Grey witch journal


Man I’m glad February is over!!
I’ve been having terrible anxiety the past month, it was due to school, the lack of money flow, and my birthday that was yesterday.
I’m struggling with a lot rn, so i have no need to celebrate. But i feel like people force me too, i don’t live alone, so i couldn’t enjoy being miserable lol. I’m just very broke, so that’s why I’m pessimistic. I hope that this month I’ll start earning again. I’m hoping i can get in a better place in a few months.

But today,
I mostly did homework and studied a bit. In between, I did my daily meditation and candle lighting to Santa Muerte.
I also like to mention, i got small amounts of cash this week just enough to pay my bills. Thank you Belial and Paimon for that. I realize i can’t make more, actual money, until I’m mentally sane, not stressed and so depressed.
I decided to block my ex on all platforms because this whole month of being in contact with them has been super painful. It was too much.
So, I gave my thanks to deities that were involved in love workings. I gave Amon my blood for pulling through in getting him to contact me within days. (Even though it was not what I wanted to hear or do, the gods and goddesses are listening to me)
Called on Astaroth, Lucifer and Orabas in my astral temple in the hopes of changing myself and being sane.
Hopefully, washing my hands of this will be the final step in my transformation. I spend too much time and energy on reading about love workings, trying to communicate with my ex, and stuck feeling loss. It’s wasteful and toxic.
Magic will eventually give me control, so I have to relax.

Based on past behavior, they will message my email or social within a month, so I have to be strong to ignore them. That’s the part that got me last month.
They are not good for me right now, possibly ever.

I’m basically an thinking that I can’t talk to any man romantically until after this semester. I also think I need to have enough money where I’m happy again.
The acceptance that I might be alone for a couple months or years is finally here.

I also had a huge revelation while browsing the forum. I did a freezer spell the week i broke up with my ex. That was such a mistake.
I was thinking it binds someone to you for good. Now im thinking, why would i want them bound to me as is…

That’s not what the spell does. Binding in ice freezes a relationship in its tracks. It helps to get them out of your life. It’s effective if it’s after a breakup or argument. It stops people from harming you amy further, they disappear, stop speaking ill on your name or even talking about you.
Heres what i did since i never shared above

Freezer spell
Used to stop someone from harming your thoughts, space or your name. They disappear from your life.
Write the person’s name and date of birth on a slip of parchment or cardstock paper. Sites mentioned red marker, so i used that. You can also right your command on it. Just make sure all of its in red ink, i think the red is a stand in for blood. Place the slip in a encased vessel of water. I used a ziploc bag. As the water freezes, the ink will disperse in the water. Some people will add vinegar, rose water and herbs to the working.

Now again, this was “white magic”, so i was like maybe its not that powerful… But its been about two months since it was performed, his behavior is different. He’s been unusually hard on me. Its the first time hes blocked me ever. I want to say this is to blame.
I don’t know. Either way, I took the frozen bag out of freezer and I am letting it thaw in my tub overnight. I am curious to see if it does anything over the next few weeks or months.

It dawns on me that I have to be even more careful. I jumped into doing spell work without researching enough. I felt consequences where my energy is drained. I had a pet get hurt, I get the side effects of spells, and a demon has toyed with me.
I do banishing rituals more often now and bless my house once a month.
The intranquil spirit spell still scares me because i had blowback from the week of the ritual. I am curious to see how it might manifest. Since I’m being serious with “focusing on myself”, I am curious to see if i will even want my ex back.
I’ve heard significant others get really sick and have a lot of shitty things happen in life the longer they waited on contacting.

The stress from school is too much right now. I realize that I used my sadness about my ex as an escape, but it’s very weak of me.
Being a victim instead of an active survivor.
I can change things in my own life, school and money wise, so i got to stop playing victim. There’s a learning curve to everything, so i have to just face facts that school sucks right now. It doesn’t mean I’m dumb, but I’m new to the content. I have an exam this week. Wish me luck.

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Need to jump into my tasks at home and stop watching YouTube
*Synopsis:midweek update, emotionally: not as sad as last few post, love: feel acceptance of my situation, work:got a chill PT job, school: pushing through slowly, friends: making an effort to talk to more girlfriends, family: im just being open, cried a lot this week lol *

I am almost through this week’s challenges, and the past three days, as difficult it was at times, i tried to focus. I focused on doing homework and straight up showing up to whatever i could. I felt so much better doing the harder thing. The anxiety is gone most of the time. Not fixating on issues helps… Just fixing the issue, as hard as it is physically and for my brain(doing hard chem problems), is mentally easier.

I applied this to my blockage with my ex. Basically, i have no control in the situation, so the path of least resistance is to give up and let go. Its easier said than done, but i have been a lot happier for it. My blocking, NC is still active. Like i said… he would reply back, and he did. Although it was from a previous message i sent, but i think it shows me that i have a lot more power in silence than talking.
In past relationship readings, tarot cards pull up feelings of confusion, “the moon”, not clarity and swords with him.
I am having ideations that hell come back crying and pleading in desperation. I’m working on blocking those feelings. There is nothing helpful in thinking about it.
Ugh, idk i feel like i can accomplish so much if i just seriously not interact with this person as long as i can. I do feel very hopeless in the situation. I just want to let go and not care.

Its helpful being distract with my goals of school and making money(i have a pt job now which is small), but im thinking of venturing into more creative, maybe try taboo stuff.

Ive started like four books haha and i need to finish one or two soon.
I started reading the Draconian ritual book, unseem rhealm, vedis love, and american gods and art and physics… Okay its more than four lol.

Idk its crazy the 3 months of heartbreak i willingly endured, i haven’t tried finishing them. I think i will work on that.

Anyways, there’s a lot of projects i want to keep working on, myself the most important,