. It is definitely one of the reasons why I wanted to start posting on here.
January 2, 2021
So since December 21, into my journey on the left hand path…yes the day Jupiter and saturn aligned. I was a mess, got broken up with and i decided to quit my internship because of that stress and also being a lab tech with paints made me feel light-headed.
I got myself fucked up, but now I need to get help to turn it around
I have made sigils to Astaroth/Astarte, Amon and Agares. I also connected with Yeliah and Michael the angels.
I just am sort of at my what the hell is life at point.
Things needed to change.
I focused on love magic.
I did a few candle spells and kitchen witch magic, but nothing really started to get me out of despair.
Mind you i also took lorapam for anxiety and depression.
I had a dream of an incubus and a witch, and idk it clicked that maybe I should start asking demons for help.
Nothing noticeable has happened, but my excitement to practice magic has lead me to read a lot and watch videos. I still feel depressed.
With my ex, i broke no-contact and got desperate in wanting to talk. I just get too emotional. I can’t have my cake and eat it too. It was too hard for me to have his number and things unblocked. I finally blocked, unfriended on everything last night.
I went on a date last week, but it just felt hard for me. I loved kissing someone who appreciates me. The guy has red flags, but we click on a emotional and sexual level. I also don’t know if I can date because it triggers feelings for my ex. He seems to want more than i can provide.
The need for time and space has been hard, but i finally decided that i need to love myself first and let entities do their job with time. The lust of results is never good.
Magic is like sending a letter to the post office.
The entities are the type of carriers and shipment you use. The universe is the deliver.
Being impatient and negatively won’t do anything but make me miserable.
I stopped doing love spells, it’s been two weeks since and I kind of just shifted to asking Astaroth and king Belial for blessings and healing.
I watched a great video from black witch coven. She talked about attachment styles and love spell tips.
Basically the affection and love language that i have is really polar from my ex. The spells I’ve done can have the opposite effect and make him more stubborn. I decided to let go yesterday.
Rituals this week.
- focused on sigils and meditated for success and clarity
- i practices a NAP ritual, it’s like meditation combined with manifesting and day dreaming
- I charged their sigil with my spit and a tiny bit of blood (i didn’t want to give Astaroth my blood initially, but idk i started bleeding out of nowhere and i decided i needed to. The pain and everything stopped after)
- lit votive candle for Astaroth, making me more clear headed and have self love
- I decided to pray an anima sola novena (it’s like a seven sorrows rosary, has catholic roots)
- and did a condensed intranquil spirit candle spell
The flame was dancing and very strong
This week. I actually felt less miserable. I took care of myself.
I also got my American stimulus check, i never got the first stimulus check. It helps a lot since i only ever worked part time since September.
I got this strong inspiration to start a product line. I have a chemistry background and suffer from two skin disorders, so i finally want to get the ball rolling.
Thank you Astaroth!
Things I’m looking forward to.
- Basically, I’m hoping to get back into a healthy routine.
- I am focusing on money, success and mental health.
- I ordered some supplies on etsy for a clear and cut ritual.
- I also have a shipment for an intranquil spirit ritual.I bit the bullet and decided that it’s what I need. There is a huge no-contact rule attached to the spell, and i want to get motivated to keep that. He will be tormented for the rest of his life and never contact me or he contacts me on his knees. I will happy with either outcome. I figured that i have nothing to lose if i do the ritual.
In the meantime, i can focus on healing, growing and learning to be happy again.
Regardless i have to be in a good head space for anything to happen.