Stop drinking dude, it’s like you’re saying every time you hit yourself in the face with a hammer, you get hurt and bleed, you stopped then went back to lightly tapping your face, but sooner or later you hit too hard and out come the shards of bone again.
I dumped a load of info on magicians and addictions in this post: Falling into old life patterns and destructive ways. how to overcome this?iu - #5 by Lady_Eva
No-one needs to drink, entire cultures live and die without ever touching a drop, it’s realistic and possible to eliminate something that you no longer want from your life. if you can, get hold of Jason Vale’s book “Kick The Drink… Easily!” to address every argument that will come up in your mind for why keeping the door open is somehow reasonable.